Bear My Soul

by T. S. Joyce

  Cody snorted. “Like a Keller. Towheaded. He looks just like the pictures of me at that age.”

  Gage beamed—beamed, the ass. Like this was anywhere close to the ideal way of becoming a father. “You marked him up good, didn’t you?”

  “Are you congratulating me for my fifteen minutes of help with him? Seriously?”

  “Hell yeah, I am. Being a father is… Cody, your life is about to change in the coolest ways.”

  “Yeah, except you forgot one thing. I’m not with Rory. She left me out of his life completely until tonight. She didn’t come back here because she has long buried feelings for me. She came back because she needs help with Aaron.”

  “Aaron,” Gage whispered, the dumb smile spreading his face like he hadn’t just heard what Cody had said.

  “Forget it, man,” Cody grumbled, throwing enough cash on the bar to cover the beer and a nice tip. “I can’t talk about this with you.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I need you to have my back. I need you to just listen and sympathize. I’m not like you, Gage. I’m not a family man. I just found out I have a kid. A kid. A five-year-old, intelligent, sweet kid that hasn’t needed anything from me his whole life.”

  “So, you can make it up to him. Rory is here because she needs you in her son’s life, right?”

  “Our son. Yeah.”

  “I get why you feel like you can’t go after Rory, and that sucks. You can’t screw up a relationship with your kid’s mother. Especially if she’s a runner. But Aaron has a chance to thrive here with cousins his own age and a family. This isn’t the end of your life, Cody. It’s the beginning of it.”

  “Krueger is back.” Just thinking of the government official that made his life a living hell, Cody fought the urge to grip the bottle until it shattered in his hands.

  “What?” Gage asked, leaning forward and pitching his voice low. “How long?”

  “He’s been pressing on me for two months. I think he’s prepping me for another mission or maybe another tour. I don’t know.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “Because that’s the burden of the alpha sometimes, brother. He threatens exposure, threatens my family, and I do whatever he wants me to.”

  Gage’s eyes rolled closed, and he rubbed his forehead. “You’re worried he’ll find out about Aaron.”

  Defeated, Cody nodded. “If I pursue a relationship with my kid, I put both him and his mother in danger. And she’s human, Gage. She’s not built to survive the shit we’ve lived through. She was afraid to let me know Aaron existed because she thought I’d be a danger to him.” The words he needed to say bubbled like acid up his throat. “She’s right.”

  For the last four years, Krueger had been the middle man between the Breck Crew and a government bent on using them for their unique abilities. Two tours in the war and several black ops missions Cody wasn’t allowed to talk about, and it was clear as crystal the government was just getting started with him and his brothers. Oh, they knew exactly who and what the bears of Breckenridge were. Each of the Breck Crew sported a tracker in their neck to make sure they were neatly controlled and watched by Big Brother. And now Aaron would be in the crosshairs, too.

  “What is the threat this time?” Gage asked in a somber tone.

  “They’re considering making us register as shifters to the public.”

  “They’re going to out us?”

  “Not if I do what they say. That’s the current deal, anyway.”

  Gage made a single clicking sound behind his teeth and looked sick. “They won’t stop until you’re dead, Cody.”

  He cracked his knuckles and stared over the glass case of fine whiskeys behind the bar. “I know.”

  He’d accepted that years ago, but now he had something else to fight for besides his crew. Besides his family.

  He had a son. And he couldn’t stand the thought that someday, when he was a casualty of what the agency forced him to do, Krueger would press on Aaron the same way.

  Chapter Five

  Cody had definitely bowed out.

  It had been two days since he’d met Aaron, and Rory hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him since.

