Finding Me (Pack Bardot Book 2)

by M. K. Harper

  “Soon, baby.” And then he’s gone, leaving me unsteady and very turned on. What the bloody hell was that?! Not the moves of a damn virgin. Of course, Dax is just naturally smooth, meanwhile I’m fumbling my way through each new experience we have. I must say, they do keep getting better.

  “Linny?” I can hear the humor in his voice.

  “Huh?” I spin around, knowing my pupils are probably blown and he can likely hear how fast my heart is beating.

  “You ready to go?” His lip quirks, that sexy smirk of his coming out to play. Oh, no, no. I slam the door closed on all the dirty places my thoughts want to take me. I smooth out my dress and lift my chin, like the proper lady I am, before sliding my feet into a pair of black sandals. I place my hand on the bend of Dax’s arm as he leads us out, ignoring his amusement. Once we’ve all reconvened in the living room, Caulder walks over and takes my free hand. Even he seems to understand the somberness of today. We walk as a group to the little chapel where the ceremony is being held. I never would’ve known all the trails surrounding Beatrix and Carder’s place led to different parts of Bardot land. Their home appears so isolated, surrounded by thick trees, but it’s really just an illusion of privacy. It doesn’t take long to reach other pack members’ homes or the few facilities they’ve built. I never realized it was like a miniature town until I ventured to the gym earlier with Lex. And then proceeded to run around in circles while I tried to track down Dax, nearly getting mauled by a rabid duck.

  The open area around the chapel is full of people. Probably close to a hundred or so. I move closer to Dax, still feeling like a stranger intruding on something private. We take our spot near the front, Carder continuing forward until he’s able to address everyone. A hush falls over the crowd, necks baring in deference to their Alpha. At least that’s what I’ve gathered it means.

  “Pack Bardot,” Carder begins. “Thank you for being here today, to honor the three wolves who sacrificed their lives while trying to defend their own. The men they were, were no less honorable. They each leave behind loved ones, who now have to try and live with their absence. You have my deepest condolences.” Carder’s head bows, the weight of his responsibility for his pack showing.

  “Denton Reyes, Alexander Kent and Roman Michaelson...wolves you were born, and wolves you have died. May the glow of the moon forever fall upon your place of rest.” Papa Wolf moves to the three urns I hadn’t noticed, his fingers brushing each of them reverently. One at a time, he walks their remains back to their families. My heart breaks, seeing the tears streaming down their faces. My intro to pack life was rudely interrupted, so I’m not sure how any of this works. I’m not positive if Lycan have the same customs as humans or not. Dax must see the questions swirling around in my head because he leans down to speak to me.

  “Cremation is a must for us. It would be a grave mistake to leave any remains behind that could be exhumed and studied if Lycans were ever discovered. Eventually, the dead wouldn’t satisfy their curiosity, so they’d resort to hunting down a living specimen to try and make sense of. It’s human nature to want to explain the unexplainable. It’s best for everyone that our kind remain a secret. In most every community that packs reside, members take on prominent jobs that will help keep us hidden. Medical examiners, morticians, police officers and doctors. Those roles are vital to packs. In instances like this, cause of death can be forged so there isn’t someone snooping around a crime scene that can’t be explained rationally.” I nod, hoping the sensitive ears around us haven’t picked up on my impromptu lesson. No one seems to be giving us the stink eye, so I doubt it.

  I focus back on Carder as he kisses the cheek of another grieving loved one. When he moves back to where the urns had been, he lights a large pillar candle. Heads drop, everyone murmuring their own prayers to the fallen. I follow suit, silently apologizing for the pointless end to their lives. Caulder squeezes in closer, his little hand tightening around mine. I’m sure the mass amount of people surrounding us is starting to get to him, but he holds steady. I position him in front of me so that his back can rest against my legs. I can feel some of the tension leave his body as I wrap my arms around him. Carder waits for everyone to finish saying their final words to the dead before he speaks again. The sadness he’d been carrying has now been replaced with a look of determination.

