Hating You

by Beck, J. L.

  Ticking like a bomb, I try and rein in the anger. Breathing usually helps, but not today. Her scent surrounds me, suffocating me, reminding me further… unable to resist, I twist around and pull my fist back, slamming the thing into the wall. Willow’s soft gasp tickles my ears, and I curl my lip with satisfaction.

  Pain lances up my arm and my teeth rattle inside my head at the impact, but the euphoric waves that ripple through me, make me grin like a sick fuck. Pain, pleasure, it all feels the same. Turning, I pin Willow with an icy glare that I know penetrates that feeble heart of hers.

  “Stay the fuck out of my way, or you’ll regret it. Don’t come to class. I don’t want to see you…”

  “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Parker,” her voice is provoking, and if I stay in this room another second, I might make good on all the things the little devil on my shoulder is whispering in my ear.

  “Watch your back, Bradford,” I smirk like a crazed person, knowing more is to come, so much more. I’ll have her on her knees and her back, but first, I have to get my own thoughts and feelings under control. Willow might’ve won this round, but next time, I won’t show mercy.

  9

  Willow

  It’s official, Parker is psychotic. I assumed that he was before, but now I know without a doubt that he truly is. I can still feel his fingers digging into my skin. His hot breath against my cheek. My heart hammers in my chest like a jackhammer. I’m just as fucked up because part of me wasn’t scared, part of me liked it, liked him on top of me, pinning me to the bed. Taking from me what I wasn’t sure I wanted to give. I shake my head. Maybe I’m even more fucked up than him. I try and focus on my homework, paging through the textbook, but all I can think about is what happened between us, and how it made me feel.

  The sun hangs high in the afternoon sky, peeking in through the window, reminding me that I haven’t eaten lunch.

  Still, hiding out in my room for most of the day, I wonder how long I can keep this up. My dad is going to find out sooner rather than later that I’m skipping class and doing the complete opposite of what he’s asked me. This is bad, so bad. I’m not sure what to do, how to fix this. Things with Parker aren’t that easy, they’re complicated, twisted.

  My phone rings and I’m so used to the quiet now that I actually jump at the noise. No one has called me since… my mood goes from bad to rotten. My dad.

  Picking up the phone, my worst fear is confirmed, it’s daddy dearest calling, probably asking for an update on the mission he sent me on. I push the green answer button—even though I want to send him to voicemail—and hold the phone to my ear.

  “Hello,” I greet him, trying to hide the disdain in my voice.

  “Willow, we have a situation,” my father explains. “I’m with Ashton, she is not doing well at this facility.” Panic claws at me from the inside out. What does he mean? I haven’t talked to her in a while, but last I heard she was doing okay.

  “What… what do you mean? Is she okay? Can I talk to her?” My lips tremble as I speak.

  “She is stable now.” He sounds annoyed like she’s inconveniencing him. Gritting my teeth, I try not to think the worst.

  “Stable?” What does that mean? That she wasn’t at one point? “What’s going on? You can’t just say something like that without explaining.”

  “She tried to hurt herself again,” my father explains.

  “Let me talk to her, please.” I hear some rustling, and a moment later, I hear her.

  “Willow,” she calls my name, and I can feel her pain through the phone. She’s broken, so damn broken, and all I want to do is fix her, but I don’t know how. The kind of help she needs doesn’t come cheap, and without my father, she’ll be on the streets, worse off than she is now. The reality is that I can’t just give up on her. I can’t.

  “Ashton, what happened, why did you hurt yourself?”

  “I’m sorry, Willow, I’m just so… I can’t be here any longer. I can’t. I want to leave this place, but Dad says the other place is too expensive.”

  Other place? What is going on that makes her want to leave? When she first went to the facility, she loved it there. Now all of a sudden she’s spiraling out of control, she doesn’t like it? Something bad must have happened.

  “I don’t understand, I thought you loved it there.”

