When the Side Nigga Catch Feelings 1

by Jessica N Watkins

  “Well, I was really tired that day. Could you not get through to Heaven?” Before I could answer, she looked across the table at Heaven. “Heaven, why didn’t you answer your husband's calls?”

  Heaven shrugged. “Because my husband didn't call me.”

  I looked between them with a raised eyebrow. They were trying to play me, and I didn’t like this shit at all.

  “Not one call, Heaven?” Esperanza pressed.

  “Noooope,” Heaven sang sarcastically. “As a matter of fact, he didn’t call me at all that day.”

  Esperanza smirked. “Humph!”

  Staring at Heaven but speaking to Esperanza, I kept pressing. “So, ain’t shit happen that I should know about?”

  “No, sir,” Esperanza swore as she walked away from the table.

  Still staring at Heaven, I asked, “So, Heaven was sleep like she said she was?”

  “Yep. We all had a very busy day in the hot sun, so we all went to bed quite early.”

  “Umph.” I watched as Heaven totally disregarded me, even though I was looking right at her.

  Something was up with these two that I couldn't put my finger on. It was my fault that I couldn't put my finger on it, though. When I was in Alabama, I was so busy trying to get rid of that problem that I wasn't focused on what was going on back home in my house.

  Esperanza always answered my calls—always. But that Tuesday night before I got back into town, she wasn't answering my calls. If it wasn't for the money that I gave Esperanza, her family would be out here bogus. She sent the money I paid her back to Mexico to take care of some of her children who were still there. She also used some of it to take care of her crack-head son who came and went. Given all of that, she wouldn’t fuck this money up for shit.

  She rarely missed a call. I didn't give a fuck if she was comatose; she came out of that coma to answer that call. But for the first time ever, that night, I couldn't get through to her. I knew it was some bullshit behind it. And that bullshit had a lot to do with Heaven. I knew it. She had been acting up since I got back in town. She had not said much to me since I got home. She was in her own world, and she wasn’t acting like I was the main priority in it. I knew that she was pissed that I hadn't called or answered her calls. but Tisha had been so far up in my ass that I hadn't had a chance to do either.

  Even in death, Tisha was causing me grief in my household, but I was gonna get down to the bottom of this shit.

  Heaven

  A few days later, I jumped every time my phone rang.

  Tuesday night, Mello had gotten me home just in the nick of time. I had him pull to the end of the block. Then I literally ran up the block, to the front door, and keyed into the house. As soon as I smelled the familiar fragrance of my house, if I wasn't feeling horribly guilty already, I was being drowned in guilt by being in the house. My footsteps were so heavy. I felt too guilty to go into Esperanza's room. I knew she had a lot of questions because I had been so wrapped up in Mello that I hadn't even checked on my daughter all day. But I couldn’t face her.

  I tiptoed into my room and closed the door, trying to lock out all of the bullshit that I had created on the other side. I stripped and showered Mello’s scent off of me and jumped into bed just in time for Ross to come through the bedroom door. My heart was beating so fast that I was scared he wouldn't believe I was as asleep as I was pretending to be. I had washed my body three times in the shower, but I still felt like he could smell his son on me. I don't know if I was happy or sad that once he got into that bad, he didn't even touch me. He turned his back to me and fell asleep soundly. Nothing was on his mind, seemingly. It was as if he didn't give a fuck about me or about not speaking to me for the last couple of days that he had been out of town. He slept so soundly while I lay next to him with so many things running through my mind. But the most important thing that ran through my mind was Mello. All I could think about was how he would have appreciated and held me had I been in that bed with him that night. I wondered how he would have looked at me once he came in from out of town and hadn't seen me in days, because the way he looked at me once he saw me for the first time was incredible.

  Mello stayed on my mind every day and every night. He was on my mind while I showered and while I fed my daughter. He was on my mind while Ross and I tiptoed around each other for three days. Mello was on my mind when I dodged every phone call and every Facetime attempt from him. And every thought of him ran thunderous chills down my spine.

