Our Italian Summer

by Jennifer Probst

  He was four years older, but that was a big stretch since Allegra was only eighteen. He’d graduated college, and she was still in high school because she’d been held back a year before entering kindergarten.

  Was my daughter playing a dangerous game that would break her heart? Or was I overreacting?

  The endless questions whirled through my mind. I had to tell them tonight that Enzo would be joining us in Tuscany for a few days. Like Ian. Worry gnawed at my nerves. Would Allegra get upset and feel like I was ignoring her again? Choosing a man over her? And if she did get upset, was I strong enough to tell him no to please my daughter and keep healing our fragile relationship?

  Mom dropped into the chair beside me. “Frannie, why aren’t you out there? It’s a free-for-all!”

  I laughed. “I’m more into watching than dancing tonight. You and Allegra made up for my laziness.”

  She gave a long sigh. “I can’t believe the tour is over. I’m looking forward to Tuscany, but this means we only have a week left. I don’t want to go home.” She shook her head and waved her hand in the air. “Oh, I’m sure you’re dying to go back. Dig into your ad campaigns and return to your routine. But me? This was the highlight of my year. Or years, if I’m lucky.”

  Normally, I’d agree. I avoided travel because it was easier to keep all the balls in the air if I didn’t stray, but when I thought of returning home, no excitement or anticipation reared up. I shook off the strange thought. “Mom, you have a good twenty years left in that body of yours,” I teased. “I can’t believe you kept up so well.”

  I caught a glint of grief in her dark eyes, but it passed so quickly I figured I’d imagined it. “We have no control over when God takes us,” she recited.

  “Speaking of which, did you know Ian’s going to be a priest?”

  Her guilty expression gave her away. “Well, yes. I was hoping Allegra would tell you herself.”

  “She did today, in the cathedral. I kind of freaked out.”

  “I think it’s nice. The church is desperate for priests, and Ian seems very down-to-earth. He still has a long road ahead of him, but he’s been wanting this since he was young.”

  I cut her a look. “She’s still telling you all her secrets, huh?” I asked. But this time, my remark had no sting.

  Mom patted my hand and smiled. “And she’ll do the same with you. You just need to rebuild some trust. That’s why spending real quality time together is important.”

  “Did you know she wants Ian to visit us too?” I laughed when I saw her look guilty. “Busted. Well, I told her he could—just for a few days. Do you mind?”

  “No. They like each other. At least she’s learned how a nice boy treats her. When she gets back home, maybe she won’t take any guff from the weed smoker.”

  “I like your feistiness, Mom,” I said with a chuckle. Should I tell her about Enzo? Everyone was involved in their own conversations or dancing, and it was the perfect time. I cleared my throat. “Actually, I was thinking since Ian was coming, maybe we can have another visitor.”

  “Oh really? Who?”

  “Enzo.” My voice squeaked a bit. “Funny thing, he actually lives in Lucca, which is close to our villa. We were chatting, and I mentioned where we rented, and he said he could stop by and show us around a bit. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

  My explanation sounded solid. Casual. I figured she’d say she was thrilled and wave off the whole thing. Instead, her brows slammed into a frown and she leaned closer to me. “I didn’t realize you two had struck up a friendship,” she said, her gaze shredding mine.

  My mouth went dry. I shifted in my seat. “We didn’t. I mean, we kind of did, but I figured it was such a coincidence, it’d be silly not to offer.”

  “So, did you ask him to come over? Or vice versa?”

  My palms sweat. “I don’t remember. Why is that important? Why are you grilling me like I’m sixteen?”

  She sat back and, unbelievably, began to giggle. “I’m sorry, honey, I just couldn’t resist teasing you a bit. You look so uncomfortable! I know.”

  “Know what?”

  “I know the two of you are together. I left my room to get some ice and saw you in the hallway.”

  Oh. My. God. The idea that my mother had watched our passionate kiss unraveled me. I groaned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Why should I? You have a right to your privacy. I just got silly tonight. Too much wine, and when you mentioned he’d be stopping by, I couldn’t resist.”

