by Angela Peach
“I don’t know, Mel. Why haven’t you moved on? Other ghosts do.”
“What the fuck?”
Uh oh.
“Look, I’m tired, grouchy and running late. All I want is a decent warm night’s sleep, just like every bloody body else. Is that too much to ask?”
I practically ran out of the door, knowing I’d already crossed the line and would pay for it big time later. Danny whimpered as we waited for the lift, and it didn’t take anyone with special empathic powers to feel how scared he was. My temper dissolved immediately and I bent down to hug him.
“Come on boy, it’s okay. We’re gonna be okay,” I crooned into his neck, feeling him shake against me. Late as I was, I spent a few minutes calming the little grey staffy down – some things were far more important than being on time for work, and in all honesty I just didn’t give an actual fuck right now. About anything.
Apart from Danny, obviously.
When I dropped him back at the flat, the icy blast was so strong, my breath fogged. Sighing, I knew I needed to make some sort of peace with her so I took a deep breath, grit my teeth and squared my shoulders.
“Mel? I’m sorry. I have a headache and I’m tired, but I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want to fight with you, okay?”
I saw her appear in a doorway, and waited anxiously to see how she’d take my apology.
“Fine. I’ll see you when you get home.”
I swallowed, relief flooding through me.
“We can watch that new series of American Horror Story that’s just come out?”
“Mm-hm. Sure.”
“Okay then…I’ll see you later then.” I grabbed my keys, ruffled Danny goodbye, and left. I was slightly satisfied with the outcome, but deep down I was just disappointed with myself. I wanted out of this relationship, and placating her like this wasn’t helping.
I was nearly half an hour late for work, and unfortunately it was a day when Pete had turned up on a random visit. Even more unfortunate, and definitely unusual, was that Freddie hadn’t turned up on time either. She rocked up about ten minutes after me, looking like she hadn’t slept for two days…but not in a good way. Because we were both getting a severe bollocking about loss of earnings and bad customer service (instead of praise for the cleaning work we’d carried out) I didn’t get a chance to speak to her. Then Pete took it upon himself to hang out in the café all day with us, so there were no opportunities to even really say anything to her that didn’t involve orders or work.
He stayed right up until closing time, hinted he would be in first thing in the morning, then finally left us alone. With a new list of jobs to complete.
As we had no customers in, I immediately went out to the kitchen.
“Fred?”
“What?”
She turned quickly away from me, but not before I’d seen the tears in her eyes. Knowing how proud she was, I pretended I hadn’t seen.
“So…how did things go with Ju? You both looked…”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Her reply was quiet and made my stomach sink.
“Ah man, you can’t keep mucking her about like this. It’s not fair on her,” I sighed, opening the door a few inches to make sure Pete hadn’t done a U-turn.
“Why, what did she say to you?” Freddie snapped, taking me by surprise.
“Eh? Nothing. She hasn’t even texted me. Why? What happened?”
“Jesus Hanna, I just said I didn’t want to talk about it!”
There was an awful long silence as we stared each other down, ending with me backing out of the kitchen quietly. I was tired of fighting and didn’t have the energy for another confrontation. After some thought, I made two coffees and went back out to the kitchen to try and make amends. Only the kitchen was empty. A quick search confirmed that Freddie had left the building, and that meant I was on my own doing the stocktake. Just fantastic.
“Thanks a lot mate. Oh and thanks for asking how my weekend went,” I cursed loudly, taking a long gulp of sweet and strong coffee. If Pete came in as promised first thing in the morning, he was going to expect to see the place spotless and not grubby with unwashed cups and plates, as well as being presented with an up to date list of all food and equipment stocked. I was going to be here for a good couple of hours at least, and that was working at a speedy pace. I picked up my phone and sent Ju a message asking her to call me back urgently, then finished off my coffee and got to work on the second cup as I cleared down the front.
It took her nearly twenty five minutes to call me back.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Ju, what happened? Are you okay honey?” I asked gently, preparing myself for the usual.
