All My Truths & One Lie

by Fabiola Francisco

  I suddenly sit taller, staring out the window and then back at Matthias, who is looking at me out of the corner of his eye. Heart racing, I fight my emotions as I crane my neck to look ahead for a sign that he’s really bringing me here.

  I receive the confirmation when Matthias pulls into the parking lot for Stonehenge.

  “I don’t even know what to say.” I look at him as he turns off the ignition.

  “You say nothing. Just feel.” He grasps my hand and squeezes before opening the door and stepping out. I’m out of the car before he even has a chance to make his way around, and chuckles at my reaction. The area is empty as we walk, hand in hand, toward a staff member. Matthias shows him our tickets and shares we’re here for the sunset tour. I look up at him with pinched eyebrows as I listen to him speak.

  “We’ll be ready to begin in about twenty minutes. You’re welcome to wait by the roped path and begin your visit there,” the tour guide tells us.

  “Thank you,” Matthias smiles and leads me toward the stone I’ve only ever dreamt about visiting. I stare in awe the closer we get, trying to imagine how life was back then when this was a complete and populated area.

  “How did you even get tickets? Don’t you need to book months in advance? And a private tour?” I look at him with wide eyes, almost with as much awe as the stone before me.

  He chuckles and keeps his hold on my hand. “I’m a member of the National Trust. I guess I got lucky they had an opening today. I’ll blame the recent rain and people thinking it wouldn’t be good weather to enjoy the sunset.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper. “This is beautiful. Are we really going to walk up to the stone?”

  “We are.” Matthias moves to drape an arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him. Kissing the top of my head, he says, “Isn’t it amazing?”

  “Yes,” I sigh. I never would’ve imagined this would be his surprise. He was right, this is one surprise I love. When it’s closer to the sunset, the tour guide comes to us and begins to lead us beyond the rope that keeps tourists separate from the giant stones. The closer we get, the more peace I feel. We’re silent as we admire the area. Matthias has been here before, but I still notice his silent and reflective demeanor.

  The history that fills this space is magical. No one truly knows how this was built or the real purpose, but theories can be drawn up. Maybe some people do know and keep it hidden, so the sacredness of the space remains despite the tourists that visit yearly.

  We each go our separate ways. I move through the stones, inhaling the clear air and closing my eyes. I place my hands over my heart and silently thank the Universe for bringing me here, for allowing me to have the courage to take a leap of faith.

  “What do you think?” Matthias meets me.

  “It’s amazing.”

  “The sun is setting.” We stand on the outside of the circle and watch as the sun descends. Soothing emotions enter as I take in the scenery around me, the remote space filled with such amazing history. For someone who loves history, this is a dream, and I absorb it through the pores of my skin so it can settle in my soul. A little piece of me is amongst these rocks, and I reclaim it. I reclaim the part of me that is older and wiser than this life. I shake off the dust of uncertainty and fear so that what is left of me is ancient wisdom combined with present experiences and infinite magic.

  As the sun hides in the horizon, specs of light pop up in the sky. Stars that remind me of the infinite expansion the universe offers us, of lives before this one, and how Matthias and I are tied to the very beginning of our being.

  I lie down on the damp grass and stare up at the sky amongst this prehistoric site. More and more stars show themselves as the sky darkens. They’re galaxies away, and I wonder what life is like out there.

  Matthias’s hand inches toward mine, his fingers grazing my skin as I shiver. He left enough space between us when he joined me on the ground, but we will always find each other despite the distance.

  I turn my head toward him. Feeling my gaze on him, he turns to look at me. “I want you to visit Spain with me.”

  A slow smile creeps across his lips. “I’d love that.”

  My smile mirrors his and I nod before fully reaching for his hand and tangling our fingers. My skin tingles at our union.

  When we’ve stared at the stars and danced with the energy of the generations that came before us, the people who first lived this land, we leave.

  “Thank you.” I kiss Matthias on the cheek as he drives us back to Glastonbury, the fields I admired on the way here now dark blurs as he takes us home.

