Finding Redemption

by Desiree Holt

  Josh continued to keep Jamie at his house and both stayed away from Lisa, unwilling to put himself or the boy on the media’s radar. When reporters somehow obtained Lisa’s cell phone number, he bought her a new one under his name. She used it to stay in touch with people she needed to talk to.

  True to his word, Josh hired Bart D’Amico, a top criminal attorney who took charge at once. His control of the situation gave Lisa her first sense of security since the news broke. She was only too willing to follow his instructions to the letter. He was like a pit bull, growling through every interview with the police. He also met with the remaining partners at Burke, Rivas and Doyle. No one knew what was said, but after that, the phone calls stopped.

  But she felt like a prisoner in her own home. All the stories from Charles’s death and the shocking aftermath, the coverage of Jamie’s kidnapping, were recycled and became instant fodder for a scandal-hungry public. The media camped out in the street in front of her house twenty-four/seven, gathering like sharks smelling blood in the water.

  “What if they find out about Ethan and me?” she asked Josh, her voice thick with desperation. “Our trip to Mexico? And the details of the kidnapping?”

  “Not to worry. Ethan’s buried the details so deep even someone who knows about it can’t find them.”

  But she did worry, every minute of every day.

  Reporters and photographers dogged her whenever she had to leave the house to answer a summons from the frustrated police or some mysterious agency. Bart managed to get a restraining order against the media, ordering them to stay at least fifty feet away from her at all times. But she saw it as a hollow victory because they didn’t actually leave. They simply backed away and lay in wait, monitoring her in shifts.

  She stopped going to the grocery store, relying on Bart to get food to her. She couldn’t stand to watch television, and nothing she did helped to distract her. She was sure she was slowly going mad.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” she told Josh on the phone. “My life is not my own. I hardly sleep, and when I do, I have terrible nightmares. Will it ever end?”

  “I’ve been thinking,” he told her. “You need to get out of there. Bart can handle the cops. They’ve squeezed every drop of blood out of you they can anyway. And the media will give up if they can’t get even a sniff of you.”

  “How can I possibly get away without the vultures all over me?” she cried. “And where would I go? I can’t invade someone else’s life. Or subject anyone to this…this absurd spectacle.”

  “I have an idea. Let me get back to you.”

  Two hours later, he called back. “Leave the back door unlocked tonight and all the lights out in the house,” he told her. “Let the media think you’ve gone to bed. I’ve got someone who’ll sneak you out of there and pulverize anyone who gets in the way if necessary. But if we do this as slick as I think we can, no one will even know you’re gone.”

  “What? Who? What’s happening?” Her brain was trying to absorb what he was saying.

  “Do you trust me?” he asked.

  “Yes. Of course.”

  “Then just put on something dark and easy to move in. Pack nothing. You can buy whatever you need.”

  “Where am I going?” She was pacing, the old habit having returned. “And won’t the police think I’ve skipped town?”

  “You let Bart handle that. Just be ready sometime after ten o’clock. That’s all you need to know right now.”

  In the early evening, Lisa showered and dressed in black jeans and a long sleeved black shirt. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and found an old black baseball cap Josh had left one time. She choked down part of a sandwich, cleaned up the kitchen, turned out all the lights, and sat down to wait. The only light in the house came in the windows obliquely from the street lamp just outside.

  Time dragged until she thought she’d go crazy. At least a dozen times, she picked up the cell phone to call Josh, then put it down again. He’d said to trust him. He’d taken care of her thus far. She couldn’t start questioning him now.

  The LED on the microwave clock read five after ten when she heard the faint click of the latch at the back door and the creak it made when it opened. She sat frozen at the kitchen table, wondering who in the hell Josh had sent to spirit her away.

  A tall, lean figure, outlined by the filtered street light, filled her doorway, and her heart turned over.

  “I understand you need a little help getting out of here.” Ethan’s warm, deep voice wrapped itself around her like a comforter.

  Without thinking, she leaped up from the chair and threw herself into his arms.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Lisa had never been so glad to see another human being in her life. The tears she hadn’t allowed herself to shed through the entire nasty business poured from her eyes and ran down her face. She leaned into Ethan’s chest, soaking his shirt, her shoulders heaving, her body shaking with the release of tension. His arms held her to his body, his big hands rubbing her back in a soothing motion.

  At last, she lifted her head and gave him a watery smile. “Just what you were waiting for, right? A weepy woman blubbering all over you.”

  His mouth crooked up in a faint grin. “Saves me from washing the shirt. Here.” He pulled a folded white handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her.

  She took it and mopped her face with it, then blew her nose. “I’ll wash it for you before I give it back,” she promised in a tremulous voice.

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “Oh, Ethan. Everything’s such a mess. My life is a nightmare, and I feel like I’m going crazy.”

  “I know.” He put his hands on her shoulders and moved her a step away from him, his eyes studying her face. “You look like hell.”

  She gave a shaky laugh. “You sure know how to flatter a girl.”

  He pulled her back into his arms, holding her as if he’d never let her go. “Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. What am I going to do? No matter what I did, I couldn’t get you out of my mind.”

