Zero Regret

by Autumn Jones Lake

  I send my glare his way, but he’s focused on Shadow.

  “Bring me hard proof they’re behind it and we’ll move,” I promise. I go in for the pity strings next. “I’ve known Sway since I was a teenager. Car-bombing their clubhouse will bring too much heat, but no one wants this fucker caught more than I do.”

  “Amen, brother,” several of the guys mutter and nod their heads at me.

  Crisis averted, I adjourn the meeting. Shadow storms out with Smoke right behind him. Rooster catches my eye and nods before leaving.

  I want to order Teller and Murphy to park their asses, but I don’t want to look like I’m holding separate meetings with the guys from my club. Not when things are still so precarious.

  Still, Teller’s smart enough not to wander far. I find him and Murphy in the hallway outside my room.

  “Look who it is. Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-pain-in-my-ass,” I greet as I open the door and shove push both of them inside.

  “Which one am I?” Teller snarks.

  “You’re definitely a pain in my ass.”

  Murphy snort-laughs and drops down on the edge of my bed.

  “Get your ass off my bed. I sleep there.”

  “Not like I’m gonna wipe my ballsack on your pillow. What’s your problem?” he bitches but moves to one of the chairs in the corner.

  “Why you two gotta feed into Shadow’s bullshit? We can’t afford to go to war with the Vipers. Not in the state this charter’s in.”

  Teller shrugs. “Will you be disappointed if I don’t have a better answer than keep your enemies close?”

  Murphy taps the side of his head like he’s about to Jedi-mind trick me. “Sometimes you win the war by subduing the enemy without fighting.”

  I stare at him for a second. “You’ve been living with Rock for too long.”

  Clearly accepting that as a compliment, he grins at me. “Seriously, Shadow knows I got no love for him. If I take his side against you, he’ll trust me more.”

  “Or know he’s being played.”

  “He ain’t that smart, bro,” Teller says. “Besides, he brought up some good points. Vipers are cowards. Trying to take out Sway the way it went down is right in their wheelhouse.”

  “I get that, but Rooster says Shadow’s been pushing to go after the Vipers since way before this. He’s using this as an excuse to call up support to take over Jersey territory.”

  “Ah, all right.” Teller frowns. “Talk to Rock about it, but I think Priest was pretty clear at National that he didn’t want any charter starting a war for territory they couldn’t finish without big losses or bringing the attention of law enforcement.”

  “Yeah, I got that vibe from Niner too. Even though National keeps riding our asses to grow membership.”

  “Growing membership and dominating more territory are two separate things.”

  “Thank you for the semantics lecture, professor Whelan.”

  Murphy’s still grinning at both of us. “Rock will be so proud of you, Z.”

  “Shut up, ginger.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a breath. “Shit, I don’t know how the fuck he’s put up with all of us for so long.”

  “Come on.” Teller snorts. “Our club’s not nearly as obnoxious.”

  Murphy wobbles his hand back and forth. “Debatable where you’re concerned.”

  Teller glances around the room. “You sweep this for bugs?”

  “Every night.”

  Satisfied the room’s clean, Teller continues. “I’m gonna sit down with Hustler and go over the books. Their reports are so sloppy, it made me twitch. I’ll see if I can get them set up better while I’m down here.”

  “Appreciate that.” I glance at Murphy. “I got a lead on a house right next to yours. Want to come look at it with me?”

  “No shit?” He smiles and stands. “Yeah, let’s go. Actually. I need to make a call. Meet you out front?”

  “You’re really moving Lilly down here?” Teller asks after Murphy leaves.

  “Yeah, I miss the shit out of her and Chance. Hate having such a long drive to see them.”

  “She can’t meet you halfway or something?” he asks with a little too much sarcastic jackass in his voice for me to let it slide.

  I press a hand against Teller’s chest, pushing him back a step. “Are we good here? I need to know I can trust you to watch out for Lilly when I’m not around.”

  His jaw flexes. “You can always trust me, brother. You trust her, though?”