  I relaxed. “Wait till you start seeing someone, Mom. I’ll get my revenge.”

  “Well, I did meet a very nice man in St. Mark’s Square that night. He gave me his email address.”

  My mouth dropped open. “Good for you! Give me all the details.”

  “Later. For now, I just want to know something important. Does he make you happy?”

  The question startled me, but my answer came from deep down. “Yeah. When I’m with him, I’m very happy. But it’s a mess. I’m leaving; he lives in Italy; there’s no way anything can work.”

  “You have a week left. Enjoy each other. Push the worry aside and live in the moment.” Her eyes darkened and she turned slightly away. “It all goes too fast,” she said faintly. “Love is fleeting sometimes, but even for the short time it’s here, everything can change.”

  The words stirred something inside me, but then Allegra bounced over and hugged me from behind. “Mom, you’re not dancing!”

  I stretched my hands over my head and held her tight. “I’m having too much fun watching you.”

  “Weren’t you the one who said onlookers don’t get the prize, you have to be brave enough to participate?”

  I twisted my head around so I could gaze at her beautiful, laughing face. “I said that?”

  “Someone did, and it fits. We might never see these people again. We should all at least dance together.”

  “I’m seeing you in Tuscany,” I pointed out.

  “Mom!”

  I savored the whine of my name on her tongue and stood up. When we first started the tour, she would have never danced with the others, but she seemed more open and happier now. “You’re right. No one should be sitting. We should be dancing.” On impulse, I raised my voice. “Gather around, everyone! It’s our final night and we all should show off our boogie skills!”

  A shout rose, and everyone flooded the floor. The band launched into some classic pop and I let myself go, shimmying and moving with Dana and Cherry, with my mom and Allegra, and even with Ian and Kai. I caught Enzo leaning against the pillar on the side of the dance floor. I couldn’t help giving my hips an extra sway when his eyes darkened, the connection between us crackling with urgency. I was sharing a room with Allegra tonight, so there’d be no secret rendezvous.

  But he was coming to stay this week. I just had to make sure my daughter didn’t feel like I was ignoring her again. The groundwork we’d built during this trip was precious. I couldn’t screw it up.

  The music died down, and our family hosts flanked the exit to say goodbye. We filed back onto the bus for the final time to the hotel, a little sad, a little drunk, and a little emotional.

  We promised to say our farewells at breakfast in the morning and went up to our rooms. I gave a tiny shake of my head to Enzo, who acknowledged with a nod that we wouldn’t be seeing each other later.

  We settled in and got into our pj’s, and I plumped up the pillows against the headboard, leaning back. Better to clear it with her now instead of waiting until we arrived at the villa. “Can we talk about something?” I asked.

  She rolled her eyes. “Mom, go ahead and work. I’m fine.”

  “No, that’s not it. Remember how you asked if Ian can come visit you in Tuscany?”

  A tiny crease furrowed her brow. “Mom, he already planned it. Why do you have a problem with this no
w?”

  I blew out a frustrated breath. Having a conversation with her was still like walking through enemy territory, with bombs planted in various places. I never knew what would set her off. “Allegra, I’m not changing my mind, okay? But Enzo and I had a conversation, and I found out he lives in Lucca, which is right by our villa. I invited him to come visit. Maybe stay a night or two. I wanted to check if you felt weird about it, though, because if you do, I’ll cancel.”

  My heart ached at the idea of not being able to see him this week, but I had to begin choosing my daughter.

  Her shoulders relaxed. “Oh! Sure, why would I care if he comes and stays? That’s pretty cool he lives close. He can probably—” She stopped, squinting hard at me. “Wait. Mom, are you guys hooking up?”

  I tried not to laugh at the simple way teenagers viewed things. It would have been so much easier to engage in a fun hookup, then leave without a backward glance. Instead, he’d managed to crash through the wall I usually had around me, and now my heart was involved. “We’re very good friends,” I said firmly. “And we like each other a lot.”

