Zero Regret

by Autumn Jones Lake

Sway trusting me is a relief. Although, it still leaves me looking for the shooter too close to home.

  “Was Shadow pissed Priest put me in charge?”

  “He hasn’t said so, but how would you feel?”

  Not too good. Which is why I’ve been firm but cautious with Sway’s crew. Taking over downstate has been all sorts of tricky.

  “Is there any chance he shot you?”

  It’s a rough question. Sway helped Shadow patch-in to the club. Promoted him to Vice President. They’ve worked side-by-side for a long time. But one thing I’ve learned over the years is that power and greed can corrupt even the best of relationships.

  “Before National, I would’ve said no. But the trouble he got into down there and the way he handled himself…” He looks me straight in the eye. “I honestly don’t know.”

  Chapter Nine

  Lilly

  “You’re sure you don’t mind?” I ask Z for the third time.

  “Is it how I want to spend my evening with you? Not really, but fuck knows I ask you to spend an awful lot of time with my friends and family.”

  Not exactly reassuring. “Ted’s leaving tomorrow morning.”

  “So, you said.”

  “Z.”

  “Lilly, it’s fine. You sure Alex doesn’t mind watching Chance?”

  “No, we talked. Sorted some things out.”

  “Tell me about it later? I need to run.”

  “Sure.”

  I’ve barely said goodbye before the phone rings again. It’s Mara, and eager to find out what she knows about the subpoena I received, I scoop up the phone.

  “Hey.”

  “Good news!” she practically shouts into the phone.

  “Thank God. Tell me.”

  “Damon got the subpoena quashed.”

  “Oh, thank God! That’s great. Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me yet. He had it thrown out on a technicality. They’re supposed to get you to sign something for that kind of subpoena. So, there’s a good possibility they’re going to try and serve you again.”

  “Fuck.”

  “You have somewhere you can hide out? That sexy beast of a man of yours lives in a pretty remote area.”

  Unsure of how much I can tell my friend about Z taking over the downstate charter, I choose my words carefully. “Actually, he’s working a little farther south for a couple of months, but he rented a house for us. Chance and I are supposed to move in this week.”

  “Oh, that’s perfect! Where? No, wait, don’t tell me. Oh, I’m so happy for you guys!” she gushes like an enthusiastic teenager.

  Her excitement brings a smile to my face. “I miss you, Mara.”

  “I miss you too, Lilly. When things settle down, let’s get together.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Okay, so don’t answer the door and beware of process servers hiding in the bushes. Call me if you get another subpoena or anything else hinky.”

  “Hinky, huh?”

  “What? It’s a word.”

  “I’ll talk to you soon, Mara.”

  How much longer before Z arrives?

  That’s a new feeling. I never thought I’d find myself waiting on any man. It’s hard to deny the butterflies dancing in my stomach and the way my mouth keeps tugging up at the corners at the thought of seeing Z again.

  “Mommy?” Chance calls. “See the ducks?”

  “Sure. You want to ride your tractor to the lake?”

  “Yes!” He raises his hands in the air like a miniature boxing champ and runs to the door. Laughing, I follow.

  A few hours later, my boots and jeans are splattered with mud. Chance is even filthier. Somehow, he managed to get mud in his hair.

  “Let’s head back so you can take a bath before we go to Uncle Alex’s.”

  “Don’t wanna.”

  “You want to go all gross and muddy?”

  He glances down at his shirt and shrugs.

  “Come on.” I hold out my hand and wiggle my fingers. After a brief hesitation, he presses the little accelerator on the tractor down and steers toward home.

  Z’s pulling into the driveway as we come around the side of the house.

  “Daddy!” Chance yelps and points.

  “He’s home.” That same excited fluttering starts up in my stomach again.

  In his eagerness to see his dad, Chance throws himself off the tractor, tripping and falling. He lands with a soft oof in the grass, but jumps up, brushes himself off, and runs. I can’t help it. The whole scene’s so funny, I end up standing there laughing.

