Rise From the Ashes

by Noah Harris

  “Do you have a pack to run with?” he asked. He’d never directly asked about Josh’s pack situation before, but he assumed from the context of some of their conversations that he had one.

  Josh looked away from the camera, shifting uncomfortably. “Yeah... Yeah, I do.”

  Adam raised an eyebrow. “Is it a good pack?”

  Josh shrugged, fingers playing with the sheets. “They’re alright. They’re good to me, so don’t worry about that. They can just be a little intense sometimes.”

  “Josh...”

  He looked up, giving Adam one of his adorable smiles and tilting his head. “Adam, I’m serious. Don’t worry about it. I’m safe with them. We have our own spot to run during a full moon.”

  “Alright,” he said, reluctantly letting the matter drop. Now wasn’t the time to ask Josh to join his own pack, and it wasn’t his place to question Josh’s pack. They were still new together, and he’d been with his pack for years. Besides, Josh had said that he was safe with them. Adam’s own pack was really unsettled right now, and he couldn’t promise Josh any kind of safety at his side. “Just... promise me that you’ll be careful.”

  It was Josh’s turn to raise a brow. “We’re always careful. Most packs are.”

  Adam sighed. “I know, but there’s a lot of tension with the packs in this area recently, so just be extra careful.”

  Josh’s expression softened. “I will. I promise. You be careful, too, okay?”

  “As much as I’m able.”

  “This will be your first full moon as acting Alpha, right?”

  “Yup.”

  “Do you think anyone will challenge you?”

  He pursed his lips in thought. “I don’t think so... Not this time. It’s only been a short time, and I think they all still have hope for me or are waiting to see what I do and if I fuck up. They’ll be watching me, though, I can guarantee that. Next full moon might have challengers.”

  “Well...” Josh shifted restlessly. Adam wanted to kiss the worry right off those pouty lips. “If someone does challenge you, be careful, alright? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  Adam smirked. “If I do get hurt, will you take care of me?”

  Josh scowled at him. “You won’t get hurt because you’re strong and capable, and you’re going to promise me that you won’t.”

  “Fine, fine, I’ll try not to get hurt.”

  “Good.”

  “But I can’t make any promises. This is just what Alphas do.”

  Josh sighed. “I know, but I can still worry.”

  When Josh stifled his third yawn, Adam felt his own in response. “I think it’s time to sleep.”

  “I don’t wanna hang up,” Josh said, clearly pouting.

  “You’re tired.”

  “So?”

  “What if I promise to call you on my lunch break tomorrow?”

  He perked up. “Really?”

  “Yeah, since we can’t talk tomorrow night.”

  “Alright, promise?”

  “Promise.”

  It still took them several minutes to hang up, and Adam spent those minutes trying to memorize every line and curve of Josh’s drowsy smile, bed-mussed hair, and sleep-heavy eyes.

  The full moon run went off without a hitch. It was tense, and it was odd to lead and direct the pack, but it passed without any major hiccups. Despite his own hesitations about leading the pack, and his own confusion, his inner wolf was a natural. As they gathered in the fields around the pack house to prepare for the shift, he racked his memory for instances of Eddie leading the runs, trying to remember what he should do.

  When it came down to it, he didn’t need those memories and he didn’t hesitate. He led his people, maneuvering around the pack from the front to the middle and then the back. He nipped at heels and herded them, keeping them together, all the while keeping a watchful gaze around them for any sign of a threat. The higher-ups in their hierarchy, the alpha males and females, ran with him, acting as his backup and easily taking his direction.

  After the run, when things started to settle, he continued to watch over the pack. He watched lovers nuzzle together, some of them branching off. He watched friends playfully nip at each other, indulging in spirited games of chase. He watched human grudges and arguments leak into wolf aggression as squabbles broke out with half-hearted fighting.