  She gave a delighted giggle. “Deny all you want, Mom, but I know you hooked up! I suspected something going on between you—the way he stared when he didn’t think anyone was looking? Very romantic. Why would you think I’d be mad? I’ve been wanting you to date forever.”

  I blinked, stunned. “You have? I figured you didn’t want anyone to take me away from you.”

  She shook her head. “No, you don’t get it. You live at your office, or on your computer or your phone. You’re never here. Remember my tennis game at the finals? I made the game-winning point and looked for you, and you were gone because you had to take a call from work? God, I hate tennis! I only did it because you kept pushing me, and you didn’t care enough to even stay for the whole game?”

  Guilt assaulted me. I remembered well. I’d felt awful, especially when everyone watching congratulated my daughter on her amazing play, and she’d gazed at me with a bit of hate in her eyes. But it wasn’t hate. I knew that now. It was disappointment. “I’m sorry, honey. I do remember.”

  “That’s the kind of stuff I can’t handle. The way you treat people like they’re disposable.” Her voice came out soft, filled with layers of tension that had built over the years. I didn’t look away from her pain. I was the cause. It was time I dealt with it. “I used to dream that you’d find a cool guy to date and love and get married. We’d be a family. And he’d be able to do what I couldn’t.”

  My throat tightened. “What?”

  She shrugged, but I caught the stiffness of her shoulders, as if bracing for a war. “Make you happy.”

  I couldn’t stand it. A cry escaped my lips and I moved to the other bed, pulling her into my arms. The fresh smell of her shampoo filled my nose, and her thin, muscled body fit against mine, notched right by my heart. Tears stung my eyes and I uttered the words in her ear with a fierceness that burned from my soul. “Allegra, you make me happy every day. When I get up and see your face, I realize how beautiful this world is. You are imprinted into my soul. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I lost my way. I thought you needed plenty of time and space to grow, but instead, it just became easier to leave you alone than fight through. It’s not because I don’t care. I just made a mistake, and I want to fix it. It’s not too late if you give me another chance, and this time, I won’t break your trust. I swear to God, I won’t.”

  I hugged her harder, and she pressed her face against my shoulder and shuddered. She let me hold her for a long time, and when she finally pulled away, there was a kernel of hope glowing in her brown eyes. She swiped hard at her nose. “I know I’ve been a bitch too. It’s just hard. All of it. I get so mad at you, and it’s like I can’t do anything about it because you’re not here.”

  “I know. It’s going to change. We’re going to fight, probably a lot, but I won’t be disappearing. I realized over this tour, it became a habit to just ignore things because I was so afraid to argue. I need to get over that. I’m not perfect, Allegra. This motherhood thing doesn’t come with a manual, but I love you more than anything. And I still have a company to run and work that I love, but I won’t let it take over my entire world. I learned a few things in these past three weeks also.”

  She sniffed. “Me too. I think I have real feelings for Ian, Mom. I want to be all cool and pretend it’s no big deal that he’s going to leave forever, but I’m really sick inside. And I wish he didn’t have to be a priest. Isn’t that awful?”

  “No, it’s not. I don’t want Enzo to be a tour guide and live in Italy. Why did we have to fall for two men who are completely unobtainable?”

  Our eyes met and we began to laugh. Young love and old love. How could they be decades apart yet so similar in the raw emotions? So we used humor to avoid tears, and my daughter finally let me into her heart, and I savored every precious second, hoping this was the beginning of a new understanding between us.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Sophia

  The moment our villa came into sight, I let out a gasp of delight.

  It was just like I’d always dreamed. Casa nella Selva was situated at the top of the hill, overlooking the small town of Borgo a Mozzano. The three-story stone farmhouse was nestled in the valley, with the mighty Appenine Mountains shimmering in the distance. The simplicity of the décor inside contrasted with the stunning views afforded by the terrace and outdoor dining area. I’d done the research and learned it was previously a working chestnut farm and vineyard. I’d haggled with Frannie over which villa to pick, avoiding the too-modern or luxurious residences in favor of the traditional beauty Italy afforded.

