Finding Me (Pack Bardot Book 2)

by M. K. Harper

  Chapter 14

  Daxton

  We’ve just come out of another one our meetings about the McGinty’s, going over any last minute possibilities that could hinder the main event in a few hours. It’s just me, Pop, Bray and Liam in attendance. According to Caulder, Lex came and got Linny early this morning to work on some of those ninja moves she requested help with. Bet that went over well when Lex showed up at the ass crack of dawn. Finding the space beside me empty when I woke up didn’t hurt any less than if she had ended up kicking me in the junk for cuddling her all night. The blow was only slightly lessened when I discovered she was likely dragged out of bed against her will.

  I’ve just exited the trail that leads to the chapel when I spot a frantic blur running across the far end of Ma and Pop’s yard. A Linny shaped blur. Her dark hair is flying everywhere, those little legs working double time. She stops, folding over with her hands braced on her knees, sucking in oxygen like it’s a scarce commodity. My girl doesn’t do cardio, so whatever has her moving that fast must be truly terrifying. I take off towards her, yelling her name.

  “Linny!” Her head snaps up, my vision so precise I can see the tears glistening in those blue eyes of hers, even with the distance separating us. She doesn’t say anything, just starts running. My heart is hammering, my mind conjuring up a thousand different possibilities to explain her distress. Has Pack Ames come back? She’s edging closer and closer to the pond that’s nearly hidden by overgrowth. I open my mouth to warn her away when a duck shoots out from a bush, honking and flapping around right in front of her.

  “Eeeeeekk!” Linny faceplants the dirt, but scrambles right back up so that she can slap at the angry bird. I watch, morbidly curious, to see who’s gonna win this fight. When Linny honks back at the duck, I lose it. You can’t make this shit up. When it finally realizes that its victim is a bit crazier than she’s probably worth, it waddles back off. Linny shoves her hair out of her face, spits out some dirt, and then continues on like nothing ever happened. Am I hallucinating? There’s still about ten feet between us when she launches herself at me like a flying squirrel. I grunt with the force of her landing, but she instantly wraps her arms and legs around me, her head tucking in against my neck.

  “What’s wrong, baby? What is it?” I spin us around, trying to shield her from whatever threat she’s running from, really hoping that it’s just a damn duck. With everything so heightened, the sound of our breathing alone masks her mumbles until I focus on them specifically.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Don’t leave me, please tell me I haven’t lost you because I was being a stubborn butthole.” I sink to the ground. Those words. I don’t think I’ve ever longed to hear something more in my entire life. My hands run over her, needing to prove to myself that she isn’t some dream I’ve conjured up.

  “Linny, you could throw me away and I’d still be yours.” I bury face against her, relishing in the contact I’ve been desperate for. Her fingers brush through the hair at the nape of my neck, causing me to shiver.

  “We need to talk. There’s something I have to tell you.” She pulls back, her lip tucked between her teeth. Fear and guilt are written all over her face, warring for dominance. I’m fucking terrified of what she needs to tell me that has her so worked up, but I push my feelings aside and decide that no matter what, I’ll love her through it.

  “Come on, let’s go back to the house and we’ll talk there.” I move to release her but she clings tighter.

  “Don’t let me go,” she whispers.

  “Never again, baby.” So, I stand, with Linny wrapped around me, and head for the house. I walk straight through the living full of our family, coy smiles playing on their faces as they take in the sight of us. As soon as I get us to my room, I close and lock the door before sitting on the bed. Slowly, Linny slides away from me, her hands twisting nervously in a way I’ve become familiar with.

  “Baby, whatever it is, I promise it’ll be okay. There’s nothing you could tell me that would change a thing about us.” She’s really starting to worry me. After she takes several deep breaths, her eyes lift to meet mine. There’s so much pain reflected in them that I just want to hold her close and will it all away. Instead, I patiently wait for her to start talking.

