She knew I was holding back because of how much I adored her, not because I didn’t.
She had to know.
“Is that what you think? That all these years, I’ve viewed Laney as a piece of ass? I haven’t touched another woman since the night she graduated high school.”
The thought of my brother thinking so poorly of me killed.
“No,” he whispered. “But that’s only because I know you. I know you’re just like Dad, identical. But above all of that, I’ve always known how you felt about her. And not just me. We all saw it. You and Delaney thought you were keeping this big secret, so no one talked to either of you about it, but just because it was never said, we all knew there was something going on between the two of you.”
I wasn’t an idiot, I’d never tried to mask my feelings for her, or I didn’t once she was of legal age.
“It’s good you’re coming home,” Ethan continued. “Carson misses you and we haven’t made the announcement yet, but you’re gonna have a nephew.”
I tamped down my jealousy and told him, “Damn happy for you and Honor.”
That was one of the things I’d given up, being a father. I wanted a family. One Delaney and I created together. I wanted to see her carrying my babies. I wanted what my brother had. What Jason had found with Mercy and damn if he didn’t deserve some happiness in his life. Nick and Meadow had stuck it out and waited until the two babies that were meant to be theirs entered the world.
I’d waited long enough. I’d done my duty. I’d served my country; made all the sacrifices I was willing to make.
I had zero regrets separating from the Navy. The only discomfort I felt was the rock in my gut because Delaney hadn’t answered any of my messages. With the news that she’d done what she’d threatened to do and had moved on, that rock was a boulder so fucking big I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to carry it.
“She bring him around the family yet?” I asked.
“No.” My relief was short-lived. “Jackson and Tuesday are having a get-together next week at The Manor. Word is she’s bringing him.”
Motherfuck.
“I’ll be there.”
“Thought you would be.”
“I’ll call Dad later today, but this stays between us. All of it.”
“Don’t need to remind me.” Ethan’s irritation made me smile. No, I didn’t need to ever remind him, he was the bearer of all my secrets. More than a brother, Ethan was my best friend. He’d hit some bumps early in life, but had stepped up in a big way and proved he was a good man, even at sixteen when he should’ve been a kid. He was a damn good father and I was proud of him.
“Thanks, brother, see you soon.”
“Seriously happy you’re coming home. Know I said Carson missed you, but I have, too.”
I closed my eyes and allowed my little brother’s words to sink in. Most of the time I felt disconnected being away from everyone. They all still got together and were close.
Then there was my cousin Moira, who went by her middle name, Liberty, and me, the only two out of the ten of us who decided to serve in the military. More often than not I felt like an outsider. And I knew Liberty did, too, she was coming up on her four-year mark in the Army and got home less than me. Uncle Levi and Aunt Blake traveled to Germany to see her at least three times a year.
“Miss you, too.”
“Later.”
Ethan hung up and I tossed my phone on my couch and looked around my studio apartment. It was basically empty. A couch, a coffee table, a bed, and my electronics—that was all the furniture I owned. None I would take back to Georgia with me. This was nothing more than a crash pad. Delaney’s place was my home.
She’d never been here, one more effort I’d made to hold her apart from my life in the military. I never discussed any missions with her, where I’d gone or what I’d done. That wasn’t because I didn’t want her to know, though it was a happy byproduct. It was because when I was with her, I was me. Just me. The real Carter Lenox. Not Special Operator, Lieutenant Lenox.
I loved being a SEAL. Loved my team, and the men I served with.
But more than anything I loved being Delaney’s Carter.
3
Delaney
This was it.
Steve was pulling into the long, manicured driveway leading to Tuesday and Jackson’s house, better known as The Manor, and my stomach was in knots.
I was introducing him to my family.
What the hell was I doing?
Forcing myself to believe this was the next step.
It wasn’t like it was a marriage proposal or it meant I was committing myself to him for eternity but it was huge.
I’d obviously never brought a guy home to meet my parents, which by extension meant my family.
We’d only been seeing each other a month. I liked him. The more dates we’d been on, the more I’d settled into the idea of moving on. Steve was good looking; tall, built, dressed nice, had great manners, treated me wonderfully. He called when he said he would, picked me up on time, total gentleman, and didn’t push me to move faster than I was willing to go. Which was a goodnight kiss and that was only after the fourth date and he’d sweetly asked if he could.
He was a great kisser, too. Nothing magical, but still great. And I’d stopped comparing everything Steve said and did with how Carter was. Not only was it a bitchy thing to do to Steve, even if he didn’t know I was doing it, I had to stop for me. It was unhealthy.
So there I was with Steve, whom I was dating, taking him to meet my family.
He was excited, he thought this was me moving us forward.
The problem was I still felt empty. And I was beginning to think I always would. No amount of time would heal my wounds. So the only thing left for me to do was accept this was my life. It would be okay, but never great. Whether it was with Steve or someone else, I’d never have magic.
I’d lost my shot.
This was my new normal.
My life without my baby and Carter.
“You said this place was big, but, babe, this place is huge,” Steve said in awe.