  I grip the handle on the inside of the rental we picked up at the airport when we landed. Matthias is driving us away from the city and into the countryside despite my parents insisting they pick us up. I wanted to have some mobility while we’re here and not put my parents out without a car if we borrowed theirs.

  “Are you used to driving on this side of the road and car?” I tease Matthias in an attempt to calm my nerves.

  He chuckles and shakes his head. “It’s quite odd but not impossible to get accustomed to.”

  “Good because I can’t string stick shift, so we’d never make it if I had to drive.”

  “I could teach you,” he offers.

  “I think the time for me to learn passed. Not sure I have the patience to learn now.”

  “You do. You can even learn to drive in the UK on the ‘wrong’ side of the road,” his smile is wide.

  I shrug and look out the window. “God, I love the mountains.” I admire the huge humps that grow from the earth and overpower every other view. For me, there is nothing more beautiful as the magic of mountains.

  “It’s beautiful,” Matthias agrees.

  We enter the road that leads to my dad’s village, eucalyptus and pine trees creating an arch in the sky so we drive through a tunnel of pure nature.

  “This is my dad’s favorite part of the drive,” I share with Matthias.

  “I can’t wait to meet him.” My hand grips the door handle again, and I tense. “Don’t be nervous,” he comforts.

  “It’s weird. I mean, I asked you to come so obviously I wanted you to, but I don’t know, it has been a long”—my eyes widen—“time since I’ve introduced my parents to a man. Let alone someone like you, someone with a connection like ours. It has nothing to do with whether or not you’ll like each other. It has everything to do with showing others a part of me that’s vulnerable, it’s like another mask I remove. I’m so used to pretending I don’t need this”—I motion between us—“and that I’m not the type to open to someone else, be this soft and gentle person because I’ve had to be strong for so long,” I continue to ramble, though it oddly makes sense. If he can follow along with my word vomit, I’d be impressed. Of course, he can, though. I’m sure he reads me before I open my mouth to speak.

  “Navia,” he breathes out my name in a way that washes over my skin. “Breathe, love. You don’t have to pretend, especially with your family. Less so with me.”

  I nod, trapping my breath in my lungs like a warden determined to keep the criminals locked up for an eternity.

  “Breathe,” he reminds me. I slowly exhale through my mouth as I signal the left turn into the village.

  “I feel like I should warn you.”

  “Stop. No warnings, no worries. Let me experience this. I will make my own opinions and enjoy my visit.”

  “Okay.” I nod once, biting the inside of my lower lip. So many things crowd my mind about my family here, but I let it go with the wind.

  We drive into the village, and I point out my parents’ house to the left as soon as we enter. I take a moment to admire the town laid out in front of me from this point above on the hill. As the hill before us dips, the houses emerge, providing a view of dwellings and mountains that bring a sense of peace and home.

  Matthias parks across in the driveway and exits the car, as he stares up at the gray sky. “You were right, this weather is quite similar to ou
rs.”

  “Yeah.”

  Then, he looks up at the two-story house and across the street where the stream travels lazily. “It’s beautiful.” He makes his way to the trunk to remove our bags.

  “I’ll take you around for a tour after.” I grab his hand, my bag in my other one, and lead him up the stairs, where of course, my mom is already opening the door.

  Her smile is wide as she greets us.

  “Hi, Mom. This is Matthias.”

  “Hi, I’m Lily,” my mom interrupts me in her excitement.

  “Well, there you go.” I shake my head in amusement.

  “It’s very nice to meet you,” Matthias tells her, his British accent more pronounced against my mom’s Spanish one.

  “Come in. How was your flight?” We walk in, my dad in the living room with the television on, but I’m sure he’s aware of our entrance and conversation.

  “Good. It was smooth,” I tell her as I go say hi to my dad.

  “Hello, my dear.” I smile and hug him when he stands. His attention turns to Matthias. “Hello, young man. I’m Diego.”

  “I’m Matthias. So nice to meet you,” they shake hands.

