The Memory Thief

by Sarina Dorie

  “You told them William and I could come out to view the sunset.”

  Lord Klark cleared his throat. “So I did.” He wiped his hands on the ferns near his feet.

  The boy went on. “And since Miss Felicity is confined to bed rest, I decided to pick her flowers.”

  Felicity. My heart clenched at the name. I could wait no longer. I aimed my spear at the gaijin’s heart. The leaves of the tree rustled as I threw. Lord Klark looked up and ducked just in time, pushing his son down. He aimed his laser pistol at the trees, shooting blindly. One beam seared my arm and I fought to keep from screaming out. Tree branches caught fire above me. I lost my grip on the tree and fell. I landed hard on my feet, one of my ankles giving out. Pain shot up my leg as I stepped, but fleeing was my only option. Agony lanced through my body with every step.

  The memory slipped away. The pain faded into a dull ache in my leg and arm. Finally all I was aware of was the pleasant tingle of the memory moss on my back. My breath came out in ragged huffs and my body seized with trembling. I felt dirty inside and wanted to cleanse the horror of the memories from my mind. It took a moment to understand why my surroundings smelled like sterile chemicals instead of ume trees and earth. I blinked my eyes open against the harsh light.

  I kneeled on the white tile floor of the infirmary. My cheek lay against a shoulder of solid muscle. I dug my fingers into soft fur. Hands held me closer, stroking my back. The sensation was pleasant, oddly arousing after all the dark scenes I’d witnessed. The side effects of memory moss were the last sensations I wanted at the moment. I drew away, landing on my behind.

  “What did you see?” he asked.

  He would have no memory. He would have to trust me to tell him what he’d given me.

  “I saw death.”

  At last I understood.

  Chapter Twenty

  If you do not enter the tanuki’s cave, you cannot catch its cub.

  —Ancient Jomon proverb

  I thought back to my every memory of Lord Klark and how my current knowledge made his motivations clear. I was valuable for my fortune, yes, but only if I stayed in his care so that his son married me. All those parties he’d held where I was ushered off before my relatives could shun me; the time I’d seen my grandparents across the theatre and caught them gazing at me with their opera glasses, only for me to be escorted away before the first act had even started; the way he’d “sheltered” me from prying eyes who might gossip—it hadn’t been to protect me. It was to protect him and his assets.

  Aynu-Mosir was only valuable to miners, settlers, and slave traders so long as the United Worlds and the British Empire of Planets didn’t know it was inhabited. Leaving my guardian’s care meant I might make my knowledge of the planet known—something he couldn’t keep secret if I didn’t marry his son and remain under his supervision. It would only be a matter of time before he would surely arrange for me to have an accident after that. Likely after I’d given his son a few heirs to carry on their line.

  I bit my lip, considering all this and more. There was so much to summarize for Nipa in these memories. “Lord Klark was behind the attack on the Chiramantepjin village. He knew the tribal leaders would be meeting there because Mr. Price was his informant.” I wondered what had ever become of Miss Osborn. Had she known? Had she died in the attack? A tugging of almost memory crept over me. There were few other women who came to this planet. Had Nipa’s wife been Miss Osborn? Or another settler? I shook my head.

  “You finally understand Klark Nipa’s nature.”

  “Why didn’t you show me this sooner? This is the first thing you should have told me—or showed me. Why did you wait until now?”

  He placed an arm around me and brushed a stray strand of hair out of my face with the back of his hand. “I told you only moments ago and you did not believe me. And this was after you had grown to know me, and I like to think, to trust me. Think how you would have reacted that first day if I had shown you. You didn’t even want to permit me to exchange memories with you.”

  I nodded, understanding the wisdom of his words. I loathed how I was like my father, unwilling to listen to others.

  There was something else I had seen, but my thoughts were jumbled in confusion. He had recognized my name. He knew me? Ice prickled down my spine.

