Finding Me (Pack Bardot Book 2)

by M. K. Harper

  “Watch over our girl, alright?” I kiss both of them. Caulder’s breathing is already evening out, his body finally able to relax. Just as I’m about to close the door so they aren’t disturbed, his sweet words hit me.

  “My soul missed its mate. Love you, Lindy.”

  I shake off the tightness clawing at my chest and start to make my way over to the clearing near the chapel. It’s the only spot large enough for the entire pack to gather. Ma and Pop’s house is tucked away from everything else, but trails help make it a quick trip by foot to get to most places. Chevy is standing in the yard when I come out the front door, looking lost and unsure. I vaguely remember him hiding in the corner when I brought Linny in earlier, his face pale and distressed.

  “Chev? You okay?” He laughs, the sound bitter and lifeless.

  “If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked that...” he trails off, his eyes on the sky. “No, Dax. I’m definitely, absolutely not okay. My best friend looked like she’d been bathing in the blood of her enemies by the time we got her back. I heard you say it wasn’t hers, so what the hell happened to her? She was a shell, Dax. I need her. She’s the glue that’s keeping me together, the only good thing I’ve got. What if she’s not right after this?” Tears spring to his eyes, but his words anger me.

  “Not gonna happen,” I growl. He starts to argue, but I cut him off. “Whatever version of Linny we get after this is all over, will be right. She’ll always be right, Chevy. My girl will fight to get back to us, don’t doubt that.” Fuck, I hope I’m a part of that ‘us’. The alternative is too painful to entertain. Chev nods, like he’s in the middle of a mental pep talk, forcing himself to believe my words.

  “I don’t know where my place is anymore.” His eyes finally meet mine. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so lost. “My parents kicked me out after I never came home from Linny’s party. They were looking for any reason to do it, no matter how small. I’ve been here ever since, waiting for Lin. But now what? I’m on the outside. I’m not a wolf, and I’m worried I’ve more than worn out my welcome.” His jaw clenches, waiting for me to tell him he’s right. I almost scoff.

  “Chevy, your place is here. With Linny, me, Grace, Ma, Pop and everyone else. You’re family. Your parents must be fucking idiots to not see how great you are. You’ve always got us, never doubt that.” His entire body shudders in relief, those tears finally escaping. I don’t know what else to do, so I hug him. Like Oprah with cars, I’m just handing them out left and right nowadays.

  “For the love of Meryl Streep, I thought I asked you not to do that again? And now you’ve gone and tacked on those sweet words. Lin’s gonna be insanely jealous of our elicit love affair if you keep this up, Daxton.” The fucker pinches my ass. A very, embarrassingly high squawk leaves me. I jump away from the little shit, but we’re both laughing. Damn does it feel good to get out of my head for a second. Chevy looks lighter also, so I’m hoping that means he genuinely believes my words.

  “Come on, you pain in the ass. Literally,” I glare at him, but he doesn’t look the slightest bit guilty. “We gotta get to the pack meeting, and as a member of this family, your presence is required. Wolf or not.” He smiles, falling into step beside me as we take the trail that’ll get us to the chapel the quickest. The whole pack looks to be already present by the time we walk up. I weave my way to the front, leaving Chev with Grace when we reach her. I take my place beside Pop, a silent sentry offering the support I know he’ll need. Not everyone will like the direction we’re about to head in. In fact, I’m sure a lot of them won’t.

  “Pack Bardot,” Pops baritone voice rings out, silencing the murmurs of the crowd. “First, I’d like to let anyone know who might not already, that my future daughter-in-law, Dax’s mate, has been recovered. Linden is mostly unharmed and the team that retrieved her all made it back in once piece as well.” Nearly everyone cheers, a few swiping at rogue tears. My girl is so loved.

  “Pack Ames has gone too far this time. Hell, they went too far years ago. We’ve all heard the stories. Withholding mates as a form of punishment, kidnapping women to keep as nothing more than breeders, forcing mate bonds. How much of that is true, who’s to say? But I do know that they’ve crossed lines that they can’t come back from. Pack Ames needs to be dealt with. Swiftly.”

