Irregular Heartbeat

by Chris Zett

  “Anything is fine. Can I help?”

  “No, relax. You can take a shower after I’m done if you want to. I’ll leave out fresh towels.”

  In the shower, Diana discovered Emily’s source of the faint rosemary scent, her shampoo.

  Breakfast passed much too fast, and neither tried to address topics more serious than the plans for the day. They both needed to catch up with errands around their respective houses before starting a busy series of six workdays tomorrow. Diana wanted to prolong the feeling of belonging again, but she had to find some breathing time to process the rapid escalation of their relationship.

  “I should go and get some work done at home.” The idea of not seeing Emily again until they assumed their professional masks at work was depressing. “Come for dinner. I’ll cook for you.”

  Emily smiled. “I’ll be there.”

  Diana had rushed through her routine for her days off. Washing, cleaning, paying bills, grocery shopping, and an absolute minimum of yard work to keep her backyard from turning into a wilderness. She was left with just enough free time to prepare dinner. The vegetables were cut; the chicken was marinated in Indian spices, and the saffron rice warmed in the rice cooker. A romantic playlist streamed from her computer to the hidden speakers on the first floor. She turned to the table. Should they sit on opposite sides or at the corner, closer to each other? Exchange the candle for a few tea lights?

  The doorbell interrupted her fussing over the table setting. Since when had decorating become important to her? Shaking her head at her silliness, she went to answer the door.

  Emily held out a bottle of wine with a shy smile. “I didn’t know if you wanted me to bring something.”

  “Only you.” Diana took the bottle with one hand and pulled her in with the other. Her cheeks glowed a bright red, either from the chill drizzle or from seeing Diana again…or both. She couldn’t resist kissing Emily immediately.

  Emily’s hands roamed her back, and when the cold fingers reached her neck, Diana was reminded that they were still standing in the doorway, letting in the evening air. She took her jacket, hung it near the door to dry, and led her to the high stools at her kitchen island.

  “We could have some wine while I finish cooking. Do you want a glass? Or tea? I bought some of your favorites today.” Very smooth. She shut her mouth and peeked at Emily out of the corner of her eye as she searched for the bottle opener.

  Emily’s lips twitched as she obviously tried not to laugh. “Wine would be great. Thanks.”

  Diana opened the bottle and poured the dark red liquid into two glasses. She handed one to Emily and raised hers. “We probably should let it breathe, but let’s toast.”

  “To what?” Emily’s gaze locked with hers, and Diana nearly forgot to answer.

  “To our date?”

  “To our date.” Emily leaned her glass toward Diana’s, and they met with a bright clink, the high note lingering nearly as long as their gazes.

  The wine was rich and smooth, and Diana could immediately feel it going to her head. Or maybe Emily’s smile made her dizzy. Laughing at herself, she put down her glass next to Emily’s and turned to the stove. “Do you like Indian food?”

  “I love it. But I’ve never had it outside of a restaurant before. Isn’t it difficult to make?”

  Concentrating on cooking relieved some of the nervousness. “Not really. You need a lot of different spices, and it takes some time to get comfortable mixing them, but you can’t really make many mistakes. I suppose there are as many variations as there are families in India. I used to follow recipes, but now I just season until it tastes good.” She fried onions with the spices she had powdered in her large granite mortar.

  Emily stepped closer and wiggled her nose in an adorable way. “It smells authentic.”

  “I probably have westernized the recipes over the years. But it still beats the stuff you get in a supermarket.” She added the chicken strips and vegetables to the pan and finally poured chopped tomatoes over the rest to let it simmer under a lid.

  “I hope it’s spicy?”

  “Not too spicy. I didn’t want to use chilies.” She grinned.

  Emily frowned. “Why?”

  “I don’t want to have traces on my hands.” She exaggeratedly waggled her eyebrows. “Or my tongue.”

  The immediate blush covering her cheeks told Diana that Emily got it now. To give her a moment to cool down, she checked that the rice was still warm and removed a few papadums from the package. Microwaving the thin disks only took a minute, and she piled a few on an oval plate and added a small silver bowl with mango chutney next to them.

  She carried the starter to Emily. Her cheeks were still glowing, and Diana leaned in to kiss them.

  Emily turned her head at the last second and captured Diana’s mouth in a searing kiss that left them breathless.

  Seating herself next to Emily, Diana noticed she had barely touched the wine. “You want some water?”

  Emily placed a hand on Diana’s forearm and smiled. “Stop fussing. I’m fine.”

  “Okay. We can just sit here for a while and relax while the chicken jalfrezi is cooking. What did you do today?”

  They snacked on the papadums and exchanged details of their day. Diana enjoyed the warmth spreading from her middle. It could have been the spicy chutney or the wine, but she guessed it had more to do with the woman sitting next to her. Soon the fragrant scent of cardamom, cumin, and tomato filled the kitchen, and Diana’s stomach growled. When she rose to check on the sauce, it had reduced to the perfect thickness. She piled the plates with yellow rice, red chicken, and tomato sauce and sprinkled fresh coriander over it.