  Shit. Been waitin’ for this moment.

  I swore I wouldn’t divulge the information Rock shared about his newly-discovered paternal relationship to Teller. It’s a promise I won’t break. I’m sure the news has been an emotional clusterfuck for Teller, something this move downstate hasn’t helped. While I’m sympathetic, I can’t afford to have him be a dick to Lilly.

  “Listen,” I say a lot calmer than I’m feeling, “I appreciate the concern, but whatever’s in our past is between her and me.”

  “Real talk, Z?”

  Apparently, my warning wasn’t clear enough.

  “This is as real as it gets, brother.” I spread my arms and motion for him to hit me with whatever he wants to say.

  “Known you a long time. Almost as long as Rock and Wrath.”

  “Yeah?”

  He shrugs and looks away. “I hate that she did that to you.” In a lower voice, he adds, “That’s a lot of time you missed with your son.”

  I should punch him for getting me choked up now. “I appreciate that more than you know.”

  “How can you accept that kind of betrayal so easily?”

  Have I accepted it? Accept probably isn’t the right word. It’s more like I don’t see the point in dwelling on things that can’t be changed.

  “She even tell you why?” he persists.

  No, she hasn’t. But that’s not Teller’s business.

  “All you need to know is she’s my old lady and she’s a good mother to my son.”

  That last part was a bit of a dick thing to say. Teller’s own mother was a neglectful bitch who left him in charge of his baby sister when he was only ten years old so she could whore around. Eventually, she abandoned both of them at their grandmother’s.

  He swallows hard and works his jaw from side to side. “Man, Alexa isn’t even my kid and I hated those couple months she was living up in Alaska. Think about all the things you missed with him. You’re really okay with her keeping Chance from you for more than two years?”

  Only his genuine concern about the situation stops me from punching him. “No, I’m not okay with it, but that’s our issue to work out. Not yours.”

  “A problem of my brother’s is a problem of mine…” He gives me a cheeky smirk to go with the familiar biker saying.

  I stare him down and speak slowly so my message sinks in this time. “My only problem this second is you’re not hearing me.”

  “I hear you.”

  I continue as if he hadn’t spoken. “I need you to help her feel comfortable and safe down here. There’s no one in this clubhouse I trust more than you and Murphy to look after her so please, I’m asking as your friend and your brother, don’t be a dick.”

  He drops the attitude but stares at me for a few seconds before speaking. “You got it.” He hesitates. “Wait, did she tell you I gave her a hard time?”

  “No, but I know how sensitive you are,” I say to throw him off.

  “Yeah, about as sensitive as a brick wall.” He laughs and shakes his head, then turns serious. “You stuck up for Charlotte from the jump. Even when Wrath kept questioning her loyalty, you had my back.”

  “So show me the same respect. That’s all I’m asking.”

  He shoves his hands in his pockets and nods. “You got it, brother.”

  “You two need more time alone?” Murphy asks, poking his head inside the room. “I thought we were meeting out front.”

  “Yeah, Teller and I needed to straighten out a few things.”
r />   “We’re good,” Teller assures me.

  I hope he’s right and this is the last time I have to defend my relationship. To any of my brothers.

  Chapter Eight

  Z

  Three bikers roaring into the gated community makes an impression. The poor rental agent pulls a face like she’s regretting her life choices when we pull up.

  I flash what Lilly says is a panty-dropping smile and the agent blushes. “I’ll open it up for you. Take your time.”

  Murphy and Teller watch her go with matching smirks.

  “What do you think?” I ask.

  Murphy nods to the house on the left. “It’s literally next door.”

  “I wasn’t kidding.”

  Teller and Murphy follow me up the driveway. We stop on the porch “You’re not mad I’ll be right next door checking up on you two?”

  “Fuck no.” Murphy answers. “Safer to have us close together.”

  Teller shakes his head. “I can’t believe I’m sharing a house with you two again. I have enough nightmares about you violating my baby sister as it is.”

