Leaving Barringer

by Tina Martin

  Calista stayed in the kitchen, debating on whether or not she should set some aside for Barringer. She wondered how he would react if she brought some over to his house. He had been in rare form lately, and the last time he stormed into her apartment, she felt threatened. She’d never felt that way with him before.

  “Cali, bring your bowl and come sit down with us,” Candice said.

  “Okay,” Calista said, snapping out of her reverie. “Be right there, ladies.”

  She left the chili simmering on low in case anyone wanted seconds. Then, with her bowl of chili and a side of crackers, she sat on the couch in between Candice and June.

  “Mmm, this is what I needed in my life,” June exclaimed.

  Calista laughed. “It’s not that good, June.”

  “Oh, yes it is.”

  Candice agreed, then said, “Okay, so do y’all remember the guy I was telling you about?”

  “Sure. The one you claimed was bothering you at the Riverwalk, but yet, you couldn’t stop smiling while telling us the story,” Calista said.

  “I wasn’t smiling.”

  “Oh, yes you were,” Calista said. “June back me up on this.”

  “You were, Candy,” June chimed in. “Must’ve been some guy.”

  “Oh, whatever. Anyway, what I was going to say was, he showed up at work a few weeks ago,” Candice told them.

  With raised brows, June asked, “At Blackstone Financial?”

  “Yep.”

  “He’s stalking you now?” Calista asked.

  “No,” Candice said. “Remember I told you he gave me his business card and he worked for some company called TCC?”

  “No, but continue,” June said.

  “Well, apparently, TCC stands for The Champion Corporation.”

  Kalina covered her mouth, surprised. “He works for The Champion Corporation?”

  “Yes. The company that wants to bring on Blackstone Financial as a division of their company. He showed up at the office with one of the company’s big wigs and presented me and Barringer with a report on why we should take the deal.”

  “Wow. That’s ballsy,” June said.

  “I can see smoke coming out of Barry’s ears right now,” Calista said.

  “Girl, Barry was heated. He got up, stormed out of the meeting and left me there.”

  “He left you there alone with your crush and the big wig?” June asked, mildly amused.

  Unable to remove the smile from her face, Candice replied, “He’s not my crush, but yes, Barry was so angry, he left me there. That’s when Kurt asked me out for a drink.”

  “Really?” June said.

  “Yeah. Really.”

  Pointing with a cracker, June said, “So the competition asked you out?” She crammed the cracker inside of her mouth.

  “Yes he did, and that’s why I didn’t go, and why I didn’t answer his call. Conflict of interest.”

  “Well, if TCC ends up being the parent company of Blackstone Financial, there will be no conflict of interest,” Calista said. “Only interest.”

  “Not sure if that’s going to happen. Barringer didn’t seem interested, but we all know Barringer isn’t thinking straight these days. Ahem,” Candice said, looking at Calista.

  Calista smirked. “You need some water or something, Candy?”

  June laughed.

  “Look, Cali…when are you and Barringer getting back together?” Candice asked. “I’ve had enough of this nonsense.”

  “Not sure if we are,” Calista said.

  “Do you want him back?”

  Calista thought for a moment. “I don’t want the man I left. I want the man I married, and Barringer hasn’t been that man in years.”

  “Then make him be that man again.”

  “You can’t make a man do something he doesn’t want to do,” Calista said. “Men are stubborn. Some more than others, and to that end, I have the cream of the crop.”

  “Well, I think you’re being a little stubborn, too,” Candice said. “You’re not making any efforts.”

  Calista’s mouth fell open.

  “Tell me one thing you’ve done to make things work with Barringer,” Candice said.

  “All those years I cooked and cleaned, only to be last place in his—”

  “No, no, no, no. I’m not talking about when you two were together. I’m talking right now. What have you done to get back with him in the four months y’all have been apart?”

  Calista knew the answer which is why she didn’t want to say it. She hadn’t done much of anything to help them get back together. “I called him once.”