  Z scoops Chance into his arms. “Missed you. Have you been good for your mom?”

  Too eager to tell Z about all the things he’s been up to, Chance barely answers the question. Z’s eyes lock with mine as he slowly makes his way over.

  “Missed you too, pretty girl,” he says, leaning in to give me a kiss.

  “Daddy!” Chance huffs. He squirms and wiggles for Z to set him down and then yanks him toward the house.

  “Hang on, Chance. Let’s put the tractor away. You’re not leaving it out for your mom to do.”

  Chance squints up at him and I have to hold in my laughter. “Otay.”

  After they secure the tractor in the shed, Chance captures Z’s hand again, dragging him up the front stairs. “Where were you?” he demands.

  Z chuckles as he opens the door. “Well, I had a meeting. And then I visited a friend in the hospital.”

  “Like Grandpa?”

  “Not quite.”

  Z looks at me and I shrug. It’s up to him how much he wants to tell his son.

  Chance doesn’t want to let Z out of his sight. Even insisting he help with bath time. I don’t think Z knows what to do with that.

  “I’m sorry,” he apologizes.

  “Why? I’m more than happy to hand over bath duties to you.” I pass him some towels, a bath bomb, some toys, and wish him luck.

  Singing and splashing noises follow me into the kitchen while I prepare a snack for Chance. Eventually they emerge—Z’s drenched, but wearing a proud grin and Chance wrapped in his favorite bear-shaped towel.

  “Hungry?”

  “Yes,” they both answer.

  While they sit down to eat, I hurry to grab an uninterrupted shower. Something I haven’t been able to do in years. Z and Chance should be fine together for a few minutes. Heck, I bet Chance falls asleep right after lunch.

  “You know I wanted to soap you up, right?” Z’s low, raspy voice startles me and I drop the bottle of conditioner in my hand, narrowly missing my foot.

  “Did he pass out?” I ask.

  “Practically in his plate. Was that your plan? To tire him out?”

  “That’s always my plan.”

  There’s a thud, followed by another a few seconds later. A clink and rustle of clothing. I peek my head out of the shower. “Joining me?”

  “He’s in his bed. Still dressed in the bear towel but out cold.”

  I chuckle and wait. My shower isn’t small, but Z definitely takes up a lot of room in it. “Where were you?” he asks.

  “About to condition my hair.”

  He motions for me to give him the bottle and I have to bend over to grab it.

  “Jesus, woman. What are you trying to do to me?”

  I hand over the bottle and he turns me around, pulling all of my hair into his big hands. “How much of this do I need to use?”

  “A lot. I have a lot of hair.”

  He tugs gently. “Don’t ever cut it.”

  “I thought about it when Chance was smaller because he was always pulling on it and I really didn’t have the time or inclination to worry about what I looked like.”

  “Hmm.”

  Without turning around, I can’t tell if it’s a sound of acknowledgment or if he’s annoyed I brought up a time he wasn’t a part of.

  “Will you tell me more?” he asks as he gently kneads his fingers into my scalp.

  “About?”

 
“When you were pregnant. What he was like as a baby.”

  Tears burn my eyes and I stick my face under the spray of the shower. “Anything you want to know. I have a ton of pictures…” I can’t finish the sentence, but I gesture wildly toward the living room.

  “Hey.” He sets his hands on my shoulder and turns me to face him. Except, I can’t face him, so I press my forehead to his wet, slippery chest instead.

  His chest rises and falls. He runs his hands up and down my back, offering comfort without saying a word.

  After a few minutes, he says in a low voice, “I put the deposit on the house this morning.”

  “Thank you.”

  He leans down and tips my head back. “Thank you.”

  “I mean for doing everything. Finding the place. Looking at it—”

  “It’s the least I could do when I’m asking you to uproot your life for the club.”

  “You’re not…I want…I want to be where you are.”

  He answers with a kiss, pressing his warm, soft lips against mine while the water pours down over us. Nothing more than a kiss and a little of his hands roaming.

  The water gradually cools and he reaches past me to shut it off.