  We sit in the living room, watching my parents interact with Matthias without missing a beat. The last time my parents met a boyfriend I was eighteen. It’s been quite a few years since then, and I’m a different person. Matthias is an entirely different person than him. My parents and I have a different relationship than we did back then.

  “Do you want anything to eat or drink?” My mom looks at us both.

  “I wanted to show Matthias around a little before the sun sets.”

  “Go ahead. When you come back, we’ll have happy hour and then go out for dinner,” my dad nods. I smile at my parents, feeling as if I’m having an out of body experience, and lead Matthias to my bedroom to drop off our bags.

  He looks at the space, not much decor but just enough to show him another piece of me. He finds old photographs from my teen years, smiling as he stares at them. “I didn’t know you had braces.”

  I shrug. “It never came up.”

  “These were your friends?” His chin juts toward the pictures in small frames adorned with rhinestone borders. They’re so tacky now, but when I was fifteen, they were all that.

  “Yeah. That was when I was middle school and high school. It’s been a few years,” I tease.

  “I like seeing the different phases of your life.” He walks to me, holding my hips. “I like seeing the place you’re so fond of.” His lips touch mine in a brief and electrifying kiss. Having him here is something I couldn’t even imagine. I could feel him, connect with him, but we never got this far. I never showed him all of me when I would dream of him.

  “Are you ready?” I keep my hold around his waist.

  “Lead the way.” His hand seeks mine. I never want to let go. It’s impossible. Even if I did want to, I wouldn’t be capable of it. Matthias and I have been tied for eons. Even in our attempt to give each other space to work through our baggage, we were connected.

  I make a right as we walk out of the driveway and onto the street. “We’re going to go to a hidden river where we used to swim when we were kids. I don’t know if the trees are too overgrown to go all the way down, but it’s worth a shot.”

  “Take me everywhere you want. I’m yours.” He squeezes my fingers.

  We follow the road that lines the property of my parents’ house and my aunt’s house, both sharing space on the same land. I turn around, extending our arms and walking backward so I can face Matthias.

  “In the summers, blackberries grow on these shrubs. Anytime I’m visiting in summer, I pick blackberries and eat them. They’re my favorite, and there’s something magical about eating fruit that grows wild. It reminds me we’re all wild in our core. I’ve also always admired how a plant with such treacherous thorns could produce such delicious fruit. Not everything is as it seems, and even something that appears to be harmful can be beneficial.”

  I look at the plants growing from the mountainside and smirk. Pointing to small flowers, I show Matthias the proof. He listens with a smile, silent as he observes his surroundings. We continue our trek, rounding the land until we begin to enter the wooded area of town. I inhale eucalyptus, its soothing scent calming my nerves and mind.

  “This is beautiful,” Matthias comments.

  I nod, taking it in. Giant pines surround us on either side of the elevated land as we walk on the path carved between the mountains. No matter the years, this has always felt like home.

  Matthias chuckles when I swing our connected arms between us, my free arm up in the air. I’ve always felt free here. Nature, me, and the energy.

  We walk in silence, pausing every so often to admire a rock or mushroom growing from the earth. Following the path I have engraved in my memory, we make our way to the opening that leads to the river. The swooshing sound resonates around us as the river below rushes and sprints through boulders.

  The uneven path that leads down to the riverbed is overgrown with plants, but we can step through them. “Are you okay walking down through this?” I look back at Matthias over my shoulder.

  “Let’s do it.” He claps his hands. His body is humming with excitement and curiosity.

  We begin our descent, careful not to slip on the damp soil, as the sound of water becomes louder. With a final leap, we land on the riverbed, and I pause to take it in. The area is unkempt, but I didn’t expect any different. This is nature, a creation of the Earth, not a vacation spot. That is what I love so much about it.

  “I’ve always wanted my ashes spread here when I die.” I break our silence and through the sound of birds chirping and the water spilling over the small waterfall.

  “How come?” Matthias looks at me intently.