  “Once?”

  “Yes, and he was extremely impolite. Oh, and he came by here two weeks ago to confront me…it was the same night we had dinner at your place, June.”

  “It was pretty obvious he was a little upset that night,” June said.

  Calista raised her eyebrows. “A little? He basically told me to run off and live happily ever after with Garrison. He said I always wanted a baby and now I had one…he was spewing all kinds of things at me.”

  “I knew it. I knew something like this was going to happen,” Candice said. “I tried to warn you.”

  “Wait,” June said. “Why would Barry tell you to run off with Garrison? Did he think you two were involved or something?”

  “Yeah. He did.” Calista sighed. “Me and Garrison used to date in college.”

  June’s eyes brightened. “Really?”

  “Yep. Barringer didn’t know until Gary told him, and I’m glad he told him because I didn’t want any secrets between me and Barringer. So after he talked with Garrison, Barringer came over here to confront me and that’s when he told me to ride off into the sunset with Garrison…told me to have a nice life. That we were over.”

  “Again, he’s a hothead. You were married to him for five years and you didn’t know Barry was like that?” Candice asked.

  “I did, but he was also sweet. Charming. Now, he’s angry and frustrated all the time. And he has no time for me whatsoever.”

  “Just make an effort, Cali,” Candice said. “A little effort can go a long way.”

  Calista sighed heavily. “I suppose you’re right.”

  “I am right,” Candice said, standing up, walking to the kitchen to get more chili. “You know you miss him.”

  “I do miss him,” Calista said, feeling warmth flood through her.

  “Then, make an effort. Don’t even think about it. Just do it.”

  She nodded. “I will.”

  Chapter 34

  When the girls left, Calista slipped into a sleepshirt and relaxed in the center of the bed with a small bowl of chocolate chip ice cream. She kept her phone nearby in case she worked up the nerve to call Barringer. She had decided against taking chili by his house especially after images of him snatching the bowl out of her hand and tossing it out into the yard flashed in her mind. It wasn’t funny, but the vision made her laugh.

  “What am I going to do with you, Barringer?” she said softly.

  Candice told her to make an effort. But the thing about making an effort is, what if the other party wasn’t willing to make any efforts? Then what?

  She glanced at the clock. She wondered if Barringer was home at nine-thirty at night. He was probably at the office she concluded. He stayed working. She decided to send him a text.

  Calista: Hi

  He probably won’t even text me back, Calista thought. He usually didn’t like corresponding this way – strange considering how far technology had advanced and he kept track of it all, but he couldn’t tolerate text messaging.

  Barringer: Hi

  Her lips quirked up. Well, what do you know? He responded.

  Calista: are you home?

  She nervously chewed on her bottom lip anticipating his answer.

  Barringer: why are you text messaging me?

  Her heart sank. Okay, so he wasn’t in a good mood. She couldn’t say she was surprised. She’d made an effort, and he
wasn’t willing to make one. Then:

  Barringer: I meant, why are you texting me because you know I don’t like texting.

  “Oh,” Calista said out loud now that she understood what he was trying to say. Still, her heart pounded in her chest, especially when she responded:

  Calista: if I call, will you answer?

  Barringer: only one way to find out.

  “O-kay,” Calista said, eyebrows raised. After a deep breath that did nothing to reduce the tension in her stomach, she said, “All right, Candy. You said make an effort. I’m making an effort.”

  She dialed his number, then waited. The first ring made even more knots form in her stomach. Then came ring number two. Three. He still hadn’t answered. Then:

  “Hi, Calista.”

  His deep voice ran through her entire body as she soaked it in. It was like feeling his large hands against her bare back.

  “Are you there?” he asked.

  “Y-yeah. Hi, Barry.”

  The line went quiet. She didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t saying anything. Since she made the call, it was on her to keep the conversation going, so she said, “Are you home?”

  “Why?”

  Why? Calista shook her head. Why not answer the question? “I made some chili and I know how much you like it, so I was going to bring you some.”

