Illusionary

by LeAnn Mason

  Holden was a good and patient teacher who I really didn't mind hearing internally, especially if that was the only way for me to hear a voice from him. Though I noted he did make some rudimentary sounds, like coughing, and clicks with his tongue. I did not, however, feel up to asking about it. Another day. One in which you have not already behaved weirdly. I laughed at myself quietly. Like that would ever happen. While I ruminated about Holden’s quiet manner, I remembered how Commander James had come to know about me.

  Holden.

  Did I want to bring it up? No. This moment, this place, was too sacred to muddy with possibly unwelcome inquiries. At least for now.

  Having made my decision, I gathered all the brushes into the box while Holden saddled Raven. "Am I riding today too?" I couldn't help the slight waver on the last word. I was nervous. Nervous about so many things, only one of which was that I had never sat on a live, thousand-plus pound animal, which had a mind of its own and could very easily hurt me. Or sit back and watch as I hurt myself.

  Holden answered me while he threw the pad over Raven's back in preparation for the saddle. No, I want you to know and trust them, and yourself, before we move forward. He hesitated, both hands on the pad adorning Raven's midnight hide and bowed his head. There are inherent risks. He closed his eyes. No, he squeezed his eyes shut; as if in pain. Then he opened them and stared brazenly into mine.

  His eyes blazed a tumultuous blue with the same conviction as his words. I want you as prepared as possible. Knowing him, knowing signs, and being comfortable, before I set you up there.

  He huffed out a breath and turned to face me, dropping his hands to his sides. His eyes flipped to that same liquid silver color and he took a step in my direction, ducking under the tie and scuffing his toes in the dirt aisle. His look turned pleading as he said, I don't want you to get hurt. He seemed distressed by that idea.

  I could tell him that I healed quickly…but that knowledge was dangerous, and although I wanted to trust Holden, I wasn't quite naive enough to think I could, yet. I stuttered to speak as heat flooded my face. Wow, that stare could make you forget your own name.

  I mumbled some sort of incoherent acknowledgement and ducked my head, willing the blush to recede as I kicked my foot through the dirt. "Ah, well, I guess I will see you for our next lesson." I spun on my heel and focused on making a smooth escape. Holden's intensity had thrown me. It seemed as though he dreaded the idea of me injuring myself, but that he thought it inevitable. In all fairness, he was probably right.

  See you tomorrow, Nat.

  I looked over my shoulder and smiled. I couldn’t really see him from my new vantage, the sun’s rays saturating the barn behind him, the streaks reaching like grasping tentacles into the interior. Holden was silhouetted, like an apparition. That second of distraction was enough to cause me not to notice that I was too close to the left barn door, and for me to smash my shoulder into it just as I faced forward. My left shoulder, the one already smarting and most likely bruised from the rock that struck me on my way into the barn. It was only fitting that I also incurred injury upon my exit.

  I stumbled back and braced my hands on either side of the open door in order to orient myself, Holden rushing to my side.

  You all right? Again his concern was palpable. Maybe he was just worried about getting blamed in the event of my injury. Primals were second class citizens in many ways and Sage regarded them as mindless brutes all too often, so Holden's apprehension was founded. If that was in fact what worried him.

  I felt his hand land on my right shoulder and let out a shaky breath. He turned me around gently and looked me over, obviously expecting me to be crippled from the impact. I wouldn't stand to be treated as though I were made of glass. I wasn’t easily broken.

  I would not break, especially not from stupidly smacking into a door, and I would show him. I stood straighter, squared myself and lifted my chin as I heard his internal catalog of my body. I pulled out of his reach, because although I wanted his touch more than I would admit, I did not want his worry or his pity. I was strong, both in mind and body and I would prove it to him. Even if it meant getting hurt.

  CHAPTER 7

  WHAT I DID AFTER I left Holden and the barn may have been reckless, but it didn’t stop me. I trudged toward my home, kicking stones and cursing attractive, mute Primals more vocally than would be considered polite, once again cementing my status as the town crazy girl.