  The table was set with colorful woven mats she’d bought at an Indian shop in London. The thick, white candle was burning, and the window next to the large table reflected its light. Raindrops broke on the surface, ran down in irregular rivulets, and obscured the view to the garden. The bleak weather outside only enhanced the coziness she felt inside with Emily.

  Emily had followed her with their wineglasses. “It looks great.”

  “Thanks. Where do you want to sit?”

  When Emily turned to the left side, Diana pulled the chair for her.

  Emily concentrated on the food, making appreciative noises. “It tastes even better than it looks and smells. Thank you. Not only for the food. No one has ever done something so beautiful for me.” She gestured to the candle and the decoration.

  “I’d love to do it again.” Emily’s content smile was certainly worth the effort.

  When they had finished and Emily had refused another helping, Diana topped off their wine and carried the glasses to the couch.

  They gravitated close to each other, entwining their fingers. Where did that longing for physical closeness come from? Diana had never considered herself a snuggler in her previous relationship and short affairs. And no one who knew the formidable front Emily presented at work would recognize her now. The reminder of work sobered Diana. They needed to talk about their relationship before they returned to the day shift tomorrow.

  Diana took a deep breath. Better to get it over with now, like ripping off a Band-Aid. “What do you think will happen at work?”

  Emily stiffened next to her. “You mean because of our relationship?”

  “I know it’s not forbidden, but I’m thinking of the reactions. We’ll have to endure some teasing, or in the worst case someone will accuse me of sleeping with you for preferred treatment.” That thought was so absurd that she had to chuckle.

  Emily’s jaws clenched, and she closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, the warm gray had turned into cold steel. “I’ve never given anyone reason to doubt my judgment, and I don’t intend to start now. But I’ve always been very private. I don’t believe it’s anyone’s business what I…we do outside of work.”

 
Privacy was important to Diana too. After their first album had reached the top ten, her love life had been under constant scrutiny. “So we just pretend we’re not together?”

  “We don’t have to pretend anything.” Emily shrugged. “We just keep on doing what we did before: behave professionally at work.”

  Diana took a moment to examine the emotions whirling in the depth of her stomach. “I don’t feel like I did before, and I’m not sure I can act that well. I’m torn between telling everyone how happy I am and keeping you all to myself at the same time.”

  A straight line had appeared between Emily’s brows at the mention of telling everyone.

  Before she could say anything, Diana continued. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for professional conduct at work. Katie always loved to play with people’s expectations and used our relationship as a marketing tool without consulting me, even after we separated.”

  “There’s nothing to gain by making our relationship public knowledge at the hospital. We don’t work in a TV show with all that drama. Our conduct reflects on the reputation of the ED and the hospital. This should be our top priority.” Emily’s voice had hardened.

  It cut Diana like a knife. Shouldn’t their relationship be the top priority? The thought of keeping another secret stung like a melody played slightly off beat. Something she could ignore for a few chords, but not for a whole concert—or the fucking rest of her life.

  She drew her hand back, but Emily wouldn’t let go.

  “It’s just… You’re important to me. I don’t want to deny you. But…this is new for me.” Emily’s lips trembled, and a hint of wetness glinted in her eyes.

  Diana’s irritation evaporated as fast as it had come. She squeezed the hand that was still holding on to her. “You’re important to me too. We’ll figure it out.”

  Emily’s rigid posture softened, and the warmth return to her gaze. “I want to do this right, but there’s no rule book.”

  “I think we’ll do fine, as long as we keep talking about it.” Diana already felt lighter after seeing Emily’s honest reaction. “We can continue at work like we did before. Liz will help us. I’m pretty sure she already knows about us, by the way. Do you think that will be a problem?”

  “With Liz acting as your primary supervisor we can minimize our interaction. That’ll make it easier. And I think you’re right. I believe she has at least her suspicions about my interest in you.” Emily grinned and rolled her eyes. “But she’s been discreet about it.”

  Diana nodded. “Clever woman. I knew I liked her for a reason. Working with her is easy. But I don’t mind reporting to you again, if we need to. I trust you not to mix business with pleasure.”

  “We’re no teenagers. We should be capable of acting professional and keeping our hands off each other.”

  “At work.” Diana decided to return some levity to the discussion. “I don’t think I can keep my hands off you today.” Wriggling her fingers, she aimed for Emily’s sides.

  “You.” Laughing, Emily tried to push her hands away. When it wouldn’t work, she retaliated with her own tickling attack.

  They squirmed and wrestled on the couch until Diana was gasping for breath. “Truce, please.” Her sides hurt from laughing.

  Resting against her, Emily stroked Diana’s thigh. The warm tingling following her fingers mesmerized Diana and didn’t help in getting her breath back.

  “So, Dr. Petrell, are you up for more scientific research in your spare time? I believe we haven’t finished evaluating all the possibilities at your place yet.”

  Chapter 17

  Emily closed her eyes, inhaling the aroma of her extra large, extra strong mocha that was only palatable with lots of sugar, as the rest of the day shift arrived one by one. Usually, she was watching the clock like a hawk, but today she couldn’t be bothered. If the others only knew why, her fierce reputation would be gone in a second. A smile tugged at her lips.

