by Sam Akande
“That’s right,” Plair replied.
“What type of messages?” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“Sexual, very sexual ones,” Plair replied.
“Mister Tairt, you read what Mayor Kars sent to Mister Vitts’ girlfriend?” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“No, but I listened to the mayor’s voice notes,” Plair replied.
“What was in the voice notes?” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“The mayor said he was very horny and wanted to hook up,” Plair replied.
Gasps disgorged from the gallery.
“The voice notes were about hooking up?” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“That’s right,” Plair replied.
“Did Mister Vitts pay you and Adnam for assisting him?” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“No, Lyiotk said we would get a million liquets out of Mayor Kaars,” Plair replied.
“Mister Vitts nixed the payment from Mayor Kaars because he was being cautious?” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“Lyiotk wanted to execute Mayor Kaars but Adnam and myself kicked against it,” Plair replied.
“So Mister Vitts was going to murder Mayor Kaars?” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“Yes, sir. We told him we would report him to the authorities. But Adnam and I were petrified of being implicated,” Plair replied.
“Does Mister Vitts live at two hundred New Quay Avenue?” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“Lyiotk doesn’t live there, his grandparents do,” Plair replied.
“Were Mister Vitts’ grandparents aware that Mayor Kaars was in their cellar?” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“No, his grandparents were on holiday when we smuggled Mayor Kaars into the house,” Plair replied.
“Who procured the guns?” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“Adnam supplied the guns. He got them from his cousin who is in Whiff Twenty,” Plair replied.
“Whiff Twenty, the gang?” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“That’s right,” Plair replied.
“Is Mister Kort also in Whiff Twenty?” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“Yes, he is,” Plair replied.
“How about you and Mister Vitts,” the prosecuting barrister inquired.
“Lyiotk and I aren’t,” Plair replied.
Whiff Twenty, a gang of pickpockets, were known in Le-Croff as skilled thieves. They plied train stations, nightclubs, robbing their victims. The gang had become minacious owing to the slashing of community police funds.
The defence barrister cross-examined Plair.
“Mister Tairt, you affirmed that Mayor Kaars sent sexual messages to Mister Vitts’ girlfriend,” the defence barrister inquired.
“That’s what Lyiotk told us,” Plair replied.
“You listened to Mayor Kaars’ voice notes?” the defence barrister inquired.
“Yes sir, I listened to the Mayor’s voice notes,” Plair replied.
“Was Mister Vitts shattered by his girlfriend’s affair with the mayor?” the defence barrister inquired.
“Lyiotk was dolorous,” Plair replied.
“So Mister Vitts was smitten with his girlfriend,” the defence barrister inquired.
“He was in love with her,” Plair replied.
“Mister Tairt, how did you men ferret out the mayor’s home?” the defence barrister inquired.
“Lyiotk saw the mayor’s address on his girlfriend’s phone,” Plair replied.
“Mister Tairt, thank you,” the defence barrister said, winding up the cross-examination of Plair.
The Defence asked for the mayor’s messages and voice notes to be admitted as evidence. Judge Mangaver assented.
Proceedings were deferred for ten days.
The unfurling saga reverted residents of Le-Croff. Some were already drumming up the resignation of Frank Kaars.
At the recommencement of the hearing, screenshots of the mayor’s messages were perused.
“I wanna be ridden tonight.”
“I’m stressed, I’ve got to be relieved.”
Mayor Kaars’ voice notes were also played.
“These union bosses are boring me, gotta unwind with some.”
“I wanna be a naughty boy, you have to deliver tonight.”
Everyone was benumbed by the X-rated content.
Lyiotk’s ex-girlfriend, LaKeisha Mvani, thirty one, pompadour hairstyle, curvaceous and soft-spoken, deponed.
“Miss Mvoni, you worked as Mayor Kaars’ personal assistant,” the Defence barrister inquired.
“I did. For a year,” LaKeisha replied.
“Mister Vitts was your boyfriend?” the Defence barrister inquired.
“Lyiotk and I were actually engaged,” LaKeisha replied.
“Why was the engagement called off?” the Defence barrister inquired.
“He thought I cheated on him with the mayor,” LaKeisha replied.