  “Do you understand why I insisted on the wife-swap now? You are one of the few living gaijin whom Jomon once trusted. I did not know the nature of your character when you came to this planet with Meriwether-san, but I had hope you were the same. I knew if there was one I could show the truth to, it would be you, and you might know what to do.” He cradled my head against his chest. “There are many more memories I will need to share with you, ne? But they are not the sweet ones of love and joy as I have given you in our times together. I must show you more tragedy so you will truly understand.” He kissed my forehead, sorrow speaking in his frame, in the tight line of his lips, and the tremor in his tone. “When you return with me, I will give you more of what I hold inside me. I will take you to my chamber and you will know what I know. Until then, I must share one more memory with you.”

  He picked up the fallen pouch and emptied the remaining traces of green powder into his hand. He tried to spit into the dust but his mouth was dry. I spat into his hands. He bowed his head.

  After the last memory, I had a suspicion, but I needed him to confirm it. I didn’t want to utter my hopes, only to have them crushed.

  He circled his arms around me and held one hand to my chest just above the collar of my chemise. As I looked up into his eyes I knew I trusted him implicitly. He had exposed every lie I had believed, and there was something about that which gave me more comfort than the gentleness of his touch or his concern for me. I continued staring into the black depths of his eyes as the darkness overpowered me.

  The jungle rose up all around me. The smell of wet earth and dusky trees wafted like perfume through the heavy air. Immediately I felt at home in this memory and at home in this body. I was myself.

  Nose birds zipped through the rainbow of flowers, and tree snails chittered above our heads. There was nowhere else I wanted to be more. I ran, free for the moment. I picked up the hem of my dress lest I trip like my sister.

  “Slow down,” Faith said, giggling as she chased after me.

  I took her by the hand, so I wouldn’t leave her behind. I turned my face toward her to see her smile and then turned back to the path ahead.

  Something large swung toward me and I ducked back. Taishi swung upside down from a tree, startling both of us. Faith fell onto her behind and whimpered.

  I laughed and shook my head at Taishi. “Always the trickster?”

  Faith wailed. I patted my sister on the back. “Look, it’s just Taishi.”

  Faith’s shouts startled a flock of nose birds that darted from their hiding places and flew off. “Why must you always play jokes on me? Look what you did! You made me dirty my dress!”

  “Such a cry baby! How old are you? Ten?” Taishi said.

  “I’m thirteen!”

  He imitated her crying.

  This made her cry even louder. Tree snails twittered with anxiety. He tugged on one of her braids. “Oh, shush.”

  I slapped his hand away. “You aren’t helping. You must be nice to Faith—even when I’m not—and treat her like your own little sister.”

  “I do. That’s why I tease her, ne?”

  “Well, maybe your little sister doesn’t want you to tease her and make her cry either. Promise me you won’t make Faith cry. Please.”

  He nodded, his cheery expression solemn for once. He took Faith’s little hands in his. “Sorry, little sister. Forgive me?”

  She nodded and dried her eyes on her sleeves. “If only you were a true gentleman who carried a handkerchief.”

  I was relieved Taishi didn’t answer. I rolled my eyes and handed her my own.

  He took up my hands now and stared into my eyes. “Angry?” he asked. I suspected he apologize
d to Faith for my benefit more than hers.

  I shook my head. “I’m not angry.”

  He tugged Faith to her feet. She stretched out her arms and he groaned. “I’m not your chiramantep.” He allowed her to climb onto his back anyway, and he carried her to the cliff.

  “Will we ride real chiramantep again today? I want the baby one. He’s small like me,” she said.

  I wondered if the chiramantep would be enough to distract my sister. Would I have to take Faith with me into the women’s hut where Taishi’s mother was bound to be? Just thinking of the Jomon words I would say, and inevitably the way I would fumble the meanings, made me nervous. What if she told me I couldn’t have her son for my betrothed? I was certain she would tell me I was too young. Or she would ask me what my father said and I would have to admit I hadn’t spoken with him yet. Or she would refuse because I was a gaijin and I had no soul like the elders whispered.

