Bourbon & Chai: A Slow Burn Forbidden Romance Novel, Set in Philadelphia.

by Leah Kay

  Feeling foolish for jumping to conclusions over the past few weeks, she makes plans to meet him at 6:00 p.m. later that day. With butterflies in her stomach at the thought of seeing Nathan soon, Isha dances to her heart’s rhythm throughout the day, packing her luggage, watering her plants, picking out a perfect outfit to wear, dolling up and ultimately waiting impatiently till it is time for her to leave the house. Waiting in the living room watching television, she ponders if Nathan will join them on the trip to Ireland tomorrow. Her eyes light up at the idea of spending the weekend together in the countryside with him. She no longer feels scared to talk about their future together with Nathan. She is his and he is hers. Remembering his conversation about wanting to take her to Kinsale and Blarney, she quickly runs upstairs and reopens her packed suitcase to add a few more outfits for their day together in Ireland.

  At 5:30 p.m., Isha braves the cold weather and makes her way to Old City Coffee to meet Nathan. Stepping into a packed coffee shop, she spots him waiting at a table in the back and her lips curve into a warm smile. Hanging her coat on the rack, she walks towards the back to join him. Nathan leaves his chair and takes a few steps towards her to welcome her with a cautious hug, so as not to raise any eyebrows around them. Isha takes a seat across from him with her back to the crowd. She cups the chai in between her palms and enjoys the warm feeling against her cold hands. Taking a sip of her chai, she relaxes into her chair as she feels the trace of the warm liquid making its way through her body. They both sit in silence for a few moments feeling completely content in each other’s presence.

  “I missed you,” Isha whispers as she gazes into Nathan’s eyes.

  “I missed you terribly, Isha.” Nathan’s gaze doesn’t leave Isha’s even for a split second.

  She notices a strange pain in his fatigued eyes. “How are things at the site?” she inquires, assuming work is the culprit.

  “Extremely chaotic…” and he informs her of the remediation efforts, the long hours, plans to bring back operations at the site and many other things that the team at San Diego was able to accomplish in the last week.

  She feels proud of his diligence during such a chaotic time. “They are lucky to have you. With you there, the site will be back up in no time,” Isha states, beaming with pride, except she cannot wait another minute to say the words he has been dying to hear from her.

  “I need to talk to you about something.” Nathan takes her hand in his.

  Her intuition sets off warning signals seeing an unfamiliar distress behind his eyes. Leaving her hand in his, Isha nods towards him to go on.

  “I have been content with my life for a very long time now. All of that changed when I met you…”

  Isha can hear her heart beating frantically in her chest listening to his words. Looking into his honest eyes, she tries to calm her unwarranted anxiousness.

  “You breathed life into me and made me feel alive once again…” Squeezing his hand with excitement, Isha is bursting to spill her news to him.

  “But being with Lily made me realize my responsibility lies with her. She needs me, Isha, and I have decided to move back to San Diego.”

  Isha stares into his bright blue eyes as her heart falls silent. Words escape her and her hands, feeling warm at his touch a moment ago, turn ice cold. All her internal signals were attempting to prepare her for this moment over the past few weeks, and Isha was obstinate. To her, their connection is untouchable. Of all the challenges she presumed they would face together, guilt experienced by a doting father towards his daughter is not something she was prepared for. Mustering all her courage, Isha looks up and notices an equally distraught Nathan.

  When she speaks, her voice trails slowly as if her words are unwilling to take flight. “When are you leaving?”

  Nathan notices her heartbreak in her eyes as his own eyes turn glossy. “I am flying back tomorrow. I needed to see you one last time.”

  A tear rolls down her cheek, releasing the pain as she takes a dagger through her heart. They remain in silence experiencing raw pain and crumbling into pieces in each other’s presence.

  Noticing a few eyes looking towards them, Nathan straightens in his chair. “I think it’s better if we get going from here.”

  Isha nods hesitantly, taking her hand back from his, and rises to her feet to follow him out of the coffee shop. Nathan waits outside as she dons her coat.

  A minute later, Isha walks outside and pauses in front of him. Fighting her tears, she forces a smile. “So this is goodbye then?”

  Nathan caresses her cheek with his thumb. “Take care of yourself, She-Hulk.”

  As he starts to walk past her towards his apartment, Isha grabs his arm and with a choked-up voice asks, “Be mine?” She’s looking down, unable to hold back her tears.

  Nathan leans down towards her. “I adore you,” he says and kisses her forehead then slowly walks away.

  Isha stands still without looking back, the winter breeze moving her hair softly away from her face as gushing tears blur her vision.

  Chapter 17

  Undone

  Liam walks into an empty home with no sign of Isha. Wondering where she is, he texts her. The Flyers were losing and Liam had no interest in watching the game anymore. Besides, he wants to spend a lovely evening with her before she takes off for Ireland tomorrow. He stops by her favorite restaurant and picks up Thai food for dinner. Ever since he confronted her about Nathan, Liam has been giving their future a lot of thought. Fear of losing Isha to another man scared him. Although his fears turned out to be baseless, he wants to change for the better. Isha has been his friend, confidante, lover and his favorite cheerleader. Her encouragement drove him to take many risks and she stood by him like a rock throughout all of it. He recognizes that he has taken her for granted over the years and feels foolish for being in the dark for so long. He is determined to turn the page on their lives and write the best chapter yet.

