When the Side Nigga Catch Feelings 1

by Jessica N Watkins

  Still in all, I really missed Mello. His presence in my life was so noticeably missing since I hadn't talked to him. For two years, there were regular conversations that made up a lot of my boring days as I sat in the house doing nothing. We used to talk often and intimately. We’d had way more intimate moments between us than me and Ross had. Now, I realized everything that he had been to me over the last two years. Maybe we were more than just friends.

  “Heaven?”

  I turned over in bed and pushed the covers back from over my face. Ross was gone and Esperanza, who had peeped my mood, had taken Sunshine to the park. So, I had been sulking in bed all day. Esperanza, Ross, and Divine thought my mood was because Ross had disappeared during his last trip. Yes, it was obvious to me that Ross had been with another woman. I wasn’t fazed, though. I was used to his shit. Mello was what and who had me shook to my soul

  “Yeah?” I asked Divine as I watched her standing in my doorway.

  I didn’t like the look in her eyes. Not at all. She looked scared and nervous.

  “You up?”

  Barely… “Yeah.”

  “Okay. I need to talk to you.” Walking into the room, she took a deep breath. I watched her cautiously as she sat at the foot of the bed. I sat up when it looked like she was about to cry.

  “What’s wrong, Divine?”

  “I…I’m…” The stuttering frustrated her, so she paused and took another long, deep breath. “I’m pregnant, Heaven.”

  My heart sank. The last thing I wanted for my sister was for her to have a baby early like I had.

  “What?” I breathed. “What the fuck, Divine? I thought you were on the pill.”

  She shrugged, finally looking as young as she really was, despite the weave, makeup, and curves that made her look twenty instead of seventeen.

  “I fucked up,” she admitted.

  Clearly.

  “You’re pregnant by who? Who is the father?” I didn’t even know Divine had a boyfriend. I knew she was dating and probably fucking, but she hadn’t claimed to like or be involved with one particular dude.

  When she said, “Damo,” I was outdone.

  I gasped. “What?! Oh my God! Divine, he works with Ross!”

  “I knoooow,” she whined.

  “Ross is going to kill him.”

  “I know. That’s why you can’t tell him.”

  Everything about Damo started to play before my eyes. He never acted like he was talking to anyone special. He stayed with a different chick every other time I saw him. And… “He’s like twenty-five.” I frowned at the realization. “He’s too fucking old for you. I know. How dare I? But me and Ross were different. He ain’t shit, but at least when he met me, everyone knew I was his. I wasn’t a damn secret.”

  Now, tears were running down her face, but they looked more like tears of relief than shame, like she was relieved now that she had finally said something.

  I asked, “How long have you been fucking him?”

  “We’ve been dating for a few months.”

  My eyes bucked. “Dating?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Does that consist of more than fucking and Netflix and chill?”

  Divine sucked her teeth. “Yeah.”

  I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. I knew that was a lie. She was only seventeen. What the hell kinda dates was he taking her on?

  I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. By the look on her face, I knew that she already felt bad. I remembered how I felt when I was sixteen and pregnant. Back then, I didn’t want to be made to feel worse, so I didn’t want to do that to her either.

  “What you wanna do?” I asked her.

  “I wanna keep it.”

  I cringed. She looked like an immature little girl who thought a baby would keep a dude. Even though Damo and Divine had been keeping this a secret, Damo didn’t act like a dude who was seriously dating anyone. Divine was ready to have this man’s baby when she wasn’t even sure if he wanted her.

  There was so much regret in Divine’s eyes as she saw my anger grow the more I thought about this.

  She begged, “Please don’t tell Ross.”

  “If you wanna keep it, how long do you think we can keep this from him?”

  “Until Damo finds a new supplier. Once Ross finds out, he is going to want to end their business relationship.”

  That was the least of it. Ross felt like Divine was one of his daughters. He was going to kill Damo.

  “Promise me, Heaven. You cannot tell Ross anything until I tell Damo and he and I can figure things out.”