“I’m fine. Why? What did Fred say?”
Confused at the hard and off-hand tone in her voice, I frowned into the cup I was holding. Surely things were mixed up here? Normally it was Ju that did the crying and Freddie that behaved like this.
“She didn’t say anything.”
“Oh. Okay, so why did you want me to call so urgently?”
For a moment I was so surprised that I completely forgot the reason behind calling.
“Er, I was gonna ask for a huge favour. Pete’s just lumped a huge load of work onto me and Freddie’s disappeared which means I’ve got to do it all by myself.”
“Ah, I’m not in the mood to come help you clean Han, sorry.”
“No, I wasn’t going to ask you to help. I need you to go to my place and walk and feed Danny.”
There was a long pause as she chewed it over, possibly thinking she’d prefer to come help me clean now. She hated my flat, rarely coming over to visit because it creeped her out too much. I knew this was Mel buzzing her with bad vibes whenever she saw her, still holding a grudge from the past, and I normally wouldn’t ask but no one else had a spare key. Eventually she sighed.
“Okay. But you owe me.”
“I know. Thank you.”
After putting the phone down I heated up some lasagne, made myself a peppermint and liquorice tea and sat down in the corner with them. I took my time, relishing the peace and quiet and warmth. Well, that was just a great big fat lie. Inside I felt like someone had just pulled a plug, and everything was emptying out, leaving me drained and hollow. Neither of my best friends were talking to me, Sophie probably wouldn’t ever call, and it looked like I was doomed to spend the rest of my days with my ghostly ex. Life was shit.
It took me hours to complete the work, but I just didn’t care. I went through all the stock out front in a daze, focusing on the job at hand and appreciating that it distracted me from thinking about anything. My car started first time when I eventually left at nine thirty and I drove home, hoping to just avoid Mel and go straight to bed.
However, walking through the front door I knew instantly that was just a fantasy. Mel was right there in my face…but she was happy? No, not just happy, she was ecstatic!
“Han! Thank fuck you’re home! I’ve been going crazy waiting for you to get back.”
Okay, so the day just transitioned from surreal to Twin Peaks. Even Danny looked happy, a strong contrast to the subdued dog I’d left this morning. I bent down to give him a cuddle, feeling my muscles protest but needing to feel the affection he was offering.
“Well, I’m home now. You’ve obviously had a good day?”
“The best! Okay, come and sit down in the front room, I have something to tell you and you are not going to believe it, but I heard it with my own ears and it’s one hundred percent true,” she sang, floating around me so fast I almost felt like I was in a virtual whirlwind. I went into the front room and did as I was told, falling on the sofa with a sigh of relief. Mel waited until I was comfortable, took a dramatic pause, then said,
“Freddie is a guy!”
CHAPTER 10
“You what?”
“Fred has a cock! Oh my god, it’s so obvious really and totally explains why I hated him from the start. I must’ve sensed there wa
s something wrong with the lying sack of shit all along!” Mel could barely contain her excitement, but I was reeling. It did indeed all make sense now and I could see all the pieces of the puzzle clicking into place. However, it was not something I’d wanted to hear from Mel, and most definitely not in such a malicious way. I covered my face with both hands, rubbing hard as I tried to digest this.
“Whoa, slow down a second. You can’t just randomly accuse…where did you hear this?” I refrained from pointing out the real reason behind Mel hating Fred.
“Julianne! She came over to walk Danny and while she was here, Freddie called her. They were having a huge row, and I put my ear into the phone so I could hear both sides of it. Apparently, they nearly slept together until Fred confessed that she was actually a he!” Mel laughed gleefully, evidently pleased with herself for obtaining this confidential and juicy piece of gossip. I was torn. Yes, earlier I would have given my right arm to find out what had gone on between them both on Saturday night, but now I knew, I wish I didn’t. And I couldn’t very well un-know it either. I covered my face again wearily.
