Bear My Soul

by T. S. Joyce

  “Shit,” Cody gritted out, clutching his chest. He pulled out of her, and wetness trickled down her legs. Scrambling backward, he nearly fell off the bed trying to escape her.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked, staring at his hand as he clutched his chest. Baffled, she looked down at her own chest, where she seemed to be burning.

  “Tell me you feel it, Rory. Please, God.” His eyes held agony as he shook his head.

  She’d never seen a man like him scared before now.

  “Please tell me you feel it, too,” he pleaded.

  “It hurts,” she whispered, rubbing the tender place in between her breasts. “What did we just do?”

  Cody’s chest heaved as he searched her face. “I think I just bonded us.”

  Chapter Nine

  Cody sat on the edge of the bed with his back to her. He was fighting a fear she could only imagine. Whatever his bond with Sarah had done before Rory had come along, it had scarred him deeply.

  Slowly, she crawled to him and placed her hand on the hardened cords of muscle in his back. It took minutes of her rubbing gently over the entire expanse for him to relax under her touch.

  “The scariest day of my life was when I had Aaron,” she admitted for the first time out loud. “I was sure I wouldn’t be good enough, fit enough, firm enough. I was just afraid I wouldn’t be enough. My mom disowned me when she found out I was having a child out of wedlock. She is conservative about things like that. My friends were twenty and in college. They were clubbing and drinking and worrying about final exams while I was growing a baby. I had no one except for Aunt Leona, and she lived states away. I had Aaron alone. No one was in the hospital room holding my hand or telling me everything would be all right, and I was so scared. I don’t know what happened between you and Sarah, but I know that look on your face because I’ve seen it in the mirror many times. If you’re scared of me, Cody Keller, I want you to know that you are enough.”

  “You’ll leave,” he said low. “And not just in a few days. Someday you’ll see everything. All of the terrible things I’ve done to protect my people. The lines I’ve crossed. You’ll see how dark I am inside, and you’ll run and never look back.”

  “I’m not running anymore. I’ll stay. All you have to do is ask.”

  His gaze jerked to hers. “You’ll stay here? You and Aaron? With me?”

  “A bond is a big thing, right?”

  A nod as he pivoted his shoulders and rubbed her thigh with his warm hand.

  “And it would hurt you if I took Aaron and left?”

  A wince and another nod.

  “Well,” she said, heart in her throat. “It would hurt me deeply, too. I can’t imagine driving away anymore. I don’t want to break up the family we have. And I don’t care if it isn’t like others. If we aren’t married or if we’re still calling ourselves ‘friends.’ Our family can be different because we’re different. All I know is Aaron…” She paused as tears burned her eyes and she tried to regain control of herself. “Aaron has never smiled so much. And for me? I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you. I broke your bond with Sarah because you didn’t belong with her. You belong with me.”

  A hopeful smile, soft and slow, transformed his face. “Are we really doing this?”

  “If you’ll have us. I mean, I’ll have to find a job here and a place to live and—”

  Cody’s lips collided with hers, and he pulled her over his lap until she straddled his hips. “We’ll figure everything out,” he promised. “Together.”

  Easing back, she cupped his cheeks and searched his dancing eyes. “Are you happy?”

  “Yes.”

  “No more fear?”

  Darkness slashed across his features for an instant before he composed his face again. “Not about us. Not now.”

  “My brave monster not scared of a little human anymore.”

  Cody pulled her down to the bed and curled his body around her, pressing his chest against her shoulder blades. “I would’ve been there for you if I’d have known. I would’ve been in that hospital when Aaron was born, telling you everything was going to be all right.”

  “I know. I had all these reasons for keeping you out of our lives, but now they all seem silly.”

  “When is his birthday?”

  “January ninth. He was seven pounds even when he was born and started sleeping through the night at just four weeks.”

  “Good baby.”

  “He was amazing. I had to drop out of college when he was born, but finished my degree online.”

  “Did you walk the stage?”

  “No. No one was there to see it, and I didn’t have anyone to take care of Aaron.”

