Leaving Barringer
Page 19
She took a moment to clear her throat before she said, “Contrary to what you believe, Barry, I don’t like being without you. I would prefer being with you. But even when I was home, I wasn’t with you. So I’m here, holding my pillow in place of you, crying myself to sleep because my marriage has fallen apart. Because my husband isn’t the same man I married, and it hurts me. In hindsight, I see how wrong I was for nagging you about wanting to have a child, but I always wanted children. You knew that. But I think I became desperate in the last couple of years because I needed to have some form of you…some representation of you close to me because I didn’t have you. I could love, hug, kiss, hold and take care of a baby…couldn’t do that with you because you were never there. You were never there, Barry.”
Barringer sat speechless, feeling his heart crumble to pieces listening to her words, seeing tears fall from her eyes.
Calista dabbed her eyes and continued, “And I’m not telling you this because I want you to have sympathy for me, and I’m not crying to make you feel a certain kind of way. I’m crying because I’m hurting.” She stood up. “Um…just lock the door on your way out.”
Before she could walk by, Barringer reached for her wrist, getting a good grip on her. He stood up and pulled her into his embrace, wrapping his arms tight around her. Finally, it hit home. She needed him. She moved out because he wasn’t there. And she was right. He wasn’t there. He’d let the company take up all of his time, and all she wanted was him. And now, feeling her crying against his chest, her warm body trembling against his made his heart ache.
He swallowed hard and said, “I’m sorry, Calista. I’m so sorry, baby.” He squeezed her tighter. If he held her tight enough, close enough, maybe he could absorb all of her pain.
She sniffled, gently pushing away from him. “I need some tissue,” she said, then took off to the bathroom.
From the kitchen, Barringer could hear her blowing her nose. He shook his head. How could he not see what he was doing to her until now? All those nights he’d worked late, stood her up for dinner, all the promises he made but failed to keep – they’d all culminated to her leaving. Now, it was on him to make this right.
He walked in the direction of her bedroom. He saw her there, sitting at the bed’s edge, close to a nightstand. He didn’t say a word for a moment. He just stared at her – her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She dabbed her eyes while her head hung low.
Not knowing if he could do anything at the moment to console her, he walked her way, stooped down and took one of her hands into his. He felt like he’d died a slow death when his eyes met her sad ones. She was hurt to her heart.
“I don’t know what to do to make this right, Calista. It’s hard for me to admit that, you know, but I don’t know what to do.”
Her eyes scanned his features again, his eyes, lips and since he was already holding one of her hands, she took her other hand, grasped his right hand and brought it to the side of her face, closing her eyes as the warmth from his hand soothed her. She missed this. A small smile appeared on her lips. Through the sadness and all, a smile appeared. She opened her eyes again, let go of his hand and gently rested her palms against the sides of his face.
Calista leaned forward, pressing her lips against the tip of his nose, watching his eyes close. She continued leaving soft, moist, gentle kisses all over his face.
“Open your eyes, Barringer.”
He opened his eyes and said, “I don’t deserve you.”
Calista leaned close, leaving his comment in the air as she left soft kisses against his lips.
“Cali—”
“I miss you,” she whispered softly against his lips. She proceeded to leave more kisses there until he knew she really did miss him. Until he felt the same things she felt right now. “Do you miss me, Barringer?”
“I miss you so much it hurts, Cali,” he said before settling a hand at the nape of her neck, pulling her close to him so their mouths matched up. Locked up. And he kissed her, thoroughly, angling her head from side to side, remembering how good it felt to kiss her with deep, long strokes. Greedily, he suctioned her lips into his mouth and when he felt her desperation, he took her tongue, tangling it with his before taking her lips again. Her whole mouth. And then he felt himself becoming reckless, kissing her all over her face as his breathing thickened.
Settling on her lips again, his hands slithered along her thighs and up her nightshirt while he angled his head in different ways to give her the kissing of a lifetime. He stopped himself, looked at her with desire pooling in his eyes.
“Barry.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t want to hold my pillow tonight.”
“Good, because I hadn’t planned on leaving.”
He stood up, pulled his shirt over his head to reveal a muscle-ripped, chocolate six pack and chiseled chest. He unzipped his jeans, let them fall to the floor, standing before her now wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers.
Reaching for her hand, he invited her to stand in front of him.
Accepting the invitation, she stood up, feeling his hands crawl underneath her nightshirt until he pulled it up over her head, tossing it somewhere in the room.
Standing naked, she wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, Barry. I missed you so much. I miss your smell, your hands, your eyes and your body. I missed you.”
“Missed you too, Calista,” he said, his fingertips gliding across her back. He pulled the barrette from her hair and immersed his hands into her strands. “Look at me,” he told her.