  Her boy had asked where he was, and at a loss for what to tell him, she did her best to keep him happy and distracted. Aunt Leona had helped by filling their days with fun. They’d painted pottery at a little shop at the base of the mountain, and it would be ready, fired, and usable in another couple of days when the nice lady who worked there pulled the soup bowls they’d painted out of the kiln. They’d gone on hikes and visited a dog park so Aaron could watch the puppies play. And at the river that wound right along Main Street, they’d watched the brown backs of trout as they waited for tourists to throw pellets of food down to them. Aunt Leona had even taken them on a special tour of a gold mine up the mountain where Aaron got to pan for little flakes. Ever since he’d been carrying the little vile with a smattering of tiny gold flecks inside. A trio of miniature donkeys had followed them around the mine, waiting for them to share the snacks they’d brought.

  Rory felt relaxed for the first time in as long as she could remember. She’d hadn’t had a vacation or even a day to just be since Aaron had been born. It was easier here, lighter. Aunt Leona truly loved her great nephew and helped watch him so Rory could relax and look around every once in a while.

  And Breckenridge was stunning in the summer. Lush greens covered everything, and in every piney wilderness they hiked through, frogs croaked and bees hummed. This had been her paradise growing up. Visiting her aunt on summer breaks from school had always been what she waited for all year. She’d gotten bogged down in her fog of worry since she’d become a mother, but now, she was reminded of just how much she loved this place. For the first time in a long time, she could enjoy Aaron’s playful spirit.

  His peals of laughter were a balm to her soul and took the sting off Cody’s rejection.

  But in the quiet moments, like when she was sitting on a boulder watching her son wade in the shallows of the trout river, or when she reclined on a bench as he skipped around the playground off Main Street, or right now, as she washed the dinner dishes—that’s when she thought of Cody.

  Why had he acted hurt if he had no intention of seeing his son again? Why had he told her not to leave if he wasn’t going to make the effort to connect with Aaron? She’d gotten a glimpse that he cared, but maybe she’d been mistaken.

  The phone rang as she rinsed a plate. Rory smiled to herself because it was probably Nina or Doris, who phoned frequently. Aaron was bathed and in his little plaid moose pajamas, ramming two trucks together on the wooden floor beside her as she cleaned up from the homemade lasagna dinner she’d made for the three of them.

  “Hey,” Aunt Leona said low. “This call’s for you.”

  Frowning, Rory rinsed the suds off her hands and dried them, then took the cordless landline from her aunt. “Hello?”

  “Hey, it’s me.” Oh, what Cody’s voice did to her insides, all deep and husky like that.

  She patted Aaron’s head, then stepped into the other room. “I thought you forgot about us.”

  “Ha, no. You guys are all I can think about, actually. I’m sorry it took so long for me to get back with you. I should’ve told you. I’m on a forty-eight hour shift up at the station.”

  “Station?”

  “Yeah, I’m a firefighter. I do two days on, three days off. Listen, I was wondering if I could drop by after I get off in the morning. How early do you wake up?”

  Rory sank down onto the bottom bunk in Aaron’s room and stared at the rails above her. “What time would I like to wake up? Noon, but Aaron wakes up with the birds.”

  Cody chuckled and said, “He’s a morning person?”

  “Yeah. You should hear him when he wakes up, too. There is no grumpy phase with him. He chatters on and on about any and everything. His good moods are borderline obnoxious that early,” she teased. “So, a firefighter, huh? That sounds l
ike a dangerous profession.”

  “You worried about me?”

  She inhaled sharply at the turn the conversation had taken.

  “Sorry,” he muttered. “This is uncharted territory for me. So…I’ve been thinking.”

  “That sounds foreboding.”

  “I think we should come up with some ground rules. Together. We don’t know each other very well, and now we have a kid together. Or we’ve always had a kid together, but now I have to figure out where I belong in this family, you know?”

  “Family?” she whispered.

  “Yeah, Rory. I’m not asking you to fall in love with me, but I think we have to form some kind of friendship in order for this to work so we can both have a relationship with Aaron and it be as easy as possible for everyone.”

  “So, you want to be friends?”

  “Yes. Just friends. You can date whomever you want, and I’ll do the same. It’ll take the pressure off of us.”

  Date other people. Her mind was absolutely not on dating right now, but if she was being honest, she didn’t like the thought of Cody with anyone else. Wait, what? Where had that troubling thought come from?