  “What are you saying? That we should play God? Alpha, with all due respect, we’re not savage beasts with no thought process. Despite what others might think, we’re peaceful creatures.” A feminine voice rings out above the chatter.

  “We’re wolves, Tanna. We might live in peace within our pack, but we’re territorial and protective of our own. If not us, then who? We can’t, in good conscious, leave this mess to the local, human authorities. If nothing else, Jackson Ames needs to be eliminated. Who knows how many pack members are actually loyal to him? The man is vile, even to his own.” Heads nod in agreement but a few still look skeptical. It’s understandable. None of us are excited about going up against another pack.

  “What’s the plan then, Alpha?” Tanna resumes her questioning.

  “Christian, the Alpha‘s son, is dead. Despite not having an ounce of morality in his bones, I imagine Jackson will still go forward with a farewell ceremony. If only for the sake of appearances. In the meantime, we plan. We’ve got about three to four days, and then we close in.” Pop answers, causing a domino effect of gasps.

  “And how, exactly, did his son get that way?” Barron pushes through the crowd, a scowl fixed on his face. I grind my jaw, already knowing that it’s gonna take an act of God to help me bite my tongue.

  “Linden. She did what she had to in order to survive. Surely you can understand self-defense, Barron.” There’s a reason my father is Alpha, but even his glare doesn’t seem to deter the witch hunt Barron’s hellbent on.

  “What I understand, is that this human girl has weaseled her way into our pack, claiming something that wasn’t hers to begin with. And now she’s thrust us into a war by murdering our rival packs future Alpha.” Stupid, stupid man. Just like that, the tiny thread holding me together starts to unravel. I take a step forward, ready to shut the piece of shit up for good, but Grace’s voice stops me in my tracks.

  “I’ve heard about enough from you.” I watch as she steps up to Barron, not an ounce of fear present. “I’ve sat back and listened to you downgrade my daughter multiple times now, as if she’s some subpar species. Not that it seems to matter to you, but she’s half-wolf, and you damn well know it. I guess that’s not good enough for you, though. Which is quite unfortunate, considering there are several human mates in this pack, who have produced half-wolf offspring. I’m sure they don’t take too kindly to your prejudice.” I want to slow clap, but I feel like it might be frowned upon, given the angry faces currently aimed at Barron. Grace doesn’t seem the slightest bit alarmed to find out that Linny ended Christian’s life. I’m sure Ma has filled her in, everyone passing along bits of information to each other so that they’re all in the know.

  I keep waiting for Pop to call Barron out, to question him while the whole pack is present. I know he had a hand in Linny’s kidnapping. It’s no longer a doubt in my mind. But he remains silent, arms crossed and hard eyes staring down the much smaller man. When Barron bears his neck in submission, jaw clenched in anger from the forced obedience, I crack a smile.

  “All prominent pack members will reconvene tomorrow at noon. From there, they will pass along any pertinent information to the rest of the pack. For now, think this over. Talk with your family about what’s best for you. You won’t be forced to stand against Pack Ames, but we sure could use all hands on deck. Y’all are free to go.” Pop dismisses the crowd. I turn to him, my face full of questions as I watch Barron slip away with the others. Pop looks over at me and grins, it’s calculated and fear inducing.

  “All in good time, boy.” He pats me on the back and starts to make his way back to the house. Whatever he’s got planned, I hope it’s good.

 
Chapter 9

  Linden

  I startle awake, momentarily disoriented. For a second, I think I’m still in my dog kennel, locked up tight in Pack Ames’ barn of pain. It takes a minute for my surroundings to register, for Dax’s scent to ground me. When my heartrate returns to normal, my mind is finally clear enough to notice the tiny body snuggled against mine, our chests pressed so closely together I can feel each of our hearts beating. The thump of his, followed by the thump of mine. Again and again, as if one needs the other to continue the rhythm. The sweetest scent surrounds me and I lean closer to breathe more of him in. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough. Tears are pouring out of me, the first happy tears in what feels like ages. My Little Tyrant. I pepper kisses all over his head, my heart breaking and coming back together all at once.

