Embrace the Fire

by Felice Stevens

  Jordan nodded his approval. “Troy is a great choice to work with Johnny. He’s been where that kid was and is proof how far someone can go with hard work and dedication.”

  “These kids need people to have faith in them and show that there is hope.” Drew’s brows knit together. “I wonder if Troy might want to be the office manager at the Clinic now that Marly and Steve are going to be busy with college starting next September. I know they won’t be able to put in as many hours because of schoolwork.”

  “That’s a great idea,” said Luke. “I know he’s close to finding housing, and this might tip it over the edge for him to get out of the shelter.”

  Ash finished his coffee. “I have work for him at the office or for anyone else at the shelter who needs a job and can use a computer. I’m certain there are people who once had well-paying jobs who’ve fallen on hard times.”

  “I know Wanda said there were several people who recently showed up at the shelter for a meal who used to work at smaller law firms and even Wall Street.” Tash made some notes on a pad. “Let’s ask her when she shows up, and you can get their info from her.”

  Jordan’s phone rang. “It’s Jerry; I’ll only be a minute.” He stood and went outside.

  “They’re still very close, aren’t they?” Tash addressed Luke.

  “Yeah. Jerry and Marie always thought of Jordan and Keith as their sons, since they never had any kids. Now they’ve taken me in, and we have dinner there once a week. They’re great people and love Jordan.”

  Jordan returned, a look of anticipation on his face. “Jerry’s coming right over. He said he had some news on that Donovan guy.” He rejoined Luke at the table. “Maybe this is the break they’ve been waiting for to get that bastard off the streets.”

  Excited talk rose in the room, but Tash noticed Brandon said nothing and stared down at the table. He left his seat to sit in the empty chair next to his lover.

  “You got so quiet all of a sudden.” When he received no answer, he put a hand on Brandon’s arm, and the man nearly jumped out of his seat. “Are you all right? What’s wrong?”

  Brandon looked sick; his face was pale, and sweat dampened his skin. If Tash didn’t know any better, he’d say he was scared to death. “Ahh, I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.” Without another word, he pushed away from the table and bolted from the room.

  “What’s the matter with him?” asked Ash. “He ran out of here like the hounds of hell were at his heels.”

  “Not a clue. Said he had to use the bathroom. Maybe too much of Esther’s good food.”

  Ash threw his head back and laughed. “Don’t ever let her hear you say that.”

  They joked about it until Brandon returned after several minutes, looking slightly better. At least his color had returned to normal. Tash couldn’t figure out why Brandon had gone from happy and relaxed to withdrawn and silent in a heartbeat. They left the conference room and split off; Jordan and Luke went to Troy and Johnny to see how the computer instruction was working out, while Ash and Drew picked out books and gathered some of the children around to read to them.

  “Feeling better? Is there anything I can do to help?” Tash grasped Brandon’s elbow, holding him back.

  With an abashed look, Brandon shook his head. “No, thanks. I didn’t feel well, and it came over me suddenly.” A crooked smile crossed his face. “There’s Dwayne and Wilson.” He left Tash to greet them.

  Two boys stood at the door, wearing identical faces of avid curiosity. A tall woman stood behind them, her gaze scanning the room. Recognition dawned in her eyes as Brandon approached.

  “Mr. Gilbert, I’m glad to see you. I didn’t want to simply drop the boys off and leave without seeing someone I knew first.”

  Tash watched as Brandon switched into confident-teacher mode, making it hard to believe only moments before he’d been a nervous wreck.

  “Mrs. Archer, I’m so glad you came so you can see the wonderful work the Center is accomplishing.” He walked her around the Center, pointing out the varied activities and, along the way, introducing her to many of the people working, including his brothers, Drew, and Jordan. By the time they got to him, Tash heard her complimenting their achievements.

  “This is exactly what young people need these days to keep off the streets and in school. Dwayne’s father and I try so hard, and I know Wilson’s mother does as well, doubly hard since she’s now a widow.”

