Finding Me (Pack Bardot Book 2)

by M. K. Harper

  One loud snore, and she scares herself back awake. Her eyes go wide, looking left and right, like something other than her made that noise. Slowly, she starts to lean in. She homes in on my mouth, those perfect lips almost close enough to taste.

  Just a little further...

  Suddenly, she stops, and then proceeds to whisper shout, “I have to poop.” I’ve been cock-blocked by a lot of shit when it comes to Linny, but actual shit...that takes the cake. Chevy doubles over from laughing so hard and Pop is shaking from trying to hold it in.

  “Oh, God,” Chev sputters. “When she remembers this tomorrow, she’s gonna be so embarrassed. I can’t wait.”

  “If she remembers,” Grace adds, just as Ma comes back from putting Caulder to bed.

  “Oh, I’ll make sure she does.”

  “It might do you some good to keep in mind that you’re the cause of her current state,” Pop grins at Chevy.

  “Ah, fuck. Still worth it.”

  I shake my head and start the walk of shame, because there will be no other way to classify this come tomorrow, leading my girl to the bathroom. Grace jumps up, cutting us off.

  “I should probably take it from here, Dax. I don’t think Indy will forgive me if I let you take this any further.” I shrug, but hand Linny over anyway. There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for that girl, wiping her ass included. But I can see how she might feel some type of way about that when she finally comes down from that cloud she’s riding.

  “Happy pushing, Lin!” Chevy shouts, causing us all to groan. The guy must have a death wish. I take a seat, accepting the beer Ma hands me. A second later, the front door opens and in walks Lex. I don’t think anyone bothers to knock anymore. She plops down beside me, propping her feet up on the coffee table. And then she takes my beer. If I didn’t owe her the damn world, I’d complain, but as it stands, she can pretty much get away with murder where I’m concerned. Grace and Linny come back in, my mate doing an excellent impression of a fish as her nose scrunches and her lips pucker. Who the hell even knows what that’s about?

  “False alarm,” Grace mouths.

  Linny stops when she spots Lex, her eyes narrowing on the small gap between her leg and mine. Like she’s on a mission, Linny stomps over and drops herself on my lap like a dead weight. My dick groans. I groan. I think even the room as a whole groans. Pretty sure that was intentional. I drop my head back, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth like I’m mid contraction.

  “Mine,” Linny snaps her teeth at Lex. It’s so damn cute, I’m momentarily distracted from the pain pulsing through my groin. Her possessiveness is a fucking turn on, regardless of how temporary it may be. Lex arches an eyebrow at her, still drinking my beer.

  “Uh huh.” She nods at Linny like she’s a little slow. My girl, obviously doing her damndest to kill me, turns and licks me on the cheek.

  “I licked him, that makes him mine.” She raises her chin, likes she’s making some haughty proclamation to the mere peasants gathered around. Lex slowly turns her head to scan the room, looking at everyone else to see if they’re also witnessing this shit go down. She doesn’t have a clue what weirdness she’s dropped in on.

  “She ate some pot brownies,” I say in way of an explanation.

  “I don’t think pot has that effect,” Lex replies, looking at Linny likes she’s a bit unstable. She probably is, but right now, she’s free of those chains that have had her shackled to her grief. She can be a bird or whatever else she wants as far as I’m concerned.

  “Let me correct Dax, Lin ate a lot of pot brownies. Like, if there were an overdose limit on weed, she would’ve exceeded it several times over,” Chevy declares. Linny giggles and fuck does it feel good to hear that sound. It’s the sweetest thing in the world. She starts to shift around, my semi-hard dick starting to fully harden. I wrap my arms around her waist to hold her in place, pressing my face against her back.

  “Sit still, baby,” I whisper, knowing damn well the wolves in the room can still hear me. Pop chuckles, but thankfully no one calls me out. Out of nowhere, Linny turns to Lex.

  “Can you teach me to do the ninja moves?” she asks her, punctuating the question with some sort of karate chop that nearly takes my eye out. I bite my lip so I don’t laugh. Lex does that creepy thing with her mouth that looks like a smile but it errs a bit too far on the side of manic to be considered normal.