  It still hurt when I bethought what the elders had said of us on our last visit.

  My vision dimmed. I held onto the image of the forest and clung to where I had been, but it was over all too soon.

  I slipped back into myself. The memory had been my own. I blinked awake, the sterile room grating against my senses. I closed my eyes against the harsh light. Nipa rocked me back and forth as though I were a child. I was so relaxed I didn’t want to question how he had come to possess my memory to give it back to me. I didn’t want to think about my sister. The world was too cozy to think deeply.

  He kissed my hair and face. The minutes slipped by and the drowsy allure of the memory moss faded.

  “I will return the rest of your memories when we are home,” he said.

  The weight of his words sank in. He would return my memories.

  I sat up. “You have my memories?” The meaning of what I had just experienced came back to me. My stomach clenched. All and sundry emotions welled up inside me: relief, anger, fear and hope. I stared into his black eyes and smoothed a hand over his jaw. I searched his face for some resemblance to the boy I had once known, but found he was too different to recognize. There were no round cheeks, nor the constant smile. Nor could I even picture Taishi’s face in my mind.

  “There is a reason I have kept your memories safe, but not for any of the reasons you had guessed.” He swallowed. “I think ‘trauma’ is the right word for what you experienced. I couldn’t stand to see you in pain. You asked me to help you. I did in the only way I knew how.” He smoothed his hands up and down the tattooed surface of my arms.

  I wasn’t sure if he referred to the attack or a different matter. I remembered the blood and the pain I’d been in when Lord Klark had first found me. Someone had injured me. Looking into the black pools of sorrow in Nipa’s—Taishi’s—eyes, I couldn’t imagine he had been the one to harm me.

  He had been the boy I loved and the man I had come to love again.

  I stared at the double bands just below my elbows. “You and I married long ago.”

  He nodded.

  “When I arrived here at your cliff palace, how long before you knew it was me?” I asked.

  “The first moment I saw you. Your face is unchanged. Horiuchi, the leader of the hunting team who found you, told me he recognized you. The warriors might have killed your entire party had you not been in it.”

  It broke my heart that the trust between our peoples was so shattered that it was safer to shoot first and ask questions later rather than the reverse. But after seeing the horror of his own memories, I understood why.

  “I was surprised that you should not know me,” he said. “I thought when we spoke in private you would admit you knew it was me. That first meeting I had thought to embrace you and proclaim my love for you all over again, but then I realized you didn’t know me. And it looked as though you were in love with another man. I planned to tell you who I was the following day after I had time to recover, but once I realized you thought I had stolen your memories and done something horrible to you, I was afraid you wouldn’t listen.”

  I traced the shape of his plump lips and square chin. He didn’t resist when I tugged off the tanuki mask in the bright light of the medical room. Even if I had seen his face, I wouldn’t have known it. He had changed so much, not just with the lines of age around the eyes and mouth, but the shape of his jaw was now defined. The bridge of his nose was thicker and I could see in the harsh light the asymmetry that suggested it had been broken. A scar marred one cheek, etching a pink line into his hair. No longer was he a thin, lanky boy with a round face, but a man whose muscles had filled out.

  The biggest difference was the easy smile I had once seen so often, now replaced with grief caused by years of hardship.

  My breath caught in my throat. This was not the man I had left seven years before. “How is it that you have aged so much?” I immediately regretted the bluntness of my words, for it sounded like I was saying he was old or ugly, which wasn’t my intention.

  He laughed and shook his head. “How is it that you stayed so young? Faith says it has to do with star travel. Your time is different.”

  “Faith! Where is my sister?”

  “Safe and in hiding. She will come to you after you have all your memories, but no sooner. She has her own secrets to keep and wishes you to know your own before you would hear hers.”

  That was suspiciously vague. When I thought of Faith, guilt and anxiety blossomed in my chest. Did these almost memories have something to do with my trauma? Had we parted under less than amiable circumstances?

  “I kept her safe for you. Like I promised,” he said.