  “We hope to help as many children and young adults as we possibly can.” Tash extended his hand. “I’m Dr. Weber. I run the mentoring program that we hope your son and his friend will be a part of.”

  She took his hand in her firm grasp, her eyes assessing him with a thorough glance. “Nice to meet you. What will they be doing?”

  The two boys had already found two empty computer stations and had logged on. They were both in the process of pulling notebooks and textbooks out of their backpacks.

  “Right now, they’re doing their homework. We hope they’ll be able to study subjects they may not have the time or resources to at home. Plus, they can read to the younger children and maybe help them with their homework.” He gave her a friendly smile. “There’s no shortage of things to keep them busy.”

  “Good.” She smiled with approval. “It sounds wonderful. I have to go to work, but I’ll be back around five to pick them up. Is that okay?”

  “Perfect,” said Brandon. “Have a good day, and don’t worry about them at all.”

  She left, and he and Brandon stood for a moment, watching the boys at the computers. A stocky older man entered the Center and looked around.

  “Jerry.” Tash waved him over. “Come over; I’d like you to meet someone.”

  The detective approached, and Tash watched Brandon withdraw into himself.

  “Hello, Tash. Good to see you again. I presume Jordan and Luke are here.”

  “Yes, they’re in the back looking over the gun buy-back statistics with Troy.”

  “It’s working out much better than we could’ve hoped for. Last Wednesday was our best yet, with over one hundred seventy-five weapons turned in.” Jerry smiled with frank approval. He waited expectantly, Tash knew, to be introduced.

  “That’s great. Jerry, this is Brandon, Luke and Ash’s brother. It turns out he’s been in the city all along and works as a teacher.”

  The two men shook hands, and then Brandon quickly excused himself, joining Dwayne and Wilson at the computers.

  Jerry stared at Brandon’s retreating back. “I’m going to talk to Jordan about what we learned in the Donovan case.”

  “I’ll go get the others. I know they’ll be interested.” Tash entered the library and waited for Ash to finish reading to the children. He motioned to him and Drew.

  “Jerry is here to talk about the Donovan case.”

  As they walked to the back room, Tash couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right, and it all had to do with Brandon.

  Chapter Eighteen

  It was bound to happen sooner rather than later. Brandon had heard how Jordan was beaten up as a warning not to open the Center and knew he’d have to meet the detective who was working on the case. The reality of it was worse than he’d imagined as Jerry was a seasoned professional, and no doubt he saw right through Brandon’s weak attempt to escape any questions about himself. Of course, the fear clawing at Brandon’s chest, willing him to run, wasn’t helping any. He forced himself to remain calm and somehow held his composure together.

  After helping Dwayne and Wilson work through a tricky math problem, Brandon joined the group in the back room, where Jerry was explaining what the police had learned about that Donovan person. Brandon slid into a seat next to Luke. Jerry threw him a quick glance but continued to speak.

  “We know Donovan was originally from the Pennsylvania area with ties to Philly and Boston, as well as New York. He would get the guns from down South, then have them transported up the I-95 corridor, making stops in DC, Baltimore, and P
hilly before heading up to New York and Boston.” He consulted his notes. “There was never a shortage of people to do his dirty work, whether it was delivering guns or the drugs he happened to be selling. Most often he used drifters in those cities to prevent the police from catching him in a full-scale operation. But we finally got lucky.”

  “How’s that? It would seem impossible if he never had any connection to the people who worked for him.” Jordan braced his arms on the table, his chin in his hands. “It’s so damn frustrating.”

  “One of our undercover detectives heard a waitress talking at a bar in the Philly area. She mentioned Donovan had been in the night before, and she’s his regular girl when he comes around that way. Seems he’s been cheating on her and she’s pissed at him.” Jerry grinned. “Never underestimate the fury of a scorned woman. She was busy spilling her guts to anyone who’d listen about not only what a lousy lay he is, but what he’s going to do when he comes up to New York in a few days.”

