Hating You

by Beck, J. L.

  Confusion settles into her angelic features, “Don’t tell me you are actually apologizing because if you are, I’ll eat this plate with my sandwich.”

  “Why would I apologize? I bought you this,” I say. Fishing the morning after pill out of my pocket, I throw it in her lap. Her gaze drops down to the box, and when she looks up at me, I see nothing but pure defiance reflecting back at me.

  “I’m not taking that.” She throws the box back at me like a small child. I catch it in my hand, half denting the box as my temper rises to new heights.

  “Why the fuck not?”

  “Everything with hormones in it makes me sick. That’s why I’m not on the pill.”

  “Do you want to be sick or pregnant?” I grit out. Beside what my family would think of it, the thought of her having my baby, it’s not an unpleasant one. It would definitely solidify my obsessive need to make her mine, that is, if I didn’t strangle her first.

  “I’d prefer neither, but that doesn’t really matter. I just had my period, so I have nothing to worry about.”

  “I don’t care. I would still rather you take it.”

  Something in her face changes, almost as if she’s pained by whatever she is thinking about. “Don’t worry about it, okay. I don’t need the pill.”

  “Don’t worry about it? You’re kidding, right? This is not something to fucking gamble with, Willow. If something happens. If you do get pregnant, I’m fucked, you’re fucked.”

  The air sizzles, and she snaps like frail rope, “I can’t get pregnant, Parker. Can you just stop, please?” The ache in her voice reaches inside of me. Maybe I’m stupid, or maybe I need to clean my ears, but I can’t be certain that I just heard her correctly. She’s young, healthy from what I can see. Why shouldn’t she be able to get pregnant?

  “What do you mean?” I ask, my voice dropping to a softness that even shocks me.

  Her eyes dart down to her hands, “I have POI… it’s very unlikely that I will get pregnant… like ever. So, when I say, don’t worry, I mean it. You don’t have to worry about me messing with your perfect little future. I won’t.”

  Like a kick to the balls, my stomach starts to ache, the pain radiating outward. Every time I think for a second, I could be nice to her, care for her, show her even an ounce of compassion, she shows me the cold side of her. She shows me that she doesn’t really give a fuck about me and reminds me that the feelings I have, though blinded by hate, are completely one-sided.

  “Take the pill, don’t take the pill. I don’t give a fuck. Just get yourself on birth control, because next time I fuck you, it’ll be raw too, and with the lies you’ve already told, I can’t trust a fucking word that comes out of your mouth.”

  “I’m not lying…”

  I cut her off with a shake of my head.

  “Don’t fucking speak. Don’t say another fucking word because I am this close,” I show her with my fingers, “to losing it with you.”

  Pissed off beyond measure, I shove out of the chair, listening as it clatters to the floor. I need to get away from her before I do something fucking stupid like wrap my hands around her throat and strangle her. Refusing to look at her, I turn on my heels and stomp out of the cafeteria.

  Fuck her. Fuck my feelings. All she is to me is revenge. All she’ll ever be is a means to an end. Willow Bradford is nothing.

  Even angrier than I was before I got here, I head to my car. No way am I’m going to classes today. I can’t even think straight, let alone long enough to focus on a textbook.

  Once in my car, with the door shut behind me, I grab my phone from my pocket and search POI on WebMD. I don’t actually know why I’m doing it. It doesn’t matter. I don’t really care. And yet I find my eyes devouring the information on the screen.

  Primary ovarian insufficiency, or POI, is a medical condition in which the ovaries stop working normally. Women suffering from POI have a five percent chance of getting pregnant at some point in their lives…

  Before I can read any further, I’m interrupted by a loud knocking on my window. I look up and find Warren propped up against my car. Annoyed as fuck, I roll the window down.

  “What are you doing? You missed class,” he says it like I didn’t already know.

  “I know, asshole. I’ve been busy.”

  Warren grins, his smile bigger than I’ve ever seen, “Please, do tell, how busy were you? Don’t spare any details. I’ve been dying to know. Were we right? Virgin or not?”

