Embrace the Fire

by Felice Stevens

  A weak laugh escaped him. “There isn’t much to talk about.” Stealing a surreptitious glance over at Brandon, watching him share a laugh with his brothers, so carefree and beautiful, Tash couldn’t put into words the music that filled his soul.

  Gage pulled him out in the hallway to speak privately.

  “There’s no need to talk. I know you. You wore your sadness like a dark cloud over your head, no matter where you went. Since you met Brandon, though, it’s all different.” Gage leaned his hip against the doorframe, effectively blocking them from the group inside. “You’ve come back to life.”

  “I’m not sure what I’m doing is right.” Gage had become like a brother to him during those black years and deserved his honesty. “He’s so young and starting a whole new life now.” Though it hurt him like a physical wound, he had to say it. “I don’t want to hold him back. What he thinks he’s feeling—”

  “Is what he has in his heart.” Gage cut him off with earnest desperation. “Don’t go there. Don’t allow some made-up rules in a society that’s disappointed you for years decide who to love. You deserve this.” He glanced over his shoulder at Brandon. “You both do.” Gage squeezed his shoulder and walked back inside.

  Reflecting on what his friend had said, Tash remained deep in thought. If what Gage said was true, and he and Brandon continued their relationship, he wouldn’t be able to hide his emotions. Since Danny’s death, there’d been no pleasure in his life; one season melded into another, creating an amalgam of grayness.

  Gage said he wore a cloud of darkness over him. Perhaps he did.

  “Tash?” Brandon stood before him. His honey-colored hair caught the light, and his eyes shone brightly with hope. “Is everything all right? You and Gage looked pretty serious out here.”

  When he looked into Brandon’s face, the clarity of Tash’s vision startled him for a moment. It was like driving out of pea-soup-thick fog in a valley to the sharp, wide-open night sky. Blurred lines came into focus, and the tightness of fear, so instinctual he didn’t ever realize it was there, relaxed, leaving him almost giddy with relief.

  “It won’t be easy, you know.” He wasn’t sure Brandon would understand, but the light that kindled behind those wide green eyes dispelled any doubt. Brandon knew exactly what Tash alluded to.

  “I’ve learned the best things in life are often the hardest won.” Brandon took a step closer to him. “Though I wasn’t aware we were on opposite sides. I prefer to think we’re in this together.” He arched a brow. “Are we? Together?”

  Tash breathed in Brandon’s scent—leather and warm male. How long had it been since he’d hungered to be touched?

  Now it wasn’t an amorphous person floating around in his head; it was Brandon who filled his mind and his heart. If they were alone, Tash could tell him how close he’d like to be. Fused together, bodies moving in perfect symmetry. Chest to chest, heart to heart.

  “Yes.” He smiled into the brilliant happiness of Brandon’s face. “Yes, we are. Together.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  The weekend couldn’t come fast enough for Brandon. It had been hell not being able to connect with Tash aside from some hurried phone calls. But Wednesday was his first parent-teacher night, and he wanted it to be perfect. He also had lessons to plan, tests to grade, and a couple of classes to sub. By Friday night, he was exhausted, edgy, and ready to rip Tash’s clothes off. They were all meeting for dinner at Esther’s, and though Brandon looked forward to seeing his brothers again, he couldn’t wait to see Tash.

  The dinginess of his studio couldn’t dampen Brandon’s eagerness; Tash had texted him to say he’d be swinging by to pick him up and whatever belongings he had. Tonight Brandon was moving into Drew’s grandmother’s house. He had no qualms about living with the elderly lady. Tash had assured him she was someone special, and Ash had texted him that Esther had already prepared an entire suite of rooms for him and even sent Brandon pictures of her interior decorating.

  After glancing around the room to make sure he’d left nothing personal, Brandon sat down to wait, his attention fixed on the door. He’d leave this room the way he came—with merely two suitcases and his leather jacket. Now he was glad the room he’d rented was furnished so he didn’t need to concern himself with selling any furniture, which would have been a major hassle.

  His phone buzzed.

  Downstairs. Do you need help?

  His heart rate accelerated. Damn, he couldn’t wait to see Tash.

