Within Reach

by Talie D. Hawkins

  Riley was a comforting sight in his white t- shirt and jeans. He stood there with his hands in his pockets, talking to some teammates, but when he glanced in my direction he waved his goodbyes and walked over to me. He greeted me with a soft kiss on the top of my head.

  “You will be the demise of my G.P.A.,” he said.

  “Why is that?”

  “I can’t stop thinking about you. My lack of concentration is disturbing,” he said with a laugh. His phone rang and he groaned when he checked it. “My dad, just a sec.” He turned around to answer it and the conversation quickly got heated in frustrated whispers. A few minutes later he apologized and said he had to go straight home.

  It was my night off so I decided to stay in and catch up on some reading and homework. My dad ordered pizza for dinner and we both settled down in front of the television to eat. We were watching a show about a family who decided to live like pioneers for a year. My dad got a huge kick out of stuff like this because he spent his whole life hunting and fishing when he could. I had no doubt that if we ever entered into any sort of apocalypse, we’d have half the town on our doorstep asking my dad for advice.

  “Everything cool with you?” he asked during a commercial break.

  “Yeah. Things are good.”

  “College trip any help at all?” I cringed to myself at this question. Just the thought of that trip made my temples throb in pain.

  “Um, yeah. We saw a lot. It was just a ton to process.”

  I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye and we both settled back into our lounging positions as the show came back on. We were in the middle of a scene with the family trying to learn how to fish without modern fishing gear. My dad started yelling at the t.v. and stood up to get another slice of pizza, but he was interrupted by the doorbell.

  “If you’re in some kind of trouble you can just go. We don’t need that around here,” I heard him say to the person in the doorway. I got up to see who it was and gasped when I saw Riley’s face covered in blood. I stepped in front of my dad and pulled him inside. The blood was coming from his nose and mouth, both of which were swollen. I could see the start of a black eye and a random scrape on his jaw.

  “He did this?” I asked with a voice shaking in anger.

  “Hey,” he said in a ragged voice, “he looks a lot worse than me.” He smiled then cringed from the pain.

  “Would someone please tell me what’s going on?” my dad barked.

  “You see sir, my dad and I don’t get along. I apologize for showing up like this.”

  “Dad, I promise Riley doesn’t do anything to provoke this. His dad is messed up,” I said, begging him to believe me with my eyes. I watched him puzzle over it for a moment. My dad reached for his coat and keys.

  “Maybe someone should put him in his place,” he said as he attempted to leave, but Riley and I both stopped him.

  “Dad, we need to just leave it alone.” He looked back and forth between us for a moment before he spoke.

  “I don’t know you, but I know my daughter. She wouldn’t hang around someone who brings this onto themselves. So that means your dad is beating the shit out of you with no reason. I can’t allow that to happen.”

  “With all due respect, my dad is a miserable son of a bitch, but like I said- he looks a lot worse than me right now.”

  Riley and my dad gave each other a measured look and came to some silent agreement. I pulled Riley inside and walked him to my bathroom. I grabbed the first aid kit as he sat on my countertop and waited. I poured a little alcohol on the cotton ball and started wiping off his cuts. He didn’t complain- just cringed from time to time.

  “Your dad is real. You can just tell. No bullshit there,” he said as I wiped a cut above his eye.

  “Yep. He believes in respect and honor,” I said just above a whisper.

  “He’d kill me, wouldn’t he? If I ever hurt you.”

  I grinned at the question. “The odds of that happening would be high.” He unexpectedly grabbed my wrist and stopped it from moving.

  “I never will,” he said as he locked eyes with me. “And anyone who tries to hurt you will have to go through me.” He leaned forward and kissed me gently. I could feel his face tense up as my lips brushed against the cut on his mouth.

  “What about you?” I said, pulling back. “I want to beat the crap out of your dad right now.”

  He ran his thumb across my bottom lip, never taking his eyes off of mine. “After we got in the fight all I could think about was coming here. I just needed to be with you.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and I could tell by his tense posture that the it was unexpected, but seconds later he returned the embrace. It was the best feeling I could ever remember having. I didn’t allow myself to be this close to anyone, but it felt natural to be in Riley’s arms. I could feel little bits and pieces of all of the emotions he had endured, but the sensation of being so close made them fade easily. “I could get used to this,” he said as we held each other.

  “Me too,” I admitted. He pulled back slightly.

  “Is this too much?” he asked as he searched my face.

  “No, it’s just right.”

  My dad had gone to his room when we came out and I knew it was his way of giving us privacy. “We have plenty of pizza if you’re hungry,” I offered, trying to stall him just a little. He gave me a half smile as he sighed.

  “I have to go deal with this,” he said in a voice that sounded exhausted.

  “Are you going to be okay? I can go with you if you want?”

  “As amusing as it would be to see you use your super powers on my dad, I need to do this alone.” He used the tip of his finger to brush my cheekbone with a feather touch.

  “What if I promise no Krav Maga?”

  He kissed the top of my head and opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself. “Goodnight, Jane.”