  I couldn't talk to him. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I could withstand looking at his face and not being able to be in his presence. I didn't know if what I was feeling was right or wrong, so I dodged him.

  “Who is that that keeps blowing up your phone?”

  I looked over at Treasure as she sat on a stool at the bar in the den. She had been drinking like a motherfucker for the last three days. Something was wrong with her, but I had been too much in my own head to even try to figure out what was wrong with her.

  “Huh?” I asked.

  “Your phone. Somebody keeps trying to call you.”

  I hit the ignore button and turned my phone over, even though she was too far away from me to see it.

  I tried to think fast. “That’s just some school that keeps calling me.”

  “School?”

  “Yeah. I thought I was interested in going to college, but I don’t feel like arguing with Ross about it. So, I changed my mind. But the recruiter keeps calling me.”

  “Fuck, Ross,” she slurred. “You can go to school if you want…”

  Treasure’s voice faded out and was replaced by the same thoughts of Mello. I couldn't understand how to deal with these feelings that had been growing for him over the last couple of days. I had never had these thoughts about Mello before. I never thought twice about his beautiful face, his juicy lips, or how thoughtful he was. Now, all of that was constantly on my mind; that and the way he totally invaded my body and took that motherfucker over. I didn’t know if these sudden feelings were just sexual, or if I just missed him because I was no longer talking to him every other day, or if I really liked him. And then I got frustrated because even once I figured all of that out, it didn’t matter. That dope-ass hour of sex had ruined everything. Now, it felt like our friendship was over, but there were no possibilities of anything else.

  Ross

  “Yo’, Ross. What up?”

  “What up, boss?”

  A few of the young guys were speaking and dapping me up as I walked into Kutz. I spoke to them and shook up with a few of them as I made my way back to Vegas’ office. It was some straight bullshit that I had to bring my ass up to this shop just to find out what the fuck what going on with my right hand. I had been hitting him up since I got back in town, but I couldn’t get through to him.

  “What’s up, son?”

  Shit, Vegas wasn’t the only one being shady. When I spoke to my own son, he barely stopped lining up his client. He looked up and gave me a dry-ass, “What up?” Then he kept perfecting the lining.

  I had more pressing matters to deal with than Mello’s young ass, so I kept it moving. It was no telling what his issue was anyway. It was probably his baby mama, his bitch, or both. I kept it moving towards the back. Once at Vegas’ office, I knocked, but I opened the door and let myself in without waiting for him to respond.

  He was sitting at his desk going through the same phone that I was just calling without getting an answer from his ass.

  “Damn, motherfucka, what’s been up with you?” I sat in the chair facing his desk, reaching back and closing the door.

  Barely looking up from the phone, Vegas answered, “Shit.”

  I sat back and toyed with my beard, trying to figure out what this motherfucka was on. I didn’t like his disposition at all. “We got a problem?”

  He finally looked at me but only for a second before looking back down at the phone. “Fuck no. Why you say that?”

  “I been blowing your shit up. You ig
norin’ my calls like I’m one of your bitches or something.”

  He chuckled and finally put his phone down. He looked at me, interlocking his hands and resting on the desk with his elbows. “I just been busy. Me and Treasure been on some booed-up shit. My bad.”

  “Yo’ bad?” Yeah, something was definitely up.

  “Yeah. Thought you were still in Alabama anyway. You said you was gon’ be gone for two weeks. What happened?”

  “Tisha was blowing me.”

  “You talk her into getting the abortion?”

  “Yeah.” He smiled sarcastically. “You slick motherfucka. Lucky you.”

  “Yeah… Lucky me.”

  Mello

  ♫ Ain't no complaints (nah)

  Racks in the bank (racks)

  Fuck what you think (huh?)