  He waited, pacing around, an ever-present shadow watching over them. Millie stuck close. A few alphas tried to get her attention, nudging and sniffing at her hopefully. But she snarled and snapped at them, tailing after Adam instead. But she didn’t do so in a way that seemed too eager or too much like a lovesick puppy. No, she trailed after him like she was actually his mate, only with more space than mates usually allowed. On one level, it bothered him and ground on his nerves, but he let it pass. She was showing her support, in one way or another, despite also flaunting her obvious claim. He would deal with that later. For now, he allowed it.

  In the end, no one challenged him. The night wasn’t without tension. Several alpha males stood against his authority and his commands, as if testing the waters and seeing how far they could push. It didn’t take much for him to put them in their place, and they bowed easily enough.

  He could only hope that the next full moon would go as smoothly.

  The next morning was hell.

  His eyes burned, and his body was beyond exhausted with a bone-deep weariness that lingered even after breakfast. His muscles were sore, but in that pleasant way that comes after a good work out. There were still remnants of the adrenaline and freedom that had sung through his veins the night before, giving him a buzz that kept him going even through his exhaustion. Without it, he wasn’t sure he would have made it out of bed. As it stood, he was still going to be guzzling coffee all day.

  Because it was becoming habit at this point, he stopped at his favourite coffee shop and endured the long line. He got three cups, as usual, and trudged to the office. He was late by several minutes, but that was a regular thing, and no one said anything. He’d proven his worth to his boss time and time again, and he was pretty sure that was the main reason they let it slide.

  He stopped by Rob’s cubicle to drop off his coffee in exchange for a donut. There were two of them this time, one for him and one for Josh. He grunted his thanks, unable to find it in him to form words. He’d only managed to get a couple hours of sleep, and he was still in the process of waking up.

  “Rough night?” Rob asked, clearly amused. If Rob ever noticed that Adam had come into work like this once a month, he had never said anything about it.

  Adam grunted again, leveling a weak glare at him. “You could say that...”

  “Did you spend it with—“

  “No.” Adam said, quickly cutting him off.

  Rob didn’t seem put off by his sharp tone. He chuckled. “He’s already here, by the way.”

  “Don’t you mean they? They, as in our partnered company?”

  “Yeah, sure, but they’re not the ones that you’re most excited to see.”

  Adam had thought, and hoped, that he was being subtle about the whole thing. Either he was terrible at being subtle, or Rob knew him too well.

  “Whatever...” Adam said, already turning to go.

  “Are you sure you guys didn’t hang out last night?” Rob pressed, teasing as he leaned back in his chair. “He looked just as tired as you do.”

  Adam made another grunting sound and flipped him off before walking away. Rob’s good-natured laugh followed him.

  He moved on autopilot, going to his cubicle and setting down his bag before gathering everything he needed for the day. Once all his stuff was together, he shuffled down the hall to the conference room. His eyes felt heavy, his limbs like lead. Even his mind felt fuzzy, like he wasn’t entirely there or in complete control of his body. Yet as he neared the conference room, his heart sped up of its own accord, making him near dizzy in his excitement.

  It was ridiculous, but Josh had that effect
on him.

  He pushed into the conference room, eyes immediately finding the omega. Josh lifted his head, scenting or hearing him, perhaps, and their gazes locked. Josh’s head tilted, that small, shy smile curving his lips before one of his co-workers said something and he looked away. Adam tried to ignore the happy heat that rose to his face as he moved around the room toward his usual seat, exchanging greetings with the others in the room.

  As he sat down, he pushed one of the coffee cups and the donut box toward Josh.

  “Thanks,” Josh muttered, reaching out for them with a grateful smile and a slump in his shoulders.

  Adam took a moment to look him over. Rob was right: he did look worse for wear. There were bags under his eyes and lines creasing around his mouth. His brows drooped with a weariness that Adam could relate to, and his eyes looked glassy. His movements, reactions, and even his voice all seemed to be operating at half speed, taking a moment to catch up with real time. He looked sluggish, and that was exactly how Adam felt.

  “Rough night?” he asked, echoing Rob’s own words to Josh but with a hint of teasing knowledge because he did know what Josh had been up to the night before.

  Josh grunted, rolling his eyes. “Not any more so than usual... What about you?” It was a loaded question, and Adam heard all the subtext.