  “I met Minnie.” My brows furrow in confusion. “She was there, Dax. When I woke up, I was in a large dog kennel, like the chain link ones you see outside. There were at least a dozen, all pushed together with the tops enclosed. Beside mine, was Minnie’s. I didn’t recognize her at first, but we eventually put two-and-two together. She never left Caulder. His dad tracked her down, called the house that day your mom and Caulder were grocery shopping. He threatened to hurt his own son if Minnie didn’t come back. So, she made up some half-assed excuse for leaving so that no one would suspect anything. All to keep her baby safe.” I suck in a sharp breath. My hand going to rub at my mouth, at a complete loss for words with this new information.

  “I’ll spare you the details, but her life there was a living hell. A few days in, Christian came with Allana and they had Minnie taken away. I don’t know what they did to her, but she came back despondent and just...gone. Checked-out. He wanted to hold her over me, to try and force my obedience by hurting her. I begged them to bring her back and take me, but it was useless. He wanted me to blame myself for everything that happened to her.” I don’t think it can get much worse, but Linny keeps talking, proving me wrong.

  “When we heard the door open back up, she pulled out a piece of glass she’d been hiding, telling me to fight and do whatever I had to, to make it home. She wanted me to tell Caulder how much she loved him one day. I hid it behind me, but Christian went to her, pulling her out so they stood in front of my cage. He told me that if I agreed to bond with him, he’d let her go. I tried, Dax. I tried so fucking hard to say those words, but I couldn’t make them come out. Minnie smiled at me, like she was happy I hadn’t given in. He snapped her neck right in front of me and I lost it. I taunted him, saying anything I could think of to get him close. As soon as he threw the door open and came at me, I reacted. I shoved the glass in his neck without giving myself a second to hesitate. Blood was everywhere but I forced myself to run. I didn’t want to leave her there, but I had no choice.” Tears are pouring down her cheeks, her words catching on a sob. I can feel a line of wetness on my own face. I sit there, completely still, as I try to process everything she’s just told me.

  “I’m so sorry. I know it’s my fault. If I could’ve just said those words she might still be here.” Linny rambles, her words rushing together. I pull her to me, one hand going to the back of her head as I hold her against me.

  “Fuck, baby. Is that what you think? Have you been blaming yourself this whole time?” My hands frame her face, our foreheads resting together. She hiccups, crying so hard she can’t even speak. “Look at me, Linny. He would have killed her regardless. Maybe not right then, but eventually. And who knows what else would’ve happened to her in the meantime. No one, not a soul, would ever blame you for refusing to bond with Christian. That wolf-half of you is designed to deny anyone but your mate. He set you up to fail from the get-go, baby. No wolf, pure or otherwise, would ever willingly agree to something like that. He would’ve had to force the bond, literally holding you down, Linny.” I growl the last part, the image it evokes causing my wolf to nearly go on a rampage.

  “I know it’s damn near impossible to let that guilt go, but I’ll tell you every day for the rest of our lives that you aren’t to blame if that’s what it takes. I’ve been buried in my own since the night you were taken, so I know what you’re feeling. I’ve replayed it a million different times, thinking of what I could’ve done differently. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, Linny, and that’s something I’ll always have to live with. But I swear to do better, to learn from my mistakes.” I kiss her temple, her closed eyes, each cheek. Her head shakes as she pulls back.

  “I never blamed you, Dax, and I feel awful that I ev
er made you believe that. I was just so lost in my own pain that I needed to point the finger at someone else. It wasn’t fair of me to do that to you.” Her hand squeezes mine, that little tongue darting out to moisten her dry lips. Without giving myself a chance to overthink it, I press my mouth against hers. I can taste the salt from her tears and it makes me want to slay any fucker dumb enough to ever cause her pain again. My tongue teases the seam of her mouth, willing her to open for me. I swallow her gasp and feed on her like a man starved. Fuck, that’s exactly what I am. Absolutely ravenous. I haven’t tasted her since the night I proposed, the only time I ever had, and now I can’t get enough. I want to consume her the same way she has me.

