Always

by Amie Forgeron

  Kelsey

  Ok, pick a name. If you get your own put it back

  Me

  Is it a secret?

  Kelsey

  Yes! Secret Santa!

  After choosing names we went back to quietly studying while we ate. James and I were quizzing each other on our biology notes when our phones buzzed again.

  Dashiell

  Anyone going to winter semi-formal dance

  tomorrow? Taking Ava.

  Finn

  tragically single. No.

  Kelsey

  Samuel and I don’t really like that stuff.

  Samuel

  Hell no!!!

  James looked at me and smiled. “Do you want to go?”

  I looked at Dashiell and back at James. “Um, I don’t know. I don’t really dress up ever. I don’t have anything to wear and it’s tomorrow. I mean it could be fun with Dash and Ava, but I don’t know. A dance?”

  “I think it would be kinda nice. We’ve never actually been on a real date. You know, where we get dressed up and I pick you up and take you someplace. I don’t love dances either, but I’d go for you.”

  Dashiell interrupted. “It’s settled. Tati needs to go on a first date with her boyfriend.”

  I laughed. “Dash, I don’t have dressy clothes and I am pretty sure they’re not going to let me in looking like a hot mess like I usually do.”

  James put his hand on my leg. “You’re not a hot mess. Stop it.”

  Dashiell replied, “I’m texting Ava right now. You’re only a little bit taller than her. I bet she has something you can borrow.” He put his phone down and turned to face me. He reached out his hands toward my chest acting as if he were

  sizing up my breasts. “I mean, you are way more luscious up top, than Ava but maybe.” James and I both swatted his hands away. He winked, picked up his phone, and continued texting.

  James slipped his arms around my waist from behind and whispered in my ear, “You are pretty luscious.” I blushed.

  Kelsey chimed in, “Samuel has a really cute skirt you can borrow! I wear it when we go out sometimes. It’ll look amazing on you, then you just need a top.” She signed to Samuel about his skirt and he nodded and signed back, “Yes!”

  “Ava says yes. Borrow Samuel’s skirt and bring it to her house tomorrow morning. She’ll find something to match it.”

  I looked at James. “I guess we’re going to a dance.”

  ✽✽✽

  Later that night, James and I were hanging out at my house. I was on my bed sitting cross legged and leaning against the headboard; James was lying down on his side, his head propped up by his hand. It was 4:58 and I had my laptop open between us to the school track team page willing it to update faster. I had refreshed it at least eight times. James rolled his eyes. “You know you’re going to make the team.”

  “I’m still nervous! Skyler was really strong, and I don’t know the times in the other heats, but everyone seemed really fast to me! And I lost every sprint. I didn’t feel like my body was a hundred percent warm until the 1600 because we had to stand around so much between heats. I sprint with my mom and you for fun, but I’m no sprinter.”

  “Hey, stop refreshing the page and look at me.” He smiled as I made eye contact. “You are a strong runner and you are a fast sprinter. You hang with me most of the time and I’m not letting up. You smoked those other girls in the 1600 and I’m pretty sure you were faster than some of the guys! Relax, Cheetah-girl, you’ve got this.” He glanced at the time on the laptop. “It’s 5:01.” He pointed to the computer. “Go ahead.”

  As I refreshed the page, my mom knocked on the open door. “So? Did you make the team?”

  I scrolled down the page. The boys’ team roster was first. James’ name was on it with an asterisk. “What does the asterisk mean?” I pointed to it and he grinned.

  “Returning.”

  I continued scrolling to the girls’ list as my mom knelt by the bed. I held my breath and read aloud, “Skylar Bodie, of course, Samantha Bailey, Lily Chun*, Hayley Davis*, Hailey Ferguson, Val Garcia*, Farhia Kashani*, Tatiana Kuznetsov-Baker!” I stopped reading. “I made it! I’m on the team!” I jumped up on the bed and bounced up and down and James rescued my laptop from the bouncing.