  Nope. I’ll be down in a few minutes.

  With a final look around, he left the apartment and caught the back of the door with his foot to hook it closed. It slammed with a final hollow thump. As the landlord had asked, Brandon left his key on the table. Never in his imagination had he thought when he’d moved in that he’d leave to move into the home of the grandmother of his brother’s boyfriend.

  He couldn’t wait to see what the future held for him now.

  The sight of Tash’s car idling at the curb lifted his spirits even higher. As he approached, Tash got out and the hatchback lifted. He walked to the rear of the car, and they each picked up a suitcase and placed it in the trunk. Tash closed the hatch down, then smiled at him.

  “Hi.” His smile was endearingly crooked, and without thinking, Brandon slipped an arm around Tash’s neck and kissed his cheek. He never thought of himself as a particularly demonstrative person, but when he was around Tash, he couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself.

  Tash didn’t seem to mind and brushed back the hair hanging in Brandon’s eyes. “Missed you this week.”

  “Me too.” He touched Tash’s face with his fingertips, tracing the jut of his cheekbone. “So much, you have no idea.” He leaned in for a kiss, and Tash pressed his mouth to Brandon’s, their lips soft and giving.

  For a second, they clung to one another; then Tash pulled back, his eyes glowing behind the frame of his glasses. “Oh, I have a pretty good idea.” His smile grew broader. “Let’s get you moved in. If I know Esther, she’s prepared a feast for you, and having eaten her cooking, you do not want to be late.”

  They drove off into the early evening traffic that for once flowed freely. He and Tash chatted about inconsequential things and before he realized it, they’d reached the quiet, almost suburban-like enclave of a part of Brooklyn he wasn’t aware even existed. Tash pulled the car into the narrow driveway and killed the engine but made no move to get out.

  Brandon looked at him curiously. “What’s the matter?”

  With a more serious demeanor than he’d had a moment ago, Tash took his hand. “I know we decided to give this a try. But we still haven’t told anyone, so there’s time for you to change your mind.”

  “Tash.”

  “Hear me out.” There was painful hesitancy in Tash’s voice. “Once we step out into that group and confirm we’re in a relationship, the whole dynamic will change. Ash and Luke will want to protect you, and I can’t blame them.”

  “My brothers will learn I’m a grown man. They might have left when I was a kid, but I’m far from the scared little boy I used to be.” With small strokes, he traced circles over Tash’s hand with the pad of his thumb. “I can take care of myself. And as for changing my mind”—he stopped speaking and pulled Tash close, their lips barely brushing—“what part of ‘not going to happen’ don’t you understand?” He traced the seam of Tash’s lips with his tongue. “I want you so badly I ache from it.”

  Tash’s breath hitched, and Brandon pressed on, nuzzling against Tash’s neck.

  “I’m so hard right now. All you’d have to do is touch me and I’d come. I won’t hide my feelings for you in front of my family or yours.” A thought struck him at that moment. “When am I going to meet your sister?”

  Tash blinked and cleared his throat as he moved back to his seat. “Probably tomorrow. She’s coming to the Center with everyone else.” He opened his door, effectively ending the conversation. Brandon got out, and they each took a suitcase from th
e back of the car and walked up the path to the brightly lit house.

  As a child growing up, Brandon had read stories of homes like these; though it was late fall, the yard still maintained an appearance of life, with evergreen bushes dotting the garden beds. Brandon could imagine in the summer there might be a profusion of colorful flowers lining the walkway. The dove-gray paint was fresh looking, and inside, Brandon could see the sheer white curtains draping the sparkling windows.

  Unexpected nerves shot up his spine, and his steps faltered.

  “Don’t be nervous.” Tash squeezed his free hand.

  Brandon threw him a grateful smile. “Am I that obvious?”

  “Nah.” Another reassuring squeeze, then Tash dropped his hand. “But I know how I’d feel if it were me. Don’t worry, though. Esther will have you thinking you’ve lived there for years before the evening is finished.” He set the suitcase down on the porch and rang the doorbell.

