by Simone Elise
“It’s cool enough for jeans, how does that sound?” I asked as he took his grasp from my arm.
He nodded his head. “Maybe a turtle neck too.”
And I burst out laughing, it’s so strange to me, that my eyes widened by hearing my own laughter. Hudson caught it to, and he just winked at me, as if telling me not to overthink it. Like I shouldn’t be guilty for laughing when Maddox was in a hospital.
I walked out of mine and Maddox’s dorm room, and down the hall. It was still semi hot, but I told Hudson I’d wear jeans, so I was holding up my end of the bargain. But I was wearing a crop top with it. And as I walked into the common room, I was immediately overwhelmed. Fucking people everywhere. The south charter chapters were here and the place was brimming.
I felt my anxiety go up three levels, as someone accidently pushed me out of the way. Okay this was a terrible idea. There was no Maddox, to pull me from out of the way before a fight. Because I always had this ability to be in the heat of the moment spot, where a fight breaks out. Maddox usually saved me from them.
I took one step back, into a firm toned, and fucking muscular chest.
“No backing out sweetheart.” He whispered loudly in my ear over the noise of the party.
He then wrapped an arm around me and pulled me through the pub until we where at a table. Ribs was there, a few other men I didn’t know.
Hudson unwrapped his arm around me and went and sat down, when I didn’t immediately sit on his lap, he grabbed my arm, giving me a look—and I slipped onto his lap right away. Couldn’t say it didn’t feel like some sort of home. I was used to his cologne, not used to his being as ripped as he was though—he always had been built but his new status of muscular was something else. I think it had to do with the fact he was National President now. He had to control chaos, needed the muscles to be able to give out punches that ended lives.
They began dealing cards, and I felt so fucking tense sitting on Hudson’s lap, like at any moment someone was going to scream at me to get off.
“Darlin’, relax.” Hudson whispered into my ear, and to outsiders looking in, they would think it was sweet nothings. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t like that was it? “Relax.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because what if a woman tells me to get off.” I say, and he turned his head, looking me in the eyes.
“Ain’t no woman got claim and the only one I wanted to, is currently sitting on my lap. So you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
I relaxed slightly, curling into him, and running my arm behind his neck and let my arm drop over his shoulder. It felt like I had gone back in time years. It felt like.. home.
“So Ellie, what do you think of me fucking a set of twins. Do you think they’d be against it?” Ribs asked as he picked up his cards, taking the cigarette from his mouth.
“Together, or separately?” I asked.
And Ribs cracked his trademark smirk. “Together.” He then gave me a wink. “Only you’d know to ask that question.”
“Well it is you Ribs. You’re a twenty year old player.” I smiled, “So yeah my answer is if you ask them, don’t expect them to be talking to you again in a hurry.” Ribs looked honestly disappointed. I touched his shoulder. “When you going to learn Ribs, porn isn’t real?” I said with a full smile.
“Look she’s making a move on the other one!” A woman hissed, and my back went tense. I didn’t even look in their direction. But it was Hudson who pushed me off his lap, that made me realize that I really wasn’t hearing wrong.
“Who owns this woman?” Hudson shouted the room, and my eyes widened, I couldn’t look in their direction. So my eyes were locked on my lap.
“I do.”
“Then you going to be responsible for her talking shit?” Hudson’s voice, it made of stern steel. It’s the tone he used before his temper snapped. I wanted to calm him down, tell him it’s fine, but I can’t move because I feel like that much of a whore.
“Well you were fucking Gabriella before Maddox weren’t you?” The biker said and my eyes got even wider and now I had another reason not to look up.
Quiet. Deadly quiet. Which forced me to look up. And I see Hudson standing there his head slightly tilted. He’s keeping a rein on his temper. Fuck he learned to control his anger better since when we were together.
“My point is Hudson—I mean National Prez, is you sort of had claims on her first. So ain’t no business of ours if ya back to fucking the pussy.”