She angled her head up to meet his gaze.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, Barry.”
He kissed her again with an intense hunger. He’d been starving for this for a long time now and finally, he had her.
Calista felt like she was having an out-of-body experience, feeling how in depth Barringer was taking her lips, kissing and licking them. His large hands had squeezed and cupped her bottom and she ended up on her back without knowing she was there.
“I know you can feel how much I want you right now,” he said, leaving kisses on her neck. “I know you can.”
“I want you too, Barry.”
“Do you?”
“Yes,” she said desperately. “I do.”
“Then want me because you want me and not because you want a baby,” he said, and a pained expression touched his features. “I need you to want me, Calista.”
“You are all I want Barringer Blackstone,” she said. “All I’ll ever need.”
Barringer dipped his head to claim her mouth while feeling her hands explore his body. Squeezing here. Clawing there.
“I need you closer,” she said urgently, feeling his teeth graze her neck. “Kiss me, Barry.”
She wanted his lips again, so he gave them to her, shifting his body and lowering his boxers at the same time he gobbled up her lips. Then he came down on her, letting the weight of his body restrict her while desire tore through his flesh and made his entire body ache for her.
“You want me closer, baby?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, but it came out more like a desperate whimper.
“How about this close?” he asked nudging her legs apart, easing his body in place.
She held his vision as her body welcomed his and when the overwhelming feeling of him touching the insides of her soul was too much for her senses, she closed her eyes and nibbled on her bottom lip. “Oh, Barry,” she whispered closing her eyes and savoring this moment.
His body was large on top of hers, but she welcomed the weight of him. All of him. She needed this – to feel love between them again. And by the way he was making love to her, she knew he needed to feel it, too. “Cali.”
She opened her eyes at the sound of her name floating off of his lips. “Yes, Barry,” she said, under his spell.
“Make love to me.”
Calista looked confused for a moment until she read his glossy eyes. He needed to know she loved him. Re
gardless. And so she wrapped her legs around him, deepening their connection and opened her mouth wide to kiss him with more aggression than she thought was necessary.
He matched her need, desiring the love he’d been without for so long. He needed this. His body needed this. His mind. His everything.
She gasped, looked at him.
“I’m sorry,” he said. A tear fell from his eye that punctured her soul.
“Barry—”
“I’m sorry.”
She didn’t have to ask why he was sorry. She knew why already.
“I am truly sorry, Calista, but I love you.”
“I love you too, Barry.”
She squeezed him tighter, locked her legs around him tighter, lifting her head from the pillow to take his lips and kiss him with the same aggression he’d kissed her with until his sadness dissipated. And he reclaimed her mouth again, took control again, while the lower part of him moved slowly. Deliberately.
And then the floodgates opened. She trembled, closed her eyes and crumbled to pieces. He trembled, let out a rough, loud groan and slumped down over her. They broke apart together as they exchanged unconditional love – the way it used to be in the beginning before life took its toll on them.
The room seemed to be spinning, but they didn’t care. They just cared about each other. As the last sensations tore through their bodies, Barringer left kisses all over her clammy face and said, “You don’t know how much I missed making love to you.”
When she was able to catch a breath, Calista smiled and said, “Oh, I have an idea.”
He chuckled softly.
“I missed making love to you, too.” She kissed his lips and further down to his chin.
“Let’s make this a habit.”
Calista laughed through heavy breaths. “Okay.”
“Starting right now,” Barringer said lowering his body to hers again, kissing her lips while their sweaty bodies crashed together in heated passion.
Chapter 35
Barringer didn’t know he could miss the sound of her breathing. As he laid next to her in the morning, he thought about how fortunate he was to have her. He wanted to reach out and touch her face – brush the hair that had fallen into her face back behind her ear, but he chose to watch for now. He wanted to quietly observe and appreciate the woman who would take him as he was – flaws and all. He’d given her a lot to put up with over the years. He wanted to start showing appreciation for her. He would start by making her breakfast in bed.
He eased up, headed to the kitchen to see what she had available in the fridge. He found a carton of eggs. Bacon. It didn’t take much to cook eggs, right? How difficult could it be?
He smiled. He’d never cooked breakfast before, not even for himself. Majority of the time, when they hosted family dinners, Calista did all the cooking with him assisting as needed. How did they go through nearly six years of marriage without him serving her breakfast in bed?
He took his time cooking, preparing the meal as best as he could and after buttering some toast, he walked back inside the bedroom with a plate of scrambled eggs, two slices of bacon and a toast. He carried a glass of orange juice in his right hand.
Rounding the door, he saw her lying there, eyes open and her lips transformed into a smile.
“I know you didn’t cook breakfast for me, Barry?” she asked.