  “Sure thing, puddin’ pop.” Lex pats Linny’s head. We’re all entertained by my girl’s actions, but beneath it all, there’s an edge to her words. A reason she feels the need to seek out Lex for self-defense lessons. I’m completely onboard with whatever it takes to help her feel safe again. If that’s Lex’s ninja moves, then so be it. We chat late into the night, each of us reveling in the normalcy of just being together. At some point, Linny falls asleep, her head leaned back against my shoulder. Her little snores keep a smile on my face.

  “What is that?” I shake my arm, trying to dislodge the wet glob that just landed on me. Chevy leans over to take a look, a wicked grin lighting up his face from whatever he sees.

  “That,” he points, “is your sweet little Linny’s drool. Such a charmer, that one.” Whatever, it ain’t the first time she’s drooled on me, but I won’t ever tell her that.

  “I think that’s our queue,” I stand, lifting Linny with me. One by one, each of them

  come by to kiss her goodnight.

  “Sleep tight, Itty Bitty.” Pop ruffles her hair and heads off to bed. Ma’s next.

  “Sweet dreams, darling girl.” She follows after Pop, leaving Chevy to take her place.

  “Whatever payback you dish out, it was worth it. Love you, Lin.” And then there’s just Grace. She brushes some stray hair away from Linny’s face, most of it stuck in a dried patch of drool. We both smile. I don’t think she’s ever looked more beautiful than she does right now, completely content in my arms. Grace presses her lips to her cheek.

  “You’ll be okay, baby girl.” She squeezes my hand and heads toward the spare room she’s been staying in. When I get us to my room, I use one hand to peel back the covers while the other clutches Linny to me. Laying my girl down, I make quick work of shedding my jeans and t-shirt. I wanna hold her against me for as long as I can. If tomorrow everything goes back to pre-pot brownie Linny, then I want to make the most of the time I have. I’m probably taking advantage of the situation, but I don’t think I can go another night having to shift just to be near her.

  Just having her back took a lot of the edge off but coming to terms with my guilt has been a different story. I’m starting to accept that Pack Ames would’ve gotten to her one way or another. I could play out a million what-ifs, but none of them will change what happened. I won’t ever feel like I’m completely blameless, but I’m trying to move forward. I crawl in beside Linny and pull her to me. Our scents are mingled together on my sheets, and to me, that’s better than any high she could be feeling. I kiss the back of her neck as I close my eyes, holding out hope that she doesn’t knee me in the balls when she wakes up.

  Chapter 13

  Linden

  I feel like I’ve slept in the same position all night long without moving an inch. My back aches, the muscles tight and sore. My eyelids are so heavy I can’t bring myself to lift them. In fact, my whole body feels weighed down. My throat is so dry I start to wonder if ate cotton balls for dinner. I open my mouth, my lips smacking together as I try and dispel the bitter taste in my mouth. I need a toothbrush, stat. Cracking one eye open, I nearly piss myself. Lex Luther herself is hovering over me, that freaky grin on her face.

  “Rise and shine, young padawan.” I blink at her, waiting for...something? Maybe an explanation as to why she’s here in the first place, much less at, I take a quick peek at the clock, 7am. Well if I were still on the fence before, it’s settled now. Lex is without a doubt certifiable. No one wakes up at this hour to just stare at someone else while they sleep. This girl gets a thrill from some seriously questionable sh
it. Something moves over my leg and I jerk. Looking over, I come face-to-face with a sleeping Dax. His hair is tousled in that way I love, and his even breaths puff against my cheek. He has one leg entwined with mine and an arm thrown across my stomach. I’m locked in place, like he feared I might disappear in the middle of the night. Tears spring to my eyes. I’m the fucking worst.

  I’ve gone so far down my rabbit hole of grief that I haven’t truly considered what anyone else has been going through. Mom and Chev have come and gone while I’ve been in my isolation, but neither of them has pushed me to talk. They’ve just sat quietly, fighting past their own struggles while putting on a happy front for me. Today feels different, though. Like the old Linden is peeking through. I have no doubt that waking up next to the man I love has something to do with it. Somehow, I have to find a way to make things better between us. He doesn’t deserve what I’ve done. Pushing him away, blaming him for something he had absolutely no control over.