  My mom stood up and I jumped down to the floor. She gave me a tight squeeze. “You did it, baby girl! I am so proud of you. Mamma will be so happy when you tell her tonight! Great job!” She released the hug and walked to the door. “I’m going to rush to the bakery before it closes to get a treat to celebrate. Start making a salad while I’m gone so we can eat as soon as mamma gets home and keep an eye on the oven so that dinner doesn’t burn. I’ll be back in a bit.” She dashed out of the room and out the front door.

  James closed my laptop and stretched back to put it one the bedside table behind him. He rolled back to his side and reached out to me with his eyes twinkling and a lopsided grin on his face.

  “Come here.” I took his hand and let him pull me onto the bed. He rolled onto his back and guided my body to lie on top of his. A few curls fell into my face when I looked down at him and he gently tucked them behind my ear. “I’m proud of you, Cheetah-girl. We should celebrate.” He smiled, and we celebrated with several electrifying kisses.

  ✽✽✽

  The next morning, I drove my mom’s car to Samuel’s house to pick up the skirt he was loaning me. He opened the door and we quickly signed greetings to one another. He took my hand and led me upstairs to his room. I sat on the bed and he pulled the skirt from the closet. He put it next to me on the bed, took the phone out of his pocket, and texted me.

  Samuel

  try it on. will wait in hall

  I smiled at him as he closed the door behind him. I took off my shoes and baggy sweatpants and shimmied into

  the skirt. It fit easily, but I wasn’t sure how it looked because Samuel didn’t have a mirror in his bedroom. I peeked into the hall to find Samuel. He was seated leaning against the wall just outside the door. When he saw me, he stood up and smiled. I texted him.

  Me

  You don’t have a mirror. I can’t tell.

  He gestured for me to follow him into the bathroom. He closed the door to reveal a full-length mirror on the other side. I turned and looked at my reflection. He tugged at my sweatshirt and pantomimed for me to take it off. I shook my head and texted him again.

  Me

  only have bra on!

  Samuel

  nothing i haven’t seen w K! do it. can’t tell w ugly sweatshirt.

  I gave him a look for the ugly sweatshirt comment. I removed my sweatshirt placing it on the counter. I turned and took in my reflection again with Samuel standing behind me blushing deeply against his freckled ivory skin. His eyes were wide in surprise. He quickly turned his back to me and texted.

  Samuel

  sorry!!!!! bad idea! going downstairs.

  Samuel quickly opened the door to the bathroom and raced past me, refusing to look at me. He pulled the door closed on his way out. I looked at the skirt from all angles. The charcoal gray skirt was slung low across my hips showing off my flat stomach and the deep curve of my waist. It hugged my legs and hit at mid-calf. There was a slit on the right leg to just above my knee that had a border of embroidered flowers in the same color as the skirt. The skirt fit well. I let my eyes travel up my body to my bra.

  I had worn my only nice bra, a strapless deep cut push-up bra that matched my tan skin; I was trying on clothes at Ava’s next and didn’t want to show up in any of my dingy sports bras that I normally wear. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was really feminine, and I liked how it felt. Suddenly realizing what Samuel had seen when he looked at me, not regular sporty Tati, but this womanly version, I quickly put my sweatshirt back on.

  I returned to Samuel’s room and quickly slipped back into my baggy sweats and attached the skirt back on to the hanger. I walked downstairs to see Samuel on the couch in the living room. I tapped his shoulder
to get his attention and he texted me.

  Samuel

  you like it?

  Me

  yes. I’ll give it back on Monday after I wash it.

  Gotta run to Ava’s. Thanks!

  Samuel

  have fun!

  I signed “thank you” and quickly let myself out. When I got into the car my text alert sounded again. I unlocked my phone and read:

  Samuel

  I’m sorry how I reacted in the bathroom!! It was involuntary! doesn’t mean anything, I promise.

  And, I am really sorry that I forced the issue.

  That was wrong of me. I should’ve respected

  your boundaries better.