  I tossed and turned that night. Even though I knew Riley could take care of himself, it still bothered me that he had to go home to that sort of hostility. I told myself that I would feel a lot better when I saw his face at school the next day, but that never happened. I felt a little twinge of nervousness when I didn’t get a text before school, but I brushed it aside and assumed I would see him standing next to my locker in the morning. Gwen was there, but no Riley. I tried to mask my nervousness, and sent him a quick text before I went to class.

  “Where are you?” I typed.

  Gwen held up a bag of nacho chips, offering me one, but my stomach was in knots so I declined. “No thanks,” I said.

  “More for me,” she said with a shrug. I looked at my phone even though it hadn’t made a sound, just to be sure I hadn’t missed something in the last few seconds since I sent my text.

  “Have you seen Riley?” I asked, trying not to sound nervous.

  “No. Ugh! I have to get to History,” she said between crunches. “I have to retake a quiz I failed miserably.”

  “K, see you in a bit.”

  I couldn’t concentrate. The empty seat next to me in chemistry was a source of anxiety. I tuned out Mrs. Moore and picked up my pencil to draw, but dropped it because my hands were shaking. Something was wrong and sitting at school was a waste of time. As soon as class was over I rushed to the double doors and out of the building. I’d have to explain why I skipped classes when my dad found out, but I’d worry about that later. Right now, I needed to find out where Riley was.

  Chapter 21

  I gripped my steering wheel as I sat in front of his house. I was having a mental debate about going up to the door or driving away and the door was winning. I opened my car door and stood up, but I didn’t have to go any further. His dad came outside to check the mail. He glanced at me curiously.

  “You’re Riley’s friend,” he stated.

  “Yes, Sir. Is he home?” I asked. He snorted at me in a humorless way.

  “No. He’s in California with his mother.” There was disgust dripping from his words.

  “Whe
n did he leave?” I was pushing back the hurt I was feeling just from knowing he was gone.

  “Earlier this morning. Don’t get too attached,” he said, leaving me with those cryptic last words. I got back in my car but I was too frozen to move. He had to be wrong. There was no way Riley would just leave and not tell me, but then again, what did I really know about him? I rubbed my face in frustration and punched my steering wheel a few times before taking a few breaths and counting to ten. Part of me wanted to march back up to his front door and tell his dad he was a miserable excuse for a father, but I started the engine and drove off. I didn’t want to go back to school so I went to work and figured I could kill some time there.

  “Don’t ask,” I said when Max squinted at me from where she sat. “I just...I can’t deal with all of that today and I didn’t know where else to go.” Max stood up and rushed over to where I was pacing.

  “Tell me,” she said as she guided me over to one of the sofas. Her touch was light as a feather and I didn’t get much off of it. “Is it that boy?” she asked.

  “Yes, but not how you think. His dad is messed up.” She dramatically sighed and shook her head.

  “Messed up how?” she asked.

  “They fight. Physically fight and he’s gone and I’m worried about him.”

  “Don’t worry too much. It sounds like he has some problems to solve and he knows how to find you when he needs you...and trust me- he will need you.”

  I thanked her and drove home, fighting the urge to check my phone at every red light. Once I was in the house I called Gwen.

  “Am I ridiculous to think his dad may have done something awful to him and he’s lying about being in California?”

  “Hello to you too, Jane. Mind telling me what the hell you’re talking about?”

  “Can you come over?”

  Gwen was at my house ten minutes later and she was listening from my bed as I paced and told her everything. I nibbled at my thumb nail as I waited for her thoughts.

  “So his dad sounds like a dick, but I’m sure he’s okay.”

  “What if he’s not?” Gwen picked up her phone and started texting someone. “Are you even listening?” I complained. She looked up from her phone and rolled her eyes at me.

  “I’m texting Kevin from Lacrosse. He might know something and look...he’s texting back.”

  “What does it say?” I asked anxiously.

  “It says he called him and told him he’d be out for a while. Family problems.” I thought about this for a moment.

  “Did he actually call him? Did he hear his voice?” Gwen was already typing the question as I said it.

  “Yes, and now Kevin also thinks I have a thing for Riley.”

  “He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t just leave and not say something.” Gwen put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sure he has a good reason. Just give it a little time.”

  A little time turned into a couple of weeks with no word. I stopped trying to call and text him, but I would still check my phone out of habit. It was hard not to be angry and worried at the same time. It would have been just as easy to call me as it was to call Kevin, but an even worse realization occurred to me. Maybe I was never really that important to him.

  “He better not show his face here again because I will personally feed him his own ass,” Gwen said as we sipped hot mochas in Sacred Grounds.

  “That was very poetic, but why are you bringing him up?” I used the sleeves of my oversized sweater to cover my hands as I brought my cup to my mouth.

  “He broke you. You have been in a funk since that asshole left.” Gwen hadn’t hid the fact that she was leaning toward my last conclusion.

  “He didn’t break me,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I’m just...really disappointed.”

  “Gasp! Such strong language!” she mocked. I glared at her and sipped from my cup.

  “I should get back to work,” I said, noticing a small rush that was lined up at the register. I put my apron back on and got behind the counter to help Zane with the orders. I was thankful that the shop had been a little busier with the colder weather. I didn’t have a ton of time to think and that was good for me. I didn’t like where my thoughts took me.