“Yeah, I thought the same thing when I first saw it, too. The inside is amazing. The house has been in Tuesday’s family for half a century.”
Steve pulled behind Honor’s new SUV, cut the engine, and turned toward me. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure?”
“I’ve never done this,” I sighed, reminding him of something I’d already told him.
“Everything’s gonna be fine.”
Steve leaned across the center console and kissed me. A sweet peck on the lips, and I was grateful he hadn’t gone for more. I so wasn’t ready for that kind of PDA.
“You’re right. I’m being totally silly. My family’s great but please remember they’re a little nuts.”
“I can handle nutty, babe.”
We got out of the car. Steve smiled and grabbed my hand, which I was unsure about but I didn’t pull away, and walked us to the back of the house, where the party was taking place.
That was when everything was not fine. It was so not fine, it was shit.
The first thing that happened was there was a very loud, very angry growl. The sound made everyone—and I mean, everyone—turn and look at Steve and me.
My face flamed red.
My body went solid.
And Steve moved me behind him.
Which just to say, was the wrong thing to do.
Carter stood from the table he shared with his brother and mine, his eyes narrowed and went to my still-clasped hand in Steve’s, his gaze travelled up my date, and finally it met mine.
I was no longer solid. My legs felt like jelly and I was worried I was going to faint. I’d misread the feral sound that’d come from Carter. It wasn’t anger so much as it was pain. Sure, he looked furious, but more than that he looked worse than he had when I lied and told him I no longer loved him.
Shit.
This
was bad.
Worse than bad.
Thankfully my dad broke the unfortunate standoff and came over with a tight smile on his face.
“Jasper Walker,” my dad introduced himself.
Steve had to drop my hand to take my dad’s and I took the opportunity to move back to his side.
“Steve Deaton.”
Awkward.
“Delaney told us you’re a teacher at Parkside,” my dad continued.
“Yes. That’s where we met.”
Totally awkward.
“Steve’s dad taught at West Point,” I offered.
“No shit? Did he serve?”
I tuned out the conversation my dad and Steve were carrying on and scanned the crowd, careful not to look in Carter’s direction, searching for my mom.
When my eyes hit hers, they were full of worry and concern. Mine were pissed.
Why hadn’t anyone called to tell me Carter was going to be there?
Even if they hadn’t known ahead of time, he’d obviously been there awhile if the two beer bottles sitting in front of him were any indication. Someone could’ve warned me. I wouldn’t have come and I certainly wouldn’t have put Steve through this shit show.
My gaze sliced to Mercy and she paled. She knew. Knew what this would do to me.
Damn them all. This was so unfair.
My dad and Steve were still making idle chitchat when my uncles approached. More handshakes and introductions. Steve sounded uncomfortable, the conversation forced, and I needed to find a way to extradite him from the huddle.
“You want a beer?” I asked Steve when there was a lull.
Steve looked over to me and smiled. It was one of relief and not happiness.
“Sure, babe, I’ll come with you.”
“Be back,” I told the group.
My eyes landed on my dad and his face gentled. Just like it always had when he looked at one of his girls. Jasper Walker was hard as nails, total badass, but there was one thing he never hid from us, and that was how much he loved his girls. But right then, I wasn’t feeling the love. I was feeling ambushed so I didn’t gentle my face when I smiled back.
The slight flinch told me he’d read me and knew I wasn’t happy.
I moved us around the tables, past the coolers I knew stowed beer, water, and sodas, and went to the back door of the house. I led us into the big kitchen and stopped.
I was speechless.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted.
“Wanna explain why the big guy has a problem with me?” he asked.
I took a chance and looked up into Steve’s warm brown eyes. He didn’t look angry as such, just confused.
“I didn’t know he’d be here.”
“But him being here is a problem?”
Problem didn’t begin to cover it.
“Yeah.”
“Right,” he whispered. “So, no long-term boyfriends?”
Caught in a white lie.
“He was never a boyfriend. But we meant something to each other.”
“Meant? Or still do?”
I was trying to figure out a way to explain Carter and me when Steve mistook my silence.
“Listen, Delaney, I think you get I really like you. I like what we have and I want to continue to see where it can go. I can feel you holding back, and I couldn’t figure out why that was. Now, I know.”
“I’m not holding back,” I protested. “I’ve never done this. I’m muddling my way through it.”
“Look at me, babe.”
“I am.”
And I was. I was looking right into his eyes and I didn’t like what they said.
“Really look at me. I’ve waited two years for you to agree to go out with me. And I gotta tell you, every time you shot me down, it was a hit to my ego, but I kept at it, because I knew once I finally got my shot it’d be worth it. But you’re not ready. I don’t know what the sadness inside of you is and I hope one day you’ll tell me. Until then, I think we need to step back. School’s out, you have adventures planned, and I’m teaching summer school. So we knew us seeing each other for the next few months would be difficult.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” I whispered.
“I’m telling you to take the summer, find whatever it is you need. When you get back, if you’ve found you’re ready, then we pick back up. I like you, Delaney. But I’m also the kind of man who knows himself and I will not be someone’s second choice.”