  “Go away, Warren.” I roll my window back up, watching his face contort into shock. Yeah, that’s right. I’m not sharing. Not today, not ever.

  Fed up, Warren walks away, and I direct my attention back down to my phone. The screen is black, but I remember the words that were there.

  She’s not lying…

  A war rages inside of me. I want to hate her, and part of me does. I hate her for what she represents, for who she is, but I can’t deny the other part of me. The part that’s wanted her since we were kids.

  Taking my head in my hands, I will myself to fall on one side or the other.

  Enemy or lover?

  Think of your brother…

  She’s a liar, she has proven it again and again. So how can I want her? How can this be so damn hard?

  15

  Willow

  Like the true gentleman he is, Parker insisted on picking me up before the fundraiser. Which leaves me standing outside in front of the dorms in nothing but a red piece of fabric that is pretending to be a dress.

  The wind blows, and I feel it on every inch of my flesh. I taped the thin material right above my nipple, hoping that will be enough to keep it in place. But with my luck, I doubt it. I wonder what my father is going to say when he sees me? Internally, I cringe, and my gaze catches on my pretty much bare legs, minus some red tight workout shorts that I put on underneath, so there won’t be any accidental mooning tonight.

  The sun is already starting to set, and the air is getting nippy. Crossing my arms, I hug myself, making a feeble attempt to get warm. I should have brought a jacket but figured wearing anything but what Parker told me to wear would get me scolded.

  I’m two seconds away from saying fuck it and running back upstairs to get something to wear over this when I see Parker’s car come around the corner.

  As soon as he stops the car, I rush inside. Without greeting him, I pull the door shut and turn up the hot air.

  “Don’t touch that,” he growls, pushing my hand away.

  “Maybe if I were wearing some more clothes, I wouldn’t be freezing my ass off.”

  “Don’t be a baby, it’s not that cold outside.”

  “Says the guy wearing a tux.” I roll my eyes and direct my attention to the trees passing by. I don’t want to look at his stupid, handsome face. Especially not when he is wearing that sharp-looking tux. I just won’t look at him tonight at all. Let’s see how long I can keep that up.

  After our conversation yesterday, I would’ve done anything to miss this stupid dinner, but thoughts of my sister kept me grounded to the present, reminding me of the consequences. There were always consequences.

  “You look pretty, in case you were wondering,” Parker snorts.

  “I wasn’t, and I don’t. Even pretty, I look like a cheap whore. A pretty whore, that’s what I look like, and that’s what everyone is going to think I am when I walk into this place.”

  “I mean, technically, they aren’t far from the truth…” It feels like he’s stabbed me in the chest with his words. Even for Parker, that’s a low blow.

  Twisting in my seat, I feel compelled to punch him in the face but settle for a snide comment instead, “I’ve slept with one person, and if you ask me, he wasn’t even that good.”

  Parker strangles the steering wheel, squeezing it so tightly his knuckles turn white, “You just say that ’cause you have no comparison. If I would ever let you sleep with someone else, you would be a terrible disappointment.”

  Like every time we talk, h
is snide comments find a way under my skin. Making me itch with anger that refuses to dissipate until I scratch it.

  “If you would let me? You do realize that this is only temporary, right? This deal is going to be over soon. After this semester, I’m gone. I guess I’ll get my comparison then. I’ll write you an email about it if you want. I can title it, one woman, thirty men.”

  Without warning, Parker slams on the breaks, and I gasp, the seat belt tightening, holding me in place.

  “What the hell?” I scream at him, fear zinging through my veins. I’m pretty sure I’m having a mild heart attack.

  Parker turns to me then, his eyes darker than I’ve ever seen them. I’m treading a thin line, close to unleashing the beast.

  “You are mine! You are mine now, and you will be mine until I say otherwise.” He’s vibrating with anger, and the air in the car grows hotter with each passing second. For about three seconds, I just stare at him with my mouth hanging open like a fish out of water.