“What made him think you cheated with Mayor Kaars?” the Defence barrister inquired.
“He saw the messages and voice notes. He didn’t listen to my explanation,” LaKeisha replied.
“What he saw was self-explanatory,” the Defence barrister said.
“I didn’t cheat on him!” LaKeisha replied crisply.
“Why the raunchy texts from the mayor if you weren’t cheating?” the Defence barrister inquired.
“I recruited escorts and strippers for Mayor Kaars,” LaKeisha replied.
A blistering folderol inundated the court.
“You recruited escorts and strippers for the mayor?” the Defence barrister inquired.
“Yes, I did,” LaKeisha replied.
“But it still doesn’t explicate the raunchy texts from the mayor to you,” the Defence barrister said.
“They were instructions from the mayor to fetch him the ladies. There was nothing indecorous from me to Mayor Kaars,” LaKeisha replied.
“So, when the mayor said he’s got to be relieved, he was purporting you muster ladies for him?” the Defence barrister inquired.
“Spot on!” LaKeisha replied.
The Prosecuting barrister debriefed LaKeisha.
“Miss Mvoni, did Mayor Kaars coerce you into recruiting escorts for him?” the Prosecuting barrister inquired.
“No, there wasn’t any coercion from Mayor Kaars,” LaKeisha replied.
“Enlisting escorts for the mayor wasn’t in your contract as a personal assistant, was it?” the Prosecuting barrister inquired.
“No, but I was scared out my wits that I might upset the mayor by balking at his impetration,” LaKeisha replied.
“Miss Mvoni, where did Mayor Kaars meet with these women?” the Prosecuting barrister inquired.
“Mayor Kaars has a suite at the Magnifique Jardin Hotel. But once, while his wife and children were out of Le-Croff, it was at his house,” LaKeisha replied.
“How often did you conscript escorts and strippers for the mayor?” the Prosecuting barrister inquired.
“Every weekend. The ladies were required to sign a non-disclosure agreement,” LaKeisha replied.
“They signed a non-disclosure agreement,” the Prosecuting barrister inquired.
“Yes, the mayor’s lawyer prepared the paperwork,” LaKeisha replied.
“Your ex-boyfriend had the foible of going through your phone, right?” the Prosecuting barrister inquired.
“That’s right,” LaKeisha replied.
“Mister Lyiotk has trust issues?” the Prosecuting barrister inquired.
“Yes he does,” LaKeisha replied.
Lyiotk Vitts and Adnam Kort were sentenced to thirteen years’ imprisonment. Plair Tairt got five years because he plea-bargained.
The mayor’s capering with escorts and strippers was adumbrated by the dailies.
Frank Kaars’ romps precipitated a protest for his resignation by the workers unions, citizens of Le-Croff and the mayor’s arch-enemies, the Great
Patriots.
Jasper Jabari, in his ripped jeans, kimono and boots, was yowling pugnaciously.
“Frank Kaars! Frank Kaars!”
“Not our mayor!” the dissenters replied.
They picketed in front of the mayor’s office with phrases such as:
“Frank must resign. If the unions bore you, you shouldn’t be mayor.”
“Let’s be frank, Mayor Frank has made Le-Croff dank,” on their banners.
Bahati Kellan posted on Rantpage:
“Mayor Kaars, step aside. Le-Croff is bilious from your mayorship.”
Likra Majara, the Liberation Party nominee, when accosted by the press said:
“The Democratic Advancement Party and Frank Kaars have desecrated Le-Croff. Frank should bow out.”
The mayor’s bobblehead sidled in stores.
‘I wanna be ridden tonight’, the doll screeched with the flick of a button. Frank Kaars 3D t-shirts with the slogan ‘Freaky Mayor’ were also being sold.
Multi-millionaire Krux Karv, in his sixties, was behind the merchandise. Krux backed the mayor with millions of liquets, but had now crossed over to the Liberation Party.
“I’m done with him. He’s an infamy,” Krux said.
“Everyone is waking up and smelling the coffee,” Stivo Cobbler, Chairman of the Liberation Party, said.
The badgering of the mayor by nit-pickers was obdurate.