  He kissed my temple and wrapped an arm around me, careful not to touch my dress with the green goo on his hands. I laughed and took his hands in mine, wiping them on my skirts, not caring. He chuckled and kissed me. With his expression merry and light, his eyes crinkled into half moon shapes and I could see the resemblance to the boy he once had been. The lines of his eyes reminded me of his mother’s eyes.

  I smoothed a hand over his cheek and kissed his lips. When I focused, I found they held the same love I once had known. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.

  “My husband,” I said, trying the words on my tongue. They felt natural.

  I ran my fingers over his muscled chest, kissed his scars and hugged him again. He slid my blouse down my shoulders and unbuttoned my skirts. I fell on top of him, nibbling my way down his chest. He had just unlaced my corset and thrown it on the floor when Mr. Foster came in the room.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.

  ―George Washington, former president of the United Worlds of Planets

  Mr. Foster’s jaw fell open and he staggered back at the sight of us. “Good god!” He looked from one of us to the other. “Miss Earnshaw, do you need assistance in getting this savage off you?”

  At the moment, I was far more on Taishi Nipa than he was on me. That reply, of course, would not suffice. “I believe I was overcome with a fit of . . . um, fainting, when the Tanukijin emperor thought he could assist by removing my corset.” I covered myself with my blouse and stood. “Ahem. I’m much better, I assure you.”

  Mr. Foster’s eyes were still wide and his mouth gaped like a fish. He stared at the tattoos on my arm, his mustache twitching. “I just, um, pardon me. I came to tell you there’s a problem with those beasts in the cargo bay.”

  One chiramantep paced back and forth, letting out an occasional cry. The other, the smaller one I’d ridden, writhed on the floor, kicking out at the wall and then falling into a motionless stupor.

  “If you need me to put those animals out of their misery, I have a laser gun and I know how to use it,” Mr. Foster offered.

  Upon hearing his voice, the mewling chiramantep growled and reared up on his hind legs.

  Nipa pointed at the door and spoke in Jomon. “Out.” His word needed no translation.

  Mr. Foster e
yed me doubtfully. Even fully dressed and assuring him thrice that I was quite well, he didn’t believe me. He grudgingly withdrew.

  “If only I had more memory moss,” Nipa said. “We use it as a painkiller on areas that ail them.” He circled behind the blue fuzzball and stroked the animal’s head. The chiramantep whined, a pathetic sound that broke my heart.

  “What’s wrong with him?” I asked. There was no injury that I saw.

  Taishi Nipa nodded to the gnawed-on bulkheads. “As you might have observed, chiramantep eat anything and everything. They especially like memory moss, but memory moss doesn’t like them. Sometimes they find a patch we don’t know about and this happens.” He gestured to the animal.

  The ailing chiramantep kicked out at the wall again. Taishi stroked his head, avoiding the horns and incisors. The animal abruptly stopped and whimpered. The air became acrid with an odor I associated with chiramantep excretion and sure enough, a pink puddle pooled out from the back end. The whimpering intensified into a shrill, ethereal screech. Tears welled up in the chiramantep’s eyes. A metallic thud echoed in the room, though neither of the chiramanteps had kicked out.

  Taishi backed up and grabbed my arm. The animal rolled over and shook itself, splattering pink urine on the walls. Captain Ford would be ever so pleased with me.

  The chiramantep pranced over to his friend and licked the female’s cheek.

  In the pink puddle on the floor lay a red stone.

  “Is that what I think it is?” I asked.

  Taishi stepped over, nudging it out of the puddle with his boot. “We call them chiramantep stones. The animals get them if they ingest memory moss. Children sometimes collect them for their pebble game.” He picked it up and wiped it on his pants. “Your red diamonds.” He held it out to me.

  I shook my head and laughed. If there was a planet out there where animals excreted diamonds, then surely there had to be a world where trees were made of chocolate or the people made out of peppermint. I didn’t know which was more dangerous, candied people or diamond excretions.