  Just once, I wished I could tell someone my secrets, wished I trusted someone enough not to turn their back on me, or worse yet: tell others. This line of thinking invariably led my thoughts back to Holden. My mind traitorously whispered that maybe Holden was that person. He certainly wouldn't tell anyone–at least not verbally. There were plenty of other means of communication. I wanted to trust him, just like I wanted to trust Jade, but my fear of the fallout kept me from doing so.

  I tore angrily through my bag looking for the com device Commander James had given me. My hand curled around the small disk, and I pulled it free from the debris littering my overused bag. It looked like a keychain, something ornamental. It was elongated, black with a spot of blue.

  I looked closer and found that the blue was in the shape of a stylized shield, much like what I had seen enforcement agents wear in the pictures of people outside our community. As I rubbed my thumb over the emblem, it lit up, emitting a tone in a reoccurring wave. This thing seems like something Mom would think up. I'd seen similar technology. It was almost like a two-way radio but highly condensed and concealable. It made me slightly giddy to realize that very few had probably ever seen what I now held in my possession and I wondered who their tech guru was.

  After three tones, a gruff voice greeted me, "Miss Dae, good to hear from you." Commander James's deep voice reached my ears, successful in bringing me out of my excitement like a splash of water to the face.

  I cleared my throat of the lump that seemed to have suddenly overtaken me, "Hello, Commander," being all I managed to utter. Silence reigned for several seconds after my stilted greeting, like he was waiting for me to say more. I didn't.

  "Nathalee, you seem nervous. Are you sure of whatever you want to say to me?"

  His softly delivered inquiry finally broke my haze. I had stopped walking once the commander picked up the transmission. I paused a moment to see where I was and sat on the curb of the sidewalk, feet in the roadway, elbows resting on my knees as others continued on oblivious to my life dramatically altering. I blew out a heavy breath and prepared to change my path.

  "I am interested in becoming a member of your team."

  I heard him release his own heavy breath at my words. "I'm very glad to hear that Nathalee, truly." His words were light, but his tone heavy. It seemed the commander had things on his mind. "Would you be able to come to my current setup to speak further? There are things about this squad and its potential agents, which I do not wish for just anyone to observe."

  The last half of his dialogue was almost growled and made me shiver. I would not want to be the cause of that tone…or have it aimed in my direction. It was a dangerous sound. A warning.

  Was I crazy? I would be putting myself in direct, continual interaction with this man, and many other Primal Enhanced, all with this same ability to eviscerate me within moments. Not even my healing would save me if I got in front of a raging Primal. I'd seen them go at each other like animals when an argument was not easily resolved. I shivered, my mouth dry again. "Uhh, where is the department?"

  "We're in a dual purpose location. A brick building just to the west of the gardens, sign says ‘Sam's’. You know it?"

  I probably shouldn't have been having this conversation on the com unit out here on the curb once he mentioned that the location was secret. I quickly gave him affirmation and set our meeting for the following day after school. We disconnected and I tossed the device into my bag, watching as it slowly sank from sight. Now came the truly hard part, outing my intentions to my parents. My mouth went dry.
Please let this go well…

  With that wishful prayer, I once again headed home.

  Informing my parents of my recruitment would need to be handled delicately. My mother was not the problem. No, the problem would be in convincing my father that I could function coherently when not under his supervision. Getting my father to release me from his bear hug of worry and allowing me to just…be.

  I once again climbed the few steps up the porch to arrive at the front door. Today the heavy decorative wooden door stood open and the glass storm door kept out all unwanted nuisances while allowing for the beauty of the day to be seen and appreciated.

  I blew out a deep breath and continued forward. Here goes nothing. What were the chances Dad would not only tell me no but also attempt to keep me under constant watch? For your safety, he'll say. It's too dangerous.

