Bourbon & Chai: A Slow Burn Forbidden Romance Novel, Set in Philadelphia.

by Leah Kay

  “I can’t talk to you anymore.” She turns around to walk away.

  He rushes to her. “Yes, you will! You have taken everything from me. The least you can do is look me in the eye and tell me that you are sorry.” He holds her by her shoulders.

  “I am sorry for not being good enough for you, Nathan.” She repeats the same thing he has heard throughout his marriage.

  Exasperated at her cowardice, he scoffs at her. “Don’t you dare say that to me. Apologize for giving up on yourself, on us and on your daughter. Did you even think what a terrible example you set for your daughter? Do you think you were the only one that was dealt a bad hand at life? You chose to sit back and let life pass you by. What’s even worse is that you took my life with you. All I ever wanted was a partner who I could grow with; instead, I felt guilty for all that I achieved through my own hard work. Now you have the audacity to stand in front of me and make me feel bad for the way you screwed up. I am sorry your plan of shipping me away till you found a better life didn’t quite pan out.”

  “That was not my plan, Nathan. I had every intention of cleaning up my act and becoming good enough for you. But the truth is I am tired of trying to be your partner when both of us know that I am just not cut out for it. That’s when I gave up. I started seeking a life without you. If that makes me a terrible person, so be it,” Sarah attacks him back.

  Hearing her admit the truth riles him even more. “Once Lily leaves for college, I never want to see your face again. You ruined my life. What’s worse is you have taken my ability to trust myself with someone again. And for that I can never forgive you.” He breaks her in a way only a married couple knows how to. Feeling irreparably broken since hurting Isha, he berates Sarah.

  His words stun her and she stares at him in silence as he unleashes her demon insecurities and drapes her with them. In their two decades together, not once has he lost his cool with her. She almost doesn’t recognize the man standing in front of her.

  Coming back home after an after-school study session with a friend, Lily catches the tail end of their unpleasant interaction. Fighting for courage she says, “Mom and Dad…”

  Sarah and Nathan turn around and are shocked to see Lily standing at the door. Nathan regrets his words instantly.

  “Can you please end your marriage now?” Lily pleads with them calmly.

  “I was able to call this place my home with the both of you for seventeen years and I have many fond memories. I don’t want these last six months to take it all away.” An act beyond her age, a usual characteristic of a child from a broken family who is forced to grow up in a short time.

  Her words bring Nathan to his senses as Sarah walks away, a trusted old habit of avoiding any struggle.

  Walking towards Nathan, Lily continues, “And Dad, this is not you. You are hurting and I need you to go back to Philadelphia. You left a piece of yourself behind and it’s time you get it back.” She sees straight through him.

  Holding her tight in his arms, Nathan bawls, slowly releasing his locked-up pain.

  The following morning, Isha wakes up to an email from Liam. She springs up and clicks on it.

  “Sorry for the silence. I needed time to think through everything and make sure I am doing the right thing for me, not us, just me. The truth is you are the only one for me. And if you can get over him and maybe try to fall back in love with me, you’ll make me the happiest man in the world. There’s nothing more that I want in this life than you by my side and a family that is ours. Grow old with me, Isha.

  Yours,

  Liam.”

  Sniffling through her tears, Isha is overcome by happiness that he chose to forgive her. Wiping her tears, she reads his note over and over again, each time smiling wider than before. She is unsure whether she can get over Nathan or if she will continue to be a slave to her feelings for him, but she finds a sliver of comfort in Liam’s forgiveness. Feeling stuffy in her hotel room, she walks over to the window, pushes the curtains away to let the morning light in and opens the window to feel the chill of the winter breeze. Standing by the window, she looks over at the town center. Even on a cold day like this there are people out and about bringing life to the neighborhood.

  Feeling cold, she steps back and closes the window, and as she is about to pull the curtains shut, something about that room feels familiar. Dismissing her thoughts, she leaves the curtains open to let the morning light in. Hearing Nathan’s departure announcement shattered any hopes she may have had subconsciously about his return. She feels like a fool for letting things get this far. A dream meant to serve as a warning sign ended up drawing her closer to him. Her heartache shifts from pain to anger. Anger at how quickly he could walk away from her, how he made the decision for the both of them and how he left her feeling like a despicable person. Her anger turns into masochism when she dolls up in one of the cute outfits she brought to impress Nathan and decides to follow the exact same itinerary they made together for their day trip in Ireland. With this cathartic ritual she hopes to bring closure to their short-lived affair and help her heal for what lies ahead of her.

  She starts in the town center in Cork, exploring the landmarks and grabbing breakfast by herself at a local diner. Later, taking a beautiful cab ride through the lush landscapes, she arrives in Blarney to a breathtaking view of the castle, set in an idyllic setting. With lush green gardens around, bright sunshine reflecting off the ponds and the sweet chirping sounds of the birds, it is a picturesque sight. After taking what seemed like a thousand stairs, she finally arrives at the top of the castle where she can kiss the Blarney Stone.

  An old Irishman giving a tour of the castle to a few visitors notices Isha and stops by her. “Hello love, what can I do for you?”

  Smiling politely, Isha replies sheepishly, “I am here to kiss the Blarney Stone.”