  Linny shocks the hell out of me when she straddles me, our centers lined up perfectly. I know she can feel how hard I am, but it only seems to spur her on. She rocks against me and I groan. The sound is pain and ecstasy all rolled into one. Shocking the hell out of myself, I pull back, needing to put some space between us before this goes from semi-innocent to a full out porno. My dick is shouting obscenities at the sensible head that’s taken charge. We’re both breathing heavily, still pressed together. I want nothing more than to flip her over and bury myself inside her, but this isn’t the time nor the place. Especially with the wolves listening in from the living room.

  “I love you,” I whisper against her ear, loving the way her body shudders.

  “I love you more,” Linny kisses my neck, pulling the exact reaction she just had from me.

  “Yeah? Well, I love you most.” I lift her up and place her on her feet so that I can rearrange my angry cock. She blushes and attempts to look away, but her eyes are drawn right back to the crotch of my pants. I look to the heavens, praying for strength.

  “That won’t fit. Like a semi coming at a smart car...” Linny mumbles, clearly thinking out loud again. If my hearing wasn’t so great right now, I doubt I would’ve heard it. It takes everything I have not to laugh my ass off. Instead, I bite my tongue and take her hand.

  “Dax?”

  “Yeah, baby?” I look at her, her eyes flickering between mine.

  “What the hell kind of devil ducks are y’all breeding around here? Shouldn’t the fact that this place is teeming with wolves be some sort of natural pest repellant?” Her seriousness causes me to crack. When I manage to pull myself back together, I grip her hand to lead us out to the living room. She hesitates at the door, tugging me back a bit.

  “What is it, sweetheart?” I lower my head so that I can see her better.

  “You might not blame me, but what if they do?” She nods toward my door, hinting at our family.

  “How about we go out there so you can see for yourself? Ma and Pop heard, and they’ve already relayed everything to your mom and Chevy so that you don’t have to go through re-telling that again so soon. Tomorrow’s the full moon so our conversation was easily picked up.” She swallows, nervousness causing her hand to tremble. And then her eyes widen, realizing what else they probably picked up on. I smile, lifting her hand so that I can kiss the inside of her wrist before leading us to the living room. Getting Linny there is like pulling a toddler towards an exam chair at the dentist’s office. But I know my folks, and they won’t hold an ounce of resentment for my girl. They love her like she’s one of their own, because she is.

  Chapter 15

  Linden

  Fuck my fucking life.

  That should be the Linden motto, considering how many times that phrase has come out of my mouth recently. So much relies on what happens next. It’d devastate me to have Beatrix and Carder look at me differently. Even if I wanted to turn and run, Dax has my hand in a death grip, as if he can sense my urge to flee. He was spot on when he said that my feelings wouldn’t go away overnight. So much about those five days will stick with me for a long, long while. I’m not suddenly better, I’ve just decided to stop wallowing and try to move forward with my life. Maybe logic finally returned from her tropical vaca and she’s trying to sort through the hot mess of my head space. I know I have a ways to go, but I know now that I need to make that journey with Dax, rather than without. I should probably send Lex an edible arrangement or something to show my thanks.

  I feel the smallest bit of relief that Beatrix and Papa Wolf already know the full story. It was bad enough recounting it once, I’d rather not do it twice in one day. But their freakin’ super hearing? My face still feels like it’s on fire. There were definitely parts of the last half hour they did not need to hear. My eyes stay firmly locked on the floor as we come around the corner and enter the living room. I can feel their eyes on me, but I’m too scared to look up, afraid of what I might see. Dax’s finger rests beneath my chin and gently lifts it until I can see nothing but him. He smiles, that same heart stopping smile he gave me the first day we met, and I know, no matter what, I’ll always have him. Gathering every drop of courage I have, I turn to face everyone else. Beatrix is already standing, embracing me a second later. It reminds me so much of that first hug we shared, and just like they did then, my eyes fill with tears.

  “We love you so much, sweet girl. Now and always. I don’t want to hear any apologies from you when there’s absolutely nothing for you to be sorry for. The only person’s forgiveness you need is your own, Linden. Allow yourself that peace of mind. You more than deserve it.” She kisses my forehead. I bite my lip, hard, hoping the sting of pain will keep my tears at bay. A quick glance shows Mom and Chevy wiping away some of their own. I imagine they’ve been given as much of the backstory as time allowed. I finally look at Carder, somehow dreading his reaction the most. But all I’m met with are his kind eyes and open arms. I fall into him, doing my best not to snot on him again.

