Finding Redemption

by Desiree Holt

“Yes. I asked him to come in, but he said no.” She turned away, afraid of what Josh would see on her face.

  But he was busy getting out a celebratory bottle of wine and filling two goblets. “Damn. I just wish… He’ll go back to the farmhouse and hole up again. I was hoping something about this trip would nudge him out of hiding. Make him understand that what happened on his last mission was in no way his fault. I think Nick wants to talk to him about being active at Guardian again, but he has to deal with this other issue first.”

  “I think Ethan’s made sure his life has no room for anyone else.”

  Something about her tone made Josh lift his head. “Did the two of you have problems on this trip? I know Ethan can be a pain in the ass sometimes…”

  “No. Nothing. He was beyond wonderful.” She picked up her wine and forced a smile. “To happy endings.”

  “Happy endings,” Josh agreed, and they clinked glasses.

  This was far from the ending she wanted. She sipped at her wine, but it did nothing to ease the sharp ache in her heart.

  In the days that followed, Lisa ruthlessly disciplined herself to forget about Ethan Caine and get her life back in order. The first thing she did was meet with her two law partners who’d been handling the entire case load while she tried to keep her life from disintegrating. She was more grateful than she could express for their support through her entire ordeal.

  “You do so much for everyone else,” Joe Giamato told her. “We were glad to be able to do something for you.”

  “Yes,” Sally Atkins agreed. “And don’t think you have to plunge right back into a full schedule.” She squeezed Lisa’s hand. “Take some time with Jamie. And for yourself. You’ve earned it.”

  When she left the office, she had tears of thankfulness in her eyes, grateful to have such good friends.

  She held her breath waiting for news out of Quintana Roo, but as the days went by with no word of any kind, she began to relax. She was surprised no one seemed to be looking for Aaron, but maybe he’d set himself up to be out of pocket.

  Maybe the bodies would rot before anyone found them, and by that time, no one would connect her with Charles again. The story of the kidnapping had long ago disappeared from news coverage so there was no notice of the fact that Jamie was safely at home again, for which she thanked God. They were finally able to exist in relative anonymity.

  Lisa still battled nightmares, waking up in a cold sweat, shaking, seeing Charles standing over her and feeling the sharp edge of the knife. Her wounds had healed physically, but the mental and emotional ones would take a long time to disappear.

  She insisted that Jamie have some kind of counseling. He was adjusting to life at home again, his three months of terror fading. But it was important for him to talk everything out and deal with it if he were ever to go back to being the normal happy boy he’d been. One of the therapists her law practice used was a woman with many years experience in treating traumatized children. Jamie’s sessions with her seemed to be going well.

  Josh was a constant presence in their lives, providing the solid grounding they needed, and she thought she was almost ready to rejoin her law partners. But there was one glaring absence she couldn’t ignore. No matter how many times she stared at the telephone, Ethan didn’t call.

  Not that she expected him to. He’d avoided her as much as possible at Sailfish Key and told her how it was in straight talk when he drove her home. Now that everyone was back safe in Tampa, he’d crawled back into the hole she’d pulled him out of and blocked out everyone and everything. Josh said Nick was working on him, but Lisa didn’t have much hope. Whatever had happened to him must have been soul searing.

  But damn it! Those kisses they’d shared and—what did he call it?—recreational sex… She was convinced they meant something, if only he would let go. He could deny it all he wanted to, but she knew he felt it as much as she did. And it scared him, just like it scared her.

  So she just kept hoping. And waiting.

  “How’s Ethan doing?” she asked Josh one night when they were having dinner together.

  Josh looked at her with a strange expression. “About the same as always, I’d say. Ethan is Ethan. Although…”

  He hesitated.

  “Although what?” she prodded.

  “I don’t know.” He put down his fork and looked at her. “Something. I can’t put my finger on it. He just seems very…sad.”

  “Sad?” She cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve known him a long time and seen him in a lot of moods, but never like this.” He frowned. “I thought things had gone to hell when that op got fucked up. But this is, I don’t know, like he’s given up life. And living.”

