Cursed or Blessed

by A. L. Martin

  “I’m going to go change, then I will bring you up something to drink and we can talk more if you feel like it,” Mom said, getting up off the bed. I heard her heels click across the floor to her room. Once I heard her door close, I got up and dug my phone out of my bag in hopes of seeing a text from Braedon or Sophie.

  I wanted to text him, but I knew Mom was right about giving him a few days to think about things, even if it wouldn’t do any good. I didn’t listen to anyone, and now I was paying for my mistake. I texted Kurt again but got nothing in response. I wanted him to at least let me know he was getting my texts instead of leaving me in silence. I set my phone down on my nightstand right as I heard Mom outside my door.

  “I got you some juice,” she said sitting the glass beside my phone. “Please, tell me you didn’t try to text Braedon.”

  “No, I didn’t text him,” I said, trying to keep from crying again.

  Mom asked me about Blair and why she had a problem with me. I explained the whole story about her and Braedon and that she refused to accept the face he didn’t want to be with her. I hoped that was still true, but I knew she was probably trying to be there for him. I turned and buried my head in my pillow at the sheer thought of her and him together. Mom knew not to press the questions when she saw how upset I was over everything. Emerson finally came in to make sure I was doing okay. She curled up beside me on the bed. Mom gave us time alone to talk, hoping I would be willing to talk to Emerson. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, and the one person I did want to talk too, I couldn’t. I missed Rylee so much, now more than ever I tried imaging what she would have said to me, but my mind drew a blank. I knew she would have said that I should have told him about my visions.

  “I’m sorry that bitch harassed you so much today. I hope the Karma bus runs her ass over. I want to be there when it does. She had no right to force you to tell Braedon. My friends told me why she doesn’t like you. I don’t think you have to worry about him going back to her, even though he’s upset with you right now. Surely, he is smart enough to see what a massive bitch she is.” She draped her arm over my side.

  “Thanks, Emerson. I should have listened to everyone about telling Braedon. Now, it’s too late. Maybe it’s for the best. You know, him leaving now versus later after being together for a while. We haven’t really been together long, but it still hurts like hell.” I flung my pillow over my face and screamed into it.

  “Karsyn, you wanted what everyone takes for granted, including me. You wanted to be normal and not have to worry about people being afraid of you. You had a taste of it for a little bit, and you wanted more.”

  I slowly moved my pillow down off my face and turned to face Emerson. “How did you get to become so smart? I’m sorry that I don’t give you enough credit sometimes.”

  A slight smile spread across her face. “Thanks. I guess I get it from my older sister. She’s pretty smart and courageous.”

  “I don’t know about being courageous.”

  “Karsyn, it took a lot of courage for you to allow yourself to get close to people again. And for a little bit, you were able to enjoy being a normal girl. You know it doesn’t have to stop. I think people around here are going to surprise you. You are a great person, who just happens to have visions of death. Hopefully, they can look past that and realize you are the same Karsyn you were yesterday.”

  I had to be honest with Emerson and tell her there was more to the problem than the school finding out about me. I sat up, propping my pillows behind me so I could tell her about Alexina. “I have something I want to tell you. Remember this morning you asked me if I knew where Alexina was at. Well, it turns out Sophie got a message from her last night. Sophie already showed the police the message.

  Emerson raised up on my bed, her eyes wide. “She’s not dead? What are you going to do?”

  “No, she’s not dead. I want to help her, but I don’t want to be accused of murder again. I don’t know what to do. I want to do the right thing, but right now I don’t think I can handle all the questions. I’m really confused,” I sighed.

  “I’m sorry, Karsyn. I hate that you have to deal with this.” She hugged me.

  Emerson had gone downstairs to let me get some rest before Dad got home from work. I laid there, staring at Rylee’s picture over on my dresser. I wanted to talk to her so bad. She always knew what I needed to hear. The longer I stared at her picture, the heavier my eyes got, forcing them open each time they tried to close.

