My Cousin is a Time Traveller
Page 18
Who knew that an Imperial Probe Droid would make such a great copyeditor? Thank you, Hazel Cotton (and it really is time for the final Zorbon). And to logic units Nicki Lampon for proofreading, and Lauren Fairgrieve for scanning the manuscript for errors. (Although, of course, the Auto-Author 2000 series has a perfect operational record and has never made an eror).
My thanks to all the compatible systems that make up Nosy Crow. You had me at Plug & Play.
Not forgetting the Killbots of Bounce. (Piece of friendly advice – never forget the Killbots.)
I access my memory management unit to thank graphics programs Nicola Dark Shader Theobald and Robby the Robot Versions 1.0 & 1.1 (Rob Biddulph and Robin Boyden).
I offer twelve and a half per cent of my thanks to my agent S.T.A.N. (Superior Terms Are Non-negotiable).
And finally thanks to my coprocessor and the brightest pixel in my display, my wife Natasha.
Writing this series of novels has been one of the greatest joys of my programming cycle. This being the last adventure for Luke, Zack and the rest I will now simulate human sadness by dimming my transistors for exactly two microseconds.
End Program. (Novel generated in 0.0003 seconds.)
A Q&A with DAVID SOLOMONS
Who is your favourite author?
Douglas Adams had a big influence on me. Before I read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy all of my heroes wore powered armour and wielded lightsabers, blasters or phasers. He put his hero in a dressing gown and armed him with a guidebook. Genius.
What do you love about reading?
I love that it makes me smarter and more attractive.
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I knew I wanted to be some kind of writer from an early age, but I wasn’t one of those people who proceeded to write short stories or enter writing competitions. My approach was subtle. I snuck up on my career, lulling it into a false sense of security by writing nothing for years and then, when it least expected, I pounced, apologetically.
What was your favourite subject at school?
An odd mixture. I had several inspirational English teachers, I feared PE, and I wish I’d been better at physics, which I enjoyed with inexpert enthusiasm.
Favourite song?
I tend to ignore anything recorded after about 1989. I like to think I’m educating my children with my 80s playlists, but I’m waiting for the inevitable backlash. I like to listen to soundtracks when I’m writing. Some Hans Zimmer, James Horner or Michael Giacchino is good, particularly during the climactic chapters.
Favourite quote of all time?
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” Thank you, Douglas Adams!
Have you ever been star-struck?
I once wrote a TV commercial for a hotel chain and remember sitting around thinking about casting. My art director said: you know who would be good for this? Jeff Goldblum. I laughed. Given that we were sitting in the offices of a Glasgow ad agency at the time, that seemed like a reach. But about two months later we were in a studio off Sunset Boulevard shooting with Mr Goldblum. Definitely a star-struck moment!
Favourite text/tweet you’ve received recently?
“Yes, Saturday night is fine.” Text from babysitter, following a last-minute request.
Notebook or laptop?
I’m a clumsy typist and I’ve discovered that I can get my thoughts down more easily if I use a pencil and notebook. I think the graphite in pencils must be a good conductor of ideas. But it’s always back to the laptop for editing.
Star Wars or Star Trek?
Star Wars is my first love. I walked out of that cinema a changed nine-year-old. I don’t think I’ve ever really recovered. I once saw Carrie Fisher do a one-woman show, and at the end of the performance the lights dimmed, a spotlight found her and she did the “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi” speech. I get a tingle just thinking about it! I love Star Trek too, especially The Wrath of Khan, which I reference frequently in my books.
Telekinesis or Telepathy?
Telekinesis for me. No to telepathy – I don’t want to hear anyone else’s thoughts, thank you. That seems like a very quick way to lose friends.
Time Travel or Space Travel?
When asked a question like this, all I can see are the downsides. On the one hand, there’s stepping on a butterfly thus changing the fate of all humanity, getting lost in an alternate time stream, being snacked on by a hungry dinosaur; on the other, explosive decompression, getting lost in the cold vacuum of space, being chomped by a hungry xenomorph. Tough choice.
Superhero or supervillain?
Evil is fun in fiction, but abhorrent in real life. So, I’d choose to be on the side of the good guys, unless I’m writing myself into a book, in which case it’s villain all the way.
What’s your favourite superhero sound effect? #PowBlamZack!
When Arm Fall-Off Boy detaches his arm, it goes PLORP! That’s pretty good.
Have you ever missed anything big because you had to go for a wee?
Sorry, just had to step out for a moment. Y’know. Did I miss anything big?
What is the best present you ever got?
As a child, Corgi die-cast Thunderbird 2 with Thunderbird 4 pod. As a very lucky young man, a second-hand, lightly rusted Alfa-Romeo Alfasud. In a colour called marrone. Which sounds lovely but is actually just brown. At least it hid the rust. As a much older man, Star Wars figures. Supposedly for my son.
Who was your favourite superhero as a child?
Perhaps surprisingly, I was not a big fan of superheroes when I was younger. But I’ve always liked The Man of Steel and Spider-Man. I remember being bought a Spidey comic with a mask stuck to the cover, but in those days the paper engineering was rather limited, and the mask was basically a paper bag with Spider-Man artwork. So, what I’m saying is that I spent an entire week with a paper bag on my head, leaping off stairs. Ah, simpler times.
COPYRIGHT
First published in the UK in 2019 by Nosy Crow Ltd
The Crow’s Nest, 14 Baden Place
Crosby Row, London, SE1 1YW, UK
www.nosycrow.com
ISBN: 978 0 85763 992 9
eISBN: 978 1 78800 586 9
Nosy Crow and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Nosy Crow Ltd
Text copyright © David Solomons, 2019
Cover and inside illustrations copyright © Robin Boyden, 2019
The right of David Solomons to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted.
All rights reserved
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of Nosy Crow Ltd.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
Printed and bound in Great Britain by Clays Ltd, Elcograf S.p.A
Typeset by Tiger Media
Papers used by Nosy Crow are made from wood grown in sustainable forests
1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2