  Lex has disappeared while I’ve been taking a mental stroll. With great precision, I slowly extract myself from Dax. Once I’m free, I look back down at him, unable to resist running my fingers through his hair. I quickly kiss his forehead and turn to go find Lex, closing the door behind me so that Dax can sleep. I find her in the kitchen, leaned against the island with a mug full of coffee.

  “Uh, care to explain?” I wave back at the bedroom, indicating her little early morning wake up call.

  “I’m here to ‘teach you the ninja moves’.” My nose scrunches, those words ringing a faint bell.

  “I see you’re struggling, so let me help you out. Chevy. Pot brownies.” She stares at me in morbid fascination while sipping on her coffee. I’m sure she can tell the second every memory I have of yesterday comes back to me. White Chicks. Scarfing down half a pan of brownies, which I now know were laced. At least that explains the insanity of what followed. I’m only getting bits and pieces, like a jumbled-up jigsaw puzzle that needs to be put together. Being one with a bird? Shoveling food in my mouth like it was a Hoover. I think I actually dipped a pickle in some Nutella. Gag. And then Dax. Him spinning us around the living room. Poop? Oh, fuck me, why is that even a memory?! But it seems I have been fucked, quite thoroughly I might add. By my best friend. Yet. Again.

  “Not sure how far you’ve made it through that memory Rolodex of yours, but I’ll fast forward to the part where I come in. You asked me for some help with self-defense, so here I am.” Lex tips an imaginary hat at me.

  More than hairless balls are at stake for this one, Chev. Lex smothers a laugh.

  “Said that out loud, huh?” She nods, amusement dancing in her eyes. I just shrug. “You’ll get used to it if you plan on following through with this.”

  “Oh, I’m committed to the cause.” Her eyes sparkle, the sight of it unnerving me. Whatever she has planned is gonna suck giant donkey dicks. A throat clears behind me and I turn to find Caulder. One hand holds a glass of orange juice and the other two Tylenol. Both shoved towards me impatiently. I fight back a grin but swallow the pills and down half the OJ.

  “Lindy,” he starts, his parental tone almost causing me to crack. “Marijuana is a gateway drug. I would appreciate if you’d refrain from using it again in the future.” I can’t help but wonder if this kid is reading straight from a DARE pamphlet. Is that even a thing anymore? Hell, Caulder likely YouTube’d old videos and ordered those damn stickers we were always given.

  “Just say no, Lindy.” And there it is. He definitely got sucked into the DARE-hole. I’m getting flashbacks from that overweight cop preaching to our class about the dangers of marijuana, a plant, when he was probably one Twinkie shy of diabetes. And there’s nothing wrong with that, his life not mine. But scaring the bejesus out of a bunch of kids over something that’s been proven beneficial to many? No can do, cop-o. I’ll have to steer Caulder’s war on drugs towards something worth putting up a stink about. I shake my head, wondering why a six-year-old is even thinking about drugs to begin with. But this is my Little Tyrant we’re talking about. The kid gets an idea in his head and runs with it. He probably wrapped up a wee bit of Pre-Cal and dived right into The Effects of Drugs and Alcohol on the Human Body. He’s still staring at me, waiting for my agreement.

  “I solemnly swear,” I nod. That seems to pacify him because his little body sags, kid-Caulder replacing the hard-ass that had temporarily body snatched him. A regular occurrence where he’s concerned.

  “Good, now snuggle me.” He reaches out and I snag him up, pressing kisses against his neck, loving his little squirms.

  “Don’t tell Dax, but your snuggles are my favorite,” I whisper.

  “Of course they are,” he scoffs. I laugh, sitting him back down.

  “I gotta go with Lex for a bit. Stay inside until someone is awake. If you need anything, go get Dax, okay?” Caulder nods, already headed for the remote so he can turn on some cartoons. I follow behind him to make sure he’s settled before I go.

  “Love you, LT.”