  I was exhausted when my shift ended. My dad was half asleep on the couch when I got home, but sat up when he heard me walk in. “Hey Janey, you hungry? I saved you some pasta in the oven,” he said as he ran a hand through his hair.

  “I’m okay. I had a sandwich at work. Take it for lunch tomorrow. I’m exhausted. Goodnight.” I ran up the stairs and groaned when I saw my backpack on the bed. I had an english paper that needed editing so I got myself comfortable then crawled into bed with my laptop and notes. I was immersed in my paper until I heard my phone vibrate on the side table, but I managed to knock all of my notes off of my bed when I reached over to grab it. Sighing in frustration, I thew my covers back and got out of bed to pick them up. Some had fluttered under my bed and that’s when I found my sketch book. The same one that had the quote about being kissed. The same one I threw under the bed as I cried when I realized he was probably gone for good. It was impossible to control the urge to open up to that page. Seeing this little bit of him, his writing, was all it took to make tears spill from my eyes.

  I woke up, startled by the sun spilling into my room. I had stayed up a lot later than intended, but managed to calm down and finish the work I had to do. I glanced at my phone to see the time, but gasped and dropped it when I saw the text I had missed the night before.

  I understand if you hate me, but I need to talk.

  Every emotion imaginable hit me at once. Relief because he was okay, curiosity at what he could want to talk about, but the emotion the resonated the most was anger. Ager with a fresh wash of heartache. I looked at the text again, half expecting it to jump at me and debated on if I should respond or not. I knew if I replied in that moment that I would probably say something I couldn’t take back.

  I closed my eyes tight and took a deep breath before opening my side table and putting my phone in there and out of sight. I left it there for the day, not taking it with me to school, but I did tell Gwen about the text to see what her advice was.

  “Shit. Find out where he is so we can kick his ass.” She said exactly what I had expected her to say.

  “I don’t want to kick his ass. I wonder if he’ll come back to school.”

  “Well,” she said a she stuffed a few peanut butter pretzels into her mouth, “only one way to find out.”

  “No. Nope. I’m not going to respond. He knows exactly where I am. If it’s important he’ll find me.”

  “Damn. You’re serious, aren’t you?” she asked, holding off on taking another bite.

  “I have to be. I’m just a tiny fraction back to my normal reclusive self and he could totally set me back.” I leaned back in my chair and looked up at the creepy classroom ceiling tiles. “I didn’t know it was possible to hurt so much from someone I hardly know.” Gwen just shook her head. Neither of us had much to say after that.

  Chapter 22

  Riley’s face and his text message haunted me for days. I was so tempted to take the bait, but I did anything and everything to distract myself. The hurt I had been feeling was worse than any of the feels I picked up from even the worst people, and I wanted to avoid making it any worse. Even so, every part of me wanted to speak to him.

  Gwen kept me busy by a new activity we had recently come up with. I had to accidentally brush up against or bump into someone at least twice a day and journal about it. We made up a scale for my discomfort and I was supposed to try and mentally calculate how long the exposure was. We had actually collected a good bit of data but decided it was all similar. Mildly uncomfortable and all contact was under two or three seconds. We decided to up the game a little and try it in public, like a crowded concert or at a movie theater. We went off school grounds for lunch and I bumped into a person at the cash register as we ordered our food. I
could remember a time when this would ruin me for the entire day. Today it felt like a mild chill that passed before I could worry too much about it.

  “Too bad we can’t enter this in the science fair,” she said as she went down a check list we had for each exposure. “Nausea?”

  “Nope.”

  “Light headed?”

  “Nope.”

  “Okay, then. Seems like this might be working. We should try something new. Maybe shake hands or hug someone? Something that will take longer than a few seconds.”

  I automatically thought back to the college visit and cringed. “Maybe, but what good excuse would I have to start hugging random people?” I asked as we looked around our school campus. We had been eating outside and making our notes.

  “Maybe you could start with me,” a voice said from above me and when I heard it I froze. I couldn’t breathe or move and I knew if I looked up and saw him I would lose it. I gripped my back pack and willed my legs to stand up so I could run, but Gwen was faster than me.

  “You should leave,” she said to Riley with a fierce warning in her voice. I kept my eyes on my shoes and the grass. It would be all over if I saw his face.

  “I just need to explain,” he said, ignoring Gwen’s warning.

  “Go, Riley,” she said again, but he ignored her again.

  “You don’t ever have to talk to me again, but please let me make you understand what happened. Let me explain,” he pleaded.

  I took a few breaths and tried to calm my heart that was beating out of control. I squeezed my eyes shut to try and stop the tears that were threatening them.

  “Explain what? Why you didn’t contact me? Why you just left?” I blurted out a lot louder than I had meant to. The grassy area we were sitting in went silent.

  “Can we talk in private?” he asked.

  “No. Nothing you have to say could possibly excuse what you did.” I was still looking at my feet. I gathered up my courage and stood up to walk away, but he grabbed my elbow to stop me.