  “I’m sorry your mom disowned you. I can’t imagine feeling angry enough at Aaron to abandon him if he needed me like that.”

  “Yeah. That was the hardest part of it all. Just…feeling alone. These last few days have been amazing. Even if someone is there helping watch him with me, I feel so much more relaxed.”

  “Does he play sports yet?”

  “Not yet. Preschool was all I could handle.”

  “Would you mind if I signed him up for T-ball next season? I could coach. It would be good for him to get into sports and learn about teamwork. My brothers and I all play on an intramural baseball team each spring and fall. It helps settle the animal if we stay active.”

  “I think he would love playing T-ball,” she said with a grin at the wall. She stroked his arm that was hooked around her stomach and snuggled back against him. “I’ll like watching you play, too.”

  She imagined nachos and bleachers, suicide sodas and ball caps. And Cody in a pair of tight baseball pants. Yep, she was going to watch the hell out of him playing some intramural sports.

  “I’m going to go check on Aaron,” Cody murmured. He stood and pulled his jeans on. “It’s a new place and a new bed. I’ll be right back.”

  Propping herself up on her elbow, she watched him saunter out of the room. He was going to find out real quick Aaron slept like the dead, but it was incredibly endearing that he was worried. She’d checked on Aaron three times a night for years when he was a baby, paranoid that he’d suddenly stop breathing.

  She couldn’t imagine what Aaron had done to Cody’s already protective instincts.

  She’d been so scared to come back here for Aaron’s sake, and now, she couldn’t imagine their lives without Cody. Hitting rock bottom had ended up being her salvation. Without the desperation for a better future for her son, she would’ve never seen Cody again.

  Without rock bottom, she and the man she was falling in love with would’ve never had a shot at a second chance.

  ****

  The morning had flown by. Cody had dropped her off at Aunt Leona’s at dawn, thanks to some meeting he had to go to in town. She’d made pancakes for Aaron and her aunt and gotten ready for the day. With a couple of hours left before the barbecue, Rory had walked into town with her aunt and son to ride the ski lifts to the top of the mountains. They still ran in the summer for the scenic views. At the very top, where the air was thinner, there were concession stands and rides. The lift was enclosed with carpet seats and windows all around. As soon as the door shut, Aaron had stood against the window and chattered on about all of the animal prints he could see in the creak mud below. And after they’d come back down the mountain, they’d walked down Main Street.

  Much to Aunt Leona’s giggling delight, Rory picked up job applications at the museum, a tourist T-shirt shop, and a couple of restaurants. If she was serious about setting down roots here, she needed an income and a place to stay. She and Aaron couldn’t live in Aunt Leona’s bunk beds forever, and she wanted to take things slow and steady with Cody. Moving in together felt like rushing, and this time around, she wanted to give their relationship a real shot.

  Rory stopped by a quaint real estate shop in the middle of town and picked up a magazine full of rentals. There wasn’t a shortage since tourism ruled Breckenridge. She w
ould fill out the applications tonight and bring them back when she was in town again.

  A half hour before the barbecue was to begin, they meandered up the sidewalk toward Harris Street. Aaron was scarfing down a strawberry and chocolate-filled crepe from a roadside vendor. His appetite had been much improved today. Maybe it was because he was happier, but she suspected it had something to do with his long Change and adventure in the woods with Cody yesterday. She was still in awe that he’d been able to manage Aaron. Cody seemed to have a natural instinct when it came to their son.

  “My messy little moose,” she mused, stooping to wipe his chocolate mustache with a wad of napkins she’s swiped from the crepe shop.

  Aaron looked up at her with wide, happy eyes and smacked his lips. “This is my new favorite second breakfast.”

  “Second breakfast?”

  “Cody says second breakfast can be yummier than first breakfast.”

  “Why am I not surprised that man can put away food like that?” Aunt Leona asked. “He’s a beefcake. Gotta feed that meat.”

  Rory snorted, then blushed as she remembered Cody’s tatted, muscle-ripped body covering hers last night. “They work out a lot up at the station to stay fit for the job. Have you seen his brothers?”