  “It pains me to address this, today of all days, but it simply can’t wait.” Confused, I look over at Dax. His back straightens, allowing him to stand taller. I notice a couple of men, and Lex, moving through the crowd. I turn back to Carder, trying to figure out what’s happening. “The McGinty’s played a key role in Linden’s kidnapping, which means they’re the ones responsible for the lost lives we honored today.” Gasps and words of outrage cut Carder’s words off. He holds a hand up to settle everyone down. I watch with grim satisfaction as Allana and her folks are marched to the front. I didn’t know for certain that her parents had also been involved, but I never forgot those words her father said right before Pack Ames showed up to the party, effectively crashing it.

  “How dare you manhandle me!” Tits McGee senior is swatting at the guy who has her by the arm. Her free hand is at her neck, as if clutching some invisible pearls. She looks like she’s just seen a sex store sign in the heart of the Bible Belt. Snort.

  “Barron.” Carder can’t hide his distaste for the man. “You and your family are no longer welcome here. As Alpha, I officially revoke your place in this pack. You have one hour to vacate your home and this land or you’ll be forcibly removed.” Each of them starts to voice their outrage, still trying to play the victim, but they’re drowned out by the other pack members as they begin to demand their exit also. I don’t know what will happen to them once they aren’t part of a pack, but they’ve made their bed and they have no one to blame but themselves. Their actions alone led them to this moment. I’m sure life will be a lot harder without the connections a pack offers to remain under the radar, but it’s the least they deserve. I swallow hard the closer they get, their current route taking them right by us.

  “Dax!” Allana wails as soon as she sees him. Her hands reach out to touch my mate and something inside of me just snaps. Maybe it’s a combination of all the shit I’ve been suppressing, or simply how much I’ve wanted to do this since the day I met her, but my fist connects with her face in a satisfying crunch. She screams, her whiny voice making my ears hurt and my hearing isn’t even turned up a notch. I’m sure everyone else’s are on the verge of bleeding. Allana’s feeble protest, along with her parents’, is cut short when Dax squats down in front of her. I can see the moment she realizes he isn’t there to comfort her. I may have smiled.

  “If I ever see you again, I’ll kill you myself.” His voice is deathly calm, the effect far scarier than if he would’ve screamed at her. Dax growls, his eyes flashing. Even Caulder starts to growl, bless his little heart. I guess I’ve gone a bit dark because the sentiment warms my heart. As the McGinty’s scramble away, I feel lighter knowing they won’t be able to hurt me or the people I love ever again.

  “Good fucking riddance.” Dax deadpans.

  Chapter 16

  Daxton

  As soon as we get back to the house, I start to unbutton my shirt, not used to the formal clothing since I haven’t had to go to work. Right now, I just want a beer and my girl. One look tells me the latter won’t be happening quite yet. Caulder has curled up and made himself comfortable on her lap and she doesn’t look the least bit put out by it. That kid is going to be a constant hog when it comes to Linny. Maybe he had the right idea about drawing up a custody agreement. I shake my head, laughing at my own thoughts. I grab a beer for me and Pop, then take a seat across the room so I can at least look at her. Like a dog begging for crumbs. In this case, a wolf, but furry all the same.

  Everyone seems content to sit in silence, each of us lost in thought. Pop and I are both likely thinking about what comes next. The day is far from over. Ma and Grace are beside each other on the
couch, my future mother-in-law leaning her head against Ma. I don’t think there’s ever been a better outcome from a meet-the-parents than the two of them. Chev’s lying on the floor, as far away from Linny as possible, his arms folded beneath his head. And then there’s my girl and little dude. Her eyes are closed as she runs her fingers through Caulder’s blond hair, looking more content than she has in days. Probably since that night on the cliff when I asked her to marry me. My eyes go to her hand, not surprised to see her twisting that ring around and around. I’ve caught her doing it several times, even when she wasn’t speaking to me. I was just happy to see her still wearing it.

  “Indy...” Grace pops up. “What is that?” I guess I wasn’t the only one to notice her movement. Linny freezes, her eyes slowly opening. She turns to me, like maybe I should be the one to answer her mom’s question. I just smile at her.