  Her heart skipped. Coming from Ethan that was quite an admission. “I’ve thought about you, too.”

  He looked down at her face. “We have to talk, but not until I get you out of here. This garbage you’re going through is just so much bullshit. Got your purse?”

  She nodded.

  “Come on, then.”

  Dressed in black as they both were, it was easy for them to blend into the night. With Bart’s restraining order in place, they were able to move through her backyard and her neighbor’s until they reached the street in the next block. Ethan pulled her against his side, and they walked with his arm tightly around her, two lovers out for an evening stroll. In the middle of the block, away from streetlights, a familiar black SUV sat waiting, and in seconds, they were pulling away from the curb.

  Lisa leaned back against the seat and let out a breath of relief. “You don’t know how glad I am to see you. When Josh told me someone was coming to get me, you were the last person I expected to show up.”

  “Yeah, well, a week ago I would have said the same thing.” He reached over and took her hand. “Your brother doesn’t mince words when he has something to say.”

  She gave a weak laugh. “Don’t I know it.”

  “And of course, Nick had to add his twenty-five cents worth.”

  “So what did they say that got you here tonight?”

  “Later. After we get where we’re going.”

  They drove in silence through the quiet streets of North Tampa. Lisa studied him, noticing that he was cleanly shaven once again, his hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail, and what she could see of his black shirt actually looked clean. Her heart tripped. Were these all signs of something? Did the fact he’d come for her himself mean he’d changed his mind about them? She hardly dared to let herself hope.

  A hundred thoughts rattled through her brain. She had so many questions she wanted to ask, but for now, she was just grateful to be free from the
prison her house had become and sitting close to Ethan. And at least they were together. Maybe for as long as this lasted, she could figure out a way to make him take a different look at the way things were between them. The truth was, she missed him like crazy and so did Jamie.

  They took Interstate 275 through downtown Tampa and crossed Tampa Bay on the Howard Frankland Bridge, passing through St. Petersburg to the beach area. Ethan held her hand throughout the entire ride.

  A sign. Please let it be a sign.

  Eventually, they pulled into a marina not unlike the one in Cancun.

  A man—another of Ethan’s silent guardians, she guessed—met them at the gate and the two shook hands.

  “You’re all set,” he told them.

  Ethan nodded and led her along the pier to a berth where a sleek cabin cruiser rode gently on the water. He jumped onto the deck, then reached out to help her come aboard.

  “Something from another friend?” she asked.

  He shook his head. “Mine, as a matter of fact. I keep it for when I can’t stand being on land.” He moved forward to the bridge and motioned for her to join him. “Come sit up here with me until we get where we’re going. Then we’ll talk. Okay?”

  She nodded.

  The man had followed them and now cast off the ropes holding the cruiser in place. Ethan turned on the engines and the running lights, and they moved slowly out into the Gulf of Mexico. She watched him silently, drinking in the sight of him, storing up images in case this was only temporary.

  They’d been chugging along on the calm waters for about half an hour when he pulled into a quiet cove, killed the engines, and dropped the anchor. When the boat was secured, he pulled her into his arms with a hug she was sure would break her ribs. His kiss was just as ferocious, devouring her mouth, invading it, his tongue like a live wire scorching the sensitive insides of her lips.

  Lisa clung to him like a drowning person, pressing herself against him as hard as she could. She wanted his heat, his strength, his…everything. She wanted to beg him never to leave her. But Ethan had the lead now. She’d wait to hear what he had to say.

  At length, the kiss broke and he cradled her against him, the feel of his hard body like a sanctuary. The familiar touch of his hands wiped away the fear and anxiety she’d been living with every day. If she never moved from this place, this position, she’d be happy.

  “Lisa.” His voice was gentle but firm.

  Her stomach knotted. Would she hate what he had to say? Surely, he wouldn’t go through this elaborate scheme just to give her another farewell speech.

  He led her to the bench on one side of the bow. When he picked her up and cuddled her in his lap, she began to breathe a little easier.

  He cleared his throat. “This is hard for me to get out, so just let me say it all before you interrupt, okay?”

  She nodded and pressed her head against his shoulder.

  “I’ve lived alone a long time. By choice. My life hasn’t been full of what you’d call sunshine and blue skies. Far from it. I did and saw things that made me want to run away from the world.” He sighed. “But I was a solid Marine and the same for Guardian. I thought things were the same when I got tapped for the black ops group, but I forgot about politics. They’ll kill you faster than anything else.”

  She wound her fingers through his. “Tell me.”

  He let out a long sigh. “We were on a mission in Africa. There was a man on the staff of this particular general who was feeding us information so we knew when bloodshed was about to happen. Our job was to extract him as efficiently as possible.”

  “So what happened?”

  “Many areas of Africa are rich in resources that, if used properly, could put these countries on solid footings. Of course, the despotic rulers can’t have that so they manipulate events so thing impinge on their power. They depend on the false information they feed the United States to provide help for them.” He let out a slow breath. “And one senator, who was privy to our mission, was getting his share for feeding information to those despots to keep them in power. He found out about the mission and had a trap set. The man we were supposed to extract was killed, along with several people on his staff and almost everyone on my team.”