  I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to look this precious boy in the eye and tell him about his mother. About the roll I played in her death. I can’t lose him, and I’m terrified that’s what will happen once he finds out. For now, I hold him tighter, knowing deep down that I would have done anything to make it back to Caulder. Whatever’s necessary, Minnie’s words echo through my mind. They’re my lifeline, giving me some fucked up sense of pardoning for my crimes. Caulder stirs, those sleepy eyes finally cracking open to give me the best view in the world. Those beautiful baby blues. I won’t think of the identical set that I had watch deteriorate and grow lifeless. I won’t. For a moment, we just stare at one another, not needing words. His tiny hand lifts to rest against my cheek. At the contact, I watch relief wash over him in waves, his whole body relaxing.

  “Lindy?” Caulder’s sweet voice is the best thing I’ve ever heard.

  “Hey, my little love.” I can barely get the words out, my throat dry and full of emotion. He spurs into action, throwing himself across me. I pull us upright so I can draw him closer. He sobs against my chest and I have to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. Those fuckstains hurt more than just me. Right now, I couldn’t care less about what I went through, all I can think about is what my Little Tyrant has been dealing with for the past five days.

  “It’s okay, I’m here.” I repeat those words, over and over, knowing they won’t change the damage that’s been done, but hoping to give him some peace anyway.

  “You don’t get to leave me ever again. Not ever. My soul hurts without its mate.” His blurry eyes meet mine, looking absolutely tortured.

  “Mine hurt too, LT. Every day without you, my soul called out for yours. You and I were always meant to be, and I promise you, I’ll never leave you. Nothing like this will ever happen again.” I swear to keep that promise, come hell or high water. I’ll sell my soul to the Devil himself before I break it.

  “I was so mad at Uncle D. I was really mean to him, but only because I was so scared. Nona said I need to make nice with him, but I’m embarrassed and don’t know what to say.” Well if that ain’t the cherry on top of the shit cake. It seems Dax has been a punching bag for the both of us. He’s way too good for my bullshit. I wish I could take back those words I said, that blame I laid at his feet. I didn’t mean them, but I don’t even know how to begin closing the divide I’ve created between us. I’m not ready to tell him about Minnie, to tell any of them, and I don’t know how to face him while harboring this secret. He got a real winner in the mate department with me. Snort.

  “Me too, little dude. I haven’t been fair to Dax either, but you’ll know what to say when the time comes. He loves you so much and I know he doesn’t hold anything you said against you. He’ll always forgive you, no matter what.” I press a kiss to his forehead. He nods slowly, absorbing my words. I watch as Caulder shakes away the melancholy, gradually coming back to life.

  “You need food! And water. Then another nap. I’ll make sure you’re all taken care of, Lindy.” He snags my hand, a huge smile overtaking his face. I laugh, letting him pull me from Dax’s bed. I’ll let the kid do whatever he wants if it pushes away those demons he’s been fighting. We make a slow walk to the kitchen, my tired body not capable of much more. Caulder directs me onto a stool at the island as he moves around the kitchen, heating up leftovers and placing a juice box in front of me. Oh, my fractured little heart.

  “Nona makes the best lasagna,” he says, pushing a plate full towards me. My stomach growls loud enough to rival some of the wolves around here. Caulder laughs, urging me to take a bite. The first few go down easily, my body starving for sustenance. I’ve barely made a dent when my stomach starts to protest. Meanwhile, Caulder’s dreamy eyed, focused intently on the lasagna I haven’t ate. The boy loves him some food.

  “Caulder, why don’t you finish that up for Linden?” Beatrix comes out of nowhere, propping her elbows up on the counter and resting her face in her hands. My body goes taut, completely unprepared to face her or anyone else.

  “No way!” LT swipes at his mouth, like he’s worried he might’ve been drooling. Wouldn’t be the first time a good meal had the kid salivating. “Lindy needs it. She’s gotta get strong.” Beatrix smiles sweetly at him, sliding the plate over to him anyway.