  “Okay, you’ll continue dating that woman you were with at the pizzeria.” She could do this—be mature about having a friendship with Aaron’s father.

  “Okay, now you go,” he said.

  “Hmm?”

  “What are your rules? I know you have them with Aaron. Lay ’em on me.”

  “Oh, right. Okay, no overnight visits or alone visits until I’m comfortable.”

  “You mean until you trust me,” he said in a flat voice.

  “Yes. And just to be up front, I’m only staying through the rest of the week, so I might not get there on this trip.”

  The other end went silent.

  “Cody? Are you still there?”

  “Yeah.” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “I just didn’t realize you’d be taking him away so soon. Okay, but you’ll visit. How often?”

  “As often as I’m able if it’ll help Aaron. And if you want the relationship. With him,” she added. “I just left my job, though, and need to find work after this week, so I don’t know how long it will be between this visit and the next one. I don’t know how much vacation time I’ll be allowed off, and we live far away. It gets expensive, and well, I don’t have much money. Not that I’m asking for any. We do fine, but it’s just been Aaron and me for a long time.”

  “Where do you live?”

  “Oklahoma.”

  “Jesus,” he murmured, sounding a lot less happy than he had a few minutes ago. “If it’s money that is ever the problem keeping you from here, please tell me. I’ll take care of it.”

  “I don’t feel right about that.”

  “You don’t have to feel right about it, Rory. Aaron is my kid, too, and I haven’t paid for anything his whole life. If you ever need help, tell me, and I’ll take care of you. I mean…you, as in both of you. Geez, I’ve been thinking about this conversation for two days, and I meant to be smoother about it.”

  Her eyebrows wrenched up as she pursed her lips. Cody was about seven levels out of her league, and he was nervous about talking to her? “I think you are being very smooth.”

  “You’re teasing me.”

  “We’re friends, right? Teasing comes along with the territory.”

  He inhaled deeply across the line. “I get off at seven in the morning. Can I take you and Aaron out for breakfast? There’s this donut place on the main strip that serves giant pancakes. I don’t want to put too much on you too fast, but my family wants to meet you and Aaron.”

  “Your family?” Nervous flutters filled her stomach, and she rolled to her side on the bed. “Tomorrow?”

  “If I don’t let them meet you, my Ma will be up at your aunt’s house begging a visit with her grandson. She’s been like a dog on a bone since you blew into town.”

  “Whoa, I just realized Aaron has a grandma. That’s crazy.”

  “Are your parents not in the picture?”

  “Umm.” None of her wanted to have this conversation now, or ever, really.

  “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I don’t. Not yet,” she said softly, grateful that he was giving her an out. A subject change was best. “So, are you at the fire station right now?”

  “Yeah. We have our own bedrooms up here. Nothing fancy, just a small room with a bed, closet, and an outlet to charge my phone. Which reminds me. Most of the time, we stay pretty busy up here, but if you need me, try to call my cell. If I don’t pick up right away, I’ll call you back as soon as I can. I mean, if Aaron is Changing and you need help, or if you just want to talk. About Aaron. Or anything. Just call.” He cleared his throat again. “Is the boy still up?”

  “Yeah. His bath time is around eight every night. Aunt Leona bought him these red and black plaid long-john pajamas that say Moose Caboose on the little butt-flap. They’re so cute, it’s ridiculous.” God, the longer she talked to Cody, the easier this felt. It was nice to share this stuff with someone who didn’t just have to ooh and aah out of politeness, but with a person who actually had a stake in her son’s life.

  “Would you mind if I talk to him for a minute?”

  Cody sounded so shy asking that question, it melted her heart into a little puddle. “Yeah,” she said, a little choked up. “Let me go get him.”

  Back in the kitchen, she handed Aaron the phone, and his eyes lit up like firecrackers when she told him it was Cody. She couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation, but the minute Cody had asked for turned into lots of minutes as Aaron told him all about the adventures they’d been on over the past two days. It was cute to hear his take on it. His stories tended to circle back to a frog he almost caught, and she giggled frequently as she led him into the bedroom and tucked him in while he chattered away.