  Chapter 13

  I woke up to someone banging on my door. I knew it was Dad for the simple fact he didn’t know how to knock easy. It always sounded like he was trying to hammer something.

  “Karsyn, can I come in?” Dad asked through the closed door.

  “Yes.”

  “Sorry if I woke you up. I wanted to come up and make sure you were doing okay. Your mom told me what happened today at school. You know we can move if you want. I’ve already talked it over with your Mom. She told me it was your decision,” he said, rolling up the sleeves to his grey dress shirt.

  I yawned and stretched. “Dad, what are you talking about? I don’t want to move. I can’t keep running from this. It’s not going to go away, and I need to face the fact. I know you are trying to protect me, but we can’t keep moving. Besides, Emerson has already made friends here. She has the right to be happy, and she’s happy here. So, we are not moving again.”

  “You don’t know what you are saying, Karsyn.”

  “Dad, you need to stop and listen to me. I don’t want to move again. I’ve made up my mind.”

  “I just want you to be able to live a normal life. It saddens me to see you so upset, and all I want to do is protect you.” He leaned down and gave me a hug.

  “I know you do. You can’t protect me from this anymore. It’s time I accept who I am, and try to live my life the best I can. I know not everyone is going to be accepting of me, but I’m sure there will be a few out there that will.”

  “Do you want one of us to bring you up some food? You need to try and eat something. Your mom had me stop and get some Chinese takeout. I got your favorite Sweet & Sour chicken.”

  “That would be great. I’m actually a little hungry. Could you have Emerson bring it up and tell her to bring hers up here too?”

  “Sure,” Dad said, walking out of my room.

  I propped my pillows up against the headboard for me and Emerson. I wanted to spend time with my sister to take my mind off what I knew was in store for me tomorrow at school. I couldn’t avoid it, and I didn’t want to prolong the inevitable. It was going to be hard tomorrow, but the sooner I faced everyone, the better, even though I knew this was something that wasn’t going to go away in a few days or even a few months. I was dreading tomorrow so much, but I had to face everyone. That was the least of my worries though. I had to figure out my visions and if Alexina was indeed in trouble. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to try and help her, knowing what would happen if I did. I couldn’t put my family through another trial.

  Emerson walked in with some juice and a plate full of Sweet & Sour chicken, green beans, and Lo Mein noodles. It smelled so good. She sat my bottle of water down on my nightstand and handed me my plate. She quickly ran back downstairs and was back with her drink and a plate within a few minutes. She handed me her plate while she climbed up on the bed, and got herself comfortable. We sat there on my bed under the comforter, eating our Chinese and talking about Emerson and her friends. She knew I didn’t feel like talking about Braedon or Sophie. She told me a few of her friends had texted to make sure I was doing okay.

  I wanted to make sure her friends weren’t going to dump her because of me. She assured me that they actually thought it was kind of cool that I had these visions. I just wished that Braedon felt the same way as her friends.

  I apologized for not being the greatest sister lately and asked her if there was a guy she liked or one who liked her. She mentioned a couple guys that she thought were cute, but th
at was about it. One was in her Spanish class, and the other was in her History class. I told her she had plenty of time for guys, and that she needed to just enjoy being with her friends right now. We talked a little longer, then Mom crashed our private party.

  “I wanted to see if you two were doing okay up here,” Mom said, sitting on the edge of the bed beside Emerson. “Do you want to stay home tomorrow? I can call into work, and we can spend the day watching movies on the couch.”

  “Thank you, but I’m going to go ahead and go to school tomorrow. I can’t keep running away from this. I need to deal with the kids at school eventually. I might as well get it over with. I know it’s going to be a nightmare tomorrow, but I am still the same person I was yesterday.”

  “Are you sure, Karsyn? You can go back in a few days.”

  “Yeah. I’m sure.”

