Embrace the Fire

by Felice Stevens

  “Love will do that to a person. Loving the right person. Now Lucas, he wasn’t willing to admit he loved Jordan. And Jordan had suffered such a terrible loss and was in such a black place.” Her eyes glimmered wet with unshed tears. “To this day, I say a prayer for our poor sweet Keith every week. I know Lucas rescued Jordan from his terrible tragedy and fell in love with him. I truly despaired that Jordan would ever fall in love again, but he did, and thank God their love is strong and healthy.”

  Brandon shifted in his chair. “Esther, I hope you don’t think I’m rude, but what does this have to do with me?”

  “Because against all the odds, your brothers found love. It took many tears and some hurt feelings until the four of them worked it all out. But they never gave up or listened to other people tell them what they should or shouldn’t do.”

  “I see. Thank you for seeing it my way.”

  “I’m not saying that at all.” It was her turn to smile. “It’s not my business if you and Sebastian have feelings for one another, but what is my business is your relationship with your brothers. Those boys mean everything to me, all of them. From when I first met Asher, all he spoke about was finding you and Lucas. Lucas too has suffered without you.”

  Tears prickled behind Brandon’s eyes. Shit. He’d never cried so much in all his life. Wasn’t he supposed to be happy now? He blinked and finally swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. “I missed them too. So much you have no idea.”

  “I do, sweetheart; believe me, I do. For every night you missed them, they were missing you as well. You may have taken steps toward each other, but the journey isn’t over yet for any of you. The three of you have a special bond and will need one another to lean on and hold as you travel through life.”

  “But I care for Tash. And Luke doesn’t have the right to tell me not to see him.”

  “Give him the pleasure of being your big brother. Don’t dismiss his concerns outright, even if you have no intention of following them.”

  “You’re telling me to humor him.”

  “I’m suggesting you show him by your maturity that you have made the correct choice. Spend time with Lucas and let him see you aren’t the boy he once knew you as, but a strong man who knows what he wants.” She tucked the handkerchief back into her pocket.

  The front door opened, letting a cool draft of air into the house. From the kitchen, Brandon heard the dog bark and her nails scrabbling on the wood floor as she ran to the front of the house.

  Esther’s eyes lit up. “That must be Rachel and Michael. Come.” She stood and held her hand out.

  Without a second thought, he took it and went with her to greet the newcomers. As expected, they were all crowded in the kitchen, even though the dining room was set for dinner. Esther let go of his hand and went to greet Mike and Rachel, and Brandon saw Luke still sitting at the table, stroking the dog’s head.

  “Mind if I sit down?”

  “Feel free.”

  He sat in the chair Jordan had occupied before. The dog pushed her muzzle into his lap, and he chuckled at her attempt for attention. “She’s sweet.”

  “Sasha’s a good dog, aren’t you, girl?” Luke smoothed his hand down her back. Her stubby tail wagged furiously.

  Brandon took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. It was wrong of me to jump down your throat when I know you’re concerned about me.”

  Luke opened his mouth, but Brandon put up his hand. “Can I finish?” At Luke’s nod, he continued. “I’m twenty-five years old. I’m old enough to hold my job, vote, fight in the war. I’m also old enough to decide who to love. And while I always want us to like our respective choices, it’s not a requirement. I do expect you to give it a chance.”

  Luke remained silent. Brandon glanced over his shoulder and found Ash’s gaze on them. His brother nodded and gave him a thumbs-up sign, but Brandon desperately wanted Luke’s approval as well.

  “I was reminded earlier,” Luke began, “of how destructive Jordan’s disapproval of Ash was to him and Drew and how it almost caused the end of their thirty-year friendship.”

  Brandon held his breath. Tash stood behind him, not touching but close enough for Brandon to feel his presence. “That’s sad.”

  Luke agreed. “It would’ve been sadder had they allowed it to happen. They didn’t, and now everyone gets along. I can’t help but feel protective of you. Growing up, you were always my first concern. It’s hard to break a habit, but I’m going to try.” His gaze traveled between Tash and Brandon. “I’m not going to pass judgment. I only want you to be happy. If Tash makes you happy”—Luke shrugged—“I hope it lasts forever.”