  “Can you sing me a lullaby? Mommy’s tucking me in, and she always sings. But yesterday, Aunt Leona sang about pretty little horsies, and when I asked her if you liked to sing, she said she bet you had a sessy voice.”

  Rory’s eyes bugged out of her head, and she covered the accidental grin with the back of her hand and tried not to snort-giggle. Cody talked for a minute longer while Rory kissed Aaron’s forehead and flipped off the light. And when her boy grew quiet and his eyes heavy, she tiptoed back over to the bottom bunk and pressed her ear near the phone.

  Cody was singing “Enter Sandman” by Metallica in a soft, deep voice. Oh, dear lord, that wasn’t at all appropriate as a lullaby, but it was putting Aaron right to sleep. And as she listened with her head resting against the pillow near her son’s, it struck her that the song choice seemed so…Cody. He was new to this dad thing, but it was sexy as hell that he didn’t balk against singing a lullaby to his boy. He was a rough and tumble firefighter, up at the station, and probably in a room right next to the other men and women who worked there, but he was totally cool with singing into the phone.

  “Aaron?” Cody asked in a voice as soft as a breeze.

  “He’s asleep,” Rory whispered, plucking the phone from Aaron’s little hand.

  “Ooh,” Cody groaned. “Did you hear that?”

  She kissed Aaron on the tip of his tiny nose and padded out of the room. “Aunt Leona was right. You do have a sessy voice.”

  “Shut it,” he said, a smile in his tone. “I thought I was singing to a five-year-old audience. Don’t tell anyone I did that, or I’ll deny it forever.”

  “Aw, you’re just a mushy teddy bear in a gym rat’s body.”

  Cody laughed a deep, booming sound, and she imagined him staring at the ceiling of his tiny station room. She stepped onto the front porch and sank into a rocking chair.

  “Do you want to pick us up tomorrow morning, or do you want us to meet you at the restaurant?”

  “If you’re okay dealing with the big family meeting, I owe you a ride. Is seven too early? I can tell them to meet later if you
want.”

  “No, that’s fine.” She swallowed hard as she stared at the stars dotting the clear night sky. “I’m nervous.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want to screw this up. What you said about us being a family earlier—that sounded nice. I mean, I know it’s not a real family, because we aren’t together like that, but I like that we are going to try to be friends, for Aaron. It’s a relief to not feel so alone in all of this. Ugh, sorry. I let this get too heavy.”

  “I don’t mind heavy, Rory. I like when you’re honest. And I’m glad you came here and told me about him. It must’ve been really hard raising him on your own, especially if his little bear is out of control.”

  “Do you think you can help him?”

  “I know I can. Everything is going to be fine. I promise.”

  Cody sounded so sure of his oath a huge weight lifted from her chest. Finally, she could breathe easy and not fear the future. If what he said was true, Aaron could be okay. He could lead a normal life, like Cody seemed to be doing.

  “I’ll see you in the morning, Rory,” he said in that low voice of his.

  “Okay. G’night, Cody.”

  When she hung up the phone, she touched her lips as if she’d just been kissed. He’d sung her son to sleep and made her feel safe for the first time in a long time.

  But they were just friends, and nothing more. That was how this arrangement worked.

  Just friends, right, but that wasn’t going to stop her from harboring a top secret crush on Cody-The-Sexy-Fireman-Keller.

  Chapter Six

  Rory pulled her auburn locks behind her shoulders and considered covering the freckles across her nose with foundation. She’d already done her green eyes up with eye shadow and mascara and plumped her lips with pink gloss, but ever since Aaron had sprouted freckles like hers across his cheeks, she’d started forgoing make-up to cover her own. It seemed the only thing he’d inherited from her.

  She pulled her jeans on under her green blouse and hoped this was appropriate attire for meeting Cody’s family. No, for meeting Aaron’s family. She had to make a good impression for both of the men in her life.