  I chuckled. He and I? Poor girl.

  Despite me knowing better, I just told her, “Okay, Divine. I promise.”

  I didn’t have the heart to burst her bubble.

  For about an hour, Divine sat on my bed trying to convince me that having her baby would be the right decision. Luckily, when Esperanza came back with Sunshine, she stayed downstairs, cooking lunch. Even though I wasn’t arguing with her, she felt the need to convince me that having Damo’s body was right. That right there should have told her that she wasn’t making the right decision, but I feared she wouldn’t know that until she was a single mother, wishing Damo was around to help her more because he was off doing his own thing. But Divine felt like since she was about to be a senior in high school, she could do this. After the hard life she had lived as a young girl with my mother, she felt like she had been taking care of others since she was little, so having this baby wouldn’t be any different.

  I didn’t have the heart to tell her that she was wrong. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that since Damo had kept her a secret that he would want to keep her baby a secret too. I couldn’t tell her that since he wasn’t ready to commit to claiming her, he probably wasn’t ready to commit to having a baby with her.

  Luckily, the doorbell eventually rang and interrupted us.

  Divine’s eyes instantly bucked. “Is that Ross?”

  I chuckled at how scared she was.

  But she think she bad enough to have a baby, huh?

  “He wouldn’t have to ring the bell, Divine,” I said as I got out of the bed. Whoever it was had come over uninvited, and we rarely had people come over without calling. So, I was getting out of bed for the first time that day to see who the hell was at the door.

  “Heaveeeeen!” Esperanza shouted from the first floor. “Mello is here to see you.”

  Now, my eyes were bucking as I paused right in the middle of slipping on my house shoes.

  “Heaven, promise me you won’t say nothing to anybody, not even Treasure. She might tell Vegas and he will tell Ross.”

  “I’m not going to say anything,” I insisted, feeling the butterflies in my stomach.

  What is he doing here?

  My heart was beating a mile a minute. I was so nervous. Was what I had been fearful of about to happen? Was having sex with Mello about to be thrown in my face? Because what the hell was he doing there? Especially without calling first?

  I picked up my phone to see if he had called or texted, and he hadn't. He hadn't even been over since the day we went to the zoo. So, why was he showing up now? My guilty conscience was eating at me so much that I barely heard what my sister was saying. I slipped on my house shoes and made my way out of the bedroom.

  I couldn’t believe it when I started to fix my hair and adjust the PINK tank and shorts I had on. I cared how I looked for him… Wow.

  I felt like I was floating down the stairs. I just knew Mello was about to act out. He had every right to. Considering the friendship that we’d had over the last two years, ignoring him was rude as hell of me. But I just didn't know what else to do. I hoped I would be able to calmly explain everything to him without Esperanza or my sister catching on to what had happened between him and me.

  However, all of that hope was shattered when I finally noticed Mello standing in the foyer below with some bitch! He was standing next to this beautiful, slim-thick, dark skin chick who was not Teyanna. He was
wearing a facial expression that I couldn't read. He just looked normal as if nothing had happened between us, which made me jealous as fuck.

  “What up, Heaven?” he asked simply as if he hadn’t eaten my pussy until my soul left my body and I wanted to have his babies. He looked past me as if he hadn’t given me the best dick of my life like he wanted to give it to me forever or like I was the only woman he had ever touched… but then showed up with this beautiful bitch.

  I tried to swallow the jealousy, which I was so surprised I felt. “H-hello,” I forced out.

  But then this motherfucker had the nerve to ignore me like fuck what I had to say! “Is my pops here?”

  The nonchalant tone in his voice felt like a knife to my chest. The way she leaned into him was like the knife being driven in deeper and twisted. For the life of me, I couldn't understand why I suddenly felt this way. I hadn't even thought of Mello in this way before he took me out that day, but now, I was jealous because he was standing in front of me with another woman? I couldn't understand if it was the dick that had me feeling this way or if I had grown feelings for the man that had taken my breath away in just one day.