Chapter Ten
M ayor Kaars was struck a blow. Two of his cabinet secretaries, that for Tourism, Shanti Bargaars, and for Commerce, Vaklar Cunporrs, left him high and dry.
Vaklar was reticent about his departure, but Shanti wasn’t.
Shanti Bargaars, forty one, long braids and revered within the Democratic Advancement Party and the Unified Alliance. She wrote on Rantpage:
“My loyalty is to our party.”
Shanti had been tipped to be the flagbearer for the Democratic Advancement Party after Frank Kaars’ incumbency. She was a veteran, a former lieutenant in the Patriccanese Army, who had been on the United Nations peacekeeping envoy in many countries. She was a politically sagacious woman.
The cream wallpaper, brown carpet and curtains, office of the mayor, was so humdrum even the gold-framed portrait of a man in black suit, white cravat, a monocle, and tobacco pipe in his mouth looked dismayed. The portrait was that of the first Mayor of Le-Croff, Sir Durbbru P. Oyistarr.
Frank Kaars’ fluster was unconcealable like a pregnancy. The mayor was with his chief of staff, Ritigar Voucch.
Ritigar was also Frank’s confidante, nicknamed Voucchie Bear because of his anatomy.
“Aria threw me out. She’s distraught,” Frank said plaintively.
Ritigar peered at the mayor, addled.
“I shouldn’t disturb you with my personal shit,” the mayor said.
“Sir, it’s okay,” Ritigar replied pacifyingly.
“It’s not. They are doing my flipping head in,” Frank said.
“The protestors?” Ritigar asked.
“He without sin, cast the first stone. Sad lunatics,” Frank said.
“They would soon be enervated,” Ritigar said.
“Shanti and Vaklar? Damn,” Frank said disappointedly.
“Mister Mayor, those two are the least of our worries,” Ritigar replied.
“I have a ton of worries, Ritigar. The unions are with the Great Patriots,” Frank said.
“The elixir would be an apology, Mister Mayor,” Ritigar said.
“Elixir!” Frank exclaimed and guffawed.
The mayor lit a cigarette and puffed on it intensely.
“You gave that up didn’t you?” Ritigar asked stupefied.
“Yes, but I’m on the bloody edge. Le-Croff is done with me,” Frank replied.
“Mister Mayor, don’t throw in the sponge, or else the distractors would be beatific,” Ritigar replied.
“The party isn’t defending me. I might just throw in my socks,” Frank replied.
Media adviser to the mayor, Jiborr Fuslor, dashed in. Jiborr, dainty with a fringe, was in a tizzy.
“The press is going on about you being mute,” Jiborr said.
“What do they want from me, for heaven’s sake?” Frank replied.
“To clear the air,” Jiborr said.
“Why should I?” Frank said fuming.
“Sir, you are the mayor. There are allegations of wrongdoing against you,” Jiborr said.
“Jiborr is right,” Ritigar chipped in.
“The voice notes, Secretary Shanti’s post on Rantpage are inimical to you,” Jiborr said.
“Shanti is selfish. Very selfish,” Frank said.
“What’s more damming is two cabinet secretaries quitting on the same day,” Jiborr said.
“How is that more damming? Cabinet reshuffles occur,” Ritigar said.
“There wasn’t anything like that. The media won’t fall for the reshuffle bait,” Jiborr replied.
“The posts are unfilled. She made it known her loyalty wasn’t to me. Jiborr is right. They won’t buy into it,” Frank said.
“They should be reporting on the flipping verdict!” Ritigar shrieked.
“Ritigar! Don’t get your knickers in a twist!” Frank said.
“Le-Croff isn’t mooting on the verdict,” Jiborr said.
“The unions aren’t to be pissed off. Those guys are callous,” Ritigar said.
Jiborr chimed in with him. The mayor was on his sixth cigarette, the office encircled with smog and mephitic nicotine.
“Krux is in the Liberation Party. He’s churning out pillory dolls of me,” Frank quipped.
“Krux is an iniquitous man,” Jiborr said.
“Mister Mayor, you can appease the region,” Ritigar said.
“Ritigar, cut the wishful thinking,” Frank replied.