  “I did before Dad had me moved here. I want to go back to the rehab I used to be at.” It takes everything in me to hold on to the phone instead of throwing it against the wall in anger. That bastard had her moved. I should have known he was too cheap to keep her in that nice of a place. I don’t even want to know the kind of shithole he has her staying in.

  I play his games, do what he asks of me, and he can’t even make sure she’s okay? I’m not seething, I’m fucking gone. Ready to tell him to shove all of this up his prick of an ass.

  “Ashton, let me talk to Dad again. I’ll make sure you get moved back. Don’t worry, okay?”

  “Okay, sis,” she sniffles. “Thanks, and I’m sorry. I love you, you know that, right? You’re the only one who ever believed me, who ever cared.” A rock of emotion lodges itself in my throat. I can’t do this right now. I can’t talk about this. Parker thinks his brother is innocent, but would he still think that if he saw my sister’s tears. If he heard the agony in her voice. If he knew that she wanted to end her life a thousand times over because the memories from that night haunt her even when she’s awake.

  “I love you too, and yes, I know you do. Everything is going to be okay,” I soothe her like a mother soothes their child. Even though I’m younger than her, somehow, I took over the nurturing role after our mother’s death. Ashton lost it, fell off the deep end, and I was the life preserver that kept us both above water.

  She hands the phone back to my dad, and as soon as I hear him clearing his throat, I go off on him. “What the hell? Where is she, and why did you move her?”

  “Watch your tone, I’m still your father, and I told you how important it is to reinsert yourself into the crowd at Blackthorn. Business is bad, and I need those contacts. Have you made progress with Parker?”

  I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. I don’t know if I call him breaking into my room, scaring the shit out of me, and then kissing me, making progress.

  “I’m working on it.”

  “Great, there is a fundraiser coming up. Parker’s father is hosting. I need you to get invited.” I don’t even think before I speak.

  “Move Ashton, and I’ll get you an invite.”

  “I’ll move her after the fundraiser. I can’t be sure you’ll actually get us in.”

  “No, you need to move her now. I’m telling you right now, I’m getting you an invite. Move her first, then fundraiser.” I know I’m playing a dangerous game, but I also know that Ashton is in danger, wherever she is. I need to get her moved as soon as possible.

  I hear my father cursing under his breath. “Fine, I’ll do it now while I’m here,” he finally says.

  “Call me when you get to the other place. I want to talk to her again.”

  “You don’t trust my word?”

  “Do you really expect me to?”

  “Smart girl, Willow. Something might become of you, after all,” he taunts before hanging up the phone. Asshole.

  It takes me a few minutes to realize what I have just done. I promised him an invite. How the hell I’m going to deliver on that, I do not know. All I know is that I have to do it, which means I actually need to talk to Parker. Thinking about our last few encounters, I’m sure that’s going to go over well. I don’t even know how to get in touch with him besides seeing him in class.

  My gaze swings to the clock, hanging on the otherwise bare wall. Shit, biochemistry starts soon. Scrambling off my bed, I quickly get into a pair of jeans and sneakers. Grabbing my bag and sweater on the way, I’m out the door in two minutes.

  Speed walking down the stairs and across campus, I make it to the building in under ten minutes.
When I look inside the classroom, I notice neither Parker nor his friends are there yet. Leaning against the wall next to the door, I wait for him. The other students who pass me to get inside mostly ignore me, but here and there, I get a nasty look as well, and I wonder what Parker told them about me.

  Nervously, I shift my weight back and forth on my legs. When I finally spot him coming around the corner, my nervousness turns into a mixture of excitement and fear. My pulse thunders in my ears, and when he looks up, our eyes lock. Every cell in my body heats, threatening to combust. He looks angelic, but like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, he hides his dark side well. I snap out of the trance I’m in when I see a deep frown settle into the hard ridges of his face.

  Then he’s heading straight for me. Walking with a purpose. His stupid long legs eat up the space separating us.