  The inner door rattled, and the window curtain parted, revealing Esther’s smiling face. Right behind her were Drew and Ash, flanking her like two sentries.

  Several locks turned, and then the door opened to a small inner vestibule, paneled in wood, with pretty painted murals on the wall. Ash and Drew stepped back into the house to allow them to enter.

  “Oh come in, sweetheart. I’m so glad you’re here.” Brandon picked up his suitcase as Esther took his free hand and led him into the house.

  “I hope you’re hungry. Esther always makes a delicious Friday night dinner.” Ash sniffed the air in appreciation. “Smell that? It’s roast chicken, mashed potatoes, and roasted broccoli. Nothing beats a home-cooked meal by Esther.”

  For Brandon, who couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a home-cooked family meal like this, it smelled like heaven. He and Tash set his suitcases down by the staircase.

  “Oh Asher, you’re trying to butter me up to get some extra dessert. You don’t need to do that, dear.” She patted his arm, and the loving look Brandon saw pass between his brother and the elderly lady sent tears rushing to his eyes. Blinking madly, he followed the others to the back of the house, presumably where the kitchen was located.

  Esther’s huge kitchen bustled with activity. A tall woman stood at the stove, stirring something in a pot, while Jordan lounged at the table. A large dog lay at Jordan’s feet. When he entered, the dog sat up and wandered over to him. After sniffing his shoes and giving him an assessing stare from intelligent eyes, she licked his hand and padded back to the table.

  Esther beckoned to the woman, who put down the wooden spoon to face Brandon. “This is Louisa. She’s the live-in companion my grandchildren were lucky enough to find.” Her dark eyes met his, and they shared a smile.

  “Hello.” Her voice held the lilt of a Jamaican accent.

  “Hello, Louisa.” Brandon reached out to shake her hand. Her grip felt warm and solid. “Nice to meet you.” Something didn’t make sense. “I’m sorry, Esther, I thought I was coming to stay here to be with you.”

  “After I invited you to stay, Drew reminded me I’d need someone here during the day while you’re at work and at nights or on weekends while you’re out having fun.” She patted Louisa’s arm with affection, and the woman returned the look. “The boys were lucky enough to find Louisa. She’s teaching me how to make Jamaican patties and roti, and I’m giving her my recipes for brisket and apple strudel.”

  Brandon remained confused. “So why do you need me here?”

  The color rose in her face. “Well, I hated the thought of you living in one little room while I have so much space, and this way you’ll get to see the others all the time.” A defensive note crept into her voice. “I like having the house filled with young people.”

  Drew kissed his grandmother’s cheek. “Congratulations, Brandon, you’ve become another victim of my grandmother’s subtle maneuverings, done so cleverly you never knew what hit you.”

  “Accept it in the good spirit it was given.” Ash chuckled. “There’s an entire apartment in the basement with a separate side entrance for you. I’ll go put your bags in there.”

  Luke walked in and greeted him. “Good. We were wondering when you were going to get here.” They hugged briefly; then they both sat at the round wooden table. Suddenly ravenous, Brandon reached for a breadstick from the pile wrapped in a linen napkin, inside a narrow wicker basket.

  “I had to finish up stuff at school for the weekend and make sure I had everything packed and ready to go when Tash picked me up.” He broke the breadstick in two and crunched half of it down. “Damn, I’m so hungry I could eat all of these.”

  “Don’t spoil your appetite,” Esther called out from her position at the stove. “Rachel and Mike will be here any minute, and we’ll be ready to sit down and eat.”

  They obediently stopped sneaking bites of all the delicious food on the table. With one last toss of some candied pecans into his mouth, Jordan chewed, then swallowed, and brushed his hands together.

  “So…” He grinned at Tash, who’d come to sit next to Luke after stopping to give the dog a scratch on the ears. “You two seem awfully tight these days. Anything you care to share with the rest of us?”

  Brandon choked a bit on his breadstick and, with a grateful smile, took a sip of water from the glass Tash handed him. He held his breath, waiting to see if Tash would reveal the extent of their relationship, but Luke spoke first.

  “Don’t be an idiot.”

  Brandon’s stomach dropped as he stared at Luke, who sat scowling at Jordan.