  “Oh, honey, the Blue-Haired Ladies have seen all of those Keller boys. Everyone has. They’re pretty to look at, sure, but they are also local heroes. The town celebrated when those boys came back from the war. Both times. And every one of them is involved in the community. Not the political, boring part of it either. They help with all of the fundraisers, fire safety classes, and parades. They even visit the schools around here and let the kids tour the engine. Those Keller boys are good to the bone, every last one of them. You couldn’t have picked a better daddy for your baby if you tried.”

  Rory smiled sadly as she watched Aaron bound ahead and run a stick along a metal fence, half-eaten crepe dripping chocolate from his other hand. “I wish Mom could meet him. Maybe she’d feel better about everything if she saw what a good man he is.”

  “Well, if she got anywhere close to Cody Keller, I think he’d charm the socks off her. My sister is a stubborn woman, though. She always has been.”

  “Have you talked to her lately?” Rory asked softly.

  “Two weeks ago. She’s doing well. She’s dating some attorney and is living in the suburbs now.”

  “It’s so strange not knowing about my own mom’s life after growing up so close with her.”

  “Yeah, I imagine it would be. Rory, you know none of what happened between you and your mom is your fault, right?”

  Rory plucked a tender lime-green leaf from a bush as she passed and folded it neatly. “I’d argue it’s all my fault. I was the one who had the baby against her advice.”

  “That was on your mother, child. She should’ve never given an ultimatum like that. And her not wanting to get to know her grandson…” Aunt Leona stared after Aaron with a sad shake of her head. “She’s missed out on more than she’ll ever know. That was her choice, though, and I have gone blue in the face harping on her for treating you like that. She only talks to me on the phone if I don’t bring up the past.”

  “Or me.”

  Aunt Leona’s thin lips quirked up in a sympathetic smile as she hugged her against her side and patted Rory’s shoulder. “I’m glad you are your own woman, Rory Dodson. You didn’t let other’s opinions bring you down or change your mind. You stuck to your guns and showed impressive poise in how you have raised your son. Your good parenting shows in how happy and well-adjusted Aaron is. You’re a good momma.”

  Emotion congealed in her chest, and Rory looked away before Aunt Leona could see how much those words touched her. She’d longed to hear any compliment from Mom when she was younger, but being a mother to Aaron was different than making straight As or getting a college scholarship. It was the most important thing she’d ever done, and to hear Aunt Leona, whose opinion mattered so much, tell her she was good at this…well, it meant the entire world.

  “What’s that?” Aaron asked from up ahead. He bolted for the front door of her aunt’s house and picked up a vase of daylilies. “Mommy, I think it’s for you.”

  When Rory reached him, she read the scribbled card aloud. “I didn’t get to do all this stuff the first time around. I’ll make it up to you. Can’t wait to see you and Aaron. Bring your swimsuits. Cody”

  “Oh, I love daylilies. Sweet, sweet man. Does he have a pool at his house?” Aunt Leona asked.

  Rory frowned at the card, rereading it silently. “No. Not even a creak that I saw.”

  “I wonder why you need swimsuits then.”

  “Beats me.”

  Chapter Ten

  It became clear why they needed swimsuits when Rory pulled her little hatchback up the gravel road toward Cody’s cabin. Out front, on the gently sloping lawn, Boone and Dade were unrolling a giant tarp, and Cody was hosing it down and squirting dish soap on it. A tub of water balloons sat off to the side. Beside him, Arie and Tate were bouncing up and down in oversize T-shirts. Rory could practically hear them from here, begging the Keller boys to hurry up and let them slide down.

  “Mommy!” Aaron yelled when he saw the festivities out front. “Do you see that?”

  “I do, baby.”

  “What is that?”

  “It’s a homemade Slip ’N Slide. You run real fast and lay down on it and slide all the way down to the bottom of the hill.”

  “I want to do it!” He rolled down his window and yelled, “Hi Arie! Hi Tate!”

  The twins waved and called out squeaky greetings.

  Rory couldn’t help her grin if she tried for a hundred years. Aaron had a family and cubs his own age he could grow with. He wouldn’t feel so different here. Now, his future stretched on and on, and the potential for him to lead a happy life had improved tenfold.

