“She’s…worried.”
“I’ll bet.”
“Yo!” my dad bellowed, cutting off our conversation. “Need you all to follow me.”
Everyone got up and started after my dad, who was making his way farther into the backyard. I hung back with Steve, allowing most of the crowd to precede us. And it was a big crowd. I had nine cousins, three of them married, two of them having children, three sets of aunts and uncles, my parents, Tuesday and her grandmother, Patty. That was twenty-three people walking in front of us. Meadow and Nick’s twins didn’t count because they weren’t walking. Meadow was holding her daughter, Ariana, and Nick was holding his son, Nolan.
My heart clenched at the sight and I tried to shove the hurt and jealousy aside. My gaze landed on Honor and caught sight of her rounded belly carrying the next generation of the Lenox family and it killed seeing her.
That should’ve been me.
Me and Carter.
The normal guilt that accompanied my jealousy made itself known and I stumbled.
“You okay?” Steve asked, pulling me to his side.
“Yeah,” I lied.
“You’re lying,” Steve whispered. “I don’t know what has you so sad, but I’m here to listen if you need me.”
Damn, why couldn’t I love a man like Steve?
I just needed to get through this day, then I was leaving. And maybe I could finally start to heal.
4
Carter
Fuck.
I followed off to the side, watching Delaney and that fuckstick date of hers.
I’d been watching her since she’d shown up, with my heart shredded and my gut in knots.
Fucking hell.
Pure hell.
But I’d done this. I pushed her away, thinking I was doing the right thing. And now I had to eat the shit she was shoveling. But not for long.
It had taken great effort to keep myself in check. I’d slipped once when I first saw her walk in hand-in-hand with that chump. Then she disappeared into the house and Mom got ahold of me. That slip earned me the sharp side of her tongue.
I may’ve been approaching thirty, but when Lily Lenox was pissed, I might as well have been ten and being scolded for something stupid I’d done. But the way she’d done it this time, telling me I had no one to blame but myself, that was a knife to the heart. And she’d further twisted it by reminding me I was just like my father. Always thinking I knew best for everyone around me, when really, I was an idiot.
My mom was far from stupid. She knew I loved Delaney. She also would know why I’d pushed her away.
I’d heard all the stories about my mom and dad. How they met. How my mom fell in love with my dad when she was sixteen. How he’d left for the Army. Then how he’d faked his death. That decision was made to protect my mother, the woman he loved beyond compare. I hadn’t gone that far; I’d simply taken what I could from Delaney and never allowed it to go further. Never allowed myself to claim her and put my ring on her finger and my baby in her belly.
I was the idiot my mom told me I was.
But I was going to rectify that soon.
Two more weeks and I’d officially be done with my service and I’d be home.
And when that happened, the asshole who was now tucking my woman under his arm, holding her close, would be kicking rocks.
The longer I stared at the two of them, the more jealousy had taken hold and bitterness had consumed me.
I was a dumbfuck. Total jackass. All of this my fault.
My girl was in the arms of another man.
Finally my feet came unglued and I followed my family farther into the orchard, coming to a stop in a beautiful clearing. A man I’d never seen was standing waiting for our arrival.
And before anyone realized what was going on the stranger spoke.
“Jackson and Tuesday would like Miss Quinn Walker, Mrs. Mercy Walker, and Mrs. Patricia Knowls to come stand beside them, and the rest of you please gather round.”
Mercy and Quinn helped Tuesday’s grandmother take the few steps needed to get to her granddaughter and everyone silently waited.
“We’re gathered here today to witness Jackson Clark and Tuesday Knowls become husband and wife,” the man said.
Holy shit.
I glanced around my family and all of them had identical looks of happy surprise. All but Liberty. Jackson had to have asked her to come home.
“Jackson, you may begin.”
“We wanted this day to be about family. No stress, no fuss, just this. A day full of laughter, happiness, and love. All of you here have made us into the people we are today. Each played a role in shaping and molding me into a man who’s worthy of Tuesday. It is because of all of you I know I’ll be the type of husband she deserves.” Jackson stopped and looked at Tuesday. Her answering smile was full of so much love it hurt to watch. “Sweetness, I once asked you for twenty-four hours, that turned into forty-eight, and every day since I’ve asked you for more time. Today, in your orchard, I’m asking you for eternity. I promise to always be the man you need me to be. I promise to continue what your grandparents started here in this home, and fill it with love and laughter until it overflows. I promise to love you until the end of time.”
When Jackson finished his vows, my gaze landed on Delaney and my heart lurched. Damn, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on. But it was more than her shiny black hair and sapphire eyes. It was her, just her. It’d always been and would be until my dying breath.
I’d never allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to marry Laney. I’d shoved all thoughts of us having this down deep. It was the only way I could survive. But now that I was, I couldn’t stop thinking about all the ways I’d fucked up.
