Our Italian Summer

by Jennifer Probst

  My next gondola ride was nice but different. I sat squeezed next to Mom, Nonni, Kai, Dan, and Hana. We took tons of pictures and an opera singer serenaded us as we coasted down the water in the bright sun of the afternoon. Ian floated nearby in another gondola, and we smiled at each other—our own ride a special secret kept between us even though I’d told Nonni. Mom asked a bunch of questions, but I kept it purposely light. I’d spilled so much to Nonni already in my excitement from the date, and I wanted to be more careful with Mom. I needed to convince her to let Ian visit next week after he finished with Assisi.

  The thought of saying goodbye in Siena was too much.

  The tour ended tomorrow. After spending the morning in Siena, we had a few hours to ourselves, and then a farewell party at a local family vineyard. In the morning, everyone would fly back home, and we’d be left with our pictures, memories, and a Facebook page to share.

  Enzo motioned for us to follow, and I shook off my thoughts. We stopped at the edge of the Piazza del Campo, a simple square surrounded by buildings and offset by a clock tower. “This is the piazza where the famous Palio horse race is run. It happens twice in the summer months—once in July and once in August. Seventeen contrade—city neighborhoods—compete for the prize.”

  “Money?” Dan asked.

  Enzo shook his head. “More important than money. A painted banner bearing the image of the Virgin Mother. This banner is the pride and joy of the city and is fought over bitterly by all the contrade. The winner must ride his horse three times around the square.”

  “Doesn’t seem too difficult,” Dana shouted out.

  Enzo laughed. “Oh, signora, it is most difficult. There are no rules, so it is quite dangerous. Many jockeys have gotten hurt. Horses have died. Blood has been shed. It is widely known that jockeys can be kidnapped, bribed, or blackmailed to either win or lose. We do not take this race lightly.”

  I looked at the simple square and shivered. There was so much violence hidden underneath civilized society. Sure, I knew bad things happened. I struggled with my own crap. But I’d been mostly protected. The world was a much bigger place than I thought, because I chose ignorance.

  It was easier, wasn’t it? Pretending nothing affected me or I had no hope to change things. I thought of the conversations I’d had with Ian about his dream to help people and animals. To be a gentle ear and make a difference here. He had a bigger purpose and wasn’t afraid of the work.

  Maybe it was time I did the same.

  “I’ll bring you to the cathedral and you may climb the steps to see a beautiful view of the city. Then I’ll give you some time to explore on your own, grab lunch, and we will head to the hotel for our final night. Dinner is at a family vineyard, where we shall celebrate the end of a perfect trip, no?”

  Groans rumbled from everyone, and an excited buzz of chatter rose in the air. People had bonded over the last few weeks. Relationships had formed from not only witnessing great moments of history, but being together through all the boring details of travel. Bus trips, gas station stops, restroom requests. Long lines and long walks in stifling heat. Lost items, including Cherry’s passport, which had thankfully been found. And many questions all posed to Enzo, which he’d answered happily, seeming never to get pissed off.

  He was definitely cool. And there was something else I’d begun to notice, even though I wondered if I was acting crazy.

  He seemed to be into Mom.

  If I hadn’t been studying him, I would have missed it. But we were on the bus, and everyone was occupied. Nonni slept beside me. I’d been bored and just focused on watching Enzo in the front seat as he talked to the driver, but then he’d swiveled around and seemed to look directly at my mom.

  It wasn’t a normal glance, like he’d give to one of his tour members. It was the look of a guy hot for someone, with intense eyes and a crazed focus that took my breath. Since Mom was in front of me, I didn’t know if she was looking back at him or sleeping, but then he gave this small smile, like he knew a secret that made him happy, and that’s when I knew something could be going on.

  After that, I watched them carefully. The past two days definitely showed signs. They tried to make excuses to be near each other. He always came to talk after dinner or before we went to our rooms. Mom had even mentioned she was going out briefly to grab something to eat—she had the munchies—and I wondered if they were meeting up secretly.