  “Uh,” she starts, then stops, clearly at a loss for words. “Well, the night of my party, Dax sort of proposed when I met him on the cliff.” Her eyes are focused on Grace, looking for any indication that she doesn’t approve. She won’t find one.

  “What!” Every person in the room yells. Aside from Caulder, who’s now snoring his way through our big news.

  “What the hell, you ho bag! How have you not told any of us? Or, I don’t know, screamed it so that the whole world knows you locked down that hot piece of ass!” Chevy waves his arms around dramatically. I arch an eyebrow at his words while Linny stares at him blankly.

  “Yes, my beautiful mate, do tell why you’ve kept me your dirty little secret. Am I just a pretty face to you?” I really amp up the theatrics. My girl rolls her eyes at me.

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I was kidnapped by our former presidents who were cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Then had to channel my inner Lora Croft to bust outta there. Been a little busy,” she snarks, her sarcasm coming out full force. It might be a tad morbid, but it makes me happy to hear her joke about it. Let’s me know that she’s healing.

  “Please. More like an inner Ronda Rousey, at best. Post retirement.” Ah hell, Chev’s gonna get hit if he doesn’t learn to keep his mouth shut.

  “My God, Indy, it’s beautiful,” Grace completely ignores the two of them bickering, kneeling down to see the ring on her finger.

  “Dax designed it himself,” she smiles, admiring it again. Pride swells inside of me, knowing if nothing else, at least I got that part right. Ma and Pop check it out too, giving her a kiss on the head.

  “Congratulations, Itty Bitty.” Pop smiles fondly at my girl. I sit, sipping my beer, as they fawn over Linny and talk about wedding dates. I think Pop even brings up grandbabies again. I shake my head. I guess I’m just chopped liver, but she’s the star of the show. I can’t even be mad about it. Ma eventually comes over to hug me, remembering that she does, in fact, have a son. Who happens to play a vital part in the engagement she’s freaking out over.

  “You did good, my boy.” I grunt in response. Pop scoops Caulder up after he farts in his sleep, causing us all to laugh, and takes him to bed. Linny stretches, her chest arching forward, taunting me. My wolf whimpers. Hell, maybe it’s me that makes that desperate sound. Based on the snickers, it was probably Dax the man. The front door opens and in walks Lex, followed by Bray and Liam. No knock. Shocker. They each take an empty seat and kick back. Pop returns, handing out beers to our three newcomers.

  “So, when will it be fuck-shit-up o’clock?” Lex blurts out. I wince, looking over at Pop. His expression pretty much mirrors mine. No one knows about our change of plans, but worse, Linny knows absolutely nothing. I watch her as Pop clears his throat and starts to speak.

  “Our original plan to raid Pack Ames tomorrow night had to be adjusted. I feel certain Barron has been working against us. It’s safe to say, Pack Ames is likely aware of our plan and would be expecting us. So, we’ve decided to attack tonight. Bray has been informing each pack member that agreed to fight about the change. While we would’ve had the full moon on our side tomorrow and been at our strongest, Pack Ames would have too. Which means they’re just as disadvantaged as us going in a day early. As soon as night falls, we’ll make our move.” I watch a dozen different emotions flit across Linny’s face. Confusion, anger, but the worst is fear.

  “What?” she whispers, tears filling her eyes as she looks to me for some sort of explanation. I go straight to her, pick my girl up, and head for my room. She doesn’t fight me, just wraps her arms and legs around me and sobs against my shoulder. I hold her, not bothering to feed her any bullshit words that won’t change how scary this has to be for her. My fingers twine through her long, dark hair as I rock us back and forth. I wish I could change this, that there was some other way to set things right, but Pack Ames will never sit down for a civil conversation. Especially when they see no wrong in what they’re doing.

  “Tell me you aren’t going, Dax.” Her head shakes back and forth, like she’s convincing herself of the answer.

  “I can’t tell you that, baby.” I swallow, forcing myself to stay strong for her. She cries harder, and I let her, knowing I have no words of comfort to make this better.