  It was perfect.

  We parked the rental car and did the full tour, chattering and pointing out all the charming nooks and crannies and character the farmhouse provided. The kitchen reminded me of a place my parents would cook, with no fancy appliances and a sturdy pinewood table. Shutters were flung open to allow us to feast on the spectacular views of clustered farmhouses, twisted vines heavy with grapes, and tangles of plants and wildflowers bursting from every space. We each had our own bedroom, and there was room for two more upstairs in the loft, a cute open space with a double bed.

  After Allegra and Frannie claimed their rooms, we wandered outside to take stock. “Nonni!” Allegra yelled, racing to the outdoor makeshift kitchen. “They have a pizza oven!”

  I clapped my hands with excitement. “We can walk to the market and get our ingredients for dinner. I passed the herb garden too, did you see? Fresh rosemary, basil, sage—everything we need for cooking!”

  Frannie laughed. “It’s like you two spotted a designer shopping mall right here in Tuscany,” she teased.

  “This is better,” Allegra said solemnly, her eyes lit. “Chefs always say food tastes best with fresh ingredients and good energy. I bet these could be some of the most delicious meals I ever prepare.”

  Frannie’s face softened. “I bet they will. And I can’t wait to taste them.”

  I turned quickly, the stab of emotion cutting deep. She was really listening. There was no mockery about Allegra’s love for cooking, or distracted glances as she checked her phone. Gratitude flowed through me. We still had a week together. A week to cook and walk and talk. A week with my two girls before I headed home to face a diagnosis with no idea what to expect.

  Even now, the uncomfortable fullness and pressure in my stomach had become a consistent presence. It used to come now and then, but these past few days, I’d noticed bleeding. My body was getting tired. I’d pushed it all I could, but I planned on resting a lot and taking leisurely walks without a schedule or important destination. Maybe this beautiful landscape and fresh air would heal me better than anything else.

  And with our male guests heading here this week, if I needed to snatch time to lie down and rest, no one would notice.

  “What’s our plan for
the day?” Frannie asked, leaning against the stone terrace.

  “We can unpack and walk into town to investigate,” I suggested. “Get things to cook for dinner.”

  “I’m up for that,” Allegra said.

  “Agreed. I’ll take stock of what we need and we’ll start a list. Mom, make sure you wear your hat and your most comfortable shoes. Allegra, you started getting sloppy with your sunscreen—I see the freckles on your nose. Make sure you reapply.”

  “I don’t have freckles—and if you saw the latest news stuff, they said loading up on too much sunscreen isn’t good for you.”

  Frannie lifted her brow. “Oh, I guess skin cancer is, then?”

  Allegra rolled her eyes. “They’ve found some toxins in certain lotions, and if you’re caking it on all day, it’s just as bad for you as the sun.”

  “Well, I have the good sunscreen. I think it’s organic.”

  “They don’t make organic, Mom. You are so lying.”

  I watched them enter the house, still bickering. I couldn’t help but smile. It sounded so . . . normal.

  An hour later, we headed out on the walk. Gravel and dirt kicked up in our wake, but we took it slow and allowed the full magic of the Italian landscape to push us forward. We crossed over the famous stone Devil’s Bridge, which lifted us to dizzying heights as if we were perched on top of the world. Alpacas grazed and ran free in the fields, and we passed crumbling stone castles and fortresses brimming with mystery and secrets.

  “There’s a few things I’d like to see,” I said, pausing to sip some water. “The tour books said we must stop by Teatro dei Differenti and Casa Pascoli.”

  “What’s that?” Allegra asked.

  “One is a theater, and the other was the home of Giovanni Pascoli, a famous Italian poet. It’s a museum now. Oh, and of course, the cathedral.”