Tuesday cleared her throat and began. “Today I get to stand in front of you all knowing I’m the luckiest woman in the world. Knowing how blessed we both are to be surrounded by examples of everlasting love. I used to think I’d never have this, that I didn’t deserve the type of love Jackson gives. But he saw it differently. And as a wise woman once told me, when a man like Jackson decides to play the long game—which means he’s not playing, he’s simply setting about winning and I needed to hold on because the ride would be wild—she was not wrong. It’s been wild, it’s been beautiful, and it’s been full of honesty and love. It is because of all of you that Jackson is the man he is, the man who made me trust, the man who showed me I deserved love. The man I promise to spend the rest of my life proving I am who he says I am. The woman my Gran showed me to be.”
Tuesday paused and closed her eyes. When they opened, she didn’t try to hide the tears flowing. “Jackson, you literally walked through fire to save me. You are the bravest man I know. There are no words I can say today that would come close to expressing how much I love you. So, instead, I promise I will show you every day. I promise to stand proudly beside you, support you, cheer you on, catch you if you stumble, and love you for the rest of my life.”
I was staring at my feet, letting Tuesday’s promises to Jackson wash over me, when the hair on the nape of my neck started to tingle and I lifted my head. My eyes met Delaney’s and a pain so deep shone in them that I took a step back. It was shocking, it was agonizing, and it was because of me she felt that kind of pain.
As much as I wanted to rip my eyes from hers to stop my heart from shattering anymore, I didn’t. I deserved everything she was giving me. But her tears were my undoing. I took a step in her direction and a strong hand gripped my bicep. I glanced over my shoulder and my dad was stone faced and shaking his head.
Fuck.
When I looked back at Delaney she was back to concentrating on Jackson and Tuesday and the moment was broken.
“Jackson, do you take Tuesday to be your wife?”
“I do.”
“Tuesday, do you take Jackson to be your husband?”
“Absolutely.”
“It is my honor to present for the first time, Jackson and Tuesday Clark. Ja
ckson, you may kiss your wife.”
My family exploded.
Cheers, whistles, my niece Carson clapped and danced around.
I didn’t.
Not because I wasn’t happy for my cousin and his new wife.
Because as I stood in Tuesday’s orchard all I felt was pain. All of the times I disappointed Delaney. All of the time I’d wasted. And it was then at that moment I prayed I wasn’t too late. There had never been a single doubt about how much I loved Delaney. But now I’d realized that a life without her by my side wasn’t the half-life I’d thought I’d been living. I hadn’t been living at all. Everything I’d ever done was meaningless because I didn’t have her to share it with.
I’d been wrong, about everything.
* * *
I was a total asshole and a glutton for punishment.
I’d followed Delaney home, and parked down the street. Steve had walked her to her front door and I waited with my fists clenched and my teeth grinding. He had two seconds to say goodbye before I lost patience and made my presence known. That was the asshole part.
The punishment part was forcing myself to watch Steve wrap my woman up in a long hug and kiss the top of her head.
That was the last fucking time that would be happening.
Finally he got in his car and drove off. The second he hit the stop sign and turned the corner I was out of my truck and making my way to Delaney’s porch. I knocked and a moment later the door opened.
“What’d you forget?” Delaney asked with a huge smile. One that fell as soon as she saw it was me and not Steve.
That pissed me off.
She used to light up like that for me when I’d hit the front porch.
I didn’t answer, I was beyond words. I gently pushed her into the house, slammed the door behind me, flipped the lock, and walked past her into the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” she seethed.
Still incapable of speech I opened her fridge, happy to see my favorite beer still stocked, and nabbed one. I twisted the top, tossed it on the counter, took a long swig and remained silent.
“You need to leave,” she demanded.
“We need to talk.” I found my voice.
“Oh, no, we don’t. Time for talking was years ago. Now it’s time for you to get out of my house.”
“Our house,” I corrected.
Delaney’s body jerked. She’d always referred to her place as ours and she wasn’t going to stop now.
“Funny. I remember being the one to buy it. I remember my name being the only name on the deed. I remember paying the goddamn mortgage.” She stopped and looked around. “And I don’t see anything in here that belongs to you.”
Yeah, funny thing about that. Had she ever bothered to actually check her savings account, she’d know that while she indeed paid the mortgage—something she’d insisted on and I didn’t feel like fighting about so I gave her that play—and for the last two years since she’d purchased the house I’d transferred the mortgage payment into her account.
But I didn’t think bringing that up right now would do me any favors. Instead I went for the obvious.
“And why is that, Laney? Because you packed my shit up and moved it to my brother’s? Without talking to me.”
“I’m not your storage locker, Carter.”
“Never thought you were.”
“Could’ve fooled me. Your clothes were here but you were not. You left stuff here, but you didn’t live here. You’d breeze through town, spend a few days, and go back to your real home. Where you actually live.”
“This is my real home. The apartment is the place I crash.”
“So you live in an apartment? I always wondered about that.”
Her sarcasm did nothing to hide the pain of me not talking to her about where I stayed while in VA Beach.
“I have a studio apartment on the beach. I tried renting a house with a few buddies when I first got there but quickly learned the constant stream of women they had traipsing in and out was annoying as fuck so I moved. Been in the apartment for years.”