  “I didn’t get to wash your hair,” I protest.

  His mouth kicks into a devilish smile. “I came in here to get dirty, not clean.”

  My gaze strays in the direction of Chance’s room and Z chuckles. “Parents still do that, right? I mean, otherwise everyone would be an only child.”

  I don’t have an answer other than to laugh.

  He steps out of the shower first and scoops me up.

  “We’re all slippery.” I dig my nails into his shoulder. “You’re going to drop me.”

  “You’ve always been hard to hold onto.” He sets me down on the counter. “But I’ve got you for good this time.”

  No point in searching for the double-meaning there.

  He steps back and reaches out to lock the bathroom door. “Just in case.”

  “What do you think is happening in here?”

  I’m kidding, of course. The answer’s written on his face. In the way his eyes blaze a trail over my body as he prowls closer. And if those things didn’t clue me in, his thick erection is a statement all its own.

  “I missed you.” He braces his hands on my knees, gently pushing them apart and stepping between them. “A lot.”

  “I’m all wet.”

  “Good.”

  No more talking. He traces a line up my leg with his fingers, stopping to settle his thumb in the crease of my thigh, then crushes his mouth against mine. I’m so caught up in his kiss, I gasp in surprise when he slips his arms under my knees, lifting and tilting me.

  “Hang on,” he rasps. “This’ll be quick and furious.” One corner of his mouth lifts. “And quiet.”

  I open my mouth with a sassy comeback. Something like, “I’ll do my best.” Instead, I end up moaning as he pushes against me.

  “Open,” he orders, lifting me higher.

  I wrap my arms around his neck, holding on tighter. “Oh.”

  “Shh,” he reminds me.

  “You feel so good,” I whisper. Good god, how did I survive the last couple days without him? Suddenly sex with Z is as necessary as air and water.

  He fucks with slow movements, leaning back to stare down at where we’re joined. His thumb finds my clit and he rubs in time with his thrusts.

  Delicious pleasure builds, everything inside me feels tight, urgent, ready to explode.

  Finally, I break, shattering like pieces of glass showering down around us. I’m panting with the effort of swallowing down my cries of ecstasy.

  “Fuuuck,” Z grits out in a low rasp. His eyes clench shut and he groans against my mouth. “My siren,” he whispers as his movements still. “You’re going to kill me.”

  “I love you too much to kill you.”

  His eyes open and he stares at me with lazy, loving, satisfaction, slowly kissing my cheek and forehead.

  “I think you made more noise than I did.”

  He chuckles as he pulls back. “Maybe.”

  Slowly, I release my stranglehold on him. He glances over his shoulder and swipes his hand over a spot on his back. Blood’s smeared on his fingers. “You ripped me open, Siren.”

  “I’m so sorry. You had me hanging on for dear life.”

  He swoops in and kisses my forehead. “Don’t be sorry. It’s hot.”

  After we both clean up again, Z follows me into my bedroom, watching me get dressed.

  “Are you planning to go to dinner in a towel tonight?”

  He glances down. “If you want me to strip, just say so, pretty girl.”

  “Oh, I’d have you walking around naked all day if I could. Only for me, though.” I wink at him.

  Z seems to glow from the compliment, something I find endearing. As soon as we’re both dressed, he pulls me into the living room.

  “Come here, I have something for you.”

  Still weak-kneed and wearing a love-drunk smile, I follow him. “You already gave me plenty.”

  His dimples are on full display. “I’ll give you that anytime you want.” He leans over, plucking his leather cut off the couch and pulls a small, flat white box out of an inside pocket. “This is something special I saw and thought of you.”

  “Oh.” My breath catches.

  Z’s always been thoughtful. Several times in the few years we’ve known each other, he’s surprised me with small things he knows I’ll like. This doesn’t feel small, though.

  It feels profound.

  I slip the lid off the box and gasp at the pendant nestled on a pad of black velvet. It’s more than a pendant. A solid white gold chain with a 3D mermaid suspended in the middle. The exquisite detail highlights her struggle to free herself from an anchor embedded in her tail.

