Within Reach

by Talie D. Hawkins

  I turned to my side and stared out of the window at the starless sky. I wondered if people besides Gwen would still talk to me if they knew I could read right through their bull. I wondered if Callie had known and that’s why she hugged me. There was a constant guilt I carried with me. Guilt for reminding my dad of the absence of my mom. Guilt for not being able to save Callie. I tried to tune out thoughts like this when they popped in my head, and there was only one way to do that. I picked up the book on my side table and found my place. I was reading the Scarlet Letter for the third time and the fact that I knew what was coming with each page didn’t bother me. It lulled me.

  After a chapter or two I got myself ready for bed and slept with the light on because the dark was too still and quiet for a mind like mine.

  Chapter 3

  It was a struggle getting up the next day. I looked through my closet and felt bored with everything I saw, so I settled on a black trapeze dress and my boots. My hair was just long enough for a messy bun so I piled it into one and smeared some pink lipgloss on my lips. With one final look in the mirror I decided it was the best I could do and headed downstairs to grab some food before I left for school.

  My dad was sitting at the table with the newspaper in his hands and a mug of coffee steaming in front of him.

  “Good morning James,” I said in a silly man voice I used to get his attention. We joked about how my voice was the only thing smaller than my size, so I often lowered it to get a laugh out of him.

  He lowered his newspaper so I could see the dramatic eye roll he was giving me.

  “Eat,” was all he said.

  I grabbed a mug for myself and added some cream while I waited for some bread to toast. I spread some strawberry jam on it and put it on a paper plate so I could take it to go.

  “Bye dad. Love you,” I said as I rushed out of the door.

  Gwen was standing on the steps of Central High when I got to school, but she wasn’t alone. Her on again/off again boyfriend, Trey, was sitting with her. I could tell that they were suddenly on again by how close he was sitting to her. He was twirling a stand of her beachy blonde hair in his fingers as she smiled.

  Trey turned and sneered in my direction as soon as he saw me. I didn’t like him much. I could feel exactly what he did to Gwen each time he hurt her, and that made him very unpopular in my book. He matched her blonde super model looks with his James Dean wannabe style, but he was all ego. Gwen was smart and funny. She was fiercely loyal and that got her hurt often.

  “Jane,” he said dryly.

  I gave him my best “go to hell look” then turned my attention to Gwen.

  “I can’t go anywhere after school. I have to work on that chem thing with Riley again.”

  “That guy’s a douche,” Trey said as he kissed Gwen’s hand. She was smiling like an idiot as he did. Riley was a lot of things but the only douche I could see was right in front of me.

  “Huh, I guess the old saying ‘takes one to know one’ is true.”

  The look he gave me told me it was time to go. I went past them and up the steps and that’s when I realized Riley had been standing in earshot of us the whole time. I mentally cursed at myself and kept going.

  . .

  The day flew by faster than I expected and I got to the library early. Riley wasn’t there so I decided to doodle on the quote of the day “Isn’t it pretty to think so?” from Hemingway. I drew the words coming out of a girl’s mind and they were decorated with delicate flowers. I told myself that one day I would pick one of the quotes and have to tattooed on my body, but I also felt like it would be almost impossible to choose.

  I was lost in some shading I was doing to the picture when a hand appeared at the top of the page and tried to pull it away from me. I looked up to see Riley standing on the other side of the table.

  “What’s this?” he asked.

  “Just a doodle,” I said as I tried to get it back from him.

  “You’re a Hemingway fan?” He said as he examined my drawing.

  “More importantly, you know who Hemingway is?” I countered. This earned me a chastising look. He handed the book back to me and I stuffed it in my backpack. “Hey, I’m sorry about earlier. I hope what Trey said didn’t...I don’t know. He’s an ass.”

  “Trey is a dick,” he said as he got situated at the table. I decided to change the subject.

  “One thing we agree on. We should get to work. I have to be at the coffee shop soon.”