  The line went quiet again.

  Calista felt her breath catch. Maybe calling him was a bad idea since he wasn’t particularly in a talking mood. She couldn’t decipher what kind of mood he was in.

  “Barry?”

  “No, I’m not home,” he said.

  “Oh.” Well, there goes that idea. “Okay, well sorry to have bothered you.”

  “Calista.”

  “Yes?”

  “Is that really why you called me? To bring me some chili?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “But what?”

  Calista grinned uncomfortably. “Nothing. Never mind.” Calista hung up the phone before she had a chance to embarrass herself any further. She dropped the phone on the bed and covered her face with her hands. “Ugh. I don’t know why I try.”

  She uncovered her face when she heard her phone buzzing. She looked at the display, frowning when she saw Barringer’s number. He was calling back. Why was he calling back when he seemed so irritable? So quiet. Did he not know how awkward it was for her to be on the phone when he wouldn’t make an effort to have a conversation, or did he not care?

  She shook her head. Instead of picking up the phone, she opted for the bowl, deciding to finish her ice cream before it melted.

  Curious to see if Barringer left a voicemail, she looked at the display and saw a text message indicator instead.

  Barringer: Answer the door.

  Calista: What?

  She was staring at the phone, waiting for him to respond back when she heard the doorbell ring. She jumped off the bed, walked to the door and looked through the peephole. It was Barringer all right, and he was looking directly at the peephole as if he could feel her doing so.

  Calista unlocked the door, opening it slowly to reveal the tall, lean man – her husband. Her breath caught in her throat, in awe of the incredible sight that he was. That he’s always been. She first noticed he was wearing jeans again, so right away, she knew he wasn’t at the office. He looked so good in jeans, maybe because it was a rare sight for her to see him in casual clothes. And he had on a plain navy blue Ralph Lauren, short-sleeved shirt that showed off his muscular arms. And he smelled good. Oh, how she missed his smell.

  She swallowed hard. When she was able to find her voice, she asked, “What are you doing here, Barry?”

  “I was in the neighborhood. Why’d you hang up on me?”

  She stared up into the depth of his eyes while, at the same time, seeing highlights of their marriage flash before her eyes. She studied his face – the handsome face she hadn’t seen in weeks. The last time she saw him, he was angry. This time around, he put off a much calmer vibe, and she could see he’d recently had his hair cut. Mustache trimmed. And he’d shaven. For a second, she thought about running her index finger across his lips but she quickly checked herself.

  “You…you were in the neighborhood?”

  “Yes. Why’d you hang up?”

  She shrugged. “You didn’t seem like you wanted to talk, so…”

  “May I come in?”

  “Um…sure. Okay,” she said stepping aside.

  Barringer breezed past her to step inside. She thought she would die right there from the heat and intoxicating smell radiating from his body.

  “Smells so good,” she whispered while closing the door.

  “I’m sorry. Did you say something?” Barringer asked, turning to look at her.

  “Oh, no. Nothing,” she said, nervously playing with her fingers. “Um, so…uh, do you want some chili?”

  “Sure.”

  “Okay. I’ll have to warm it up.” She walked towards the kitchen, feeling Barringer following her.

  He took a seat at the table, watching her work. She’d placed a small pot on the stove and took chili from the refrigerator, heating it up until it came to a boil. She took a ceramic bowl, filling it with chili, but saved room for his toppings. First, she dropped a handful of oyster crackers on top of the chili, stirring them in. Then she sprinkled on cheese and green onions before adding a spoonful of sour cream on top.

  She took the bowl and placed it in front of him.

  He looked at it.

  She looked at him. “Is it okay?”

  The corner of his mouth lifted. Looked like he wanted to smile, but didn’t, at least not fully. “It’s fine. I’m amazed you remembered how I like it.”

  “You’re amazed? We were together for a long time, Barry.”