  Murphy jerks his thumb at Teller. “He doesn’t want anyone to know all the kinky shit he lets Charlotte do to him,” he whispers loud enough for Teller to hear.

  Teller plants his hands on Murphy’s chest and shoves him. Laughing, Murphy stumbles backwards and flashes a grin.

  I yank them in closer to me and slap both of them on the back. “Fuck, I’m glad you two are here. Now, focus.”

  The house is enormous. Maybe a little much, but as president of downstate, temporary or not, I may have to entertain certain people. I’d rather do it here, in this gated McMansion neighborhood than at the clubhouse. I also want to be able to spend time with my family away from the club.

  Perfectly matte white walls everywhere. The kitchen could fit Lilly’s whole house. I can perfectly picture her blending up plenty of green smoothies for Chance in it every morning. The living room’s furnished and after running my gaze over the beige fabric couch and thick white carpet, I’d say there’s a good chance I won’t ever see my security deposit.

  Outside is the best part. A yard for the dogs to romp in. A semi-indoor pool. The patio surrounding is enclosed in brick and glass, but the ceiling rolls back with the push of a button to give an unobstructed view of the sky.

  “Gonna need to keep the kids out or teach them to swim,” Murphy points out.

  “Yeah, no kidding.”

  “It’s a real high-end area. I’m sure you can find someone to come to the house and give them swim lessons,” Teller says. He glances around and shrugs. “Might want to see if you can find a nanny for the kids.” He lifts his chin Murphy’s way, then mine. “You’re gonna need to have the girls with you for club events. Can’t ask Hope to drive all the way down here and watch ‘em.”

  Murphy runs his hand over his beard. “I don’t want some stranger around my kid.” He slides his gaze Teller’s way. “You think Carter will mind visiting?”

  Teller laughs. “I think he was looking forward to having my house to himself on the weekends.”

  “Murphy has a good point about not bringing in more strangers than necessary,” I say. “And I actually trust Carter. Chance loves him.”

  “Charlotte and I were talking about buying him a truck.” Teller shrugs. “Maybe that’s how I’ll sell it to him, so he doesn’t complain it’s charity.”

  “A nanny-mobile.” Murphy snickers into his hand.

  The agent’s been waiting outside, as if she’s afraid to be alone in the house with us. But she pops up now. “I can recommend a cleaning company for you and a nanny service if you need it.”

  I shrug and glance at Teller. “Perfect. Then Carter won’t have to play maid too.”

  Teller rolls his eyes. “This is my future-brother-in-law we’re talking about. I’m the only one allowed to exploit him.”

  “No exploitation necessary. I’ll pay him whatever the going nanny-rate is around here.”

  “You might want to work out his schedule with Rock. Carter’s been working in the shop a lot lately.”

  “All right.”

  “So, you’re gonna take the house?” Murphy asks.

  “Yup. Wanna get them moved down here as soon as possible.”

  Out front, Teller glances down the street. “I’m not thrilled about having so many neighbors, but at least it’s quiet.”

  Murphy clasps his hands behind his back and winks at the agent. “Not for long.”

  The next morning, I ask Murphy and Teller to stick around the clubhouse and keep an eye on things while I head to the hospital to visit Sway.

  Most of our out-of-town brothers have gone back to their charters. Can’t fault them. Everyone has their own problems and needed to get back to their own lives. They showed their respect and helped where they could. The rest is up to us.

  The number of brothers staying at the hospital around the clock has gone down, but Stitch, the prospect Priest left up here, is hanging out in Sway’s room, flipping through a magazine, when I walk in the door.

  He jumps up as soon as he sees me.

  “How’s it going, kid?” I ask.

  “Not too bad. Sway’s new nurse is so hot, I’m about to go code 143 on her.”

  I’m too old to decipher that, but Sway laughs, which is good to hear. “I knew you weren’t sticking around just to keep me company, you little shit.”

  Stitch shrugs. “You need me to get anything for you?”