  Isha walks in and notices an eager Liam waiting to see her. She feels numb at the sight of him, wondering what to tell him.

  “Sweetheart, where did you go? I picked up Thai for us and I am thinking tonight’s movie choice is yours since you are leaving tomorrow.” He plates the food waiting for her to come into the kitchen.

  His words sit like burning coals in her throat. She didn’t think she could feel any more pain today, but Liam’s love is proving that assumption wrong.

  “I went to see Nathan…” She comes to a stop at the kitchen island.

  “Oh yea? How is he doing?” He carefully spoons the curry into the bowls of rice.

  “He is moving back to San Diego.” Her words carry no emotion.

  Liam pauses and stares at her. “Didn’t he just move here?”

  Isha nods without saying a word.

  Liam notices her desolate eyes. “Are you okay?” He comes around the island to hold her.

  Slowly pushing his hands away, she takes a step back. “I need you not to touch me now.”

  Alarmed at her behavior, Liam asks, “What is going on?”

  Looking away from him, Isha explains. “I had a dream where I woke up in Nathan’s arms the night before he was announced as my manager. It was traumatic to see the stranger from my dream be announced as my new boss the next day. That dream haunted me for a very long time and I did everything to stay away from him. All my efforts to keep my distance from him only brought us closer. With his broken family, he started leaning on me more and I became a shoulder to him.” She comes clean to him, something she wishes she had done a long time ago.

  His blissful thoughts from earlier about their future turn to pure anxiety as he waits for her to go on.

  She lifts her gaze to meet his. “The connection between us was bigger and more powerful than the both of us and we were blindsided by it. And when I assumed I lost him in the explosion at San Diego last week, I realized that a piece of my
heart belongs to him. I kept this from you so as not to hurt you, but I no longer deserve you,” she cries, taking in a distraught Liam.

  Liam paces across the room, writhing in pain. “Were you unfaithful to me?” His bleeding heart needs to know.

  “I never crossed the line physically. But emotionally he took a part of me with him.” She falls to the floor, sobbing.

  Even though he is hurting, Liam can’t stand the sight of Isha breaking down in front of him. He hurries to her, squatting down in front of her.

  “What did I do, Isha? Tell me what I did to drive you away,” Liam cries to her.

  Shoving her face in her hands, she wails, “Baby, nothing. You did nothing.”

  “I drank too much? I hung out too much with my friends? I came home late? I took you for granted? I loved you with all of my heart? What did I do? Tell me!” he screams in her face.

  Reaching for his face with both her hands, she sobs, “Nothing, this is all my fault.”

  Swinging from anger to sadness, he rises to his feet, pushing her hands away and pleads with her. “You don’t love me anymore now?”

  “I do,” she bawls. “I just need to fall out of love with him, I am sorry.” She grabs onto his knees and sobs with immense regret. He stands there motionless with Isha breaking down at his feet.

  On Sunday afternoon, Claire finds Isha sitting by the window next to their gate in the international terminal. Coming closer to her, she notices Isha’s distraught façade and immediately takes a seat next to her. “Isha, what’s wrong?” she exclaims and reaches out to hold her hand.

  Holding on to Claire’s hand tightly, Isha breaks into tears. The kind of tears that only happen when a heart is broken beyond repair. Claire isn’t sure if Nathan is the reason behind her angst or if Liam confronted her about Nathan. Regardless, she waits patiently for Isha to open up.

  As her tears take a break, Claire whispers into Isha’s head, leaning on her. “Want to talk about it?” Isha lets her know that she isn’t ready to talk yet by continuing to remain silent without looking up from her arms. Giving her more time, Claire sinks into her chair to let Isha lean on her shoulder, and they sit in silence till it is time to board the flight.

  Claire notices a text message from Mark on their phones. “Where are you guys?”

  Trying to shield Isha from Mark’s prying eyes, Claire responds to him. “Hey there, we are sitting by the gate. Just a heads up—Isha’s aunt isn’t doing well, and she is quite disturbed by that news. Let’s give her some space on this trip.”

  Minutes later, Mark responds. “I completely understand, let me know if I can help.”

  Isha continues to remain quiet during their flight, trying her best to sleep off the pain. Claire notices that she hasn’t touched her food but refrains from pushing her. Once they arrive in Cork, Isha wears her smile until they make it to their hotel. Claire suggests going for a walk but drops the idea when Isha shows no sign of interest.

  As they walk to their rooms, Isha stops Claire in the hallway. “I promise to tell you everything, I am just not ready yet,” she states apologetically.

  Holding her hand, Claire tries to comfort her. “You take as much time as you need, I am here for you.” And before walking to her room she adds, “Try not to beat yourself up, you didn’t plan any of this.”

  Forcing a smile, Isha says, “Thank you,” and walks into her hotel room.