  Had it been going on long? Or was it a new thing that had just happened? And did it matter? The tour was done. We’d be heading to Tuscany and then home. She wouldn’t be able to see him even if she wanted to.

  Just like Ian and me.

  On cue, he fell into step beside me. “Hey.”

  I smiled. “Hey. Are you excited to see the cathedral?”

  “Yes, are you up for the climb so we can check out the view?”

  “Of course.” We spoke casually, but the connection between us burned so bright, I wondered if everyone knew we’d kind of hooked up. His parents definitely did—Rosemary always smiled at me with a hope in her eyes that I hadn’t understood.

  Now I did. She hadn’t wanted him to be a priest. Was she thinking I could change his mind? That we’d fall for each other and he’d decide not to go through with it?

  I hated the excitement that curled in my belly at the idea. I needed to respect his decision. A few kisses and one date in Venice didn’t make a relationship.

  Cool down, girl.

  “I can’t believe this is the last church we’re going to see,” I murmured, staring up at the soaring Gothic cathedral. The front was flat-faced, gleaming white, with perfect pointy spikes stabbing into the air. Intricate carvings along the exterior led up to the angel spires sitting atop a gleaming mural of the Virgin Mary bowing before Jesus. Angels gathered around them, some blowing what looked to be trumpets.

  Ian pointed up toward it. “Gorgeous. That’s the Coronation of the Virgin, painted by Sano di Pietro. I can’t wait to go inside and see the dome.”

  Excitement threaded his voice. We walked up the steps. Three main doors were flung open to welcome sinners. I was getting better at discerning different architecture, appreciating each church’s individual flavor. Some were more intimate and simpler, and others dripped with treasures, as if to tempt onlookers to come visit. My eyes took a few seconds to adjust to the dark, cool interior.

  I gave a tiny gasp. It was like walking into a palace, from the soaring ceiling and black-and-white-striped pillars to the wide aisle leading up to the magnificent altar. The marble floors were adorned with stunning, detailed mosaics in vivid patterns and colors. I looked up, and rows of busts stared down at me, stoic men who I figured were religious leaders. Statues of angels, heavy gold sculptures, and lots of stained glass dazzled my vision. As I tilted my head farther back, the ceiling mirrored a reflection of gold stars bursting from a brilliant blue background. I didn’t know what to study first amid the lavish treasures, but my gaze went straight to Ian.

  Joy broke over his face. He stared at the cathedral with a deep hunger that seemed to shimmer from the very depths of his being. Immediately, he bowed his head, his lips whispering in what I deemed a prayer, and my heart squeezed hard in my chest.

  With a smile curving his lips, he moved quietly ahead, lost in his own spiritual world I couldn’t share. I stood still at the rear of the church and watched him pause at each of the chapels to make the sign of the cross. He moved farther toward the altar, and I took a few steps back, and in that moment I realized the true distance between us that could never be breached.

  He’d never be mine.

  I know I was only eighteen, and it wasn’t like I was looking for happy ever after or anything stupid like that. But it was nice to pretend and dream we could have something big together. Being in the cathedral only reminded me his heart already belonged to God.

  Mom drifted over, laying a casual h
and on my shoulder. “It’s magnificent, isn’t it?” she whispered.

  I ground my teeth together as helpless tears sprung into my eyes. Then gave a jerky nod, keeping my face turned away.

  I figured she’d leave me alone when I didn’t answer, but I felt her gaze on me, probing. “Honey? Is something wrong?”

  Ah, crap, I couldn’t do this right now. For the first time, I wished her cell phone would ring so I could have a few minutes to get myself together. I forced myself to talk. “No, I guess it’s just a little overwhelming. It’s our last church and it’s like they saved the best for last.”

  She squeezed my shoulder. “Yeah, you’re right. Bittersweet. I’m just glad the trip is ending on a high note. And I’m sorry, sweetheart. Truly sorry.”