  “Great, coffee! I could kill for one.” Diana’s face lit up as she swept into the staff lounge with barely a minute to spare. She reached for one of the to-go cups in the middle of the table and sat between Courtney and Liz on the sofa.

  Torn between the impulse to grin madly at the sight of her lover and to admonish her for almost being late, Emily drank deeply from her own cup. Definitely a coffee morning.

  The colleagues from the night shift started the turnover as soon as the last one had arrived, eager to be done with their work. Normally, the ritual helped her focus, but today she had trouble concentrating.

  John paused and looked at her expectantly. Had she missed a question? She took a large sip to gain some time and mentally replayed the conversation. No, no questions. He had made a succinct report.

  “Okay, if you have nothing to add, I’m off now.” He grabbed one of the cups from the table and waved. “Thanks for the coffee, Liz.”

  “I didn’t bring it today. Thank Dr. Sleepy here.” Liz nodded in Emily’s direction.

  All gazes moved to her.

  Emily forced herself not to squirm and attempted a nonchalant shrug. “It was my turn.” Not that she had ever cared before about the unwritten social rules at work.

  To be honest, if she hadn’t been so sleep-deprived this morning, it wouldn’t have occurred to her. But waking up one hour early to get from Diana’s place to hers to shower and change, after getting only half her usual hours of sleep, she had needed more help to wake up than her usual cup of Darjeeling. In the coffee shop, she had wanted to bring something for Diana, but she couldn’t single her out.

  Concentrate! Emily shook her head to clear it and reached for her notes. She quickly distributed the patients between the three residents and repeated what John had already listed for them to do this morning. “Courtney, Alec, you’re with me. Diana, you’re with Liz. I’ll be in my office.”

  Emily rose and left to go directly to her room, where she could wake up properly without the constant temptation of staring at Diana like a fool. Halfway down the corridor the caffeine had finally reached her brain, and she remembered she wanted to talk to Liz about the resident teaching next week. She’d better get it over now before the patient influx left them no time.

  Laughter drifted through the half-open door of the lounge. Maybe she should get coffee more often if it lifted the mood like this.

  “I wonder who tamed the witch? I wouldn’t get close to her with a ten-foot pole. Poor guy. Or girl?”

  Emily froze. The coffee in her stomach turned to lead, and the weight held her in place.

  “Alec! Don’t say that.”

  Wow, Courtney was taking her side?

  “What? It’s true.”

  “Yeah, it is.” Courtney giggled. “But she’s probably bugged the room. You know she doesn’t trust us. Paranoid nutcase.”

  “Stop it!” Liz said at the same time as Diana said, “Shut up!”

  Emily held her breath. She should leave now. It was nothing she hadn’t heard and dismissed before. Only today it hurt like a knife twisting deep inside her.

  “Stop acting like high-school students.” That was Ian. Emily had forgotten that the other attending of the night shift was still in the room. “I know that she’s usually very reserved—”

  “You mean stuck-up,” Alec said.

  “I mean what I said; she’s reserved. But that’s no reason to talk about her like that. You were happy enough to drink her coffee ten minutes ago. So she’s obviously had a nice weekend and translated that into doing something nice for all of us. Instead of saying thank you, and keeping your thoughts to yourself like any civilized adult, you spout spiteful crap.”

  Warmth flooded Emily’s cheeks, and she bit her lip to suppress a groan. Her state of mind had been obvious to everyone. Maybe not so surprising, considering she had probably grinned during the whole turnover. What surprised her, though, was that the usual quiet Ia
n had stood up for her. Not that she needed anyone to be her shining knight. She could very well defend herself. She stepped toward the room to do just that, but the sound of moving chairs stopped her.

  “I’d better go and get some work done before I say something I regret.” Diana’s voice was full of contempt.

  Footsteps indicated Diana would leave the room any second now.

  Emily fled around the corner and into the first storage room she passed.

  It must have been difficult for Diana too. Maybe even more so, because she was right in the middle of the mess. Emily couldn’t blame her for only speaking up a little; she didn’t know what she would have done in her place.

  “Ouch, Liz. Thank you for holding me back, but did you have to dig in your nails like this?” Diana’s voice was still tense.

  Emily’s heart beat so loud in her ears that she nearly missed Liz’s answer.

  “I thought you’d explode any minute. I’m sorry I hurt you, but I guessed that wasn’t how you wanted everyone to find out.” Liz chuckled.

  Their footsteps faded as they passed Emily’s hiding place. Slowly, her tension subsided, and she rubbed her burning eyes. Here she was, hiding in a storage closet, as if her life were a soap opera masquerading as a medical drama. She didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.

  Emily stretched her legs under her desk. She had just returned to her office after a day of gleefully picking the worst cases for Alec and Courtney. Maybe it was petty, but someone had to take care of the chronically constipated four-hundred-pound woman and the smelly guy with the perianal abscess, right? The downside of this strategy was that she had to supervise them doing it, but she had long experience in switching off her sense of smell on demand.

  A knock on the door made her sit up straight. “Come in.”

  Diana stepped in and raised her eyebrows. “Bad day?”