Cursed or Blessed

by A. L. Martin

  “Well, they were dumbasses. Most of them probably got dropped on their heads as babies. You know the ones I am talking about.”

  “Kurt! That’s awful!” I looked away to try and hide my giggling.

  “See. You know exactly who I’m talking about, or you wouldn’t be laughing.” He laughed. “I know you don’t want to talk about today, but I’m curious about what they asked you regarding your friends.”

  He was right. I didn’t want to talk about what I saw at the meadow, but I also knew he wouldn’t let it rest until I told him something. I sat there playing with a tassel on one of my decorative pillows. He also knew I wasn’t going to voluntarily give up any information either.

  I was about to say something when my phone vibrated on the nightstand.

  Hey, babe. I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you, and that I love you.

  “Message from Braedon?” Kurt asked, leaning over trying to look at my phone.

  “Yes. How did you know?”

  “The big smile on your face.”

  I glanced up at him. “He makes me so happy. I can’t move away from here, Kurt. Braedon love me despite all this drama floating around me at the moment.”

  He lifted my chin up with his finger and thumb. “I know he does. I can see it in the way he looks at you. People don’t have to be smart to see how he feels about you. I’m glad you found someone that sees all the great things that the rest of us see.”

  “Can I use your phone to text Braedon back real quick? I know I’m not supposed to talk to him, but I have to send him something real quick.”

  “Yes. Just make sure you let him know it’s you. Don’t freak the guy out,” he laughed.

  I sent Braedon a quick text back that told him I was thinking about him too, and sorry I wouldn’t be able to talk to him for a while because of the investigation. I was holding onto the hope that I would be able to talk to him as soon as the police were done with investigating the crime scene.

  I wished I could go to Alexina’s parent’s house and offer my condolences to them. My heart sank at the thought of how they would react when the police let them know they had found Alexina’s body. I felt bad for Tyler’s parents as well. I was baffled by how I had missed Tyler in my visions.

  Kurt and I reached for his phone at the same time. “Who are you going to text, Karsyn?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Um…Sophie,” I whispered.

  “Karsyn, you aren’t supposed to be talking to them. Do you want to find yourself in more trouble? I know you want to talk to your friends, but didn’t you say Mr. Foster told you not to talk to them while the investigation was still going on?”

  “I know, but I just want to text her real quick. Then you can have your phone back. I promise,” I smiled. I texted her that I couldn’t talk to her for a while, but I was thinking of her.

  Within a couple of minutes, Kurt’s phone chimed, letting us know there was a message.

  I know. I have been thinking about you too. Hopefully, we will be able to talk soon. Love ya.

  I gave Kurt back his phone and reached for mine. I found myself looking through pictures of me, Sophie and Alexina. They were selfies of us taken at Alexina’s house right after they started talking to me. We had spent the day watching movies and eating pizza. Even though I knew better than to get close to them, I was tired of being alone all the time. I got through a couple of pictures before they started to look distorted and I was getting my screen wet from tears.

  Kurt wrapped his arm around me and held me without saying anything. He knew I didn’t need a lecture at the moment, but just for someone to hold me.

  We stayed like that for a couple more hours, talking and watching funny videos on his phone. It didn’t matter that the videos were funny, even though I did laugh at a few of them. I couldn’t stop thinking about Alexina, Tyler, and their families. What if I did have a chance to help them, but missed it because I was scared that people would find out about me? I could feel the guilt pounding on the door, and at any given minute, it was going to come barging through to consume me. I wanted the weekend to go by slowly, but I knew it was going to fly by, just like every other weekend.

  ****

  Monday morning arrived more quickly than I had anticipated. I turned off the alarm on my phone and continued to lay in my warm bed for a little bit longer. I was in no hurry to get to school. I wouldn’t be able to talk to Braedon or Sophie, which meant Blair would be trying everything imaginable to get him to pay attention to her. I hadn’t heard from Mr. Foster since I called him Friday night, so I had no idea what was going on with the investigation. I was wondering if they had found the shoe out there by Alexina’s body.

  “Can I come in, Karsyn?” Emerson asked from the other side of my closed door.

  “Yes, I was just getting up out of bed.”

  She eased the door open enough for her to walk in, then she turned around and closed it. Emerson was already dressed for school and had most of her makeup done. She walked over to my vanity chair and sat down. “Are you doing okay?”

  I told Emerson I was doing okay under the circumstances. That simple answer seemed to satisfy her question because she got up and went back to her room to finish getting ready. I took a quick glance in my vanity mirror and yelled for Emerson. She flung the door open, standing there looking at me with wide eyes. “You scared the shit out of me, Karsyn!”

  “Sorry. Can you help me with my makeup in about twenty minutes?” I asked, pointing to the bags under my eyes.

  “Yes. I had already planned on helping you when I was in here a few minutes ago,” she smiled.

  “Thanks, Emerson.”

  “Anytime.” She closed the door behind her again.