  Brandon stuck out his hand. “So, we’re good?” Luke took it and then pulled him close.

  “To hell with a handshake.” They hugged, and Brandon closed his eyes. A home, his family, and love. It all seemed possible now.

  Chapter Seventeen

  At ten thirty the next morning, Tash pushed open the doors to the Center and was greeted by an almost full house. A local librarian had come over to read to the young children in the back, and he could see them all sitting on the floor in a semicircle around her, enthralled as she read from the first Harry Potter book.

  The computer section was almost at capacity; Tash recognized several high school and middle school students, their books piled high next to them on the desk. Midterms and tests would be coming soon. Over in the arts-and-crafts area, he had to smile at the profusion of glitter and pipe cleaners that littered the tables as the volunteers helped the little ones make pictures they’d take home later for their parents.

  “Dr. Tash.”

  He turned at the sound of his name and saw Johnny standing at the entrance. An uncertain smile came and went from his face.

  “Johnny, great. I’m glad you’re here.”

  The young man looked around. “This place looks pretty awesome.” With longing, he gazed at the computers. “Those machines are pretty sweet.”

  “Do you like computers?”

  Johnny’s gaze dropped to the floor. “Yeah, I’d love to learn about them, but I dunno…” His voice trailed off as he kicked the floor with his sneaker.

  He wouldn’t let this kid miss out on his dreams. “I can find you someone who can help you learn the system.” After scanning the room, he found who he was looking for.

  “Troy.” He waved at the big man standing in the doorway of the office. “Can you come here a sec?”

  Johnny glanced at Tash as Troy made his way to the front. Tash supposed Johnny might be as intimidated by Troy as Tash was during their first meeting. Troy was a six-four wall of muscle who’d seen and lived the ugly side of the streets of New York. Tash was only thankful Troy hadn’t been killed before deciding to turn his life around. The man possessed a quick mind, and Jordan had sung his praises over his handling of the gun buy-back program.

  “Dr. Tash.” They exchanged a handshake. “What’s up?” The man assessed Johnny with his piercing brown eyes. “Who’s the kid?”

  “Johnny’s here as part of his community service by order of the court,” explained Tash. “He’s been working at the Clinic and taking online high school classes to try and graduate on time.” The defeated slump of Johnny’s shoulders puzzled him. “What’s wrong, Johnny?”

  Johnny hesitated, chewing on his lip. “I don’t wanna always be known as the kid who sold drugs to Dr. Jordan. I want…shit, I don’t know what I want.” He tucked his hair behind his ears.

  “I know.” Troy draped a heavy arm over Johnny. “You wanna matter and show them you’re better than some street kid. But you gotta prove it. Show ’em they was wrong about you. And you do that by what you’re doing right here, helping with the kids and goin’ to school.”

  A myriad of emotions passed over Johnny’s face: fear, determination, and cautious optimism. “I like my classes.” He directed his conversation to the floor, perhaps out of embarrassment. Tash caught Troy’s quick nod of approval. “I kinda want to learn abo
ut computers and stuff, but I don’t know.” He shrugged.

  “Why don’t you come help me with something?” Troy led Johnny toward the back. “I need someone to enter information about the guns we collected from Wednesday night’s Grins Not Guns drive. I can teach you about using an Excel spreadsheet.”

  Watching the young man’s face light up, Tash prayed Johnny would never be brought back into the horrors of living on the street and dealing drugs, that this program would be the refuge he needed to turn his life around. He made a mental note to tell Jordan and thank him once again for pushing everyone involved to get Johnny the help he needed. As Troy and Johnny continued walking, their conversation grew more animated. A warm feeling of achievement enveloped Tash.

  “Hi.”

  Tash spun around to face Brandon. At the sight of his lover, a different kind of warmth stole through him. His libido, once stalled, now leaped into overdrive every time he set eyes on Brandon. Tash wondered if he’d ever get tired of seeing Brandon’s long, rangy body in that battered leather jacket, the hank of soft honey-colored hair perpetually hanging in his eyes. He doubted it.