  "Hey, Nat, how was work?" My Dad's inquiry popped the bubble on my inner rant and stopped me cold. I wasn't ready to talk about my new direction, so I took the time to answer his question. I came to a halt in the living room, taking in the hominess that had been created there.

  My eyes stopped at a photographic print. A favorite of mine, it depicted an island beach scene, though it also made me sad because it reminded me that I would most likely never see anything like it in person. "Same as usual, Dad.” I scuffed the toe of my old black boots across the carpet, casting my eyes down to watch the mutilation. If I looked at my father, he would know something was up and I wanted to ease him into the news.

  I needed to make him see this was a good thing, a way that I could help those who've been wronged in some way, or better yet, to prevent harm. Yeah, that's what I'll say. Appeal to the healer in him. Comfortable now in my approach, I broached the topic I needed to discuss. "So I, uh…I'm being recruited," I stammered.

  With that delivery, I looked at my father and saw his eyes light up, only to dim. His mouth, which had tried to lift into a smile, now twitched to a frown. "It's not coming from Davidson, is it? You can't work for the council, It’s too public, too…seedy. Always trying to spin information, your telepathy would constantly be telling you something different from what your ears heard." He was wearing a hole in the carpet again. I needed to stop his runaway thought train. Pull that cord and bring it to a halt.

  "No, Dad, I think Mr. Davidson got the message last time we’d met," I sniggered, remembering how the slimy older man had approached me. Again, he had poured on the charm and insisted that the best move for my future was to come on as part of his team. Council members were the ones appointed to speak to the Non-Enhanced government leaders and other necessary players in the outside world. They held a lot of sway within the community.

  Really, they did whatever was in their best interests and to hell with everyone else. The ninnies didn’t care though. They didn’t want to know what happened within our walls unless it helped or hurt them directly.

  To those pulling the strings, many of Minefield’s inhabitants were not important enough to worry about. Davidson had tried to appeal to me as though money and favors earned were all I could ask for out of life. His inner monologue however, told the truth. The man wanted to use me to bury those who opposed him, and he wanted me in his bed.

  Never. On either count. So I reminded him of just what my ability entailed. I recounted his previous thoughts aloud, and for all to hear. He hadn't liked that and had turned a very unhealthy shade of red, cursing at me. That is until he realized that others were around to witness the show, and Sages do not let anyone know how things affect them, especially council members. Davidson was also an eidetic, so he would never forget what I had done. I probably should remember that for the future.

  That is why my gift left me as an outsider. I didn't buy their crap, and if they pissed me off, I would call them on it. Loudly. Publicly. Really, I'm amazed I'd survived this long. Sages are a prickly, self-important people. And Primals were the opposite, showing all emotion. If I ever pissed one off enough to flip their switch, which is what we called it when instinct and aggression took over their reasoning and function, I would be obliterated, torn limb from limb. Not survivable.

  "That’s good,” Dad said. “Wish I could have seen it." He barked a quick laugh, crossing his arms on his chest as he turned to face me. My father wasn’t on the council, but he was often consulted on medical issues and relevant numbers of various occurrences, "Okay, so go on," he twirled his hand in a “please continue” motion, “Who’s recruiting you?"

  Here goes… "Commander James."

  "Commander James?" He looked confused. "Commander James is high in enforcement. I treat his Primals often." The last was said with his chin lowered to his chest, making his glare more effective. It was his way of saying that these people got hurt. A lot. "What does he expect you to do? What does he expect any Sage to be able to do in enforcement?" Oh, he was getting all wound up again.

  "Relax, Dad. Take a breath." I demonstrated the deep breathing I hoped he'd adopt so his face would return to its normal pallor, then continued. "It's a new branch. One which combines Sage and Primal talents. The Primals are the force, and the Sages will be the investigators. At least, that's what I gather from the commander. I have a meeting with him tomorrow afternoon to learn more details on the program, and what would be expected of me." I spoke in a rush to get it all out. I was sure some, or most of my explanation was almost unintelligible, but my father was smart. He'd catch it.