  “Oh, my god,” she whispered. “But Ethan, there was nothing you could have done. You were betrayed.”

  “Try telling yourself that when everyone around you is being killed.”

  She pressed herself against his body and reached up to cup his cheek. “It wasn’t your fault. I want you to keep telling yourself that.”

  “I think I’ll keep seeing those bodies for the rest of my life.” He shook his head. “Anyway, I crawled back into my hole and pulled it in with me. If not for Jamie, I might still be there. There’s no expiration date on bad dreams or the solid grip they have on you.”

  “Don’t you think I know that?” she challenged. “You have no idea how many nights I closed my eyes and all I’d see is Charles Mallory. The things he’d done to me—”

  She shuddered, and he hugged her a little tighter, rubbing her back with his big palm. “I know that. So I know you understand what I go through. But I really didn’t think you needed someone else’s nightmares blended with your own.”

  “Shouldn’t that be my decision as well?” A spark of anger rippled through her.

  “Maybe so,” he went on. “But you’ve had all these years of hell, and you deserve a good man, the best man available. Someone who can bring light and sunshine into your life after all the darkness you’ve lived through. I wasn’t sure I could do that. I’ve lived so long in darkness myself, and I didn’t want to suck you down into it with me.” He shifted her slightly so he could look into her face. “Then Josh and Nick came out and talked to me for a long time. One thing they convinced me of. If I spend the rest of my life hiding away from everyone and everything, I won’t be honoring the sacrifice those people made to get things done.”

  “That is very true.”

  He cupped her cheek and tilted her face up to him. “And if I’m going to have to rejoin the human race a little at a time, I don’t think I can do it without you and Jamie. They made me see there was something between us. Said they were tired of sitting by while the two of us ruined our lives for no good reason. Told me I owed you the right to make that choice for yourself. I guess they’re about the only people who could look me in the eye and see what’s going on in my head. What I really feel.”

  “And how do you feel?” She looked down at her hands, almost afraid to hear the answer.

  “That’s a question it took me a long time to answer.” He absently stroked her hair. “Remember when you asked me why I agreed to help you find Jamie and bring him home? I ducked the answer then because it sounded so self-serving.”

  Lisa started to say something but thought better of it.

  “I had some convoluted notion that, if I could save your child, I could save myself, redeem the soul I thought I’d lost. Maybe find some of those dead ideals.” He shifted her on his lap so his lips were against her forehead, and he feathered light kisses across her skin.

  “I know,” she began, doing her best to ignore the hard thickness of his cock pressing into her bottom.

  Ethan pressed a finger to her lips. “But it did make a difference. Helping you, rescuing him—that gave me the first good feeling I’ve had since we lost all those agents.”

  “What you did, Ethan…” She struggled for words “Saving Jamie—and me—had to balance out a lot of the nightmares for you. Maybe there were people you couldn’t save before, but this time you did. That counts for a lot.”

  “Since that night in the tent, since we’ve been back, I’ve done nothing but fight the way I feel about you. You were right when you said it was more than a physical exercise. Still, I didn’t think I had the right to bring anyone into the mess that was my life.”

  “I’ll tell you again, that isn’t only your choice.”

  “Your brother and Nick made me see t
hat, too. They could sense what was going on with me. Josh has always been able to dig out my secrets better than anyone else. He told me I finally had a chance to catch the brass ring, and I was a damn fool to throw something away without even talking to you about it first.” He smiled down at her. “But someone else made a better argument.”

  “Someone else?” Lisa frowned. “Who?”

  “A young man who told me he and his mother really need someone to look after them. They seem to keep getting into trouble on their own.”

  Lisa’s jaw dropped. “Jamie? Where did you see Jamie?”

  One corner of his mouth turned up in a grin. “Josh has been bringing him out to the farmhouse a lot while you’ve been hiding from the media. At first, I was, shall we say, less than hospitable. But damn. It’s hard to be cranky with that kid around. That son of yours is a very bright young man.”

  She laughed. “I think so, but then I’m his mother.”

  “Besides, I didn’t know how else to get my hat back.” Ethan’s faced sobered. “Josh told me he’s also been asking if there’s any way to change his name from Mallory. Said he didn’t want to be related to anyone who was so bad to him and his mother. Serious, adult thoughts for someone so young.”

  Lisa’s throat closed and tears choked her. “I didn’t realize…God. Charles must have really done a number on him. What did you tell him?”

  “I told him I had a solution, and if he agreed with it, I’d talk it over with you.”

  “And what’s that?”

  Ethan turned her face so his eyes held hers, keeping nothing from her, seeking answers to unspoken questions. “I still wonder if I have the right to ask you this, but I swear, if you say yes, I’ll spend the rest of my life doing my very best to make you happy. Marry me, Lisa. Let me adopt Jamie.” His voice was stiff with tension, his body tense, as if braced for her rejection. “I love you, you know. I’m such a damn fool. I was willing to throw it away to save you.” He shook his head. “But whatever I’ve got to give is yours. If you’re willing to take a chance on me.”