  We got some rank (rank)

  Leave your ass stank (bow)

  Robbin' the bank (bank)

  Pull out the banger (rah)

  You was a stranger (stranger)

  We don't relate (no) racks in the (rack)

  Racks in the safe (safe)

  Steak on my plate (steak)

  My sons are dons (dons)

  My bitch Amazon (bad)

  My plug is hund (Offset, plug)

  She fuckin' for some (smash) ♫

  I was flying to my crib bobbing my head to “No Complaints” by Metro Boomin, trying to act like everything was cool, but it wasn’t. Things were far from cool. I was starting to think that I should have stayed my black ass in Florida. I had only been back in Chicago for a few weeks, but everything was fucked up already. I was still cutting hair in the shop, not working some cushy-ass job with a fat-ass salary like I was expecting once I graduated early from college. Me and my girl were at each other’s throats, which wasn’t technically out of the norm, but it was worse now more than ever. Ever since I walked away from her downtown, every attempt to communicate with her ended with “fuck you’s” and “I hate you’s.” I hadn’t even seen her since. And that was by choice. I still didn’t like how she had put her hands on my baby mama in front of my son. It had me ready to put my hands on her. So, I didn’t need to be around her until my anger subsided. But my absence was only making her more pissed.

  Then there was Heaven, who was pissing me off the most. I had already felt some type of way that Ross had come back in town and fucked shit up. It was like as soon as she got that text, things changed with her. That day, she had gone from looking at me as a friend to looking at me like I was the man. Then she looked at me like I was a mistake as soon as she heard that Ross was coming back in town.

  The fantasy was over that fucking fast.

  When I shot the dice and kissed her, I didn’t know we were going to fuck too, but it went there, and I was good with knowing that, even if nothing else ever happened, we would still be cool. I had no idea that making her cum harder than she ever had in her life would make her never talk to me again. I had been blowing her phone up with calls, text messages, and Facetime attempts. She hadn’t answered one fucking attempt to communicate with her. She was treating me like a peon. She was treating me like I was the one that was cheating on her. That connection we had had for two years was over, and no matter how hard I tried not to, it was all I could think about.

  That pussy… Fuck, I could still smell it on my face. I had fulfilled my fantasy. I had felt that pussy, but I still wanted her. I wanted to relive that day over and over again, put that smile on her face over and over again. My feelings for her hadn’t been fake. This shit was real…too real.

  “Fuck,” I groaned and punched the steering wheel when I saw Teyanna sitting on the stoop in front of my apartment building on 80th and Morgan.

  I parked and got out of my ride, telling myself not to whoop this girl’s ass. The last thing I wanted on top of the bullshit was to end up in the county jail that night.

  “What’s up?” As she spoke to me, I peeped that she was calm, surprisingly.

  “What up?” I spoke back dryly as I stood in front of her with my arms folded.

  She just sat there looking at me with this dead look in her eyes. I had never seen her looking this defeated.

  “So, you love her that much?”

  My eyes bucked as I stared at her. How does she know?

  Watching the guilty look on my face, she chuckled sarcastically and shook her head as tears filled her eyes. “I knew it. I knew you loved that bitch. If you love her so much, just be with her! She’s your baby mama, so you might as well!”

  I lowered my head so she wouldn’t see me sighing with relief. Then I shook my head at myself. Heaven was on my mind so much that I hadn't even thought that Teyanna could be referring to anyone but her.

  But did that mean that I loved Heaven?

  “I don’t want to be with her,” I told her Teyanna.

  She hissed. “I can’t tell because—”

  I cut her off with a blow. “And I don’t wanna be with you no more.”

  Her eyes bucked. “What?”

  “I can’t fuck with nobody that acts like you. I didn’t come home for this shit. You following me around, embarrassing me in front of my people, and fighting my baby mama in front of my son. You do too much. I’m done.”

  I walked away from her stare. She couldn’t believe it. After all the kicking, screaming, and fighting she had done, I had never just walked away like this. And to be honest, me walking away wasn’t all about her. She thought it was about Paris. She felt I was in love with my baby mama. Teyanna was knocking on the wrong door, though. Paris didn’t have my heart. Heaven did.