  And we did just that. He surprised me by taking notes of our experiment’s plan and offering to get approval from our Chemistry teacher.

  “See? More than a pretty face, little imp.”

  “Stop calling me that!”

  “Nah. I kinda like it,” he said with a flirty tease in his voice.

  He left me feeling a little annoyed, but I didn’t have time for that. I had to get to work and this time I remembered to leave my dad a voice mail to let him know all was well.

  I tossed my things in the back seat of my car and got stopped by Chris before I could get in and drive away. I forced a smile at him and hoped he wouldn’t touch me.

  “I just wanted to make sure you know how to get to my place. Can I text you the address?”

  “Oh, I’m pretty sure Gwen knows where you live.”

  “That’s right. Okay, cool. People are coming around 8:00.”

  “Nice. Well, I have to get to work,” I said awkwardly. He held his hand up for a high five and I cringed, but his freckled nose and puppy dog brown eyes made me cave. When my hand made contact it wasn’t so bad. He was mostly feeling pretty confident.

  I got out of there while I still could and headed to work. This time I was early so I worked on an assignment with my spare time. I packed up and went in the kitchen to grab my apron and get ready for my shift and when I came out I found a surprising sight.

  Riley was at the end of the coffee bar counter with a blonde girl I recognized from our cheer team. He was smirking at her and she was giggling loud enough for everyone to hear. The sight of Riley flirting with someone wasn’t odd at all. The sight of him being in the coffee house was.

  Zane called his name and handed him their drinks as I clocked in. Riley saw me and gave me a nod before he and the blonde found a table. Even though I was curious about him being at my place of work I didn’t have time to think about it because we had a small rush of customers.Trey and Gwen were at the end of the line and as I prepared Gwen’s iced coffee Trey decided to get lippy.

  “Are you going to ask me what I want?” He said as I topped her drink with a lid.

  “That depends. Are you planning on staying around long enough for me to finish what you order?” He didn’t miss any of my meaning.

  “Hey, why are you such a bitch?”

  That caught Riley’s attention and he turned in our direction. I could see his blonde friend trying to get him to turn back around but he ignored her and kept his eyes on us.

  “Gwen, take him out of here please,” I said through gritted teeth.

  “Maybe I should complain to your boss,” he threatened.

  “Really? Go ahead, because that’s so attractive,” I said with dripping sarcasm.

  He shook his head and took Gwen by the hand, pulling her away like a pouty child. Gwen mouthed a silent apology to me as she was pulled out of the door.

  Riley got up and walked back to the counter.

  “You really don’t like him, do you?” He asked with a grin.

  “No, and what are you doing here?” I said, still feeling annoyed from my encounter with Trey.

  “I like coffee. Know what’s weird?” he asked, changing the subject.

  “That you’re suddenly hanging out where I work?”

  “I know everything about ninety percent of the people we go to school with. I don’t really care about the other ten percent. They’re mostly chess club people, or in band, but then...there’s you,” he said as he studied me.

  “It bothers you that you know n
othing about me and I know all about you?”

  “Enlighten me. What do you know about me?” he asked, amused. I leaned against the counter and rested my chin in my hands.

  “Well, now I know you don’t care about chess or band people. I also know you go through girls like candy. Commitment issues? And for some reason you don’t want anyone to know you’re actually smart. Probably because you’re a little lazy and would be expected to work if they knew.”

  He was quiet for a moment as he looked at me.

  “You are full of surprises,” he said, managing to not confirm or deny what I said.

  “Right. You’re date is looking for you.” I motioned over to the cheerleader he was with. She was staring me down with crossed arms.

  “You forget how tiny you are, don’t you?”

  “I have to get back to work. I’ll see you at school.”

  He saluted me with his hand and walked back over to the blonde he was with and soon after, they headed out.