And then a sickening sound of bones breaking, filled the air. “That’s for thinking ya know more than you do.” And Hudson gripped him by his cut pulling him up, and punching him in the stomach. “That’s for referring to her as some pussy. She ain’t no club whore. She’s Maddox’s soon to be wife, and if,” He threw the man to the ground, and looked around the room. “anyone else has a mother fucking problem with her sitting on my lap, step the fuck forward.”
The sound of the music on pause was the only thing you could hear. That buzzing white noise, and then when no one said anything. Someone pressed play and the music went back on, and everyone went back to what they were doing.
I was still standing, and I knew exactly what was happening next. I was bolting. I didn’t do confrontation.
“Don’t think for one fucking second ya running.” Hudson said at me, and then looked me in the eyes. “You’ll be sitting the fuck back down, and don’t think otherwise.”
I swallowed sharply, he was worked up, that control or rein I thought he had over his temper, was non-existent. I slipped back on to his lap, and his arm went around me.
“So Gabriella on a scale of suggesting to these girls, that I fuck them together, where on the scale of it being a hard no? It just being a nah, or it being a fucking blow my head off?” Ribs brought the conversation back to the table, and Hudson’s lips twitched up and I knew then. I had nothing to worry about. So I relaxed.
“Please Hudson, one movie.” I begged, pulling on his arm.
He looked at me sternly. “You’re needy.” He stated, “Cause you’ve been drinking.” He added like it was a known fact that I got needy when I drank! “On vodka cruisers nevertheless.”
I pulled on his arm, trying to get him to come in and watch a movie with me. I was buzzing. I wanted to stay up, and it was after three in the morning. I did not want to be alone.
“Come on.” I groaned, pulling on him with all my force and he didn’t fucking move. Not one bit.
He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “If I come in we aren’t watching the fucking twilight movie. I refuse. Lord knows nothing tested our relationship like those movies. Not the club, not even your mother coming back.”
A full bloom grin spreads across my face. “We won’t watch Twilight.” I said, and he smiled relieved at that. And nodded his head coming in. I saw he looked immediately uncomfortable. “Hudson can I ask you a question?” I say as I went to my night stand. He nodded his head. “Does your current room have a television?” I looked at him, knowing he didn’t want to be in this room.
“Yes.” He frowned and I grabbed a long singlet top cause I was getting the hell out of these jeans.
I took my crop top off, putting the longer singlet on, it dropping down to my mid thighs. “Well let’s go watch the movie in your room then.” I said, as I pushed my jeans off.
Hudson was standing there, like I had cast a spell on him. I clicked my fingers. “Hudson you saw me wearing a bra, not naked. Snap out of it.” I say grabbing my phone in case the hospital called. “You ready to move rooms?”
He slowly nodded his head, but he looked possessive as fuck. Like if I didn’t have a mans ring on my finger, I’d be sliding down his cock. “Come on.” I pulled on his arm, and he paused in the doorway just as I got him moving.
“Can I ask you a question Gabriella?”
I nodded my head.
“Do you still hate panties?”
A blush crept across my cheeks. Geez he had a r
eally good memory. I took my hand from his arm, and took his hand by the fingers, running it from my waist, down over my hip, and down a little bit of my thigh.
“That answer your question?” I say, smiling at him, knowing he didn’t feel underwear lines.
He groaned. “More like fucking tormented myself for the rest of my life.”
I laughed, and we walked up the hallway. “Come on Hudson, you’ll say that till you find her.” I say as he unlocked his door. I noted that he’s only four doors up from the main rooms. But then my words ring in my ears again. What happened when Hudson found the love of his life? Why did that make my stomach unsettled? Why did I feel sick by it?
“I did.” Hudson said, and the door swung open. “But I let her go.” And he had this dim smile on his face. “You weren’t any girl to me sweetheart,” and reached out tucking a stray hair behind my ear. “you were the girl. My only.”