  A pain stabbed her heart. “Oh, Josh.”

  “He hasn’t even fallen into the bottle as I expected. Instead, he spends most of his time working out as if he’s training for a triathlon. Or working the devil out of his system. I can’t figure out which. Nick’s doing his best to reach him, but I don’t know if he can, either.”

  Lisa chewed over what Josh had said and despite her misgivings, gathered her courage, and made one desperate effort to see Ethan that turned out badly. After calling and leaving several messages on his answering machine, none of which he answered, she drove out to the farmhouse early one afternoon. Luckily, he was sitting on the porch and couldn’t escape without being outright rude, although she didn’t think that would bother him one bit.

  She could see what Josh meant about working out. The body clad in an old T-shirt and workout shorts was even more toned than when they’d been in Mexico. His hair was still long, pulled back in a tail, but he was clean-shaven. It allowed her to see the deep grooves sorrow had carved on his face.

  She climbed up onto the porch, sat down in the rocking chair next to him, and just stared at him.

  “Do I have a bug on my face?” he asked at last.

  “No. I was just searching for some clue as to how you could walk away from me the way you did.”

  He took a long swallow from the bottle of beer he was holding. “I didn’t walk away, Lisa. The job was finished. We were finished. End of story.”

  “Tell me what we shared in Mexico was nothing more than relieving tension. Go ahead.”

  He tilted his head back. “What we shared in Mexico was nothing more than tension-relieving sex. Don’t mistake it for some big romance.”

  “Liar,” she rapped out. “I’m not the most experienced person in the world, but I know when something is more than just sex.”

  Ethan sighed. “Lisa, you have a life. Go back to it. I’m nothing but a ruined hulk of a man with a soul so damaged there’s nothing to repair it. I’d only be poison for you.”

  “Jamie wears your hat all the time,” she said, changing the subject. “It’s miles too big for him, but he won’t let go of it. Josh finally stuffed the headband so it wouldn’t fall off.”

  “Good. I’m glad. I couldn’t think of anyone I’d rather give it to.”

  They rocked in silence for another moment.

  “Damn it, Ethan, I won’t let you do this.” She slammed her fist on the arm of the rocker.

  “Do what? I’m not doing anything.”

  “That’s the trouble.” Anger rose inside her. “You’ll just ignore what happened, not even give us a chance to see if we have something together. For the future. You can tell me it wasn’t more than hot sex all you want, but we both know that’s not the truth.”

  He turned his bottomless black eyes toward her. “You have a future. I don’t. I just have one day after another.” He finished his beer and stood up. “Go home. And stay there.”

  He walked into the house, leaving her behind with nothing but an empty feeling.

  ****

  “But why can’t you come and see us, Ethan?”

  Ethan had come out of the house as soon as he heard the car pull into the driveway. Jamie was out of it almost before the engine stopped, running to Ethan and throwing himsel
f at him. Ethan had little choice but to hug the boy.

  Shit!

  He crouched down so he was eye level with the boy.

  “Our adventure is over, Jamie. I was real glad to be able to help you and your mom, but now I have to get back to my real life.”

  Jamie frowned at him. “What’s that? And why does it mean you can’t see us anymore?”

  “Maybe you should ask your mom.”

  “She said I should ask you. And she’s sad all the time,” Jamie went on. “She’s real unhappy.”

  “I think she’s probably still recovering from everything that happened,” Ethan pointed out, “Remember, for a long time she didn’t know where you were or if you were alive.”

  “Nuh uh.” Jamie shook his head. “Then she’d be happy, right? And I miss you, too. I thought you said we were pals?”

  Ethan looked over the boy’s head at Josh, sending a silent plea.

  “Jamie? Come on, kiddo. I think Ethan has some place he needs to be. We’ll try again when he has some free time.”

  “But he doesn’t look busy,” Jamie protested.

  “I do have some place to go,” Ethan siad, glad Josh had mentioned it. His heart ached at the expression on Jamie’s face. If only—

  Cut that out. All that has passed you by.