  As the others peppered Jerry with questions, Brandon remained silent, his mind working furiously. When he was younger, he’d done everything short of selling himself to make money, without thinking of the consequences or repercussions to anyone else. It was altogether possible that, when he was living on the streets in Philly all those years ago, he had come across these people and done some work for them, but if he was honest with himself, he couldn’t remember. To speak up would add nothing to the investigation, and Jerry might start asking more questions about why he was homeless to begin with.

  “Brandon, you lived in Pennsylvania. Did you ever spend any time in Philadelphia after you left home?”

  All eyes focused on him at Jerry’s question. He slanted a quick look at the detective before gulping down the nerves that were strangling him. “Um, yeah, for a little while. But it was a long time ago. Over seven years.”

  Jerry studied him, his face a blank slate, revealing nothing. “You were homeless?” His voice was gentle.

  No words were necessary as Brandon simply nodded.

  “Didn’t you try and find your brothers?” Jerry prodded.

  Brandon supposed he’d heard the story of their childhood from Luke. “I, um, looked for Luke, but he’d changed his name.”

  “It’s fine, Jerry,” said Ash, cutting in. “Brandon and Luke and I have worked it all out.”

  Brandon threw his brother a grateful look. Neither of them wanted to revisit this painful topic. Jerry, however, wasn’t a detective for nothing and continued to ask questions.

  “I’m not trying to pry into anything personal. I’m curious as to why you left home and lived on the streets.”

  “Our foster father was a terrible man, Jerry.” Luke scrubbed his face with his hand. “You know my story. Brandon has his own stories, but I don’t think he needs to go through them again when it serves no purpose to this investigation.”

  Like they had when he was a child, his brothers stepped up to protect him. And even though he’d told them he was an adult now and didn’t need them to shield him from the horrors of the world, it felt good to have them by his side.

  “Brandon’s a teacher now and helping us with the mentoring program. He’s living at Esther’s and is a great role model for the kids.” Tash squeezed his arm. “The past is the past, and we don’t need to revisit it.”

  Jerry said nothing, merely flipped his notebook shut. “From the information we received, we expect to make some arrests in the next week or so, when Donovan and his crew arrive in the city. I’ll make sure to keep you posted. Before I leave, I want to see Johnny.” Shooting Brandon a troubled look, he said his good-byes and left with Drew and Jordan.

  A palpable silence descended over the table after Jerry left. Brandon knew Ash and Luke remained curious about the real reason he’d left home, but were trying to respect his privacy. In truth, he was a fucking coward to the core. The comforting presence of Tash fed the excuses he made to himself. He was doing it for all of them, protecting them, the way they did him. He couldn’t lose them now.

  “I should get back to Dwayne and Wilson.” He stood, and Tash rose with him.

  “I need to talk to Valerie; I’ll walk out with you.”

  The two of them walked out to the main room, but Tash stopped him before he walked to the two boys. “I know there’s something you aren’t telling me and your brothers.”

  Brandon’s stomach clenched. He stared wide-eyed at Tash, unable to speak. Apparently, his silence revealed more than any words he might have spoken.

  “I understand how much of an upheaval your life has been in this past month. But if you’re keeping something from them, never mind me, you need to reconsider. Those men would give up their lives for you; they’d do anything to help.”

  Each spoken word jabbed Brandon, like a knife in his chest. He wanted to talk, but he couldn’t. As a psychiatrist, Tash must’ve been used to deception, because he continued, relentless in his attempt to get Brandon to speak.

  “Whatever happened, it’s eating you up inside. Something’s not right when every time your life back in Pennsylvania is mentioned, you either clam up or freak out. To me, that’s a sign. And a lack of trust in me and in us as a couple. We should be able to tell each other everything.” When Brandon didn’t say anything, Tash sighed. “I need to see Val.” He began to walk away. With each step, Brandon could see his future trailing away before him like a skein of wool, unraveling his heart.

  “Tash?” Brandon’s pulse pounded in his ears. He was unsure if Tash would even stop to listen to him now. When he halted in midstride, Brandon hurried to catch up to where he stood before Tash changed his mind and walked away.