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to tell him, he’d move on. But I didn’t know how to say that because I didn’t just move on from Hudson. I had to die, and get a new heart. A new heart that was fluttering at Hudson right now.
I brushed past him, entering the room, and grabbing the remote, going to sit on his bed. I acted like he had said nothing. I think he was thankful for that.
“Before we drop this subject completely.” He said standing near the bed. “You still spin my world Gabriella. Even if I can’t have you, you’ll always be it for me.” His iron grey eyes locked with mine, and my heart is fluttering again, and I gripped the remote tighter. Don’t do it to me Hudson. Don’t poison myself against myself. A pill would numb all this. That thought alone made me square back my shoulders and look at the television.
I had no Maddox making sure I stayed clean. Hell I had no real reason to stay clean, because Maddox was the real reason I stayed clean.
“I don’t have that log in shit.” Hudson says lighting up a cigarette, bringing me to the moment. I glanced at him. Frowning. “For that net shit.” He blew out smoke.
“Netflix.” I correct him, and put my hand out for the cigarette, which he gives me.
I log in with my details, and sit on the bed. Noticed how Hudson walked right around to the other side.
I don’t think he meant for things to get tight and tense but they had. It wasn’t the fact he said I was the reason his world spun, or any of that. It was because I thought of drugs instead of facing my feelings for Hudson.
And that scared me.
Hudson groaned. When I selected New Moon. I looked at him. “I said not Twilight.”
“Fucking brought this pack early on in the night, and will be through it by dawn.” He said looking at his cigarette pack. Like chain smoking to get through this movie was the only option.
I laughed and pressed play.
“Never fucking understood it.” He snapped, and I glanced back at him. “Why she went for the vampire and not the wolf. The wolf protects. The vampire sucks blood. Never made fucking sense.”
I suppressed my smirk. Because he actually had paid attention to these movies all those years ago.
HUDSON
She fell asleep on my arm. Never seen a more beautiful sight then Gabriella asleep on me. She made cute noises all morning. She passed out by four am and it was a little after ten when I came to, and she was still asleep on my arm. Though when I woke up, I had my other arm wrapped around her, woke up just in time, to move myself away from her, so she didn’t feel how hard I was.
She stirred on my arm, and my eyes went back to the image of her in her bra early this morning, when she stripped in front of me. Didn’t say anything at the time. But I saw the scar on her chest. I was putting things together, her words in the chapel, the scar. Something had happened to Gabriella that nearly cost her, her actual life.
“What time is it?” She mumbled into my arm. I heard pain in her voice.
“After ten darling.”
She groaned. “I was meant to cook breakfast.”
“The boys can fucking get their own food.”
She turned on my arm, looking at me. “If I had that attitude none of your men would ever get fed.” She then yawned. “I feel like I’ve barely slept.”
“Cause you have barely slept.” I said, pulling my arm out from under her. “Which is why, you’re going back to sleep and I’m getting up to tell the men to fucking get their own food.” She yawned again before she could argue, proving my point. I lean over the bed kissing her forehead. “Go back to sleep darling.”
I then regret it, as soon as it is done. I shouldn’t have fucking kissed her forehead like she was mine.
Her lips twitched up. “Thanks Hudson.” My name off her lips was always my weakness, even though she wasn’t moaning it, it still fucking got to me. She could tame me with my own name, could be belting a man brains out, but if she said my name, I’d stop mid punch.
I forced an uneasy smile, cause I thought my slip up would have spooked her. But it hadn’t. Fucking got lucky.
She yawned again and then pulled back the blankets, slipping in between them. “Don’t let me sleep past one. I want to see Maddox.”
“Yeah righto darling.” I shrugged my vest on and walked out, could hear the men from here. I hoped I had closed the door before Gabriella heard them.
Walking down the hall, men were shouting at each other, it was chaos. I saw Chief standing back letting it unfold.