  “I’ve always felt a connection with this area. Something about it.”

  “If I’m still alive by the time you’re gone, I promise to come to this very spot and fulfill your wishes.”

  My heart skids to a stop. I blink my eyes and frown. “I don’t like to think about that. While I know our bodies and this world will fade into oblivion at one point, in my mind, right now, the thought of a life without feeling you is suffocating.”

  He hugs me to his chest, holding me gently. With a kiss to the crown of my head, he says, “You’ll always feel me deep in your soul. No matter where we are in our existence, we will be together. Besides, we’ve got a whole life together to enjoy.” He leans back and smirks. Keeping a hold on my hand, he explores the area. I tell him about our summers here with my cousins, bringing a picnic and pretending we were experts exploring the way the river traveled and the purpose it had for people in ancient times. We would splash and play games and feel invincible despite the freezing water and the waterfall just feet away. It all swirled into a magical experience where the world as I knew it ceased to exist and all that mattered was the power of trees, the cleansing water, and the freshest air my lungs had ever swallowed.

  I’ve missed this place, the air and the direction the wind blows. I’ve missed the mountains the most, and I feel blessed to be able to visit. I feel fortunate to have brought Matthias here. The last two days have been amazing, and I’ve merged the me he knows to a part of me I keep very private.

  “Ready?” I look at him as we stand at the base of a hill.

  “Yes.”

  We begin climbing the pebbled path that leads to one of my favorite places. A chapel I’ve never entered rises on the right, at the top of the hill. To the left is part of the site we came to admire. Matthias looks around in silence. As we reach the top and round the chapel, I stare out at the view in front of me. Mountains, clouds, and sun. Nothing else but nature’s beauty, the Earth’s energy, and us.

  I lead Matthias further into this piece of land until I see the circular homes.

  “Wow.” I watch him move his gaze from stone home to stone home, all in ruins of what’s left of them, but their history dug so deep into
it that it will never be uprooted.

  “It’s amazing, right? It’s not a big Celtic site, but I connected to it so deeply the first time I came.” I walk down the few steps that give me better access to be amongst the piled stones that create the place that kept the people here safe from weather and invaders. I graze one of the stones with my fingers, spinning around slowly to get a full view. Matthias is smiling, still at the top of the steps.

  “You love it here,” he states, knowingly. I nod and smile.

  “I don’t know what it is about it. I could spend hours here, just listening to the wind as it whispers truths I’ve been seeking my whole life. The first time I came here, I walked around, took tons of pictures, and felt. The second time, I sat in silence on those stones”—I point to the home to my right, near where Matthias is standing—“and listened. My feet dangled into the house, and the sun illuminated every inch.” I turn around, my back to Matthias, and stare off the edge of the mountain, peeks of other mountains popping up amongst the low-hanging clouds.

  I sense his footsteps as he stands behind me. His arms wrap around my shoulders, his hands resting over my chest. “A long time ago we lived in a similar setting together.” It’s a simple phrase that holds the key to who we are, separate and together.

  “Yes,” I affirm although he doesn’t ask. “I’ve seen bits of that.” I lean back, allowing him to hold me. With Matthias, I’ve learned it’s okay to be supported and still stand on my own two feet. What I believed was a weakness was, in fact, strength because alone we can only do so much, but with the support and love of the right people, we can accomplish miracles. This, he and I, standing together only multiplies our purpose, not diminishes it. We don’t have to let go of a part of ourselves to feed someone else’s purpose. With a balance of giving and taking, we feed our own while supporting the other’s. We grow and fortify.

  Matthias and I walk through the site, imagining life here before the people were forced to move on. We talk about the homes and what we know about the lifestyle. After we finish exploring this part, we return to the top of the path that led us here, and explore the other side, with more homes built on the edge of the mountain. The way they lived is amazing—their wisdom is still present today. After thousands of years, their homes are standing, albeit not fully, but powerful in their structures. If we could take a lesson from this, it is that a community builds a stronger foundation than a competition to outgrow your neighbor.