“His exhortation is tenable. You can propitiate Le-Croff,” Jiborr said.
“Sir, it isn’t wishful thinking, it’s expedient,” Ritigar said.
Forty-eight hours on, Regional Secretary for Transportation, Sliri Puyuk, demitted his position like Shanti and Vaklar.
“Not addressing the elephant in the room won’t make it go away,” he told reporters.
With the mayor’s government crumbling, he was mandated to face Le-Croff in an emotional broadcast:
“Imperfection is human. Sometimes we drift into ruinous decisions but we must learn from our ignoble deeds, and that of others, to be wiser.
“I love Le-Croff with every fibre of my being. My quest for her to prosper is why I ventured into politics. I have judiciously toiled for the amelioration of our region in my two terms.
“The greatest honour of my life is to have been elected. Service to one’s community or nation is a thing of pride.
“I’m gutted that I have let you down.
“I will be bowing out so that the region would be in the hands of someone who can reinstall the faith of the burgess of Le-Croff.
“To the unions, my wife, the Democratic Advancement Party and to the citizens, I’m deeply sorry for my shortcoming.”
Frank Kaars’ resignation was met with carousing by the demonstrators.
“We flushed him out!” an animated Jasper Jabari gloated.
Accoutred in a yellow dhuku, black blouse and jeans, Bahati Kellan appeared on Critical Discourse.
Interviewer:Mayoral aspirant and constitutional lawyer Bahati Kellan is on the hot seat. Let’s get into it.
Bahati Kellan:[mirthingly] Bring it on!
Interviewer:Embattled mayor, Frank Kaars, stepped down four days ago. What’s your take on this?
Bahati Kellan:He grossly abused his office as mayor with his misconduct. He had to go.
Interviewer:You opined Le-Croff was bilious under Frank Kaars.
Bahati Kellan:Yes, the man thought the unions were boring and indulged in orgies.
Interviewer:Did the former mayor give tourism a bolstering?
Bahati Kellan:Whiff Twenty is still running amok. Community policing was tossed
out by Frank Kaars.
Interviewer:Whiff Twenty existed before Frank became the Mayor of Le-Croff.
Bahati Kellan:He could have put an end to them, but he pulled the plug on nabe policing which emboldens the muggers.
Interviewer:So Frank Kaars is to be held liable for the Whiff malady?
Bahati Kellan:Without a doubt. His ill-conceived plan is endangering our lives.
Interviewer:You are an ally to the controversial Great Patriots..
Bahati Kellan:[quizzing] What’s controversial about them?
Interviewer:They are frondeurs, aren’t they?
Bahati Kellan:Reforms in societies are brought about because someone challenged the status quo.
Interviewer:Being an independent is a snag politically, isn’t it?
Bahati Kellan:An independent represents the masses, not a wealthy few.
Interviewer:But your association with Jasper Jabari could be malefic to you.
Bahati Kellan:The unions, citizenry of the region promenaded along with Jasper Jabari and the Great Patriots to push Frank Kaars out.
Interviewer:Mayors have either been from the Liberation Party or the Democratic Advancement Party.
Bahati Kellan:Le-Croff is ravenous for a change. I am what they crave.
Interviewer:Isn’t that a plucky postulation?
Bahati Kellan:It’s not. It’s an irrefutable verity.
Interviewer:The big parties are well-funded. You can’t match them.
Bahati Kellan:Donations are miniscule, but I’ve got the ears of Le-Croff.
Interviewer:So, you aren’t neck and neck with them.
Bahati Kellan:You are gauging my political primacy on spondulicks?
Interviewer:Your ads aren’t on the electronic or print media.
Bahati Kellan:I’m engaging the grass roots, knocking on doors. Your parameters are off.
Interviewer:How plausible is your tack?
Bahati Kellan:Vastly plausible. I’m also au courant with the pitfalls in Le-Croff.
Interviewer:The Liberation and Democratic Advancement parties are cardinal contenders.
Bahati Kellan:The next mayor is up to the voters of the region. You ought to be neutral, not writing off anyone.
Interviewer:Bahati, money is the seasoning of politics.
Bahati Kellan:Very despairing for us because this is why elected officials are not answerable to their constituencies.