“You want to step in?” I said, and he smirked at me.
“Last time I checked, I hadn’t kept the woman in charge of this mornings breakfast, up all night.”
I gritted my teeth. “You like ya ceiling?” he frowned and I pulled my gun shooting at the roof, causing most men to go to the ground. “Get ya asses on those bikes you love so fucking much and sort ya self out some fucking food. Till further notice, kitchens closed.”
Chief chuckled as men grumbled, getting themselves off the ground and storming out. They knew better than to say shit to me.
“So kitchens closed ey? You bedding the women that run it during the week as well?” Chief takes the cigarette from above his ear.
“Shouldn’t speak about ya daughter like that.” I then remembered I’m out of smokes.
Chief was staring at me. “Never made sense why you went for the national president patch.” He tilted his head. “You knew, you’d get the president patch here. But you fucking left anyway.” He then shook his head.
“Chief.” I didn’t know if this was a conversation I should be having with Gabriella or him. But I knew, if I brought it up with Gabriella, she wouldn’t give me a straight answer. “What happened to Gabriella’s heart?”
His eyes widened slightly. “She told you about that?”
“What happened?”
“Come on boy, something you should see.” He said, and walked past me. I followed him to his study. “You’ll probably want to sit down.” I didn’t question him on why. Out of all people Chief knew my reactions the best, he pulled out a folder. “Had this set aside for you, for when you came back wanting answers.”
He dropped the folder in front of me. I opened it, and it’s Gabriella’s handwriting. I looked at Chief “Should I be looking at this?” Didn’t want to invade Gabriella’s personal records.
“Gabriella didn’t take you leaving well. At first I thought she was dealing with it as expected. Then her problem got bigger.” He explained but I wasn’t following. “She got addicted to drugs Son. She just wanted to numb herself. She went through her own prescriptions quickly, then turned to the club stock. When we capped out, she turned to addicts.”
I couldn’t form a word. I just watched his expressions darken with sadness. “Overdose, rehab. It was a pattern. I thought she was clean, then another overdose. Over and over, it happened.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you take the drugs off her!”
“She kept up a good front.” He said like I couldn’t judge him. “Finally one overdose, she went too far, massive heart attack. She died. Heart failure. Onl
y to get a heart transplant that same night.” He moved the letter and pointed to a picture. “Took that the next day, she was in a coma for five days following her open heart transplant.”
I stared at the photo.
“She got clean. But it took her dying before she did it. Nearly losing her life, wasn’t enough. She had to lose it.” He added. “It was the day before she was coming home, I cleaned her dorm room. Found that.” He shoved a piece of paper at me, “She can’t remember those days. And I never showed her the letter.”
My eyes went to Gabriella’s neat and tidy handwriting.
Hudson,
I lost our baby.
I bet I have your attention now. Or perhaps not. If not, then I guessed that says enough and you can finish reading here.
I lost my purpose and heart when I lost you and our son. Yes I was that far along.
I—
The writing stopped there. Nothing more was written. I saw the tear stains on the piece of ripped out piece of paper.
“Attempted suicide.” I muttered, and looked up seeing the confliction in his eyes.
“She doesn’t remember much of those days leading up to her last heart attack. Maddox and I decided it was best to keep it from her.”
“Does she remember the baby?”
He scoffed. “She doesn’t remember days Hudson. Not years. Of course she recalls ya kid. But doesn’t mention those days.”
My eyes went back to the piece of paper. I had no right to leave her. Fuck if I could turn back time, I’d turn time back to the moment, we were in that bed, before I opened my fucking mouth—which started this shit storm known as a life.
I knew looking from the piece of paper to Chief. I had given up on her and I before I had reason to, I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. Which if this was all meant to happen, Maddox getting hurt, just to let me back into her life. Maybe this was my second shot. Wasn’t wishing death on Maddox, but was I stupid to think, that this was perhaps my chance to correct the past?