“I did,” he said, setting her plate and cup of juice on the nightstand before leaning down to take a kiss from those lips he’d consumed last night. “Mmm,” he said, savoring them all over again. “You know what I realized while cooking this?”
“What’s that?” she asked drowsily.
“That I’ve never cooked for you.”
“No, you have not.”
“But, that changes, starting now. I may not be a good cook—”
“Good or not, I’ll eat anything you cook for me, Barry.”
Barringer left a kiss at her temple. “Remember that when I bring you something that looks like goulash.”
“I’ll eat all your goulash,” Calista said.
“And you know I’ll eat yours, baby,” he said taking another kiss from her lips. “Try it.” He handed her the plate, watching as Calista took a fork full of eggs to her mouth.
“Mmm…delicious.”
He stood up, satisfied and said, “Eat up. You’ll need that protein for later.”
“Why? What’s going on later?”
A grin touched his lips. “If you have to ask, sweetheart, you’re not ready. Be right back.”
Barringer went to get his plate and was back, eating breakfast with her. “Not bad if I say so myself.”
They ate quietly for a moment until Calista said, “Barry.”
“Yes?”
“Can we talk about it?”
“What is it?”
“You know what it is. The baby situation.”
Barringer grimaced a little. He didn’t want to talk about it, but he knew they needed to. “Yes. We can talk about it.”
“I just want to know if you wanted to keep trying treatments.”
“I’ve tried for three years.”
She nodded. “I wish you would’ve told me.”
“There were so many times I wanted to. I didn’t want to disappoint you, Cali.”
“Well, just know I’m okay with it. I love you, and we can be a family, right? Just you and me.”
“But I know you want children, Calista.”
“I do, but we can always adopt.”
“We could, I suppose,” he said.
“I wouldn’t be opposed to adopting a child. I know I can love a child that isn’t mine. I love little Junior. He’s not mine. And I’ll love all of our nieces and nephews whenever they arrive. And when the time comes and we want to adopt, we’ll do that.”
Barringer smiled, then finished his meal. “What are your plans for the day, Cali?”
“Um…let’s see…it’s Sunday. I don’t have Junior today, so I don’t have plans.”
“Good. So we can spend the day moving your things back home, right?”
Calista smiled. “Yes. We can do that.”
“Good, because I want to make love to you in our bed until we lose consciousness.”
Calista felt her breath mingle in her throat. She knew that was a promise he would keep.
Chapter 36
“Barry,” Calista panted, barely able to catch her breath. “Don’t you…don’t you need to go to the office today?”
“Nice try, but I’m not done with you yet, baby,” Barringer said kissing her neck up to her ears. “You’re too good to let go. You know that?” He covered her lips with his lips, the same way he covered her body with his body. “Mmm, you are so good to me, Cali,” he said between kisses. “So good, and I plan on getting the last drop.”
She couldn’t move. She’d already fragmented beneath him plenty of times. Still, he wanted more. Before she could catch her breath, before the blood could properly flow back to her brain, he wanted her. And he was getting his fill. She was at his mercy.
“Barry, what are you doing to me?”
“Something I should’ve been doing a long time ago, Calista. Focusing all of my attention on you. Making sure you know how much I love you.”
He concentrated on her face as she closed her eyes and nibbled at her lip.
And he plunged, then retreated, over and over again, knowing he was due to send her over the edge.
She grabbed his large shoulders and when sensations zapped through her body, they tore through his at precisely the same moment.
“Barry!”
Her shuddering body locked onto his as her mind went blank.
“Cali,” he said in a ragged breath.
“Oh, Barry. I love you.”
“Love you, too, baby.”
She forced herself to breathe, finding it increasingly difficult to do so while the room was spinning. While the earth broke apart. While Barringer moved his body methodically, in slow motion.
“Cali!” He grunted, softly calling out her name again next to her ear.
She held on, clenched him. Took him. Made love to him.
The buzzing of the alarm clock filled the room along with their heavy breaths.
“Right on time,” Barringer joked, smiling down at her.
Calista laughed beneath him. “Yes, right on time.”
They proceeded to take a shower together, making love once more and when they dressed, they headed for the kitchen where she watched Barringer make a protein shake while she peeled a banana. She admired him in his black business suit with a linen white shirt and silver necktie.
“You look handsome, Barry.”
“Thank you.”
“And happy,” she said. “You look happy, too.”
“That’s because of you. I have my priorities together. And I’m not stressing about the baby situation anymore. What will be, will be.”
“Right.” She took a sip of orange juice.
The doorbell rang.
“There goes Gary,” Barringer said.
Calista smiled, eager to see Junior. She rushed to the front door, opened it and said, “My baby!”
She took the car seat out of Garrison’s hand.