  “Itty Bitty,” he places his hands on my shoulders so that we can see one another. “I think you found that purpose we talked about. We never would’ve known what happened to Minnie if it weren’t for you. At least we have some semblance of closure now, instead of a lifetime of wonderin’. Thank you.” I’m shocked, nothing but a squeak coming out when I try to speak. I had hoped they would be able to move past this, to still love me in spite of everything, but I never expected such acceptance. Much less a thank you when I’m still trying to get to a place where I feel that way about myself. I know Carder isn’t trying to make light of what I went through, but instead taking hold of the only thing to come out of that whole ordeal that we could one day come to appreciate. I look at the people surrounding me, really look at them, once again sending up a silent thank you to whatever led us to Pleasant Falls, Oregon. The only thing missing is my Little Tyrant. I scan the room, it just now occurring to me that he hasn’t been present. Oh God, I really hope he didn’t overhear us as well.

  “Caulder?” Panicked, I turn to Dax.

  “In the bath. Happy as a pig in shit while bossing around his toys like a mini drill sergeant. He didn’t hear anything. Our senses don’t heighten until the first change.” He tucks a piece of hair behind me ear as I deflate.

  “When the time is right, we’ll tell him. As a family.” Beatrix smiles. I don’t know that I’ll ever be ready for that conversation.

  “I dropped by the house this morning to check on things and to grab us some clothes, Inds. I left your bag in Dax’s room. There should be several options to choose from for the service today.” Mom smiles at me, looking tired but happy. The past month of our lives has been one giant clusterfuck.

  “Thanks, Mom.” I kiss her cheek, making a mental note to carve out some time for just her and I. For so long we’ve only had each other, and now there’s so many new additions to our little duo. I know her and Beatrix have grown close, but I think it’d do us both some good to have a girl’s night full of HGTV. Before I leave to go get ready, I turn to Chevy. He smiles sweetly at me, but the one I give in return is anything but. I jab two fingers at my eyes, then towards him. Letting him know he better watch his back because the red flag’s been waved, and it’s fucking on like Donkey Kong.

  “Shit,” he
grumbles. Carder laughs, but Dax just shakes his head while trying to pull me down the hallway. Before Chev is completely out of sight, I lift my finger and drag it across my throat, a grin on my face that could rival Lex’s creepy one.

  “Okay, killer. Time to get ready.” I pale, Dax slamming to a halt as the insensitivity of that should-be harmless word registers for him.

  “I’m so fucking sorry,” he draws me into him, like he might be able to squeeze the memory of him saying that out of me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

  “I’m okay.” I’m honestly surprised by how much I mean that. It definitely stung at first, but retelling Minnie’s story has helped remind me of the type of person Christian was. Dax was just joking, and I’ve gotta learn to let those sorts of jabs roll off of me when they aren’t meant to be personal. I smile at him, hoping he can see that I really am alright. He relaxes and we finally make it back to his room. I dig through the bag Mom left and pull out a black cotton dress. It’s not fancy, but it’ll do. Grabbing my makeup bag, I head for the bathroom to quickly rinse off, seeing as we only have thirty minutes before the ceremony is supposed to start. I smack a kiss on Dax’s cheek as I leave, loving the tickle of his stubble against my lips.

  By the time I finish getting ready, Dax is dressed, looking glorious in a pair of black slacks and a black button down. That ass of his I’ve spent most of my Economics class at Pleasant Falls High staring at is hugged perfectly, making me want to bite it. When he turns to see me eye fucking him, his eyes flash with heat. I’d very much like to pick up where we left off earlier. Apparently near-death experiences have sent any reservations I may have still had straight out the window. Dax stalks towards me, his hand wrapping around the back of my neck. His fingers tighten around my hair, titling my head back. The slight sting of pain makes my eyes close, sensations I’ve never felt building inside of me. I feel his lips hovering over mine, our breath mingling.