  There came a point in life when choices had to be made and the consequences be damned. As a child, he’d lived his whole life with uncertainty, never knowing who his parents were or why they’d given him away. In his subconscious, he’d always believed it was something he’d done, that if he’d been a better boy, they might have loved him.

  When Ash left, Brandon thought if he hadn’t been such a baby, Ash would’ve stayed. He remembered crying to Luke, saying he was sorry. Luke had shushed him and said only that it wasn’t his fault. Ash would be back. But he never returned.

  That last night during the fight with Munson, Luke had screamed at him to get out, once again protecting him. Brandon could do little more than agree to be hustled out of the house, looking back over his shoulder as Luke and Munson came to blows. Munson told him for years afterward that if Luke had wanted to find him, he could’ve.

  When he’d looked for Luke, his dream of seeing his brother again died a bit with each dead end he ran up against. He’d never given Ash the chance, figuring Ash had reached the height of such great achievement in his life, he’d want nothing to do with Brandon. Now, with Tash, Brandon’s own dreams and successes seemed attainable. He loved Tash and wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, but couldn’t do it without first opening his life up for inspection and putting himself in the spotlight.

  “Can we talk tonight? I can make dinner at your house.” No more lies, no subterfuge or ducking any questions that might be asked. It was time to act like the grown man he insisted he was. The resigned hesitancy in Tash’s eyes distressed him; having seen those beautiful eyes light up with passion, Brandon never wanted to be the cause of Tash’s pain. “Please. I need to tell you things. But not here.”

  After a measured look, Tash gave a shrug. “Fine. Were you planning on spending the day here?”

  “Yes. I want to work with the boys and get them started on some projects. I’m hoping to prepare them for the specialized high school exams they’ll be taking in the next year or two.”

  “Good. So we can leave after Dwayne’s mother picks them up.” Tash didn’t smile or give him any indication what he was thinking. Merely a nod and then he walked away to where Johnny, Troy, and several of the others were congregated.

  For the rest of the afternoon, as he helped the two boys, Brandon rehearsed what he would s
ay in his mind, but it always ended up badly.

  How could he tell Tash he was a murderer?

  Tash decided to leave a little earlier with Valerie, and Brandon wanted to go to the supermarket to pick up some things to make the dinner special. Since Drew had already said he and Ash were going back to Brooklyn to have dinner with Mike and Rachel that night, Brandon asked if they wouldn’t mind taking him to the supermarket, then dropping him off at Tash’s carriage house since it was along their way.

  “Brandon, what’s wrong?” Drew hefted one of the grocery bags into the trunk of the car. He slammed the hatch down. “You’ve barely said a word since we left the Center.”

  “Hmm? Oh, nothing. I’m wondering if I got everything.” The lie slipped so easily through his lips it should’ve made him feel guilty, but it didn’t.

  The skeptical look on Drew’s face was proof he hadn’t fooled him. Drew was one of the most perceptive men he’d ever met. Although Ash was the physically stronger of the two, Brandon had no doubt it was Drew’s inner strength their relationship was built upon. He envied the quiet confidence and trust Drew possessed when it came to his feelings for Ash. Brandon could tell their love ran bone-deep, and wanted that for himself and Tash.

  The ride to Brooklyn was uneventful, with Drew giving some insight into Mike and Rachel’s wedding plans. They were going to be married at Esther’s in the springtime to take advantage of her flower-filled back garden.

  “I hear Mike could care less as long as he doesn’t have to wear a tux.” Ash switched lanes on the Brooklyn Bridge and exited by Cadman Plaza Park. The little restaurants in Brooklyn Heights were beginning to fill up for the evening, and people crowded the streets, deciding where to have dinner.

  Drew chuckled. “Can’t say I blame him; although you look pretty handsome all dressed up, I have to say.” He reached over and squeezed Ash’s thigh.

  “A wedding is for the bride, period. Except if we ever got married. Then I’d want to see you dressed up too. You’re pretty damn hot in your tux, yourself.”