  Then, reality finds me, and I throw my head back and laugh. Holding my belly with my hand, I laugh so hard the whole car shakes.

  Barely catching my breath, I say, “Why in the world would I stay here after this semester? Why would I ever stay with you after the way you’ve treated me? You might be a big deal here, but you’re not the ruler of the world. In a few weeks, I will leave this place, and you won’t ever be able to touch me again.”

  I don’t know where I’ll go or what I’ll do about my sister, but I’ll figure it out. I’m hoping by that time, she’ll be well enough to leave the clinic and come live with me. She has to be because I can’t keep doing this. I won’t be our father’s puppet anymore. I won’t be Parker’s whore as he now calls me. I need to be me, whoever that person is.

  Glancing over at Parker, I find him watching me closely. The look in his eyes has me dumbfounded. For a moment, I could swear that he looks scared. A look I’ve never seen on him before. As quickly as I noticed it, it goes away. His usual anger replacing it.

  With shaking hands, Parker turns his attention back to the road, “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say any of that stupid shit. I’m going to pretend because the alternative is dangerous, and I really, really don’t want to have to fucking hurt you. So, I’ll give you this one, Willow, but next time. Next time you mouth off or threaten me with leaving, I’ll be forced to teach you a lesson. One, you won’t forget.”

  I don’t say anything else, knowing there isn’t a point. You can’t reason with crazy. After a beat, Parker navigates us back onto the road. We arrive at the country club in minutes, our conversation still looming above us.

  People are already walking in. Men dressed in tuxes and women dressed in elegant dresses. Watch out party people, a much less elegant dress is about to walk in. “Behave, don’t make me have to do something I don’t want to.” Ha, like he wouldn’t want to. The guy is mental, there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do to me. One more reason to get away as fast as I can.

  “I’ll behave since you asked so nicely.”

  He puts the car in park, and I’m already out the door. I can’t be in this car with him for another second. The cold air hits my bare skin, and I feel like my whole body is one giant goosebump. I wrap my arms around myself and try not to shake, just as much as I try to ignore all the stares from people that pass by me.

  Looking down at the ground, I pray that no one recognizes me. I should have colored my hair last minute or at least cut it. Did more than make myself look even more like a slut.

  My thoughts are interrupted when Parker comes up to me and wraps an arm around my shoulder, tugging me into his side. I want to pull away so badly, but his body heat instantly seeps into my skin, and I can’t help but lean into him. Needing him sucks.

  “Ready?” He whispers into my ear.

  “No, but I doubt that matters to you.”

  “I guess I could fuck you in the backseat of my car really quick if you’re not ready to go inside yet. Might do you good too. Loosen you up a bit.”

  “Ugh, you’re a pig. Let’s just go.”

  Keeping his arm wrapped around me, he guides us inside. I don’t think there is a person in this place who doesn’t gawk at our entrance. Great. I’m going to be the talk of the town. Exactly what Parker wanted, I’m sure.

  We enter the club, and it looks as extravagant as you would expect it to. I do my best to look anywhere but at the people that pass by us, which is hard because there are a shit-ton of people. Parker stops walking, and a voice I know all too well pricks at my ears.

  “Holy shit,” Warren’s voice is like razor blades against my skin. I don’t want to be noticed, gawked at, or inspected, but here I am like a goddamn alien.

  “Stop staring,” Parker’s clipped tone gives away his agitation.

  “If you didn’t want people to stare, then maybe you shouldn’t have put her in something else. Something that makes her look less like she belongs in a local strip club. High-end strip club,” he adds as if not wanting to offend me.

  For once, I want to high-five Warren and say thank you, but I’m too distracted by his gorgeous companion.

  Peeking up through my lashes, I find a girl with hair the color of gold attached to Warren’s arm. She looks as unhappy as I am, and instantly, I feel bad for her. I wonder where he found her. I’ve never seen her before, and I’ve never heard him talk about a girl either.

  “Who’s the girl?” Parker asks the question I’m thinking.