  Maybe it was both.

  I forced back the jealousy, the memories of his lips on my pussy, and the urge to smack this bitch. “No. Did you call him?” Fuck that. No matter what, he wasn’t going to see me hurt or jealous because clearly, he had done this on purpose. He didn’t even fucking like his father most of the time and he damn sure didn’t just pop up.

  “Yeah, I called him, but he won’t answer.”

  I leaned against the railing of the stairway with my hand on my hip. I wanted him to see these hips and curves. He wasn’t the only one who could play games. “Is it an emergency? Is everything okay?”

  “Everything is cool. I was in the neighborhood, so I stopped by to say what’s up to him.”

  My lips pressed into a thin line as I shrugged. “Weeeelp, he isn’t here.”

  “I see that.” He was still dry…real dry. He was acting nothing like how he used to treat me. I would have at least felt better if he still treated me like a friend. But he was just talking to me like I was some chick he had never met before. That adoring look he gave me the last time I’d seen him was gone. Now, he was looking right through me. I don’t know what hurt worse; that I had clearly hurt him so much or that he wasn’t fucking with me.

  “Hey, Mello!” Divine shouted, coming down the stairs. We all looked at her and watched as she stopped mid-stride when she saw the girl with Mello. “Oooo! Who is this?” she teased with a smile.

  For the first time since I’d laid eyes on Mello, he smiled. “What’s up, Divine? This is my friend, Diamond.”

  Diamond? Stripper. She was definitely a stripper.

  Standing on the stair, Divine folded her arms with a smirk. “Where’s your crazy-ass bitch at?”

  Diamond and Mello’s eyes bucked, but they both laughed as he asked, “Really, Divine?”

  Divine shrugged. “I’m just saying. I’m happy to see you with somebody else.”

  Mello and Divine were still laughing as he said, “Well, I’m happy she knows about my crazy ass ex-bitch.”

  My heart started racing. Ex-bitch?

  Divine pressed, “Ex? Y’all broke up?”

  He shrugged. Clearly, he didn’t feel a damn thing while I was currently on an emotional rollercoaster.

  “Yeah, I left her alone,” he said.

  He was single now. It was something about that that I didn’t like. I think it was the instant thought of him spending days with this bitch and a whole bunch of other hoes like the one he had spent with me.

  “Whaaaat?” Divine sang with bucked eyes as she flew down the stairs past me. She had no idea…no fucking idea how I was cringing inside. “‘Bout fucking time!” Divine beamed as she walked up on them.

  With a smile, Mello told her, “Yeah, Teyanna’s outta there, and Diamond is working on taking her place.”

  Fuck this. Mello was playing games. I was already dealing with one ignorant motherfucker; Mello could play these games all by himself.

  “Mello, let me know if you find your father.” I turned away, and before he could reply, I told his stripper-bitch, “It was nice meeting you, Diamond.”

  I was headed back upstairs before she could say, “Nice meeting you too.”

  I didn't like how I felt. I didn't like the jealousy. I didn't like the urge I was feeling to cry. I had gotten in my feelings about somebody who I was not married to and who was my husband’s son at that. I didn't like this shit at all. As I walked up the stairs and into my room, I knew these feelings could not keep growing. I needed to move on from that short fairytale that Mello and I had lived. It was over. The story had begun and ended just that fast.

  13

  Heaven

  However, telling myself that Mello and I were over that fast was easier said than done. For a week, I tried to act like I wasn't fazed by the fact that he had stopped calling me. There were no more unanswered text messages. He hadn't even popped up unexpectedly again. He had disappeared as fast as he had popped up and fucked my head up even more.

  For the next week, I tried my best to act like things were normal when Mello was on my mind more than my own husband. I hadn't thought about how Ross had damn near killed me in the bathtub. I hadn't thought about whoever he had spent that week with when he was out of town. All I could focus on was Mello. He was consuming me. The realization that I had been married to somebody for so long and never experienced what Mello had shown me in one day, was stomach-turning for me. I wondered how it would be to spend every day like that, especially with that connection, chemistry, and passion. I was possessed with thoughts of how it would be to spend my days with someone who I could enjoy and laugh with instead of wondering if he was cheating on me or when he would hit me next.