  I stared out of the window during chemistry as usual. Ms. Moore’s monotone was especially hard to listen to after a night of no sleep. I found myself almost drifting off as she read our lessons word for word from a textbook.

  “Hey,” Riley whispered. “Wake up.”

  Riley sat next to me now because we had started working on our project in class.

  I sat myself up and tried to shake off my lack of sleep. I did my best to listen and take notes, but soon I was busy with another doodle.

  “Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt,” Riley read out loud. I looked up at the entire class grabbing their things and leaving. I hadn’t noticed our class had ended. “Slaughterhouse Five? That’s heavy stuff.”

  “I’m not picky when it comes to books. If there are words I’ll find it interesting.”

  “Can we meet at my house instead of the library today? My parents need me home for a repair guy.”

  “Oh, shoot. That’s today?” I groaned and I thought about the long day ahead of me.

  “It’s okay if you need to cancel.”

  “No, I’ll be there. Just text me your address.” He sent the text and we headed off to our next class. I used most of study hall to nap behind my sunglasses as Gwen sat beside me, catching up on social media and texting Trey.

  She nudged me a few minutes before the warning bell.

  “I’m up.”

  “Why aren’t you sleeping again?” She asked without looking up from her phone.

  “It’s the usual stuff.” Meaning I would stay awake all night and think about how my ability made it hard to be close to anyone. How it failed when I needed to save Callie. How it made it impossible to have a boyfriend. If I did date someone I would know the moment they stopped having feelings for me. That put a damper on the possibility.

  I had talked about all of these things with Gwen before and her answer was for me to live my life like normal and push the rest aside as much as I could. It was great advice but a lot harder than it sounded.

  “Want some of my mom’s xanax?” Gwen’s mom was a professional at self-medicating. Her medicine cabinet was better than most pharmacies.

  “No,” I said as I shoved her with my elbow.

  “Suit yourself. I gotta run. Trey is meeting up with me.” I refrained from commenting and waved goodbye instead.

  When I got out of class I spotted Riley cozying up to a girl by the lockers. His face was only inches from her and she was giving him her best sweet and innocent smile. I wondered for a second about the girl he had been with the other night and how someone could date so many people so openly. He took her hand and kissed it as she giggled.

  “Jane!” I heard someone yell. This caught Riley’s attention too. Chris was fast walking down the hall to catch up to me. “Hey, I’m glad I caught you.”

  “What’s up?”

  “Im, uh, trying to get a head count. Are you bringing anyone besides Gwen to my party?” He seemed a little nervous when he asked.

  “Nope. Just Gwen.”

  “Cause, you know, you can bring a date or whatever.”

  “No date. Just Gwen,” I repeated. Suddenly a smile spread across his face.

  “Cool, okay. Thanks.”

  I shook my head in confusion and found Riley staring at me. He must have watched the entire interaction. The girl he was with turned his face back to her and I got out of there before he could watch anymore.

  Chapter 4

  I stopped at the coffee house after school for a much needed caffeine break. It was pretty quiet in the shop and Zane was behind the counter reading a book.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” he replied. He glanced up at me and did a double take. “You look like crap.”

  “Gee, thanks,” I said sarcastically. His comment must have gotten Max’s attention because she came out of the kitchen to look at me.

  “What’s wrong? Are you sick?” She asked.

  “No. I’m fine. Just a long night. It looks worse than it is.”

  “I’ll watch the counter tonight. You go home and get some rest,” she insisted.

  “That’s really not necessary. I have to go work on a project for school. I’ll be in for my shift.”

  “No. Absolutely not,” she said in a tone that told me there would be no arguing.

  “Thank you,” I said with a sigh. “May I at least order coffee to get me through the next couple of hours?”

  I ended up ordering Riley a coffee too and pulled up his address from my phone.

  I could only stare in awe at his house when I pulled into the driveway. The two story red brick mini mansion looked like a palace compared to our modest little bungalow. My little subcompact Hyundai didn’t seem big enough for the circular drive it was sitting on.