  “Stupid, stupid girl. You don’t know when to quit. I thought I specifically told you not to come to class,” his voice is piss and vinegar. Reaching me, he gets right in my face, not keeping any personal space between us. I try to back up, but I’m already pressed against the wall.

  I’m trapped all over again.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see the professor passing us on his way into the class. Parker is clearly hovering over me in a threatening manner. Doesn’t he see that? Oh, wait, he does, and he doesn’t care. Dr. Dawson hurries by us and closes the classroom door behind him, proving my statement to be true.

  “I know what you said, but I can’t just stop going to class. I need to be here, okay? Trust me, I don’t want to be here anymore than you want me to be, but I don’t have a choice.”

  Parker lifts a thick brow and places a hand on the wall next to me, caging me in. Having him this close makes it hard for me to think, to breathe. “And why should I care about what you want or need?”

  “You don’t have to care. I know you hate me and that’s fine by me, but I’m not stupid, I know you still want me. Maybe we can come to an arrangement?” Just saying the words makes me feel dirty and cheap. I can call it whatever I want, justify it with the fact that I’m doing this for my sister. But, in the end, I’m doing nothing more than whoring myself out.

  “What kind of arrangement?” Parker smirks widely, and all I want to do is wipe that smug smile off his face.

  “Whatever you want,” I shrug. Unable to stand the triumphant look in his eyes any longer, I avert my gaze. Concentrating on some random spot behind Parker, I continue, “Let me stay here, at least this semester.”

  “What exactly do I get in return?” He sounds seriously intrigued now.

  “You know what.” He is not seriously going to make me say it, is he?

  “I want to hear you say it.” Of course, he is. Please, someone, kill me now.

  “Whatever you want,” I repeat, “if you want me to suck you off, I will.”

  “I want more than you sucking me off. Although, that would be a good start.”

  “You want to fuck me? Fine, I’ll do that too, but I need something else.”

  “Is that so? It seems you’re not really in a position to be asking me for favors.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

  “If you want me to fuck you, willingly, then I want an invite to the fundraiser your dad is hosting, on top of being able to stay here for the rest of the semester.”

  “Hmm…and why do you want an invite?”

  I chew on the inside of my cheek until the copper tang of blood fills my mouth. He is enjoying my misery. Every minute of it.

  “It doesn’t matter why I want an invite. Can you get me one or not?”

  A heavy silence blankets us, and I worry for a second that he might say no. If he does, what the hell am I going to do? Beg, plead? I hate feeling as helpless as I am right now. When he still doesn’t say anything after a while, I return my gaze to his face. I find him studying me, his eyes scanning my face for something. What exactly, I don’t know.

  “Probably,” he finally says.

  “So, we have a deal?”

  “Sure, we have a deal.” His eyes basically gleam with excitement. I’m sure he is already conjuring up all kinds of things in his mind.

  “What deal?” Warren cuts in, appearing out of nowhere. His eyes glitter with mischief, and he grins at me. When I look up and over his shoulder, I notice Nate strolling behind Warren. Great, the gang is complete. Blackthorn’s elite douchebag club.

  “I’m going to allow Willow to stay here for now, in exchange for her… well, her body,” Parker snickers.

  “Sounds like a great deal,” Nate chimes in. Reaching out for me, his knuckles graze my cheek. A coldness sweeps through me at his touch. “Think maybe I can get in on this deal?”

  I turn my face away from him, hoping to get out of his reach, but before I can move more than an inch, Parker grabs on to Nate’s wrist and shoves it away. “You’re not part of this. Don’t touch what is mine,” he growls, and the warning is clear.

  “Fine, be a prude. I would have been happy to share,” Nate grins and steps back. “Let’s go in before we miss the whole class.”

  Warren nods and opens the door. I wait for Parker to move out of my way, so we can go too, but instead, he grabs my arm and pulls me in the other direction. My feet drag across the floor as I try and root them into the concrete.

  “What are you doing?” I choke out, surprised by his actions.

  “We’re leaving.”

  “What? To go where?”