  Were together. He didn’t like the sound of that. “Yeah…”

  She took a Styrofoam cup from the cupboard, filled it with ice and poured him a glass of lemonade.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” she said sitting in front of him after she poured herself a glass. She watched him take a spoonful to his mouth, followed by a subsequent moaning of pleasure. You know the food was good when it made a man moan.

  “Like it?”

  “Delicious,” he said. “I miss your cooking.” He took another heaping spoonful, eating shamelessly.

  Calista watched him while he ate, finding pleasure in seeing him do so. While he may not have liked her very well right now, at least he still liked her cooking. “Do you want more?”

  He took a drink of lemonade. “I probably shouldn’t eat two bowls of chili so late at night, so I’m good. It was delicious by the way.”

  “Glad you liked it.” Calista took a sip of lemonade and held his vision. Then her eyes rolled down to his nose. His lips. Her mouth watered. She hadn’t kissed those lips in a long time. She looked into his eyes again and said, “You look like you want to ask me something.”

  “I do.”

  “What?”

  “You and Garrison…”

  Calista’s chest tightened. “Yes?”

  “How long did you date in college?”

  Calista sighed. “It doesn’t matter, Barry.”

  “Maybe not to you, but to me it does. How long?”

  “Almost two years.”

  “And then what?”

  “We broke up.”

  “Who ended it?”

  “I did.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I thought he was cheating on me.”

  “You thought?”

  “Yes. At the time, I thought he was, but I learned later he wasn’t.”

  “So it was too late to rekindle anything after that, huh?” Barringer leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Do you still have feelings for him?”

  “No. He’s my brother-in-law now and I love him as such, but I’m not in love with him.”

  “Well, you’re not in love with me either, otherwise you wouldn’t have
left me.”

  “Barry, please don’t start with the sarcasm.”

  “I’m not being sarcastic, Calista. That’s the way I feel. Women always talk about men not talking to them and being open with them. Well, I’m being open with you.”

  “You can be open without being argumentative.”

  “I could, but what’s the point? I’m not going to downplay the way I feel.”

  Calista took a sip of lemonade. “Then I can make the same argument,” she said calmly. “You left me long before I left you, Barry. I was a lonely, bored housewife for three years.”

  He hissed his displeasure. “Oh, don’t start with that.”

  “You did. And I tried…tried to be happy, but it was hard to be happy when my husband loved his work more than he loved me.”

  “Not true.”

  “It is true. Everything in your life, in Barry’s world, took precedence over me. So, by removing myself from the equation, from my viewpoint, you’re not missing anything anymore and your life is complete.”

  “How are we ever going to work this out if you keep rehashing the past, Cali? Or maybe you don’t want this to work. Is that it? I’m not your ideal man, so you don’t want me anymore. Is that it, Cali? You have someone else in mind? Someone better? And now, you have the freedom to come and go as you please without being accountable to anyone. Why would you want this to work?”

  Calista shook her head and closed her eyes. This wasn’t going anywhere. And then she heard Candice’s voice in her head. Make an effort. So, she pulled in a breath, opened her eyes and said, “No, that’s not it. I love you. I’m in love with you and that will never change. No one can be as close to me as you. No one will have that special place in my heart but you, Barry. I love you.”

  Her lips trembled. Eyes glistened with tears. “I have the same freedom in this apartment that I had when I was home. The only difference now is, I know you’re not coming home because you don’t live here, and I’m not waiting with hopeful expectation that you’ll be here for dinner, or to watch a movie with me, or hold me at night or have a simple conversation with me for that matter. I know you won’t be here. So slowly, but surely, I’m teaching myself to not have hope that you’ll change. That you’ll realize how lonely I was without you. When I’m here, I’m just here. Not holding out hope. Just here. Alone. I know you’re not coming home and it’s sad that I’m okay with that, but it doesn’t mean I like it. I just don’t have a choice,” she said, her voice so broken and faint, she doubt if he could make out those last few words she’d spoken.