  “Well, if you change your mind, let me know.”

  The doorbell rang and we all three sat there looking at each other. Mom got up and headed downstairs to see who could be at the door this time during the night. Emerson and I kept talking because I knew it wasn’t anyone to see me. We got quiet when we heard someone walking toward my room. We looked at one another, then toward the door, thinking it was Mom or Dad trying to listen in on what we were talking about.

  “Is there room for me on the bed?” Kurt said, poking his head in my room.

  I managed to leap over Emerson but almost fell flat on my face as my feet got tangled up in the comforter. “You’re here!” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I didn’t know if you had gotten my text or not. Thank you for coming back.”

  “You knew I would be back here as soon as I saw your text. I am here for as long as you need me to be here.

  Emerson scooted over to the other side of the bed so I could sit between them on the bed. The minute his butt hit the bed, he started in with the questions. I told him how Blair had called me out in the middle of the cafeteria today, and that she threatened to tell Braedon if I didn’t step up and tell him the truth.

  He scooted closer to me, put his arm around me, and pulled me closer to him. “I take it you haven’t heard from him since you told him. Braedon seemed to be a little more level-headed than some of his other friends that I met at the party. I hope you haven’t tried to text or call him.”

  “No. I haven’t tried to get a hold of him or Sophie. She probably really hates me. I told her I was her friend and that she could trust me, but I wasn’t honest with her. If I was a true friend I would have told her about my visions right away.”

  “You are a great friend to her, and no one can blame you for wanting to be normal. You wanted what the rest of us already had but take for granted majority of the time. Trust me, we all know you aren’t normal,” Kurt laughed.

  I could hear Emerson’s muffled giggles through her hand-covered mouth. I sat there in the middle of them, turning my head slightly side to side, watching them laugh. Kurt pulled me in tighter to him so my head was in his chest. “I’m sorry. I was trying to lighten the mood. You know it’s true though.” He started laughing again.

  I had to admit it was pretty funny, but I just wasn’t in the laughing mood with everything going on. I love Kurt for trying to make me laugh, even though it was a failed attempt. Right when I thought I was able to hold my composure for longer than five minutes, he asked the one thing I was trying to avoid more than anything.

  “So, have you had any more visions since I left yesterday morning?”

  I lifted my head up off his chest and sat back against the pillow propped behind me. I looked down at my hands as I messed with my nails. I was hoping if I didn’t answer him right away, he would avoid the subject altogether, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.

  “Karsyn, you didn’t answer my question. I know your visions have been happening more frequently. You know you can tell me.”

  I peeked up at him. “I had a vision last night, and I don’t know what to do about it. It could start up all over again.”

  Kurt turned to look at me, his eyes narrowed. “Alexina’s dead, isn’t she? And you know where her body is at?”

  I sat there, staring at him without saying a word. “I don’t know. She texted Sophie last night, saying she was at a friend’s house.”

  Now, I just had to tell him about the police questioning Sophie, and that I was the only one who could help her. I continued to sit there, messing with my nails.

  “Karsyn, I know you aren’t telling me everything. You know I’m going to keep asking you, so you better tell me,” Kurt said.

  I let out a huge sigh and started twisting my hair around my fingers. “The police questioned Sophie yesterday morning, and they tried saying she had something to do with Alexina’s disappearance. But, Sophie was supposed to call them today. I don’t know if she did or not because of what happened at school with Blair.”

  “What are you going to do?” Kurt asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “Nothing? What do you mean nothing? Karsyn, you have to do the right thing! You can’t let her take the blame for something she didn’t do.”

  “Why do I have to be the one that always has to do the right thing? Maybe the right thing isn’t the best thing for me. Do you honestly believe anyone would step up and do the right thing for me?”

  “You honestly don’t believe that, Karsyn? You need to help her. You are probably the only one that can.”