  “You don’t understand how cruel they are. They’ll go straight for you because of what I did to Christian. I can’t lose you, Dax. Please don’t go.” Linny tightens her hands in my shirt. Her pleading is killing me.

  “Baby, I don’t have a choice. Even if I wanted to stay, I can’t. I have a stake in this. They took my mate. Hurt and starved you. My wolf needs them to pay. They won’t quit, Linny. They’ll keep taking girls because there’s no one stopping them. I won’t lie to you and say that I’m not scared. A healthy dose of fear will keep me on my toes. But I promise, I’ll come back to you.” She’s already shaking her head.

  “You can’t promise that. Anything could happen.” I lift her head so that she can see my sincerity. Her eyes are red and puffy, tears clinging to her eyelashes.

  “Yes, I can. Nothing will ever keep me from you. Trust me, Linny.” She’s stares at me, her shaking hand lifting to rest against my cheek. Her thumb traces over one eyebrow, the bridge of my nose, the bow of my top lip. It’s like she’s trying to memorize every detail of my face. I don’t tell her that she won’t need to, that I’ll be back before she knows it and then we’ll have the rest of our lives together for her to stare at me all she’d like. If this is what my mate needs, it’s the least I can do.

  “What was number one?” she asks.

  “Number one?” I repeat.

  “From the reasons why you love me.” Ah, lightbulb.

  “It’s more of a show than a tell. Come with me?” Linny nods, shifting so she can get to her feet. Once I’m standing, I take her hand and lead us out the back door. The house is oddly quiet, everyone sensing we needed a moment to ourselves. We don’t speak as I walk us down the only trail that branches off from the cliff. Our cliff. Seconds later, the path ends, opening up to a small clearing with a little cottage in the center. I move closer, looking from Linny to the house, waiting for her to connect the dots.

  “What’s this?” Guess those dots aren’t quite close enough.

  “Our home. I’ve been working on it for about a year. Being twenty-one and living with your parents isn’t all that great, but I wanted to share this place with my mate. With you. Wanna see the inside?” She nods, her eyes lighting up with excitement. We walk up the three front steps and I open the door. I try to see everything through Linny’s eyes, like I’m taking it all in for the first time. Hardwood floors, granite countertops, shaker cabinets. Her eyes are welling up again, and I’m not sure what that means. Maybe she hates it. I probably should’ve waited to finish some stuff so that she could give her input, but I wanted it finished before we were set to bond.

  “I love it,” Linny spins around, unable to focus on one thing before something else catches her eye. “It’s like I designed it myself. The furniture is even perfect.” Thank fuck. I would’ve trashed it all and let her start over if she wanted to, but
I’m happy I was able to pick things that I thought she’d like and wasn’t wrong. I follow her down the hall, watching as she admires first the master bedroom and then a guest room. The last door after the second bath makes my palms sweat. I doubt I’ve misjudged the situation, but a lot has changed for Linny in such a short amount of time. And this would be another big one to add to the list.

  Her hand twists the knob, revealing a blue-gray room with a twin sized bed. A bookshelf sits along one wall, already stocked. At the foot of the bed is a wooden toy chest, ‘Caulder’ carved into the front of it. Linny looks back at me, those bright blue eyes asking a thousand questions. I nod at the bed, where a stack of papers sit. She slowly walks over and lifts them up, scanning the words rapidly before she gasps.

  “This house has been a labor of love. Every detail made with you in mind, the mate I always knew was what out there. I want our life to begin and end here. I want to spend our first anniversary on the back deck, watching the sun go down. I want mornings with you cooking pancakes in nothing but my shirt, and nights with us slow dancing in the kitchen after we were so caught up in each other that we burnt our dinner. And I want a house full of kids, starting with Caulder. He’s always been a part of me, but he was meant to be yours. We all saw it, by the end of the night you two met it was plain as day. Ma and Pop have always filled the grandparent role. They don’t want to be anything other than his Nona and Bear. He needs a mom and a dad, and I can’t think of anyone better to be his mama than you.” Linny practically tackles me, her face smooshed against my chest.

  “You mean it?” Her words are muffled, but I make them out. My hand rests against the base of her spine.