  I cranked my head around, curious. “About what?”

  Shadows flickered in her eyes. “A lot. Mainly shoving you to the side for work the first week. It was wrong.”

  She’d apologized in the past. This was nothing new, but it was the way she looked at me when she uttered the words, making eye contact in a way that communicated honest regret I’d never glimpsed before. It didn’t mean she wouldn’t dump me again for work, but I realized she was finally being real with me. This time, she wanted to change.

  Was it enough?

  For now.

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  She nodded and we stood in silence for a while, drinking in our surroundings. “Ian seems very comfortable. You mentioned in the Vatican he was religious, huh?”

  I let the admission tumble right out. “He’s going to be a priest.”

  She let out a wild cough, and people nearby turned to give her a glare for breaking the hushed silence. “What?” she hissed, leaning close to my ear. “Did you say a priest?”

  I almost laughed at her absolute shock. I half figured Nonni had spilled the beans, but I guess not. “Yep. He leaves for the seminary after this trip. It’s a long process—he gets another degree before he has to take his vows, so it’s not an overnight thing.”

  “Oh my God!” She covered her mouth with her hand like she’d cursed. “I mean, holy crap! Sorry. I’m just surprised. I thought there was something going on between the two of you.”

  I ignored my aching heart and shrugged. “Just friends. He’s going to Assisi tomorrow for two days. I wondered if he can come visit us? It’s only an hour away and he has a rental car. I know we have plenty of room, and it would be fun to hang out before we all return home. What do you think?”

  She touched her fingers to her temples as if trying to figure out what to say. Guess I really blew her mind with my announcement. Especially since Mom wasn’t the religious type or too approving of standardized religion, no matter how much Nonni tried to bully her back into taking me to church or Bible school.

  “Um, I guess. If you want him to stay, we have plenty of room. But just for a day or two, okay? I want us to spend some time together.”

  “Sure.” I’d been excited and nervous about Ian coming, but now, seeing him so peaceful in the cathedral, I began to wonder if I’d made a mistake. I craved more time with him. But was it just dragging out the inevitable and making things worse for when he finally left?

  Mom began twisting her fingers in her trademark nervous gesture. “I wanted to tell you something at dinner tonight.”

  My hackles rose. “You need to work on a project the rest of the week?”

  “No! Oh, no, honey, I told you, I’m not working for the rest of the trip. It’s just something I wanted to mention, but now’s not the time. Do you want to check out the Duomo and climb the staircase? I’m going to stay here with Nonni. Take a picture for me.”

  She was sure acting weird, but it was probably something lame she thought was important. I floated around, checking out the rest of the chapels, and Ian drifted over. “Ready for the view?” he asked. “Mom and Dad are passing on this one.”

  “Mom and Nonni too. Which is kind of embarrassing.”

  “Why?”

  I motioned over to Mary and Ray, who were already heading up the steps with enthusiasm. He grinned. “Good, I’ll have something to tease the parents about now.”

  We climbed the spiral staircase, pausing to admire the amazing up-close detail of the rose windows and stained glass. Staring down at the grand marble pulpit made me a bit dizzy—all that gorgeous artwork was almost too much to take in at once.

  I had officially gone into an art coma.

  Finally, we reached open air and gazed over the spectacular view of Siena. Red-tiled rooftops mixed with dusty brick and terra cotta, a grand jigsaw puzzle with sharp-angled pieces of buildings jamming into one another and creating a picture-perfect scene from above. I heard Ian catch his breath, and I stood still, savoring the spill of colors and textures and an ancient medieval city’s secrets.

  Low murmurs from the others rose in the air. People wandered and snapped pictures. Ian and I didn’t move. Our shoulders were pressed together, the sun warming our naked arms and legs and faces, the scent of him drifting in the hot breeze—freshly washed cotton and clean soap—and the moment was imprinted forever on my memory.

  “I could stay here all day,” he said quietly. His fingers brushed mine. “When I see the world unveiled like this, it makes me wonder how anyone can not believe in God.”