“Stop-stop-stop. Just stop talking. You shouldn’t have told me,” I mumbled, shaking my head.
“Are you kidding? I couldn’t wait to tell you.”
“But it wasn’t your secret to tell.” I stood up, unable to fight or take any more. “I’m going to bed. I’m fucking shattered. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”
“What? That’s it? You’re not going to do anything about it?”
“Like what? It’s none of my business Mel. And anyway, how am I supposed to have found out? No, I’m not going to get involved.”
I went to the bathroom and cleaned my teeth, trying to block out Mel’s relentless pleas to ‘out’ Fred. I was thoroughly miserable, with only Danny for comfort, and when I snuggled into bed I pulled the duvet over my head and closed my eyes, putting an end to this awful day.
The next few days passed in a strange blur of fake smiles for the customers, and casually ignoring Fred. I just didn’t trust myself not to act differently around her yet, or do anything that might make her think Ju had blabbed to me. Of course, I had no issues with whatever gender she wanted to be identified as, but knowing something so deeply hidden by her was making me uncomfortable.
I guess I was also struggling to get a certain blonde out of my thoughts. It was a losing battle trying to forget how good it had felt in her arms, how content my soul had felt just from being next to her. I wasn’t normally one that went for the whole romance thang, but I could feel myself experiencing every golden cliché in the book – food didn’t seem to taste of anything, every sad song that came on the radio made me well up, and my heart and mind were obsessively consumed with thoughts of Sophie and what could have been.
Pete made another brief appearance on Thursday lunchtime and did a pretty thorough inspection of just about everywhere. He didn’t seem very satisfied with the results though, and hung around until we had a quiet moment to talk to us about keeping the place up to a certain standard, and some Christmas specials he wanted to implement.
I was just about paying enough attention to keep up when he shifted position and moved back to lean against the work bench. A few seconds later I realised why as a very distinctive trump smell reached my nose. The sides of my mouth started twitching and I pursed my lips together, pretending to be concentrating on what he was saying, which would have worked if Fred hadn’t cleared her throat. I glanced sideways at her just as she did the same to me and our eyes made contact briefly. It was enough to break my smile free and she smirked before turning her head away. Pete continued on obliviously.
“…so maybe a free mince-pie with every coffee over two fifty might encourage the tight arses to fork out for more than a bloody Americano. I’ve found some at the cash and carry that work out at roughly thirteen pence per pie…” he was saying, but I could barely concentrate. Even though his fart had dissipated, I could feel a giggle fit coming on. I tried taking a deep breath and holding it in, but when I felt Freddie’s shoulder shake against mine I knew that was it – it was just enough to tip me over the edge.
“…I don’t know if it’s going a bit overboard to have mince pie flavoured lattes or not but we can give it a trial run…what, did I say something funny?” He finally noticed that both of us were barely holding it together, and when he tried to casually check his flies were done up, I literally couldn’t stop the hysteria. It bubbled out of me like an uncontrollable geyser, forcing me to cross my legs as I giggled childishly. Pete watched disdainfully as we both let go and just ran with it. A couple of minutes later, he pursed his lips, deciding to take charge of the situation.
“Well, I’m glad you both find this funny. I assume this means you’ve taken note of everything I’ve said and that by Monday it’ll all be in place ready for me to check?”
“Sure thing Pete. You can rely on us,” I said, my voice shaking slightly with giggle remnants.
“All noted up here,” Fred said, tapping her head.
“Good. Well, in that case I’ll leave you both to it. You’re going to have a busy weekend implementing everything.”
With one last confused look, he walked out of the café, leaving us to laugh freely.
“Oh my god, did you smell it?” I asked, eyes wide.
“How could I not smell it? It was like sewage! Was it you?”
“Oi, you cheeky bitch! No, it was definitely not me,” I laughed, punching her playfully on her arm. But then, on the spur of such a fun moment, I leaned forward and hugged her, saying, “Look, I don’t know what happened between you and Ju, and clearly neither of you want to tell me, but you’re both my friends and I hate arguing with you, so can we please call a truce?”