  “She’s strong. Determined. A fighter. Like you.” Z’s low voice slides over me like honey, making the moment even sweeter. “My beautiful siren.”

  “It’s gorgeous. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

  “You’ll wear it?”

  “Yes. I love it.” I turn and lift up my hair. “Will you put it on for me?”

  He takes his time, tracing one warm, rough finger over my collar bones. The sensation shoots straight to my nipples and he chuckles low and sensual against my neck.

  The pendant rests cool and heavy against my skin. I press my hand over it. “Thank you so much.”

  There’s a thump and a stirring from Chance’s room. Z leans down to kiss me again. “I’ll get him.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper, still reeling from how well Z knows me.

  Z

  “You don’t have to come inside with me,” Lilly says as I pull into her brother’s driveway.

  I glance over at her but don’t respond. She should know me better than that.

  Alex opens his front door with a less smug than usual expression. His face brightens when he sees Chance, which helps me dislike the dude less. He might be an ass in general, but at least he’s good to my son. And Chance seems to love him, so that’s something.

  “Hi, Z.” He holds out his hand and I shake it.

  “Thanks for watching him tonight,” Lilly says, ushering Chance inside.

  “No problem.” Alex glances at me, then Lilly. “You’re going to see Ted?”

  So, he knows Ted? Does he know the guy proposed to his sister too? Bet Alex would rather have a doctor for a brother-in-law than a biker. Too bad.

  “Yes.” Her eyes dart my way. “He’s heading home tomorrow.”

  “Tell him I said hi.”

  “I will.”

  “Mom?” Chance tugs on Lilly’s hand, pulling her further into the house.

  “I’ll be right back.” Lilly turns my way and raises an eyebrow. Silently asking me not to kill Alex? Probably.

  I watch Alex for a few seconds without saying anything.

  “Lilly tells me you’re getting married,” he finally
says.

  Surprised she told her brother, I just nod.

  “Don’t see a ring on her finger yet.”

  Now that makes me laugh. “It’s coming.”

  He crosses his arms over his chest.

  If he’s waiting for more information, he’s about to be disappointed. “Would you mind keeping Chance tonight?”

  “Not at all. Why?”

  “Not sure how late we’ll be out.” I flick my gaze down the hallway. “Don’t mention it to her, though.”

  “I probably don’t want to know. Do I?”

  One corner of my mouth twitches up, but it’s not a dirty night of pleasure on my mind. No, I want to have a certain discussion with Lilly. And since she made it clear that’s not happening with Chance in the house, this seems like my best opportunity before I have to go downstate again.

  A lick of guilt brushes against my conscience. It feels like I’m orchestrating an ambush on the woman I love. But I need those answers.

  “I’m off all day tomorrow. Let me know when you want to pick him up. Or I can drop him off.”

  “Thanks.”

  Chance races around the corner, stops and grins up at both of us.

  “You going to be good for Uncle Alex?” I ask in a dad voice I didn’t even know I had.

  “Yup.”

  As attached as Chance is to Lilly, he doesn’t get upset when we leave, which is a relief.

  “Was Alex okay?” Lilly asks after I start the car.

  “Did you see me punch him?”

  “Not funny. I’m serious.”

  “That was the least dickish he’s ever been.”

  I don’t have to glance over to know she’s rolling her eyes. “What did you talk about?”

  “Chance.” Not a lie. “Oh, and I guess you told him we’re getting married?”

  “Oh.” She hesitates. “I’m sorry. Did you not—”

  “You tell everyone and anyone you want, Siren. He wanted to know where your ring was.”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake. I hope you told him it’s not the 1930’s?”

  I snort but her answer bugs me. “You’ll have a ring.”

  “Oh thank God,” she says, mocking me. “I was worried you were going to tattoo ‘Property of Z’ on my forehead.”

  “We can do that too.” I glance at the upcoming ramp for the Northway. “Which way am I going?”