  “I wish a beautiful girl like you would want to kiss me,” he teases her.

  Isha welcomes the distraction.

  “Stay right here, I will come back and give you a tour of the castle, and you can kiss the Blarney Stone.” He motions for her to wait while he finishes the tour with the other visitors.

  Taking in the magnificent view of the valleys on the countryside from the top of the castle, Isha’s thoughts drift to Nathan. They were supposed to do this together, and her anger is slowly melting away and a sharp pain takes its place. Coming back to her, the Irishman takes her on a tour of the castle, filling her in on all the historical details of the families that lived there, the lives they lived, and the wars they fought, and finally takes her to the Blarney Stone.

  “Here you go love, the Blarney Stone,” and he points to a piece of stone embedded in the wall towards the bottom corner of a narrow pit with a small gazing hole at the base of it.

  Confused as to how to reach it, she examines the stone for a moment.

  “Need some help?” he asks, taking in her befuddled expression.

  And as she nods yes, he sits at the top of the pit with his back facing the Blarney Stone. Holding on to the handrails on both sides, he leans back slowly till his lips reach the Blarney Stone.

  Isha is shocked at how flexible he is for his age.

  Curling back up to a seated position, he asks, “Ready for that, love?”

  Isha isn’t sure if she can pull it off but gives it a shot anyway.

  She repeats the same motion as him, and after a deep backward stretch, her lips finally make it to the Blarney Stone and her eyes get a sweeping view of the valley through the tiny hole. Taking a moment, she kisses the stone before curling back up, and bursting with excitement she hugs him. “Thank you.”

  He takes her hand and plants a kiss on it. “Some man is lucky to have you.”

  Her happiness over finally kissing the Blarney Stone fades away as the grief of losing Nathan and the guilt of deceiving Liam come back to haunt her.

  She walks th
rough the gardens taking in the tranquility before hailing a cab to Kinsale—the charming, picturesque harbor town Nathan wanted to take her to. After a short ride, she arrives at a beautiful cottage town filled with an abundance of charm and warmth. Brightly colored homes with flower boxes under the windowsills line the streets with an impressive background of boats on the water. She walks through a few stores before making it to Fishy Fishy—a restaurant where Nathan wanted to talk about their lives together. Swallowing her pain, she walks in and gets a table for one. During her dinner, she contemplates if she can ever forgive herself for her actions.. After a nice dinner and excruciating pain to go with it, she walks around the town and decides to call it a day, feeling exhausted both mentally and physically. On her cab ride back to Cork, she watches the sunset over the hills and loses herself in her thoughts. As the darkness comes alive after the sunset, so does her longing for Nathan. She misses him. Their end was so abrupt, she never had a chance to prepare for it or process it.

  After a long ride, she finally makes it back to her hotel around 8:00 p.m. She peels herself off the cab seat and walks into her hotel, stepping into the elevator to her floor. She notices a reflection of herself in the mirror inside the elevator and sees the wear and tear of her grief. All of a sudden, her dream with Nathan crosses her mind, bringing her to the realization that it all started in this hotel room. A wave of shock courses through her system, disconnecting her from everything except the sound of her rapidly beating heart. Had he been here with her, tonight could have been a start to their lives together, bringing her dream to a reality.

  In a state of shock, she drags herself off the elevator and steps into the corridor. Turning into the hallway towards her room, she notices a man sitting on the floor by her room door with his head leaning against the wall. At the sound of the elevator, he lifts his head up and notices Isha. She stops in her tracks at the sight of Nathan.

  Dressed in jeans, an old blue T-shirt with a picture of Beast from the X-Men and a rain jacket, Nathan appears exhausted. He has a five o’clock shadow, and there are deep dark circles underneath his eyes. His lips curve into a weak smile at the sight of Isha as his eyes come to life after a long time. The sight of him lifts some weight off her shoulders but is accompanied by a crushing pain of his sudden departure that left her heart in pieces.

  Standing in the hallway, Liam’s words from this morning fill her feet with lead. She can have her marriage, her husband and her life back again. It may take some time to forgive herself and rebuild what she has lost with Liam due to her own poor judgment, but with effort she can go back to being who she was before she met Nathan. She can start a family with Liam and grow old with him, just like they planned for years.

  Looking at Nathan, she wishes he had risen to the challenge and fought for their happiness and not shied away at the sight of an obstacle. She wishes more than anything that he had spoken to her before making a decision, allowing her to be a part of something they started. She wishes she hadn’t fallen in love with him regardless of the warning signs. A love that started as an innocent friendship, weaving them close together through their countless laughs, tears, fights and unwavering connection. An ill-timed connection drawing two ordinary souls helplessly towards each other. A connection that braved a bold face to their relentless attempts of sabotage. There is an inexplicable pain she carries in her chest that came with a realization that he is an undeniable part of her and will remain to be for the times to come.

  With that and the knowledge of the dream guiding her, she is faced with a choice yet again—to walk away to her simpler life and shield herself from another emotional assault or walk bravely towards him and into his arms. For tonight could just be a kiss of death to their short-lived fairy tale or the beginning of a new eternity.

  Until next time