“Right. Fascinating. You can leave now.”
“Not until we’ve talked.”
“I told you months ago, there was nothing left. I was done then, I’m done now. I’ve moved on and so should you.”
“Glad you brought that up. That shit, with that guy, is what’s done.”
Delaney’s crazy-beautiful eyes narrowed, her hand went to her hip and she geared up for a fight. I’d take it. I’d take anything as long as we were talking.
“You are unreal. I know I’ve spent the better part of my life following you around like some sad puppy dog waiting for you to toss me some scraps, so I get you’d think you could walk into my house and talk to me like I owe you something. But I don’t. I owe you not a goddamn thing. I’ve given you enough. That is over. You need—”
“Follow me around like a puppy? What the fuck, Delaney? Don’t rewrite our history. I get you’re pissed, I get why. I’ve fucked up so bad over the years I can’t begin to tick them all off. But do not stand there and corrupt what we have.”
“Had,” she corrected. “And you don’t have the first clue why I’m pissed. I’m not rewriting anything, I’ve just opened my eyes and saw what was really going on. It has taken me eight years to finally hear what you’ve been saying.”
“And what have I been saying?”
“That we’ll never be together.”
Jesus, I was stupid.
“No. Now you’re listening to the wrong part of your body.”
“What does that mean?”
“You stopped listening to your heart.”
“Right, because that was working so well for me.”
“I fucked up, Delaney. I hurt you, I hurt myself, and I denied us the life we should’ve had. I’m—”
“Leave,” she cut me off.
“I know what I’ve taken—”
“You have no idea!” she shouted. “None. You can’t begin to understand what’s been taken from us.”
What the fuck?
Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her entire body was shaking.
“Laney baby.” I took a step toward her and both of her hands came up to ward me off.
“Carter, if you love me, even a little bit, you’ll leave. You’ll know that I’m not strong enough to deal with this. Please, I’m begging you.”
“You already played that card, and out of respect for your father, I gave you the space you asked for. Space I told you I was done giving you. Then I spent the next four months eating shit, because I’d been wrong. I should’ve gone after you. Four months of me trying to contact you and you not responding. So, baby, while I love you with everything in me, I’m not leaving.”
“Did you stop to think why it was I haven’t answered in four months? Maybe that was because I didn’t want to talk to you.”
“What I know is almost nine months ago, something horrible happened. Something that I wasn’t home to protect you from. Something that has hurt you and marked you deep. And since then, my Delaney, the woman who listens with her heart and knows my words are bullshit, because I keep coming back to her. Because I keep loving her. I keep holding her. Because she is the only person in this world who can see me, the real me, is now gone. That’s what I know. What we don’t need is space. I need to fix—”
“You can’t fix me, Carter. No one can.”
I watched with great pain, as her eyes dulled and a sob tore through her.
I was fucking done.
I took the two steps needed, scooped her up, and carried her to our bedroom. I climbed in and settled her mostly on top of me and held on tight.
It would be hours until she cried herself to sleep.
And during that time she refused to tell me what was wrong. She refused to let me talk. All she wanted was for me to hold her.
So that’s what I did.
I held my woman as grief and sadness leaked from her eyes.
Her
agony went beyond Derek Lowe taking her and well past me screwing up. It was bigger, it had lodged itself deep, and I was going to work it out, no matter how hard she tried to get rid of me.
5
Delaney
I was sitting with my feet in the sand, eyes closed, head tipped back, enjoying the sound of the ocean. The sun was warm, the fresh salty air working its magic.
I could stay here forever. I loved Georgia. Loved living by my family. But this place, my parents’ vacation home in Myrtle Beach, was awesome. So much of my childhood was wrapped up right here on this very sliver of sand in front of me.
Lily and Lenox had purchased their house first. The second that the little cottage Aunt Lily had rented when she’d been pregnant with Carter went up for sale, Uncle Lenox bought it for her. When the one next door came available, Uncle Levi and Aunt Blake had bought it.
We used to all cram into the two small houses and spend a few weeks down in South Carolina, all of us together.
When my mom and dad added Quinn and the twins to the mix, we needed more space. Aunt Lily’s friends Anthony and Adam, whom she’d met when she’d been staying at the beach, sold my parents their bungalow. Which was next door to Uncle Levi and Aunt Blake.
It would be years later when the house next to my parents’ came available and Uncle Clark and Aunt Reagan bought it.
Four houses all lined the beach, each one owned by a member of my family. We came often. We’d also had a blast. Bonfires on the beach, night swims, volleyball games, you name it, we did it. I loved this place.
It was where I’d realized I was in love with Carter.
It was also the place where we shared our first kiss. It was my first, not his. He’d kissed a lot of girls before I’d finally found my courage and laid one on him. It hadn’t gone well.
This was the place where Carter’s father had asked his mother to marry him.
It was the place I needed to be. I was close to family; they were surrounding me. Memories of my youth, the good—no, great—old days. So while I could feel all the love that we’d shared on this beach, they weren’t actually here. Not physically. And I needed that, too.
Adoring Delaney: The Next Generation Page 4