  I got out and tried not to gawk at the house too much as I walked to the front door. Riley opened it before I could ring the bell. He looked a little more relaxed than usual in his white undershirt and faded jeans.

  “Come in,” he said with a smile.

  I handed him a cup.

  “It’s an iced latte. I didn’t know what you drink,” I said as I looked around at the inside of his house. Our voices had that hollow sound when we spoke that only marble floors could create. All of the furnishing were dark cherry wood and matched the english roses that covered the wallpaper.

  “Wow, this is beautiful,” I said as I looked around.

  “Oh, thanks. My mom is a designer. She likes classical design.”

  “So, should we double check our plans and do a computer mock up?”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Okay. I have the notes on my computer.” He motioned for me to follow him and each room we walked past was more classically elegant than the next.

  When he opened his bedroom door there was an obvious contrast from the rest of the house. A Death Cab For Cutie poster greeted us when we walked in. It was hanging above his bed and stood out against his dark blue walls. His furnishings were simple. All white bed linens and curtains, and all black furniture. There was a pile of records and cd’s on the floor and I was surprised at how many titles I recognized and owned.

  “Oh, you have the latest Yeah Yeah Yeah’s,” I said as I picked it up out of the pile.

  “You like them?” He sounded surprised, which was exactly how I was feeling.

  “I love them. Gwen and I saw them live last year.”

  “Borrow it,” he said as he sat at his desk.

  “Thanks.”

  I sat in an arm chair and I knew immediately that this chair was too comfortable for my own good, but it faced his computer and it was a lot easier than trying to stand up and work behind him.

  I opened my notebook and went over my notes and we made a list of what we needed for our experiment.

  “She approved it, by the way. I checked after school. We just need someone from the fire-science department to be on standby.”

  “Cool.” I curled up in the chair and read to him as he typed the words. Pretty soon an hour had p
assed even though it only felt like a few minutes.

  “I’m starving. I’m gonna grab us a snack.”

  “Let me help,” I offered.

  “No, you stay. I’ll be right back.”

  I stared up at his ceiling as I waited and noticed a constellation of faded little glow stars and the planets from our solar system. I laughed a little when I realized they were in order. Riley wasn’t stupid at all, but he’d let everyone believe he was to avoid some hard work.

  My eyes felt heavy as I stared up and I decided there would be no harm in letting them close...just until he came back from the kitchen.

  I was lost in a dream I had every so often. It was of my mom. The picture of her next to my bed would come to life and she would talk to me and it would seem like she had never been gone. I rolled over a little and pulled the blanket that was on me up a little more. It was the most comfortable I had been in ages.

  I heard Riley’s voice in the background and this confused me.

  “Hey,” he whispered. I started to open my eyes but his fingers tapped my shoulder and I was almost knocked out by what I felt. A shockwave of emotions hit me and I wasn’t prepared for it. I felt anger, sadness, concern, curiosity, and insecurity all at once and it was physically painful. I instinctively flinched and bolted up in the chair I had fallen asleep in. I stared at him wide eyed like a deer caught in headlights.

  “Woah. You’re ok. You just fell asleep.” He was speaking slowly like he was afraid he’d spook me.

  “Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry,” I said in a rush. What I had just felt wasn’t wearing off yet and it was mixing with my own embarrassment.

  “Don’t be. You looked like you needed a rest.” He touched my shoulder again before I could move and the emotions were less intense this time. I was mostly just hit with concern.

  “Riley, get in here!” I heard someone yell from the other side of the house. He turned his head slightly and his jaw tightened.

  “My dad. Give me a sec.” He left the room and I could hear hushed shouting until a door slammed hard enough to make the walls rattle. I stood up and gathered my things. I was going to try and sneak out before he got back, but when I looked up he was in the doorway. “Well, that wasn’t awkward,” he tried to joke.