  “Why don’t you hop back in the car, kiddo,” Josh suggested, “while I have a last word with Ethan. Then we’ll stop for ice cream on the way home.”

  “O-kay.”

  It killed Ethan to watch this, but what could he do? He was the last person either Jamie or Lisa needed in their lives. Jamie might need a father, but he was far from the ideal candidate. He knew spending all that time with the boy at Sailfish Key was a mistake but damn! He’d just hated to let go of the little bit of pleasure in his life.

  See what being selfish does for you?

  “You need to forgive yourself,” Josh told him in a very low voice. “You’ve done penance enough for ten people and none of it was your fault. Get that through your thick skull. I never thought I’d say this, but you could be the best thing ever to happen to Lisa and Jamie. Get your head out of your ass, why don’t you, and start living life again. Put that in your thick head.”

  Ethan watched the car back out of the driveway, Jamie’s sad little face peering at him through the window. The pain in his heart was so sharp it stole his breath.

  But what the hell was he supposed to do? Being noble just fucking sucked.

  Chapter Twenty

  If Lisa thought she was done with her fifteen minutes of fame, she was very much mistaken. It had just been the calm before the storm. Reality landed with a bang when Josh showed up on her doorstep at six-thirty in the morning waving a copy of The Tampa Bay Times.

  “God, Josh.” She pushed her hair out of her face and rubbed her eyes. “Don’t you know some people are asleep at this hour?”

  “Yeah? Well, they better wake up before the circus starts.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He brushed past her and headed for her kitchen. He took two mugs from the cupboard, dropped a pod into the single serving coffee maker, and pressed Start. When one mug was filled, he repeated the process with the other.

  She planted herself next to him, hands on hips, eyes blazing. “Joshua Taylor, are you going to tell me just what in the hell is going on?”

  He handed her one of the mugs then leaned against the counter, one leg crossed over the other. Tension lined his face.

  “Aaron Burke’s body’s been found.”

  Lisa’s eyes widened, and she gripped her mug so hard her knuckles were white. “His body? He was alive when we left him.”

  “Yeah, well, I guess not for much longer after that. Some eco-nuts wandering around in the jungle got lost and stumbled on Charles’s compound. Thinking they could get directions and maybe some water, they were greeted by a site not usually included in tour books.”

  She drew in a quick breath. “But it’s been months since we left there. Why has it taken this long for someone to find the bodies?”

  “Word has it that some of Charles’s business associates visited the house, but they certainly aren’t the type to go running to the law.”

  Lisa tried to wipe from her mind the image of the bloodbath they’d left behind. “I thought maybe one of the surviving guards might have reported what happened.”

  “Are you kidding? They hightailed it out of there along with Las Tormentas. I’m sure none them wanted to risk a run-in with the federales. So the bodies just lay there rotting until the poor dumb tourists found them.”

  She sipped her coffee. “And what about Aaron?”

  “According to the reports he’d been tortured before he died. Badly.”

  She closed her eyes and fought back the nausea clawing its way up her throat. She could just imagine what Cortez and his men had done, in an effort to get information about the disaster that greeted them.

  “What else?”

  “Well.” Josh took a swallow of coffee. “After that, it seems every law and alphabet agency in the world landed on the finca. They had more people than animals crawling around the Quintana Roo for quite a while. Big jurisdictional dispute over who got what papers and records.” Josh laughed. “No one seems too interested in who did the killing, though.”

  Lisa cupped her hands around the mug as if seeking warmth. “Do—do they know anything about Jamie? Or me?”

  “Not Jamie. Charles kept him hidden so no one ever saw him except the guards, who aren’t talking. Cortez and his thugs have disappeared from view. Unfortunately, though, you’re number one on everybody’s hit parade right now.”

  “Why?” She gripped the mug harder to keep her hands from shaking. “I can’t tell them anything.”