  “Hi.”

  Brandon leaned forward and brushed their lips together. It surprised Tash how uninhibited Brandon was about his sexuality, but he put it down to their age difference. Most men his age had grown up with little or no tolerance for public displays of affection between gay couples. Brandon’s generation was more liberal and accepting.

  “I missed being with you last night.” Brandon pushed the hair out of his eyes. “I wish you would’ve stayed.”

  “No way am I staying over with you in Esther’s house. I don’t care if you have a whole separate apartment; it would be too weird. Besides”—he winked—“you’re lucky you have a boyfriend who owns his own home so you can sleep over anytime you want. Now that Esther has Louisa, you don’t need to be as concerned if you come home late.”

  Brandon took off his jacket and draped it over a chair. “Yeah. She’s great; they both are. When I came upstairs this morning, there were all these bagels and eggs and stuff.” He unzipped his backpack. “Here, Esther made me bring you something.” He handed over a paper bag.

  Tash’s mouth watered as he opened the bag. “Oh damn.” Inside were two bagels with cream cheese and lox, a chocolate-chip muffin, and two pieces of apple strudel. “This is amazing.”

  “One of those pieces of strudel is for me.”

  “The hell it is.” Tash’s voice came out garbled, his mouth full of bagel. “You’ll have to pry it out of my hands.”

  To his surprise, Brandon grabbed him around the waist. “I like a challenge.”

  He stuffed another bite of bagel in his mouth. “Bite me. You aren’t getting any of my food, no matter how adorable you are.” He pretended outrage at Brandon’s attempt to steal his food, using it as an excuse to grab Brandon around his neck and yank him closer.

  “Tash?”

  He peered over Brandon’s shoulder to see Valerie standing inside the doorway, a confused look on her face. “Val.” He grinned at her and murmured to Brandon as he let him go. “It’s my sister; come meet her.”

  Brandon’s hand dropped from Tash’s waist. “Oh.” The amusement fled from his eyes. “Um, sure.” He swallowed hard, uncertainty apparent in the nervousness of his twisting fingers.

  He took Brandon’s hand and approached Valerie. By her raised eyebrows, he knew she didn’t miss his and Brandon’s entwined hands. After kissing her cheek, he drew Brandon, who remained half-hidden behind him, to his side. “I’m so glad you came this morning. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

  Val remained silent, but Tash didn’t miss her cool assessment of Brandon. “This is Brandon Gilbert. The Brandon who is Luke and Ash’s brother.”

  That got him the reaction he expected. Her big brown eyes widened with shock. “Are you serious? Really?” The beautiful smile he loved bloomed across her face. “Oh my God, when did this happen?”

  “It’s only been a month since he burst into our lives like a whirlwind, yet now it’s as though he’s been here forever.” He caught Brandon’s eye and gave him an affectionate glance. “He’s living at Esther’s.”

  Val folded her arms and shot him a pointed look. “Anything else you’d like to tell me?”

  Here goes nothing.

  “Brandon and I are dating.” He reached behind him, and Brandon grabbed hold of his hand, giving it a squeeze.

  Surprise flared in her eyes, but she said nothing, her gaze shifting back to Brandon, now raking him with a critical eye. Of one thing Tash was certain: Val would speak her mind and tell him exactly what she thought of him dating Brandon.

  “Well, this is quite the shock. I mean, it’s been five years since you’ve dated anyone, and now in a month, you’re with Brandon. I assume it’s exclusive?”

  “Of course it is; what kind of question is that?” he snapped at her.

  “A valid one,” she shot back. “I mean, I’m sure you’ve noticed how much younger he is than you, Tash. Most guys his age aren’t into dating thirty-nine-year-old men.”

  Before he swallowed his anger and answered her back, Brandon jumped in. “Valerie, I’m really looking forward to getting to know you better. You’re all Tash talks about. And once we do, I guarantee you’ll understand when I say I’m not your average twenty-five-year-old guy looking for the next party. I’m in this for the long haul.”