  I turned to look over at Emerson sitting to the left of me. She peeked over at me, shrugging her shoulders. Neither one of them were much help right now. We sat there on my bed for a little bit longer talking. After a few yawns, Emerson scooted down to the end of the bed to get up, gathering our plates to take them to the kitchen before she went to bed. Kurt and I stayed up a little longer, talking about when we were younger before my visions showed up. It was nice to talk about the one time my life seemed normal.

  After another hour of talking and a little laughing, Kurt told me he was going to go get ready for bed. I changed into my pj’s and removed my makeup. I decided to take my hair down and put it in a side braid. Hopefully, the braid would keep it from looking hideous in the morning. Even though I had long hair it was still a mess when I woke up in the mornings, sometimes so bad that I had to take a shower in order to do something with it.

  I went back over to my bed and fixed my pillows for bed. I usually slept propped up with two pillows. Wishful thinking, I grabbed my phone in hopes of seeing a text from Braedon. I should have known better than to look at my phone. Now, all I wanted to do was text him, and explain why I didn’t tell him the truth.

  I set my alarm for in the morning, and put my phone back down. Staring at it wasn’t going to make Braedon text or call me. I turned my nightstand like off and continued to lay there in the dark, watching the moonlight flicker off my mirror and shine onto Rylee’s picture.

  ****

  The next morning I woke up again looking like I hadn’t slept in ten years. My eyes were so puffy, not to mention the dark circles that had taken up residence under them. I got maybe an hour or two of sleep again last night. I looked at my phone to see if I had enough time to take a quick shower before Emerson got in there. I grabbed a towel out of the cabinet in the bathroom, and place it on the edge of the sink counter. I let the warm water run down the top of my head in hopes that it would wash away the past 24 hours. I wanted to stay home, but I knew prolonging what lied ahead would only give the kids more to talk about.

  “Omg, Karsyn. You got absolutely no sleep last night, again,” Emerson said, looking at me in the mirror.

  “I tried to get some sleep, but you know.”

  “Here, let me help you,” she said, sitting her juice down on the vanity. She turned and went out the door and was back in a few minutes. “I went and got something for your puffy eyes. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this yesterday morning. I think I’m going to leave it in here for you.”

  I looked up at Emerson. “Thank you.”

  She smiled d
own at me. “You are my big sister.”

  ****

  My heart started pounding in my ears the second my Jeep entered the school parking lot.

  “Omg! I can’t do this.”

  “Karsyn, yes you can. Like you said last night, the quicker you face everyone, the faster you can move past this. Take a deep breath.”

  “I thought I could, but I don’t think I can face everyone. I don’t have the strength to deal with Blair. I know I will crumble when I don’t see Braedon waiting for me at the door to the cafeteria. I will have to deal with everyone staring at me, while I sit alone at the table.” I dabbed tears away from under my eyes.

  “Karsyn, I know it’s not fair, nor is it right that people instantly turn against you. You don’t know what will happen for sure. I will walk in there with you.”

  I pulled into a parking spot. The looks were already starting with the kids around us as they passed by on their way up to the school. I rested my forehead on top of my white knuckles as my hands clutched the steering wheel. Goosebumps ran down my arms when I felt Emerson’s hand on my shoulder.

  “Karsyn, I will be with you. I promise.”

  I raised my head slightly and saw kids walking past, pointing and talking. What made me think I could handle this so soon after yesterday?

  I gathered up my things that were in the backseat and got out of the Jeep ever so slowly.

  I stayed close to Emerson as we started walking up to the school. To my surprise, we were joined by some of Emerson’s closest friends. One of them was Allison. She walked up on the other side of me, tilted her head forward a little bit, tucking her dark red hair behind her ear and smiled. Emerson was on the right and Allison was on the left as we walked into the school. They stayed with me until we reached the senior hall, then I made my way to my locker. Emerson told me to text her if kids started giving me too many problems. I wished Kurt was a senior because I knew he wouldn’t let them say anything to me.