  “Fuck!” I cursed as I felt a sudden gnawing pain in my toe. “Ow!” Looking down, I saw that I had stubbed my toe on the same suitcase that had been on the other side of our bedroom doorway since Ross got back in town.

  I groaned and cursed as I pushed it on its side and unzipped it. That bag had been in the same spot because Ross’ smug ass had been waiting for either me or Esperanza to get rid of it. I think Esperanza was more irritated with Ross than I was. Her subliminal pettiness was at an all-time high. That’s why that suitcase was still sitting there. Ross was still very much on my shit list too. That’s why I hadn’t moved it either or fucked him or said more than a few words to him. And the more that went on, the more I was super convinced that he was in his head about something else. Usually, Ross would never let me get away with how I was acting, so it was clear that his mind was on something or someone else.

  As I started to sort out the clothes in his suitcase, I got proof of exactly who had been on his mind.

  “This motherfucker!” I snapped as I held up the satin thong that was balled up in the corner of his suitcase. Looking at it, I knew it wasn't mine. It was way too small.

  I took off downstairs. The sickening feeling I’d had in my stomach for two and a half weeks had now turned to anger. I had been unable to let my guard for a man who was trying to put me on a pedestal, because I had respect for someone who clearly didn't give a fuck about giving me an ounce of respect.

  Once inside of the den where Ross was watching TV, I threw the thong in his face. He looked at me like I had lost my mind. Then he looked down on his lap, where the thong had landed. He scooped it up, not realizing what it was until I snapped, “That was in your suitcase, motherfucker!”

  He immediately denied it. “No, it wasn't!”

  “Yes, it was! And you probably didn't know because the slick-ass bitch most likely slipped it in your suitcase to catch your ass up, dummy!”

  Ross shot to his feet, barking, “Who the fuck you talkin’ to?!”

  I was too mad to worry about what was about to happen as he marched towards me. I was just so pissed off that I had walked away from perfection for this bulls
hit. I knew I could never be with Mello. But I could have at least enjoyed the rest of the night he had offered if I was going to come home to this shit. Maybe then we would at least still be friends. But even knowing that now, I still didn't have the nerve to do it. Knowing that this motherfucker was cheating on me while putting his hands on me, I still didn’t have the nerve to take my ass back upstairs, get my phone, and call Mello. I still had too much respect for his ass, and that made me blind with rage. I was seeing red, but what I wasn't seeing was Ross reaching back to smack the shit out of me.

  “Ah!” I screamed as his hand landed on the side of my face so hard that I hit the floor on my knees.

  I wasn't surprised that he had hit me. These were the exact moments he put his hands on me; when he was trying to beat me into believing that he wasn't cheating on me, when there was a threat of me becoming the exact person that he was.

  But I was surprised when I jumped to my feet and started to swing back on his ass. There was so much force in every blow. I had never hit Ross back. If you could see hatred, it was all around me, illuminating me in red. I had never fought back. I was always too scared of losing all that he had given me. But now, I was so mad about what he had taken from me and what he had never given me. All of this—the house, the car, not having to pay any bills—had been an investment towards him being able to play me while ensuring that I would look away. I had looked away so much that I had never had the chance to know what real happiness was. He had never even bothered to show me what it was. I was stupid and naïve when we met and he’d kept me in that mind frame just so he could disrespect me and take advantage of me. And because of him, I’d missed beautiful summer days at the zoo. I’d missed walks downtown. I’d missed the passion and the chemistry. So, I just kept swinging on his ass. I wanted my licks back.

  “Aye! Yo’! What the fuck?!”

  I heard Vegas’ voice as Ross and I tussled against the wall.

  I felt his body leave from on top of mine. I stood upright and glared at him like a pit bull in a dogfight ready to attack.