  “Doesn’t matter.” Josh had finished his coffee and got up to refill his mug. “The Tampa cops are re-opening the file on Charles’s death. And the shit on Aaron Burke’s involvement is fodder for all kinds of speculation. You’re Charles’s widow. Twice. And you worked with Aaron Burke. The connection’s too juicy to pass up.”

  He opened the newspaper he’d brought in with him and slid it over in front of her.

  Her heart stumbled, and her stomach lurched as she caught the picture on the front page—Aaron, Charles, and herself. The headline was the worst. Was Lisa Mallory part of an unholy triangle? And beneath it, how deep was the so-called widow into guns and drugs?

  “Oh, God. God, God, God.” She closed her eyes, hoping when she opened them, she’d find out she’d been imagining things. Would this nightmare never end?

  She closed her eyes and leaned back in the chair, sure she was about to faint. Then she felt Josh taking the mug out of her hands and pressing a cold cloth to her face.

  “Breathe, sis. Deep breaths.” He shoved her head down between her knees.

  She kept it there until the spots disappeared from in front of her eyes. When she sat up again, she held the cloth to her cheeks.

  “God, Josh. Where do they get their ideas?”

  “Speculation. You know that. Whatever sells papers.”

  Her eyes filled with tears for the first time in weeks. “I’m just beginning to get my life back together.”

  “Aaron Burke was a larger-than-life person in this town. For him to be mixed up in something this bizarre will be front page news for a long time, and the reporters will dig for every angle.”

  “Mommy?”

  Lisa jerked upright as Jamie’s voice floated into the kitchen. Then she heard his thumping steps as he did his leaping descent to the front hall. She reached over and flipped the paper closed, then grabbed Josh’s hand, her nails digging into his skin.

  “I can’t let this touch him,” she whispered. “What am I going to do?”

  “I’ll take care of it. Just keep taking deep breaths.”

  “Hi, Mommy.” Jamie leaped into her arms and squeezed her in a hug. “Why are you up so early? And why is Uncle Josh here?”

  “I decided to
come for a cup of coffee, sport,” Josh said.

  Jamie bounced into his uncle’s lap. “Can we go get ice cream today?”

  Josh laughed in spite of the situation. “He seems to be recovering without any ill effects.”

  “Yes, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

  Josh set Jamie on his feet. “Ice cream, huh? I’ll do better than that. I have to do some work from home for a few days. How would you like to come and be my assistant?”

  Jamie’s eyes widened. “Oh, wow! Yeah!” Then his face fell. He turned to Lisa. “What about school? Can I miss a couple of days, Mom? Please? Uncle Josh teaches me stuff.”

  Even Lisa had to laugh at that. “I can imagine what he teaches you. But I think we can break a few rules. Good boys deserve special treats.”

  “Thanks, Mommy.” He gave her a hug and a sloppy kiss.

  “Go upstairs and get dressed. Brush your teeth. I’ll come help you pack in a minute.” She was more than grateful to Josh for his temporary solution.

  He also insisted on getting her a top-notch attorney.

  “You know the cops will come calling,” he pointed out. “Don’t talk to anyone until you have representation. I’ll get you the best person.”

  “A lawyer?” She was stunned. “What for?”

  “Because they’ll zero in on you and your involvement, so to speak, with both men.”

  She threw up her hands. “But that’s absurd.”

  “I know, but it is what it is.”

  Josh was right. She’d barely finished her first cup of coffee before her phone began ringing off the hook and people were at her door, knocking and ringing the bell.

  “Call your office and tell them you’re not coming back yet,” Josh told her, switching off both the telephone and the answering machine. “Explain the situation and don’t answer your phone. You got a new cell, right? Text me the number. I’ll call that if I want you.”

  Lisa almost cried to see Jamie walking away from her just when she’d found him, but she knew it would be impossible to keep him safe and sheltered at home.

  For the next few days, she felt like she was under siege, as the assault continued. Her partners were, once again, more understanding than she had a right to expect. And when they began to be bombarded with calls from the police, the media, and Burke, Rivas and Doyle, they brought in a hired gun to monitor calls and chase unwelcome pests away.