  Me

  It’s ok. I’m not upset. I trust you and know you are respectful.

  Samuel

  you’re really beautiful, Tati.

  sometimes I think you don’t really believe it.

  Me

  ❤ thank you

  ✽✽✽

  I arrived at Ava’s house about fifteen minutes later. When I rang the bell with Samuel’s skirt in my other hand, she opened the door and wrapped me in a hug. “Tati! I am so excited about tonight! Come in! Come in!” I followed her upstairs to her bedroom and she gestured for me to sit on the bed. She removed a micro-mini black metallic tank dress that was hanging on the full-length mirror. There couldn’t have been more than a half yard of fabric. “This is what I’m wearing tonight! You like?” I wasn’t sure I did. It looked like a top in need of pants or a skirt. I shrugged.

  “Yeah, it’s totally better on. Let me show you.” She quickly stripped down to just a thong and put on the dress.

  “Now that I see it on you, it’s cute. But don’t bend over too far or you’ll flash everyone your butt and that is a lot of side boob! Be careful!” She grinned and pulled some four-inch black heels out of the closet and put them on her feet flashing me in the process. “Ava! You just totally flashed me everything! Maybe wear some boy-shorts under? And one of those stick-on bras or tape it on the sides? I mean, it’s a school dance!”

  She gave a look of mock shock and then mischievously smiled. This version of Ava was trouble. In my head, this Ava didn’t match with the Dash I knew, but maybe he’d changed.

  She modeled her feet for me. “Every inch counts.” She giggled. “Ok, so now you! Let me see that skirt.” She picked it up and looked at it. “A boy wears this skirt?” I nodded with raised eyebrows and smiled. “Okaaaay. That’s super gay…”

  I scowled. “Ava, I like you, but if this is going to be a problem for you, we can cancel our double date right now. Samuel’s one of my best friends and I won’t have you talk shit about him. Dash hangs out with him all the time, too, and I am pretty sure he’d be pissed at your attitude toward one of his friends. And for your information, men wear skirts all the time - Islanders, Celts, lots of musicians, rap artists, and actors, so many. Just because you wear a skirt doesn’t make you gay. And do you remember that my parents are gay?”

  Ava lowered her eyes and blushed deeply. “Sorry, Tati. I didn’t – sorry. Let me see the skirt … This is actually really nice, and I have a bunch of tops that will work. Put in on and I’ll grab them.”

  She opened her closet and shifted all her school uniforms aside. She had a ton of clothes stuffed into her closet. I shed my comfortable clothes and put on the skirt. I felt completely awkward standing in her room in just a skirt and my bra, which was strange considering I had just done the same thing with Samuel and had been fine. I sat down to wait for her and crossed my arms protectively across my torso.

  She turned to me with several choices in her arms. “Ok stand up and let’s see how these look. OH MY GOD, Tati, I hate you! Your body is a-ma-zing! If I didn’t know Dash was a full-on innocent virgin I’d be so jealous. I’m working on him though. Soon! I’m hoping this dress will do the trick tonight. You and James must have hot sex like all the time with the way you look!”

  I blushed and felt the need to defend Dashiell. “No, James and I haven’t done anything even close to that. We’re taking things slow. And I think it’s nice Dash is a virgin. I respect him for that. You wouldn’t want to push him into doing something he doesn’t want to do.”

  She bristled. “Have you seen him? Those muscles? A girl can dream. Oh my god there are so many cute guys at my new school! I get lots of offers to hook up at parties, and let me tell you, with some of these guys I soooo want to, but I’m trying to wait for Dash! I wish he’d hurry up and change his mind ...Ok, so, try this first.”

  She handed me a sparkly black and white striped flowy camisole. As I pulled it over my head I said, “I’m not a glitter kind of girl.”

  “It’s a special occasion, Tati! There have to be some sparkles! Turn around, let me see.” I looked at my reflection and Ava beamed.

  “No. I prefer something more modest. This is really … no. This top doesn’t even cover my bra.”