  I hurried up and got ready for school. I picked out a pair of dark grey leggings, a long pink sweater, and black boots. I threw my hair up in a messy bun because I wasn’t in the mood to deal with it today. I had just put the last bobby pin in my hair when Emerson opened up my door. She didn’t waste any time getting started on my makeup and was almost done with it when Mom asked if she could come in. She wanted to make sure I was okay to go to school today. She told me if I wanted to, I could stay home. However, I knew staying home wasn’t going to change anything, and I needed to go to school and face things.

  Chapter 21

  The minute we walked into school, the staff instructed us to go straight to the gym. Emerson stayed with me since I still wasn’t allowed to talk to Braedon and Sophie. A couple of her friends joined us toward the top of the bleachers. I knew why they were sending all the students into the gym. After being in there for almost ten minutes, Emerson turned toward me and mouthed the words, “Are you all right?” I shook my head yes, even though I was far from all right. We sat there in the middle of hundreds of kids. Some were wondering what was going on, while others were crying, consoling each other. Principal Filson walked to the center of the gym, carrying a microphone with him. I looked around the gym, and over toward the doors were a small group of teachers crying. A few of them walked out the doors.

  Principal Filson told all the students of Alexina and Tyler’s deaths over the weekend. He told the school that Grief Counselors would be available in the school for the next week if anyone needed to talk to them. I tried to find Braedon in the crowd, but there were too many kids practically sitting on top of one another in the small gym. After another fifteen minutes, we were dismissed to go to our lockers and head to our first-period classes.

  I passed by Alexina’s locker on the way to mine. It looked like a shrine with flowers, notes, and stuffed animals laying in front of it. I couldn’t bear to look at it too long. I wiped a couple of tears from my cheeks, then hurried down the hall as fast as I could without running. Going to my first class was going to be unbearable. I was never going to see Alexina in it again. I walked into class, and the first glance at her empty chair and at some girls wiping tears away was more than I could take. I turned and ran out of the room. I thought I wa
s going to be able to do this, but I was wrong. I managed to find an empty hall and leaned against the wall, hoping I would be able to get a hold of myself. I had to remind myself that there was nothing I could have done for them. I stood there for a few minutes, repeating it over in my mind. I opened my eyes, about to walk back to class, when I saw Braedon standing there in front of me. “I saw you running down the hall, and I had to make sure you were okay. I know you aren’t supposed to talk to me, so don’t say anything. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I will be here for you when the investigation is over. I love you, Karsyn,” he turned his head side to side, looking down the hall before he gave me a kiss. He hurried up and walked down the hall before anyone saw us together. At the end of the hall, he turned around and smiled at me as he turned the corner to go back to his class. His smile had a way of making me feel like everything was going to be all right. Then, guilt swept over me because I knew he was having a hard time with Tyler’s death, and I couldn’t be there for him. I took a deep breath and headed to the office to get a pass for class since I had been out in the hall for a good ten minutes after the bell rang.

  ****

  I managed to make it through my morning classes, but now the hardest part of the day was here. I couldn’t sit by Braedon and Sophie at lunch, which was going to be miserable. I made my way to the cafeteria slowly so I wouldn’t have to sit by myself for too long. I turned the corner and saw Braedon in his usual place by the doors, waiting for me. I was completely puzzled by this because he knew I couldn’t talk to him. I paused as I walked past him in the doorway and whispered, “I love you, Braedon.”

  He whispered back, “I know.”

  I walked toward the salad bar to get a small salad to eat for lunch, which I would more than likely pick at. I sat away from Sophie and Braedon so I wouldn’t be tempted to talk to them. I had to sit by and watch with disgust Blair staring at Braedon when she noticed I wasn’t sitting with him. I sat there, glaring at her from five tables away as she tried to flirt with Braedon. He wasn’t giving her any attention, which only made her flirt even harder. Sophie would glance over at me from time to time and smile, flipping Blair off I almost spit my water out all over the table. Blair finally caught a glimpse of me sitting alone at the table and proceeded to walk over to me. I was never in the mood to deal with her, but today was definitely not the day to have an encounter with “Queen of the Minions”.

  “I see Braedon took my advice and dumped your ass. You don’t deserve someone like him. Does he know you more than likely had something to do with their deaths? Once he finds out he will never take you back,” she taunted.

  I sat there looking up at her, imagining that something would come crashing through the roof of the cafeteria and crush her. I must have enjoyed the scenario too much as she asked what I was smiling at. I wanted to tell her why but decided to keep that delightful thought to myself for the time being. Before I even had a chance to say anything back to her, Braedon was standing next to me.

  “What the hell are you doing, Blair?” Braedon demanded, moving closer to me.

  “I was just having a little talk with Karsyn about how you finally took my advice and dumped her ass.”

  “Blair, you are too cute,” he laughed. “If you must know, we are back together. For reasons that are none of your damn business, she has to sit away from us. You really are dumber than I thought. I am tired of you harassing Karsyn. I don’t like your slutty ass. Do I need to draw you a picture so you will get the idea better?”

  “One of these days, when you want me back, I won’t be around.”