She stiffened slightly at my mention of Ju, but sighed and nodded.
“Truce. I’ve hated it as well.”
“Thank you. I don’t mind telling you mate, this week’s been just awful for me.”
I managed to vaguely fill her in on the Sophie disaster between serves, and felt things gradually start returning to how they had been before. I’m sure I wasn’t alone in clutching desperately at our friendship for some comfort.
Just when I thought my day couldn’t improve anymore, five minutes before closing time the door opened and in walked Sophie. I froze to the spot, four mugs in one hand and a pile of dirty small plates in the other. She approached me slowly, looking delicious in some tight jeans and a casual hooded jumper.
“Hi” I squeaked, my voice breaking. I cleared my throat, feeling a flush sweep across my face and my temperature rise out of control. She smiled nervously, fiddling with her hands.
“Hey. Um, can we talk?”
“Sure. Are you okay to wait a few minutes while I lock up?”
“Yeah. That’s why I came now, y’know, cos I knew you’d be locking up and stuff and…” her voice trailed off uncertainly and I felt a swoosh of her vulnerability hit me. I wanted nothing more than to just drop the plates and cups and gather her into my arms, inhale the scent of her hair, kiss her lips…
“Can I get you something to drink?” I asked, taking a deep breath to gather myself together. This was still very tenuous ground we were on and things needed to be talked about before the hugging and kissing could be resumed.
“A hot chocolate?”
“Coming right up. Take a seat and I’ll be right over,” I breathed, sensing the attraction was still very much alive on her side, but that she was fighting to keep it under control and act cool. This was a very positive sign, and with a whirlpool of butterflies raving in my stomach I trotted as casually as possible out to the kitchen. “Fred! It’s Sophie. Sophie has just walked in,” I hissed, fanning my face with both hands as I struggled to take calming deep breaths.
“Okay, that’s awesome but you look like you’ve had your head in the oven for a couple of hours or something. How come you’re so red?”
I gave her a look.
“Oh thanks mate, you’re totally help
ing right now with your moral support,” I muttered drily. “Would you mind giving us a bit of space?”
“Sure. I’ve just got to go over the floor with the mop and I’m done. We can put in some extra time over the weekend if you want, get Stinky Pete’s list done in time for Monday?”
“Yep, sounds fine.” I smirked. “Stinky Pete. As in Toy Story?”
“Whatever. Just cos he’s stinky, and his name’s Pete!”
I gave her a brief but warm hug, then sauntered back out to the front. Sophie had taken a seat by the window and put her glasses on to look out at the rainy terrain. She glanced around at my return and gave me a small smile, which hit me with such force that I banged into a table and knocked over the salt and pepper shakers and menu on it. I cursed, and focused on making us both some of the best damn hot chocolates this café had ever seen before carefully walking them over to her table.
“Thanks.”
My hands shook as I lowered the mugs to the table, spilling some of the dark chocolatey fluid over my fingers. Before I had time to get embarrassed, an image sprung into my head that definitely hadn’t originated from me and I looked at Sophie in surprise. She was looking at my hand, her expression kind of confirming that the image belonged to her. The entirely vivid image of her sucking the hot chocolate off my fingers, her tongue circling the contours of each one…
I shook my head hard. What the hell was that? Had I just read her mind, or was it just wishful thinking on my part? I grabbed a couple of napkins and roughly wiped my hand clean, completely thrown by the strange vision. Sophie blushed and pulled her mug toward her, clearing her throat at the same time.
“Hanna...I’m so, so sorry. I owe you a massive apology.”
“You what?” I was taken by surprise but Sophie just carried on.
“I was in town earlier and I bumped into Julianne.” She raked a hand through her hair, a pensive expression on her face as she glanced out at the darkness, rain hitting the window next to us in a hypnotic rhythm. “She explained everything, Han. Why didn’t you just tell me?”