My heart clenched.
“You’re not that.”
“I think you believe that. But what I just saw, what I felt, I know that I am.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You can’t help who you were meant to love. It’s gonna suck if I’m not that man. But I know the only way to find out if what we have is as good as I think it can be, is to let you go.”
I felt wet hit my eyes and Steve pulled me into his arms. I wrapped mine around his back and held on tight.
What the hell had I done?
“Do you want to go? Or would you like me to leave and you can stay?” he whispered against the top of my head.
Before I could answer I heard my mom speak. “Sorry to interrupt. Liberty’s here.”
I pulled away and turned to my mom. “What? Liberty’s home?”
The excitement of my cousin being home made me forget all about the drama that was playing out. I hadn’t seen Liberty in a long time, maybe two years—being stationed in Germany she never had time to make the long journey home. And I’d been a shit cousin and not gone to see her.
I looked back at Steve. “Stay.”
He nodded his agreement and suddenly with all of the messy relationship stuff swirling around us out of the way, I felt a hundred times lighter. Screw Carter and his macho bullshit. Steve was a good guy and a friend. I wouldn’t allow him to run me off. I’d known there would be times I’d have to see him. Nothing like ripping the Band-Aid off and getting it over with.
Besides, he’d be gone tomorrow. Back to his life in Virginia and I’d be left to mine in Georgia.
“Mom, this is Steve Deaton. Steve, this is my mom Emily.”
“Mrs. Walker, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Steve smiled, and offered my mom his hand.
Such a nice guy.
“Nice to meet you, Steve, and please call me Emily.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
They shook hands and my mom laughed.
If I look as beautiful as my mother when I’m in my fifties, I’d consider myself blessed. All of my siblings had my mom’s dark hair, but only my brother Jason and I got Mom’s blue eyes. Quinn and the twins inherited my dad’s green. I’d been told my whole life I was a spitting image of my mom, whereas my sisters favored my dad.
I didn’t think so, seeing as my mother was stunning, and I’d considered myself average. But I’d take the compliment and pray I aged as gracefully as she did.
“You can’t help yourself, can you?” Mom asked Steve.
“No, ma’am. My momma would paddle my behind if she heard me call a beautiful woman by her first name.”
Mom’s eyes were twinkling and Steve was charming the hell out of her.
“Come on, you two, Tuesday and Jackson have something to say. I was sent in to get you.” She stopped and her smile faded a fraction. “I’m real glad you could make it today, Steve.”
“Me, as well.”
We followed my mom back outside. This time Steve didn’t grab my hand but he stuck close and when I introduced him to my sisters, Mercy, Honor, Meadow, and Tuesday. They were all friendly and welcoming. My aunts, Reagan, Lily, and Blake, the same. They smiled at Steve and told him it was nice to meet him and they’d meant it.
Jackson, Ethan, Jason, and Nick were a little frosty but they’d tried their best to mask it. So, there was that. We avoided Carter altogether. Both for Steve and my sakes.
Liberty broke away from talking to my parents and I braced for impact as she threw her body into mine for a bone-crushing hug.
>
“I missed your face,” she told me.
“Missed yours, too.”
Moira, or Liberty as she demanded we call her from fourth grade on when our teacher kept butchering her name and she was tired of being teased by the other kids, and I were the same age. I was only a few months older than her. We’d grown up close, always being in the same class from kindergarten until we hit middle school. And even after that we went to the same school and shared some classes together.
When she decided to follow in her dad’s footsteps and join the Army, I thought her mom, Blake, was going to have a stroke. Eventually my aunt came around but it had taken a while.
Just because I hadn’t seen her in two years didn’t mean we hadn’t kept in contact. We skyped when we could, and messaged back and forth weekly.
“Steve, right?” Liberty smiled. “Heard a lot about you. Nice to meet you. I’m Liberty.”
And that was the truth, I had told my cousin about Steve. She, like the rest, didn’t know the details about Carter or what had really happened the day Derek had taken me, but she had encouraged me to start dating.
“Nice to meet you, too,” Steve said. “Delaney tells me you’re in Germany. How do you like it?”
“Love it. Sadly, I’ll be changing duty stations soon. Coming back stateside.”
“You are?” I asked, trying not to bounce around like a silly teenager. “You didn’t tell me that.”
“Wanted to tell you in person. Next month actually. Just re-upped another four years. I’m Airborne qualified and headed back to Benning for RASP.”
“No shit?” Steve smiled.
“Lost me,” I said. “What’s that?”
“Ranger Assessment and Selection Program,” she told me.
“Ranger? You’re gonna try to be a Ranger? Thought that was only for men?”
“Opened it to women. Twelve have passed. I’m hoping to add my name to that list.”
Holy hell, my cousin was crazy. But she was the good kind of nuts—strong, badass, and smart. If any woman could pass that kind of physical training it would be Liberty.
“Your mom?” I whispered.
Adoring Delaney: The Next Generation Page 3