  He blinked. Repeatedly. "Investigations, huh?" A far-off stare stole his features and I knew he was no longer present in thought. I wondered how often this occurred at work. How many patients or nurses had experienced this very picture, and thought him losing his mind? Perhaps he was, he did it often. He blinked again and was back. "Is it dangerous?"

  "I really don't know any specifics yet, and that is why I informed the commander that while I was interested, I would not be thrown headlong into his world without proper information." The more I thought about it, though, the more this life path seemed right.

  I had seen some awful things and the result of others' cruelty since I was a child, especially as my father was a sought-out doctor. This world wasn’t as civilized as it once was, with no oversight and most everyone having extreme abilities, brutality reigned.

  "I'm coming with you," my father said and nodded, like that decided the matter.

  "Coming with me? What do you mean?" For the life of me, I could not fathom what he would be accompanying me to. Work? Could he really be that overbearing? I was beginning to sweat. The thought of my father dropping everything so he could hover over me was freaking me out. I was visualizing him shadowing my every move and speaking for me, putting me in a protective bubble just like Jade’s parents wanted to do to her. Breathe, Nat, just breathe.

  "Tomorrow. The explanation from the commander." Dad was looking at me with concern brimming in his bright eyes, a little wrinkle set between his brows. If I didn't rein it in, my fears would be realized. I took a couple deep breaths and backed away from the mental ledge. "Yeah, okay. Can you take the time away from the hospital?" Maybe that reminder would get me out of having him as a chaperone.

  Dad walked over to me, wrapped me up in his trademark bear hug and mumbled how he'd always have time for his baby girl, then kissed the top of my head and ambled off toward the kitchen. No doubt to put the finishing touches on the meal.

  Well, that actually went easier than I thought. Then I remembered he was accompanying me to my meeting. Well, crap.

  CHAPTER 8

  I TOSSED AND TURNED all night, and then proceeded to space out the entire day at the campus. Tori had a field day with that and Jade gave up trying to get my attention. All I could think about was heading to Commander James's "covert location" and learning about this team I was to join.

  I was nervous about seeing others who would be on the task force. Would I once again be shunned and avoided? I had a glimmer of hope that maybe this was where I was meant to be, what I was meant to be doing, and therefore would find accep
tance within its confines. This infinitesimal sliver of possibility had me bouncing off the walls.

  As I exited the hall and came out into the open air, I took a moment to close my eyes, tilting my face to the sun, and just breathing, decompressing. I let the innumerable voices slip from my mind. I needed to keep my head through this session, not give the impression of a whack job telepath with no social skills, even if that's exactly what I was. I snorted my disbelief, opened my eyes, and oriented myself so I could see where I was going. I really didn't want to trip over anything in my distracted state.

  Just as I was stepping forward, starting my journey, as it were, my father slid up next to me and bumped my shoulder. That small bump brought me back to myself, and narrowly away from a light post. Now I remembered that my father would also be in on the special moment of my potential future. My enthusiasm dimmed. Dad would ask a million questions about safety and put a huge spotlight on me. So much for not being a freak show at this shindig.

  The walk was short and quiet, neither of us polluting our ears with chatter. The route took us from the campus which was just on the other side of downtown, across the entrance to the gardens and toward more industrial type buildings on the way out toward the fields.

  As we walked, I looked for the brick building Commander James had described. I found it about a block past where we currently stood. It looked like a gym, like a fighter's training area. Well, that’s sure to keep the Sages away. I watched as a rough looking Primal approached from the southern walk. He was dressed like he wanted freedom of motion and weight. His clothes, wispy and shiny in the sunlight, swished with each step. He was huge! I began to panic a bit, remembering that Sages were not the only members of this team. Can I handle Primals?