  “My place,” he says, matter of factly.

  “Right now?” I should be surprised, but I’m still shocked that it’s going to happen so fast. I just decided I was going to do this thirty-minutes ago, and now it’s happening.

  “I’ve already missed the last class, I need to be there.”

  “Don’t worry about that class. You’ll get an A either way. It’s graded by groups, remember.” Of course, I’m still part of his group, and naturally, he gets an A, no matter what he does.

  He pulls me all the way to the parking lot behind the building. With my much shorter legs, I have a hard time keeping up with his speed, but somehow, manage without tripping. When we get to some expensive-looking sports car, he unlocks the door and opens it for me. Shoving me in the passenger seat, he orders me to buckle up before sprinting around the car and getting into the driver’s seat.

  What a gentleman.

  Apparently, he can’t get me to his place fast enough, because as soon as the engine roars to life, we are speeding out of the parking lot. I don’t know if I should be scared or flattered by his urgency to get me into bed.

  As we drive to his place, I memorize the way just in case I have to walk back to campus. Luckily, the drive only takes five minutes, which means I could walk home, and it wouldn’t take me, but half an hour. I’m paranoid, I know, but I’m not going into this situation blind.

  I’m surprised when we pull up to a modern but small home. I was expecting something more like a mansion. He parks in the driveway and cuts the engine.

  “Come on,” he orders as he gets out.

  “Sure, but only since you asked so nicely,” I say under my breath while getting out of the car. He is already unlocking the front door when I come up behind him. As I follow him inside, the reality of what I’m about to do sets in. He closes the door behind us, and I start to shake slightly.

  “Don’t look so scared. You’re the one who made the offer. If you don’t want this, turn around and walk away. Just know I won’t let you make me another offer.”

  I glance at the door, knowing damn well that I can’t leave. If I do, Ashton won’t get the care she needs, my father will make my life hell. I think about what he said. Sex is only what you make of it. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Who cares that he’ll be my first? No one has to know, not even him.

  “No, I want to stay.”

  Parker smiles so widely his dimples deepen like I’ve never seen before. “Great, come with me then.”

  He leads me into the living room, and though I don’t mean too,
I openly gawk at my surroundings. Just like the outside, the decor inside is modern and clean with a black and gray color scheme. It fits Parker very much.

  My gaze skirts from the décor to Parker, who moves like a panther, taking a seat on the black leather couch, looking smug as ever. Resting his arms on the back of the couch, he pins me with his punishing gaze while I just stand there in front of him, unsure of what to do next.

  “I…” The word has just passed my wobbling lips when he starts to shake his head.

  “Get on your knees, Willow.” His voice is suddenly smoother, but also thick, like honey. Is he trying to tame me? Soothe me with his voice? He looks relaxed, almost like he is just lounging, ready to watch a movie. And that would be believable, except for the bulge in his jeans, which tells me that he has other things on his mind.

  Part of me wants to ask him what happens if I don’t? Will he make me? I suck in a harsh breath, the reminder of the way his lips felt against mine, the fire that consumed me. I wanted him to keep going as much as I wanted to push him away, and I still don’t understand why. Why the enemy in all of this tempts me so badly.

  “Tick tock, Willow. I’m losing my patience with you,” the bite to his tone tells me he’s not lying, and I don’t want to risk pushing him any more than I already have. Swallowing every ounce of pride I have down, I move toward him. Each step seems to take an eternity, and when I reach him, I drop down to my knees.

  My legs wobble, and my stomach churns when I make contact with the cold floor. This is not how I wanted my first blow job to go.

  Kneeling between his legs, I brush a few strands of hair that have fallen into my face away, and stare up at him, waiting for him to tell me what to do next. He admires me for a moment like one might admire a piece of art, examining it, determining its worth.

  Then without saying a single word, he reaches for the button on his jeans, lifts his hips, pushes the fabric down, and pulls his rock-hard cock free. I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to. Thick, and hard as steel, just as I remember.