  “Good! I wish that day would hurry up and get here. I don’t want anything to do with you. I’m in love with Karsyn. So, go back to your friends.”

  Blair sulked off back to her group of friends, but we both knew this wouldn’t be the last we’d have to deal with her. Braedon caressed my cheek, smiled, and went back over to join Sophie at their table. Sophie was laughing so hard she snorted, making her laugh even more. Blair glared over at Sophie, but that didn’t stop her from laughing. She knew her laughing was pissing Blair off, and in return, she laughed even harder.

  ****

  I was never so glad to hear the last bell of the day. I just wanted to go home and talk to Kurt. I forgot how lonely I truly was before I started talking to Sophie and Alexina. I didn’t know how I had convinced myself before that I could go the whole year without getting close to anyone.

  I got to the Jeep a few minutes before Emerson, which gave me time to check my messages. I was hoping to see at least one message from Braedon or Sophie, but there were none. I had to appreciate the fact they didn’t want me to get in more trouble, but I needed to talk to them more than ever before.

  Emerson came out about ten minutes later, walking and laughing with her friend Allison. I envied her so much right now. She didn’t have to stop talking to her friends because she was the prime suspect for a double murder.

  “Hey, Karsyn! Sorry, I ran into another friend on the way out here,” Emerson said, climbing up in the Jeep.

  “You’re fine. I was sitting here looking at my phone, wishing Braedon and Sophie could text or call me. You know why they can’t,” I sighed.

  “I’m sorry. I hope this is over for you soon. You deserve to be happy just like everyone else. It’s not fair you are always on guard around new people in fear they won’t accept you for the wonderful person that you are.”

  I made it home in less than fifteen minutes. I wanted the day to be over but knew tomorrow would arrive just as fast. Emerson was the first in the door, while I gathered my stuff out of the back seat. I was glad to be home where I didn’t have to worry about not being able to talk to people in my life. I wasn’t even able to check on Sophie to see how she was doing, and it made me feel like a horrible friend.

  I gave Kurt a big hug when I walked into the kitchen. “So glad I get to talk to you at least. I hate not being able to talk to Braedon or Sophie. We should be leaning on one another during this time, not pretending we don’t know each other. This sucks! Then to top it off, I had to deal with Blair. She is relentless. Braedon came over and dealt with her so I wouldn’t have to. Don’t worry, he didn’t talk to me.”

  “Have you heard anything more about the case from Mr. Foster?” Kurt asked, pouring me a glass of sweet tea.

  “No. I haven’t heard anything from him. I wish he would call me with some kind of news. Anything is better than silence.” I took a sip of the sweet tea, then I got up and walked over to the refrigerator to see if there was anything good to snack on. I wasn’t in the mood for fruit today. I wanted something sweet and fattening. I wasn’t having any luck finding anything that fit what I was craving. I closed the refrigerator and cabinet doors and turned to look at Kurt, asking him if he would want to go get something fattening to snack on. We asked Emerson if she wanted to go, but she asked if we could bring her back something small. Now, we had to decide on where to go to get our snack. I didn’t feel like going to Downtown Mall and take the chance of running into Blair and her crappy friends. I had my fill of Blair for the day. I was waiting until all of this was over, so I could really let her know what I thought of her and to stay away from my boyfriend.

  We drove around close to home, trying to decide what sounded good. Of course, nothing was sounding good to me even though it was my idea to go get something. I wanted something to eat, but I didn’t know what though.

  “Karsyn, are you okay?” Kurt asked.

  “I don’t know. Why do I always find myself in these kinds of situations? I could see if I had done something bad, but I haven’t done anything wrong. Then, Mr. Foster can’t let me know what is going on with the investigation. Did they find the shoe I told them was out there, or when can I talk to my friends again? These are things that I have a right to know.”

  “I’m sorry that you are in the middle of another murder investigation. I know you want to help these people that you have visions about, but maybe you aren’t supposed to do a
nything. This could be why you always find yourself in the middle of trouble.”

  “I know you are right, but what’s the point of having these visions if I can’t help someone? I just want to be normal, but I know that will never happen.”

  “Maybe you are exactly who you are supposed to be, Karsyn. Has that thought ever crossed your mind when you are alone with your thoughts?”

  “Who exactly am I supposed to be though?”

  “Unfortunately, that is something you are going to have to figure out on your own. No one can tell you the kind of person you want to be. I am still trying to figure that out for myself.” He smiled, reaching over to take my hand.

  We drove around a couple more times before deciding on Starbucks for coffee and something to eat. We sat in a couple of lounge chairs with a little table between us. We talked about how long he would be able to stay with us. He told me that he had been thinking about moving here so he could be closer to us. I asked him about his boyfriend back home and all of his friends. He told me that they had broken up about five days ago, but he didn’t want to say anything with all that I was going through.

  “Kurt! Why didn’t you tell me? Omg, I really am self-absorbed. I’m a horrible cousin.”

  “Karsyn, it’s okay. We were having trouble before I came out the first time. To be honest it was probably a blessing that we broke up. You are far from self-absorbed. That title would go to that bitch; Blair.”