  She’d been afraid Aaron would have to hide what he was forever, but the Breck Crew offered sanctuary.

  Cody’s smile made her knees knock as she parked the car at the end of a row of pickup trucks and jeeps. He handed Arie the hose and jogged over as she opened her door. Offering her a hand up, he dragged his gaze from her green bikini top to her cutoff jean shorts to her flip-flop clad feet.

  “Damn, woman,” he murmured.

  “Cody!” Aaron hollered. “I’m stuck.”

  With a rapid blink as if he was coming out of a trance, Cody pulled open the back door and freed Aaron from his car seat restraints. The little boy hopped from the car and blasted into Cody’s legs, hugging him so hard his little fists clenched the denim material of his jeans. He kissed Cody’s knee with a loud smack, then bolted a beeline up the hill for Arie and Tate, his little shark-print swim trunks sagging under his neon blue tank top.

  Cody watched him with an expression that would be called soft if it were on a softer man’s face. Cody, however, was all chiseled jaw line and intense eyes. On him, it just looked like pride.

  Rory stepped under his outstretched arm and nuzzled her cheek against the cotton material of the white T-shirt he was wearing, right against the fire department logo over his heart.

  With a crooked grin, he grabbed her ass and squeezed as he leaned down and kissed her lips. He plucked the strap of her bikini and said, “You are a sight for sore eyes.”

  “Did you miss us?”

  “Of course, I did. You’re going to make those long shifts up at the station real hard on me, aren’t you?”

  She walked slowly beside him toward the rest of the crew gathered in plastic lawn chairs around a fire pit. “What are the rules with that? Are we allowed to visit?”

  “Visits are tough because we never know when a call is going to come in. It’s almost Fourth of July, so fireworks have been a problem lately. On slow days you can, though.”

  “What about calling you?”

  “Yeah, there is no rule against calling. I’ll pick up if I’m able and call you back if I’m busy. And if I can find time, I’ll try to ca
ll around Aaron’s bedtime. Hey, I need to tell you something.” He pulled her to a stop and gripped her shoulders. “Shayna is our dispatcher. We don’t work in the same building, but I wanted you to find out from me. I have to talk to her still, professionally.”

  “Oh. That’s okay.” Did she like the idea of Shayna still having any kind of relationship with Cody, professional or otherwise? No. But he was telling her up front because he obviously didn’t want to pursue anything with the woman. “Thanks for telling me.” With a put-upon sigh, she said, “I suppose I’ll have to stop calling my exes if we’re going to date exclusively.”

  His eyes narrowed. “What exes?”

  “Joke.”

  With a growl, he threw her over his shoulder and strode toward the fire pit as she giggled. “Wait, I brought desert! And towels. And I need to shut my car door!”

  He spun so fast it made her stomach lurch back into her kicking toes. He shouldered the bag she’d stuffed with towels and sunscreen, balanced the homemade pink lemonade pie she’d thrown together this morning, then kicked the door closed, all while stabilizing her on his shoulder with a cleverly placed hand on her ass. The sexy brute.

  He leaned over and bit her waist gently, then hesitated and stopped. “What is that?”

  Settling her on her feet, he jutted his chin at the pair of silver lines delving down her hips. “Did Aaron make those scars, too?”

  “Yep,” she said, turning so he could see the matching ones on the other side. “Stretch marks, Keller. Your son scarred me up good.”

  Cody’s eyes went round, and he leaned down to study them. Running his fingertip down one, he said, “You got these growing my boy?”

  Cody was tough and the strongest man she’d ever met to shoulder what he did. But when he said things like that, words that exposed an inner and unexpected sweetness to a man so rough, it melted her. “Yes,” she said on a breath. “Do you think they’re unsightly? It’s my first time in a swimsuit in front of other people since…you know.”

  He lifted his eyes to hers, and unmistakable honesty pooled in their blue depths as he said, “They’re so fucking beautiful.” A wicked grin slid over his lips. “I want to bite them. I’m going to bite them.”