  “Oh, shit. Sorry. This is Maja. Don’t pay her any attention. I don’t.” Ass-fucking-hole.

  “Parker…” I hear a deep voice calling from somewhere in the crowd. Parker turns, and since I’m still tucked into his side, I turn with him, coming face to face with Roger Rothschild.

  Yeah, this night just keeps getting better and better.

  The moment Parker’s father sees me, his face falls and contorts into something that looks like a cross between disgust and disappointment. I should tell him I wouldn’t look like this if it weren’t for his son, but something tells me Parker wouldn’t appreciate that.

  The man looks like an older version of Parker, dark hair, dark eyes. It’s like I’m getting a glimpse into the future, at what Parker will most likely look like as an old man.

  Not wanting to look the way I feel, I straighten my spine and hold my head high. I’m fierce, smart, and strong. I can handle this.

  “Hey, Dad,” Parker greets his father like I’m not here.

  “Son, it’s good to see you. When you said she was coming, I didn’t realize she would be with you.” Just like Parker, he talks like I’m not here at all, and I’m not sure what’s more insulting, saying it to my face or acting like I’m not even worthy of being addressed at all.

  Parker shrugs, “I didn’t think it mattered.”

  Roger’s worn face sours, “Your mother isn’t going to be happy about this. You know what her family represents.”

  “Mom isn’t here,” Parker brushes his father off completely.

  “You know she is going to hear about this from her friends. Hell, she probably already knows.” His father eyes me up and down, and I so badly want to drop my gaze, but I don’t. I’m strong. I can do this. “Jesus, you could have at least made sure she put on an appropriate dress before you brought her here. It’s a charity gala, not a whore house.”

  “Dad, you know that’s just how the Bradford women are. Always making themselves look like cheap hookers.” Rage burns through me, eating away at any common sense.

  “You both are absolutely disgusting,” I snarl, wanting to slap them both so badly, I have to dig my nails into my hand to stop myself from following through. I don’t wait for either of them to respond. I don’t care what they have to say.

  Shrugging out of Parker’s hold, I speed walk through the crowd. Without looking back, I know Parker is following me. I can feel him lingering behind me. It’s strange, this prickling sensation trails up my back, warning me that he’s close, too close. Cut
ting through the banquet area, I make a beeline for the restrooms but come to a halt when I spot my father.

  He’s engaging in business, I can see it from a mile away, but I don’t care. I want him to know that I’m here. I want him to see what his daughter had to do to get him here. Marching right up to him, I give him the biggest smile I can muster.

  “Hello, Daddy,” I coo.

  As soon as he sees me, his face turns ashen, and he excuses himself, grabbing onto my arm and tugging me into the next room, where a bunch of servers stand with trays.

  “What in the hell are you wearing?” His eyes move down my body, and over the very small amount of fabric.

  “This is what I had to wear to get you a ticket. This is what I had to become…” Tears sting my eyes, and I will them away. Crying isn’t going to fix this. My father has never cared about my tears or my sister’s. All he cares about is the next deal, the money in his bank account.

  “I said to seduce him, Willow, not disgrace our family name.” He shakes his head, disappointment dripping from every word. “It’s going to take me forever to convince these companies to sign with me.”

  “I’m sorry, maybe you can just whore me out to one of them? Maybe that’ll make them jump at the chance to sign with you?” Everything happens so fast, one minute I’m seething with anger, and the next my father has his hand raised, an angry scowl on his face.

  I flinch, preparing myself for the slap, but it never comes. Out of nowhere, Parker appears, swooping in like a knight to save the day. In a flash, he grabs my father by the wrist, a vicious look flickering in his eyes.

  “Please, tell me you weren’t planning to hit her?” He seethes, barely containing his rage as he tosses my father’s hand away like a piece of garbage. My father’s eyes are so large, they look like they might pop out of his eye sockets.

  “I-I was… I wasn’t going to hit her,” he stumbles over his words and takes a step back. And just like that, I’ve found my father’s single weakness.