  “I mean, Brandon’s a kid. Tash is older than you are. They have nothing in common.”

  “I’m aware of how old Tash is, and wonder what that has to do with anything.” Jordan’s pale eyes gleamed. “Your younger brother certainly doesn’t seem like the hard-partying type. I’m five years older than you. Do you think I’m too old for you?”

  Ash reentered the kitchen and got himself a bottle of water from the refrigerator. He leaned against the tiled kitchen counter. “What’s wrong? You look upset.”

  Before he had a chance to respond, Luke answered.

  “Jordan has this ridiculous idea that Brandon and Tash are a couple.”

  Ash raised his dark brows, his forehead furrowed. “Uh, what’s so ridiculous about it? From what I’ve seen and heard, Tash is a great guy.”

  “He’s fifteen years older than Brandon. Don’t you think—”

  “Luke, stop.” Brandon stood. “You don’t have the right to tell me who to date.”

  “If you’re making a stupid mistake, I do.” Luke faced him, his hazel eyes angry. “You should be out having a good time, enjoying yourself. You never had that. Ash and I didn’t have the opportunity, but you do.”

  Ash put his hands on Drew’s shoulders, holding him close. “I recall how hurtful it was when Jordan refused to believe I cared for Drew and had changed my lifestyle.” He smiled down at Drew, and they shared a knowing look between them. “I think people deserve a chance to show their intentions are for the best, but even if others disagree, no one has the right to tell anyone who to love.”

  “That was different. I knew Jordan; we already had feelings for each other. Brandon barely knows Tash. He should be spending more time getting reacquainted with us.” Luke glowered at them.

  “Stop deciding my life for me!” Brandon’s voice rang out louder than intended. The dog whined, and Jordan bent down to soothe her.

  “I’m not a child, and my personal life isn’t an open topic of discussion for you to pass judgment on.” He glanced over at Tash, his face a mask of frozen politeness, then back at Luke. His anger escalated at the discomfort and pain Tash most likely was going through. “You barely know me anymore, Luke. I’m not the little kid you left behind. You have no right to dictate my life.”

  Brandon regretted his harsh words as Luke visibly flinched. The thought that he’d caused his brother pain stripped him raw, but even if he hurt Luke, Brandon owed it to Tash and the tenuous bonds of their relations
hip to assert himself.

  Neither one seemed willing to back down. A gentle hand touched his arm.

  “Brandon, sweetheart, come with me for a moment. Let’s give Lucas a chance to talk to Jordan and cool down.”

  He looked down into Esther’s kind eyes. There was a hint of steely determination behind the sweet facade. Before he knew what was happening, he found himself being led to a cozy room with comfortable furniture, beautiful paintings on the wall, and a lovely faded floral rug covering much of the shining wood floor.

  “Please, sit down.” Esther indicated an overstuffed club chair for him to sit in, while she perched on the edge of a straight-backed chair.

  He took his seat, a bit nervous. Although Ash and Luke both had a relationship with this woman, he knew very little about her. Out of deference to her age, he’d listen to her but didn’t plan on taking her advice. She knew nothing about him.

  “Now I know you’re thinking, ‘What’s this old lady want? She doesn’t know me well enough to tell me what to do.’ And you’re right. But I wasn’t planning on telling you what to do.”

  Brandon allowed a little smile to escape. “You weren’t?”

  “No. I want to tell you instead about your brothers and what fine young men they are. I love Asher as if he were my own child. That man may think my grandson saved him, but I’ll tell you he’s responsible for bringing the joy back into this house we’d been missing for many years, ever since my dear Max and Audrey died.”

  “Was that your son?” How sad. He hadn’t known her only child had died.

  “Yes. And when they died, the children fell apart. I didn’t know how to help them. Rachel came out of her wild phase quickly, but Drew…” She shook her head and blew her nose with a handkerchief she’d pulled from her apron pocket. “He retreated into a shell, following his friends around like a lost puppy. It wasn’t until Asher appeared that he came alive again.”

  “I’m glad they found each other. I’ve never seen Ash happy like this, even when we were young.”