  Sway gives him a list that should keep Stitch occupied for a fair amount of time. On his way out, I stop and hand him some cash for his shopping spree.

  “How’s it going, brother?” Sway asks.

  “Not bad. How you feeling today?”

  “I’m alive.”

  I huff out a laugh. “That’s promising. You up for a chat?”

  “Gee, let me think about it. My afternoon’s so busy.” He points to a chair. “Have a seat. Entertain me.”

  I hate bringing up club business when he’s supposed to be recovering but with Shadow pushing to go after the Vipers, I’m backed into a corner.

  “Was wondering when you were going to ask me for some advice on how to run a club.” The nerve damage only allows him to half-grin, and it makes him look even more evil than usual.

  “Not exactly advice.”

  “Gettin’ all your pointers from Rock?” He doesn’t say it in an angry way, more like he’s disappointed I picked old Dad over new Dad.

  “It’s not a contest, Sway. You gonna let me ask or not? I wanna get you while you’re still lucid.” Yeah, that was a dick comment, but he pissed me off. Besides, he can take it.

  He’s not insulted. “Shit, brother. I look forward to your visits. Everyone else whispers, fake smiles, and tiptoes around me. Or cries. Like I’m halfway to my grave.”

  “You did get shot in the head.”

  “And I’m still breathing, ain’t I?”

  “And running your mouth,” I add.

  He laughs and struggles to sit up. I stay in my seat because, half-dead or not, he’d probably jam the stubby pencil on his nightstand into my neck if I tried to help him.

  “All right. What’s on your mind?”

  “First, have any details of the night you were shot come back to you yet?”

  He goes completely still and closes his eyes for a few seconds before answering. “Nothing, brother. It’s all black.”

  “What’s the last thing you do remember?”

  “You think I didn’t go over this with the doctor, the cops, Priest, Steer, and everyone else?”

  “Humor me.”

  He closes his eyes again and sits back. “Talking to Tawny on the phone.”

  “So, you have talked to her. People say she’s been missing for a while.”

  “She’s not missing. At least, she wasn’t.”

  As far as I know, she still hasn’t been by to see Sway. I need to find Janice later and ask if she’s heard from her mother. “What does
that mean?”

  He gestures to the bandage engulfing half his skull. “I’ve been preoccupied.”

  “But you talked to her? That night?”

  “We talked.” He shifts his gaze away. “Or fought. I can’t remember.”

  “Don’t get mad, but is there any chance she shot you?”

  His face darkens. Whatever their issues are, Sway’s protective of Tawny. Always has been. Or maybe he feels guilty for all the times he’s cheated on her. “You drop that line of thinking right now, Z. I’m not fucking around. Breathe a word of that to anyone, and I’ll fucking kill you.”

  “Easy. This conversation is between you and me. But I need you to be honest. And I need you to seriously consider the question. Is it possible?”

  This time, he seems to really weigh the odds of his wife of over twenty years pulling the trigger. “Nah, Tawny woulda shot me in the dick for sure. She always said that’s where my brains were, anyway.”

  “Can’t blame her there, brother.”

  We both have a laugh, which helps to smooth over the awkwardness of accusing his wife of trying to murder him.

  I shift forward, indicating the first uncomfortable part of our conversation is over with. Not that this next part will be any easier. “All right. Club business talk. Have you had any indication Vipers have been moving in on your territory?”

  His eyes turn cold. “Who said that? Shadow? He trying to stir that bullshit up again while I’m down?”

  “Is that a no?”

  “I don’t know. He never brought me enough proof. After National, I wasn’t about to start trouble anywhere without a damn good reason. I wanted off Priest’s radar.”

  “And now you’re on it.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  I can’t get the conversation I had with Rock out of my head. “Anyone you can think of who’d want to make a play for your patch?”

  He stares at me too long for my liking.

  “I can think of one or two people who might benefit.”

  I meet his gaze head-on, daring him to say it out loud.

  “But I just can’t see it,” he finally finishes.