  “You’re only twenty-five?” A shaky laugh escaped her. “Jesus, he’s even younger than me.” She unzipped her jacket and hung it on the coatrack. “Um, okay. This will take some getting used to on my part.” She stood before the two of them fiddling with the strap of her handbag. “You know I only want happiness for you. And if he makes you happy…”

  Tash held her gaze, appealing to her loving nature with his eyes. He desperately wanted her approval. Valerie was the one who’d sat up nights with him after Danny’s death…when Tash’s world rose up so bleak and dark he never dreamed he’d be able to climb out of that void of despair. She’d stayed with him, held him as he cried, and helped him find, then mend the pieces of his shattered life.

  “He makes me happy, and somehow, I make him happy too, though I pushed him away at first.”

  “Your brother is persistent, but I refused to listen. ‘No’ isn’t a word I respond well to.” Still holding Tash’s hand, Brandon gave it a firm squeeze.

  From the skeptical look in Valerie’s eyes, Tash could see she remained unconvinced. “You say you’re in it for the long haul. I wonder if you understand exactly what that means. I see you care for my brother. That’s all I can hope for.” Her smile was sweetly deceptive. “Of course, if you break his heart, I’ll come after you with all the wrath of the harpies.”

  Tash knew how violently overprotective she could be. Brandon swallowed hard. “I only want to make him happy.”

  “Good. Then we both want the same thing.”

  “The two of you are standing here discussing me as if I’m a marble statue. This relationship isn’t one-sided, you know. I have Luke and Ash watching me like hawks to make sure I don’t hurt Brandon as well.” He turned to Brandon. “Valerie works for Luke. She’s his personal assistant.”

  “One big happy family,” Brandon quipped.

  “We are. And I can’t imagine how happy Luke is to have you back.” Val’s caring nature kicked in then. “Where were you for all those years? I know they’ve been looking forever for you.” Her eyes grew misty. “I can’t even imagine how you all felt when you first saw each other. It’s like a movie. Come get a cup of coffee with me and tell me a little about yourself.” She hooked her arm in Brandon’s and pulled him away to the back.

  Seeing his sister and Brandon chatting together completed a happiness circle that had once seemed impossible. It had nothing to do with the physical, although Brandon had ignited a sexual hunger Tash hadn’t known he possessed. It was the joy of togetherness—having someone to share the mundane with, and having it made special sim
ply because it was the two of them. It flowed through him now, unchecked and uninhibited, like the shower of rain from a summer storm.

  It didn’t hit him like a thunderclap or make him want to shout to the sky. Perhaps age brought wisdom, or maybe it was the cautious knowledge of how easily love and devotion could fade, leaving only the outline of a memory. He held his love for Brandon close, unwilling to share with anyone yet, even Brandon. This had never happened before to him, this instant attraction, this quick journey to love. It startled Tash, forcing him to question himself.

  Yet hearing his sister and his lover share a laugh, he knew what was real and began to rebuild the trust in himself to believe what he knew in his heart. It was love he felt for Brandon, not lust. It didn’t matter what other people thought. He knew what was true. As if he sensed Tash’s scrutiny, Brandon caught his eye and winked, giving him a slow smile that set his blood on fire. Tash couldn’t wait for tonight when he would hold Brandon in his arms and make love to him.

  The front door opened, and Luke and Jordan, along with Ash and Drew, walked in. They hung up their coats and grabbed coffee and headed to the back to greet Valerie and Brandon. With the addition of their presence, the Center hummed with activity. Not for the first time, Tash couldn’t help but wonder where he’d be without this group of people. They’d managed to invade his life, bringing with them a happiness he’d never anticipated. His attention gravitated to Brandon, now engaged in a lively discussion about the Yankees with Drew and Luke.

  He joined the group, and they headed to the back where the conference room was located. After they were seated around the long table, to his surprise, Brandon was the first to speak.

  “I have two students from my school coming today around noon. They’re the ones I mentioned before. I wanted them to have a safe environment where they can study and get all the help they need. My plan is to work with them today.”

  “I have Johnny working with Troy on the gun buy-back program.” Tash addressed both Jordan and Drew. “He showed up early and indicated he wanted to learn about computers, and I know Troy is good with them.”