  “So, I was right?” I heard the tears in her eyes as I keyed into the building. I turned around against my will and saw her staring at me with tears streaming down her face. “I was right. You do love her! Fuck you!” Her crazy ass tossed her phone at me so fast that I barely had the chance to duck. It just missed my head before it crashed against the security door. Just as I stood upright and looked at her, she walked away.

  “Yeah, you right,” I spoke low as I watched her walk away. “I do love her.”

  12

  Treasure

  As I took the coke and dissolved it in a few milliliters of water, Damo walked past me and smacked my bare ass that was swallowing my thong. A smooth smirk spread on my face. This was what I liked about Damo the most. Damo let me be his Bonnie; cooking crack in his kitchen after we’d just fucked the shit out of each other.

  I filled a small baby food jar with water and then put it in a pan on the stove that was filled with water. I put the vial filled with the coke and water in the baby food jar. Then I allowed the solution to heat until it was hot but not so hot that it would burn to put my finger in it.

  “It's time for you to start dropping the ammonia in there,” Damo told me as he kissed my neck.

  “I knooow,” I popped slick, and he smacked my ass again. “When you done, you wanna take a ride with me?”

  I could feel his dick on my ass as he stood so close behind me. Just the mere feeling of that phat monster had my pussy leaking.

  “Where we goin’?” I asked damn near in a purr.

  “I got a few drops to make in the burbs. May take me a few hours. Your man gon’ come looking for you.”

  I turned from the stove and slipped my arms around his chiseled abs. “I guess he’s gonna be looking for me then.” Then I sucked on his bottom lip.

  With it still in my mouth, he told me, “You gon’ make me put this dick back up in you.”

  Just the sound of his deep-ass voice made my sweet crevice seep. He must have known that I was leaking. He obviously smelled my syrupy stench, because he reached into my panties and moaned. “Damn, my pussy so wet for me.”

  My eyes rolled to the back of my head as he started to make circular motions on my clit.

  I ignored that “my pussy” comment and moaned, “Mmmm.”

  “Bring that ass here.”

  Before I could say a word or knew what was happening, Damo spun me arou
nd, bent me over the stove, and drove his dick into my pussy.

  Then he started to murder this motherfucker.

  “Ugh! Fuck! Oh my God.”

  Holding me around the waist, he drove into this pussy long, deep, and wide.

  “Fuuuuck, yes, Damo. Fuck meeeeee.”

  Giving me what I wanted, he grabbed my thigh, lifted it and rested my foot on the kitchen counter, causing his dick to sink in deeper.

  Heaven

  “Heaven, I’m gone.”

  My eyes rolled as I lay with my back to Ross. “Okay.”

  “You still mad at me, huh?” he had the nerve to ask. There was a smugness in his voice that made my fucking skin crawl.

  I forced myself to sound as unbothered as possible. “Mad at you for what?” The last thing I needed on top of everything else was an argument with his ass.

  “Shit, you tell me,” he spat.

  I could have told him that I was pissed because he hadn’t even had the respect for me to pretend like he wasn’t out of town with another woman, by actually acting like a husband while he was out of town. But that would have only led to a big-ass argument and him still walking out of the house to go lay up with the next bitch. So, I just bit my tongue.

  I heard him suck his teeth. “Fine. Whatever, man.”

  Then I listened to him leave out of the bedroom. I soon heard him going down the stairs. The further his footsteps got, the more I felt like I could breathe. That headache was gone, but the original headache was still fucking there.

  I threw the covers back over my head and fought the sick feeling in my stomach.

  It had now been a week and a half since Mello had fucked up my world. We still hadn’t spoken. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that, after taking it upon himself to show me such a good time that day, after showing me what I deserved, I could never be with him like that again because I respected my ain’t-shit husband way more than he respected me.