  Splashing cold water on her face to numb the pain, she walks over to the bed to unpack her suitcase. As she hangs her clothes in the closet, she uncovers the cute outfits she packed for her weekend with Nathan. A fresh dose of pain crushes her, bringing her to her knees. Feeling helpless, she shoves the remaining clothes onto the floor and crawls under the sheets to silence an unyielding loop of hurt, betrayal, and guilt, all taking a convincing stab at her conscience.

  The following morning, the Philadelphia team meets the Cork team to kick off implementation activities. It is all business as usual. Isha plasters a smile on her face irrespective of her true feelings on the inside. And when she needs a moment, Claire and Mark step in to help her. Having gone through this process with two other sites has made the team extremely comfortable with what to expect, how to handle difficult team members and ultimately accomplish a successful implementation of their process.

  Isha excuses herself from dinners with the Cork team on both nights after the workshop. Pretending all day without showing any signs of mental rundown is painful enough that she doesn’t see the need to subject herself to it at night as well. She needs some time to grieve and put herself back together before she flies back to Philadelphia. Liam stormed out of the house after their fight and didn’t return in time for her flight. Not having heard from him since leaving Philadelphia, Isha contemplates whether she has done the right thing by telling Liam the truth. Deep down, she believes she did the right thing by coming clean to him. No one wants to be an option, and Liam sure as hell doesn’t deserve to be treated as such. This man loved her and she obliterated his world. She can only hope that one day he finds it in his heart to forgive her and, for that matter, she hopes one day, in the distant future, she can forgive herself.

  On the last day of the workshop, they wrap up early, and the team gets together for drinks at a local pub. Isha reluctantly joins them at Claire’s request. Claire reasons with her that some fresh air is sure to make her feel better. They order a round of Guinness and toast to a successful workshop. Catching up with a few staff members from Cork, Nathan momentarily leaves her mind, lifting the heavy burden on her heart, and she starts to relax. After a few rounds of drinks, Mark hurries towards Isha and Claire who are now sitting behind the bar, enjoying their third round of Jameson.

  Leaning closer to them, Mark whispers so as not to draw any attention from their Cork colleagues. “Did you guys check your email?”

  Confused as to why they would be checking email at a bar, Claire responds, “No, why?”

  “We just received an announcement from Ron. Nathan is moving back to San Diego. Ron will be our boss in the interim until he finds us a replacement,” Mark replies hurriedly.

  Claire and Mark stare at each other in shock and Isha rises from her seat. “I am feeling rather tired. I will head back to the hotel now.”

  Her expression at the announcement of Nathan’s news answers Claire’s hunch. She walks Isha out to help her get a cab and as they wait she asks, knowing precisely what she is doing, “Are you flying back with us tomorrow morning?”

  Honestly, Isha didn’t have a plan in mind.

  “Since Nathan isn’t here, maybe you want to fly back with us?” Claire continues.

  At that moment something snaps inside Isha. “My sightseeing in Ireland isn’t dependent on Nathan. My world doesn’t stop if he is not in it. I’ll be staying back to check out the countryside. Have a safe flight back tomorrow morning and thank you for everything this week.” Isha hugs Claire and gets into her cab.

  Claire stands there watching the cab pull away from the curb, finally piecing together the reason behind her heartbreak.

  Since his return to California, Nathan has buried himself in work and on the rare occasion he’s had some time to spare, he has kept to himself, barely engaging with either Lily or Sarah. His eyes, oozing with life just a few weeks ago, now seem barren. With his insecurities taking over, he loses all hopes for a better tomorrow. Although he chose to walk away to protect Isha, it took immense sacrificial energy on his part to lie to her face. Knowing full well that Isha would try to talk him out of his insecurities, he had to come up with something that she could never compete with. He feels shameful for using Lily as the reason but blindly convinces himself that it is all in Isha’s best interests, allowing her to have a life that he could never provide. The pain of watching her break into tears in front of him has turned him so cold that forgiving himself for his heartless behavior seems like a farfetched dream. Suffe
ring through excruciating pain, he goes through the motions in his life like an abandoned dog at a pound. Sarah did not agree to him moving back in with her, but he made it very clear that she no longer has a choice in the matter. Reluctantly, she agrees while counting the months till Lily’s graduation.

  Sarah walks into the living room to watch an episode of her favorite show and notices that Nathan is watching a Lakers game. Annoyed that the TV is occupied, she lets out a heavy sigh before turning away.

  Nathan glances towards her. “You have something to say?” Another habit he picked up since hurting Isha—zero patience and an inability to let it go.

  “Nothing, I am just getting used to you being here.” She tries to walk away.

  “Oh, please do. It is my home,” he replies curtly.

  “And you never made me forget that,” she strikes back.

  “How can I? When I slaved away for years to provide for my family, the least I can do is take credit for my hard work,” he lashes at her.

  “Right. You did it all, I was of no help to you.” She faces him directly.

  “Of course you were. Anytime I experienced a sliver of happiness you were right there to snatch it.” He doesn’t hold back.