  “It’s okay, love. Linden has to eat small portions, slowly, for just a little while. But before long, I’m sure the two of you will be sneaking cupcakes again.” Caulder looks up at me for permission. I smile and nod, letting him finish what I couldn’t. The first bite has him moaning. Heaven help his future mate, there’s a good possibility she may come in second place. I think food will always be his first love. Beatrix and I both laugh. Her eyes meet mine, so much sympathy shining through. I blink and look away, not able to accept that coming from her, knowing she wouldn’t feel the same if she knew the truth. The front door opens, the sound of several people coming in. Fuck me, if I wasn’t ready to face Beatrix, I sure as shit ain’t ready to face them all.

  But in they come, one by one, every person I love files into the kitchen. They’re all talking, seeming pounds lighter from when I first arrived. I envy that lightness so fucking much. Their words taper off as they take in the sight of me. I don’t think any of them expected to see me up and about just yet, and I wouldn’t be if Caulder hadn’t practically dragged me out here. As it stands, I’m itching to run back to the safety of Dax’s room. I see my little man shuffle nervously, glancing at his uncle. He’s so much like Dax without even realizing it. Caulder looks to me, so I give him an encouraging smile, or at least I hope that’s how it comes across. The man I love is so close, all I have to do is reach out and I’d be touching him. But I can’t make my arms move.

  “Hey, baby,” Dax moves closer, his hand reaching out to rest against my back. The moment he touches me, I flinch. I stumble off the stool, desperate to put some space between us. This truly is a case of it’s not you, it’s me. I know if I’d just give in, he could make everything okay. My whole body is flushed from that one, simple touch. I can only imagine how much better I’d feel wrapped up in him completely, getting lost in his love for me. But I’m not ready for that. I need to feel this pain, this hurt. Right now, I can’t move forward. Minnie’s life was worth more than that. She deserves to have someone mourn her, to bear the weight of her death. I’m not ready to let that guilt go. I quickly scan the faces of everyone around me, feeling more claustrophobic by the second. Sympathy, guilt, sadness. They all look back at me, each of them being pulled down by their own heartache. Dax, though, he looks utterly destroyed. Like he might not ever recover from this sort of devastation. I don’t think I will either.

  I’ve gotta get the hell out of here.

  I back away, and as soon as I clear the kitchen, I turn and walk as fast I can without full on sprinting. The second I close Dax’s door behind me, I struggle to pull in a breath. My head thuds against it, the muscles coiled tightly inside of me finally snapping. My body deflates, completely spent, making it feel like a fucking 5K separates me from the bed. Once I climb in, I vow to never leave. And so, I don’t. Days pass, and I rarely leave the bedroom. At night, when the nightmares come, my wolf comforts me.
His warm body curls against mine, chasing away the monsters plaguing my dreams. And here I thought demonic Chihuahuas were my main concern.

  Fucking. Snort.

  Chapter 10

  Daxton

  If it weren’t for the nights spent wrapped around Linny, I likely would’ve gone Feral by now. A self-imposed separation from my mate has been nothing slight of torturous. At least my wolf has been able to take comfort in being there for her. The first time her cries woke me, I thought I might purge the earth of every Pack Ames wolf still alive. Her trembling arms holding me tightly, her face buried in my fur, that’s what’s kept me going. The knowledge that I had to be there for her, in whatever capacity she needed. So, I’ve held back, knowing the time would eventually come that the assholes who’ve stolen bits and pieces of my girl would pay for the damage they’ve caused.

  It’s been four days since Linny shut herself in my room, physically and mentally closing the door on us all. The only person she seems willing to speak with is Caulder. She couldn’t hold him at arm’s length even if she wanted to. The two of them gravitate to each other, a force too strong to resist. But her and I? We’ve been like ships in the night. Silently passing one another, avoiding a collision at all cost. The only thing giving me hope are the nights she clings to my wolf. I can only pray that she’ll someday forgive the man too.

  As planned, all the prominent pack members met, plotting for hours. Pack Ames has been silent on all fronts. We haven’t received any word of a burial ceremony for Christian, as is custom. I’m not the least bit surprised. We sure as fuck don’t plan to inform them about when we intend to lay our dead to rest. Wolves they killed. Pop has been busy trying to plan a joint ceremony for the three wolves we lost on top of formulating a plan of attack. He’s running himself ragged, considering he’s still recovering from a shot gun blast. Every time I think about how close we came to losing him, my wolf revolts. We need retribution, and soon.