  “Love you too, soulmate.”

  I close the front door with a smile, locking it from the inside first. We walk in silence for a while before Lex finally speaks.

  “What’s LT mean?” she asks.

  “Little Tyrant.” I grin.

  “Ha! Fitting.” I nod along. “You’re good for him,” she adds. I think about that for a second before responding.

  “And he’s good for me. Him and I just fit, like a lock and a key.” We reach a decent sized building, Lex pulling the double doors open and halting our heavy conversation not a moment too soon. The inside houses a gym, a good portion of it dedicated to a basketball court, but one corner is set aside with gym equipment and mats. I follow Lex into a small locker room, barely catching the gym bag she tosses at me.

  “Change into those. Lover boy’s underwear and those flip flops aren’t going to cut it. Once you’re dressed, meet me on the mats.” She leaves before I can respond. I unzip the bag and dump out the contents. Leggings, sports bra, racerback tank, running shoes and socks...all in my size. Probably hand-me-downs from Lex since we’re pretty evenly built, but that doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I change quickly and make my way back into the gym. I have the sudden, horrifying realization that I’ve willingly signed myself up to participate in some form of cardio.

  You masochist, you. Just remember, whatever’s necessary.

  I let Minnie’s words marinate. Somehow, my stoned brained knew this would help give me back some of the control I lost. I don’t want to ever be in that position again, relying on someone else to save the day because I don’t have the necessary skills to save myself. It wasn’t fair of me to expect Dax to rescue me. To hope, yeah. But not expect. I know in my heart he would’ve been there the moment I was taken if he could have been. A million things could stand in the way if something like that ever happens again, and if a next time does come, I plan to be prepared.

  “Alright, let’s start with some stretching.” Lex jumps right in as soon as I reach the mats. I follow along, copying her moves. Once she feels we’re limber enough, she starts her lesson.

  “For someone our size, the key is to use their own body weight against them. We also have agility on our side, so that’s a plus.” Lex continues to walk me through different defensive moves that will help thwart potential attacks. From there, we progress to offensive. She shows me ways to lead the fight, using my brain first and foremost. For hours, we go through different scenarios, practicing the maneuvers she taught me. I have miles to go, but at least I’ve started the race. By the time I collapse on the floor, I’m wheezing.

  “You did good. We should meet a few times a week if you can swing it.” I nod, too tired to use actual words. “Might wanna hit the shower soon. The burial ceremony for the wolves we lost starts at noon. Figured you might want to be there.” I swallow, doing my best to fight off the need to take responsibility for their lives that were cut far too short. I’ve heard that Pack Bardot lost three of their own the nig
ht I was taken. Lying in bed and staring at the ceiling all day gives you plenty of time to listen in on the conversations taking place around you. I just didn’t realize they were holding a service for them today.

  “What time is it?” I ask.

  “Just after ten.”

  I peel myself off the floor, rolling to my hands and knees before attempting to vault my body upwards. I cross my fingers, hoping I don’t topple back over. Lex laughs at me, but I’m too busy hobbling away from her to give her a proper glare.

  “I’d say thank you, but I’m currently cussing you out in my mind. I’ve called you some pretty unsavory names.” She laughs again, like the fun-sized psycho she is.

  “Hey, Linden,” Lex calls out just as I reach the doors. I look back, worried she’s about to put me through another drill.

  “This new version of you that you so desperately want to get rid of? Embrace her. She fought to be here and deserves a chance. Just because you accept this new you, doesn’t mean the old you disappears. Those two parts of you can live together peacefully. It might not happen overnight, but you’ll get there. You’re stronger because of the pain. Whatever it took to keep you breathing was done out of necessity. Quit giving it power. Trust your mate and lean on him until you can stand on your own again. The two of you keep trying to heal on your own when now, more than ever, you should be together.” She walks off to the locker room, leaving my speechless. I’m white knuckling the door handle, my thoughts all over the place. Turns out Lex Luther is a philosophical genius. Or maybe just a psychologist in training. Either way, I’ve come to one conclusion: I’m an idiot, and I need to find Dax immediately.