  “You’re not an evolutionary type of guy, huh?” I teased.

  He laughed and bumped my shoulder. “Guess not.” He paused, then turned to look at me. “I don’t want this to be it.”

  My heart pounded. “What do you mean?”

  “I know I mentioned visiting you later this week. Do you still want me to come?”

  I swallowed. “Yeah, I do. Because I don’t want today to be it, either.”

  He nodded. “Did you ask your mom?”

  “I just did. She said it’s cool. There’s a ton of rooms, so you can spend the night. We have the place for six days—she said you can come for two.”

  “Of course. I’m just glad I can see you again.”

  The lump in my throat grew bigger. “Ian?”

  “Yeah?”

  “We’re just friends, right?”

  His jaw tightened. I watched a mass of emotions flicker over his face before it finally cleared. “We are friends, Allegra. But for me, it’s more. I hope that’s okay.”

  My breath eased. And suddenly, everything righted itself. I’d needed to know I wasn’t the only one.

  I needed to know as much as he loved God, he kind of loved me too.

  A smile broke from my lips. “It’s more than okay.”

  He smiled back. We took a few more minutes appreciating the view, then took a selfie of the two of us, with the sprawl of Siena as background. I snapped a few more for Mom, and then we headed back down the stairs.

  I was looking forward to the next chapter in our adventure here.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Francesca

  The farewell party took place on the grounds of a family-run vineyard. A large wooden table was set up under a covered alcove, with miles of twisted vines and green landscape in the background. Tiny lights were strung up to cut through the growing darkness. A small band played lively Italian and American songs, and we danced and drank and celebrated the final night of our tour. Multiple courses were served family style, all fresh from the gardens and local farms. Bottles of wine lined the table, and most were now empty.

  The evening seemed to unfold like a misty dream. Enzo, Dana, and Cherry gave long, emotional speeches, causing some tears. How had three weeks flown by so fast? Even more important—why did I feel different? Was it finally getting away from my constricted world I’d created, or was it Enzo?

  My gaze sought him out at the end of the table, flanked by Dana and Steve. As if he sensed my attention, he lifted his head and lasered right in on me. His eyes crinkled at the corners
and his lips lifted in a smile meant just for me.

  I couldn’t stop thinking of our night together. The natural way we came together in the dark, clothes shed, secrets exposed, mouth on mouth and his fingers over my naked skin. My nails digging into his shoulders as he surged deeply inside me. His lips swallowing my cries. The sheen of sweat and the scent of sex on the sheets.

  I’d coveted every precious second, falling into him with an ease that shocked me. I rarely took a man to bed, and over the years, Allegra had never met a man in my life.

  Because there’d been none.

  Did Enzo think I was pathetic? The lonely workaholic spinster who desperately needed an outlet? Had he been lying when he said I was the only one and that he’d never taken a risk like this before? Were all those late-night confessions uttered in my bed truth or lies?

  When he said I was different.

  When he said he’d been falling in love with me.

  I ducked my head and tried to quiet the mean internal voices that sought to wreck my happiness. No, I wouldn’t allow myself to doubt. I wanted to be stronger and braver than that. God knows, I’d been hiding my head in the sand for too many years already, pretending I already had it all and needed nothing else.

  Now I knew I was wrong. In my quest for control, I’d cut out physical intimacy. Emotional need. Vulnerability. Being with Enzo made it easier to face the truth.

  I heard Allegra laugh and watched as she spun happily around with Ian on the makeshift dance floor. I didn’t care what she’d denied today—I knew there was more between them than friendship. But a priest? Lord, what a mess. Were Patrick and Rosemary actually supportive of his decision? I couldn’t imagine accepting that Allegra would never get married or have children because she wanted to dedicate her life to God. It seemed like something that happened in the Dark Ages, but then again, what did I know? Other than Mom forcing me into church on Sundays and getting my sacraments, the moment I was confirmed I refused to go.