  “So don’t wear a bra. You look good.”

  “No.”

  Ava’s smile fell. “Ok, that’s not the none. I mean, you actually look really sexy the way it barely skims your boobs, and, like, James’ hands could easily be all over you in that, but, yeah, if you’re not feeling it, then, like, take it off.”

  She handed me another top. As I changed she said, “I usually wear this next one with a lot of padding, which you obviously don’t need with your C-cups. Here, let me do it up for you. The zipper sticks a little.”

  Even though I was uncomfortable with Ava’s comments, when I looked at my reflection I liked what I saw. It was a simple coral-red strapless top that just skimmed below my belly button leaving a slim gap between the top and skirt that accentuated the curve of my waist. It fit perfectly and had a bit of sheen to the fabric, but not too much. It hit a point on my breasts that was still very modest, but the cut accentuated all my curves.

  “Yessss! This one! Tati, you look so pretty! Oh my gosh, and you can wear your hair down loose like so sexy and hold on!” She rummaged through a dresser drawer and held up a delicate gold necklace with a small gold teardrop shaped charm on the end. “This is called a lariat necklace. It just slips over your head like ... this… and hangs down into your cleavage. See! It’s perfect! Look! I think gold hoops for your earrings, do you have some? If not, you can borrow mine.”

  “I have some.” The necklace looked perfect with the outfit and I could picture it being tied together with the earrings. Was this actually going to work? Suddenly, I was feeling excited for my official first date with James. “Ava, what kind of shoes?”

  “Can you walk in heels because that would look best? I may have some if you’re the same size. What size are you?”

  I nodded. “Six.”

  Ava smiled, “Me too! Ok let me see.” She searched her closet again and came out with two pairs of strappy heels one a nude color, the other black.” She held them up against the outfit. “These. The color will make your legs look even longer because it blends in with your skin.” She handed me the nude pair and I sat on her bed to put them on. When I stood up, the three-inch heels put me at five feet four. I felt tall and she was right, my legs looked really long!

  Ava kicked off her shoes and stood up on the bed behind me; she shook my hair out of the messy bun. She ran her fingers through my curls, loosening them away from my face.

  “There. Look.” She leaned over and hugged me around the neck from behind. “We are going to have so much fun tonight!” I couldn’t wait to get dressed up with James.

  ✽✽✽

  We had decided to all meet at my house and then drive to the dance together. I had gotten ready quickly and was putting the finishing touches on my makeup when the doorbell rang. My mamma called out, “I’ll get it!”

  My mom came into my room and looked at me. “OH, Tatiana! Look at you!” She hugged me. “You are a strong and powerful woman! Beautiful!”

  My mamma came into my room, “Tati, Dash and Ava are here. Oooo! Do a twirl, let me see! You look stu
nning. Where’d you get those clothes?”

  I modeled. “The skirt is Samuel’s. The top, shoes, and necklace are Ava’s. The hair is all me.” They laughed as I struck an awkward model pose. “My friends have really nice clothes!”

  “They really do,” my mom agreed. “You should find out where Samuel got that skirt. It looks like it was made for you!”

  “I know, right?” We all laughed.

  From the living room I heard Ava call out, “James is here. Hurry up Tati, I want to see you!” I heard someone open the door before the doorbell rang.

  “Be right out!” My parents hugged me and we three went to join the group. When I saw James, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was so handsome. He wore a dark gray skinny-cut suit that accentuated his lean, athletic, muscular build. His crisp white shirt contrasted with his golden skin. He left the top button of his shirt unbuttoned making for a dressy, yet casual and confident look. I looked into his eyes and wanted to spend some time one on one and skip the dance altogether!

  He walked toward me, his eyes tracing up and down my body. He smiled fully, and his deep green eyes twinkled. He handed me a bouquet of red roses.

  “Happy first date.”

  As I took the flowers from him, our hands touched, and it was electric. He moved closer, our bodies separated by the bouquet, and he looked intensely into my eyes.