  He gave him a reassuring smile. “Everything went smoothly. No problems.” Josh looked him up and down with a critical eye, and Adam chuckled. “And no injuries.”

  Josh nodded before taking a bite of his donut. “Good. I wouldn’t want to have to go after someone for hurting you.” He mumbled it through his full mouth, and the words were both teasing and sarcastic.

  Adam chuckled. “No, we wouldn’t want that.” He was certain that even enraged, Josh wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone.

  The day passed with agonizing slowness. Every time one of them yawned, the other followed up, and it was such a constant back-and-forth he couldn’t remember who started it. He also lost track of how many cups of coffee he drank, but they devised a system of taking turns going to the break room for refills. Working while in that state was difficult. Words on paper and on his laptop screen seemed to blur together, and his brain couldn’t quite grasp what he was trying to read. Focusing was hard, and analysing numbers was even harder.

  Whenever his co-workers spoke to him, it always took a moment to respond or to really comprehend what they were saying. He felt like he was running at half capacity. When lunch rolled around, he nearly fell asleep on the conference table. His only solace was the fact that Josh looked to be struggling just as much as he was, if not more.

  This, however, wasn’t new. Every day after the full moon was the same. He preferred the months where the day after fell on the weekend. Those days were easier to cope with. More often than not, he simply called out sick on affected days, except for when they had big projects or presentations due. Today, however, he’d come into work because he got to spend the day with Josh, and he had a feeling Josh was there for the same reason. So they suffered, but they suffered together.

  As their co-workers trickled out toward the end of the day, they ended up being the last ones in the conference room.

  Adam groaned as he leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms high over his head and reveling in the relief of his back cracking. He sighed as he collapsed back down, spinning to face Josh with a contented grin on his face. “Wanna grab some take out and come back to my place?” he asked, able to get the question out casually even as his heart rate jumped. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to asking Josh out, no matter how long they were together.

  Josh, however, sighed, slumping over the table. His hands were still poised over the keyboard of his laptop, but they had stopped moving. “I can’t. I promised my co-workers that I’d finish some of this tonight...”

  Adam frowned, leaning over to look at his computer. “This isn’t even your assignment?”

  Josh sighed. “I know, but they asked if I could help them out, so...”

  Adam turned to look over Josh’s expression, but the omega wouldn’t look at him. “Why?”

  Josh shrugged, fiddling with his shirt. His eyes were downcast. “They have plans to go out tonight, and they didn’t get this stuff done, but it’s due tomorrow, sothey asked if I could help...”

  Adam’s eyes narrowed. “Did they?”

  Josh looked up then, startled by the hint of a growl in his voice. “Did they what?”

  “Did they ask? Like, did they actually ask? Or did they assume?”

  Josh looked away, fingers fidgeting. “Does it matter?”

  “Yes, it does.”

  Josh sighed again, running a shaking hand through his hair. He still couldn’t make eye contact. “Look, it doesn’t matter.”

  “Does this happen a lot?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Do they just slack off and push their leftover work onto you?”

  “Adam, it’s fine—”

  “Did they ask, or did they assume you’d do it?”

  “Adam—”

  “Did they ask?”

  He slumped further, turning his head away as he whispered, “It doesn’t matter, I still said yes.”

  “But you didn’t have to.” Josh still wasn’t looking at him, so Adam reached out, taking his chin gently with his fingers and urging Josh to look at him. He turned, but his eyes were still downcast. Adam’s face softened. “Josh, look at me,” he whispered.

  Josh hesitated a moment but then obeyed, eyes flickering warily up until Adam caught his gaze and refused to let go. Josh was beautiful. Beautiful and fragile and so kind-hearted. It made his own heart clench that people would take advantage of that.

  “You’re exhausted,” he said, softly and reasonably.

  Josh sighed but didn’t look away. “I know, but...”

  Adam shook his head. “No. You’re exhausted. More so than they would ever understand. And yet you finished your work today while they didn’t. You have every right to tell them no. I understand you like helping your team, and you don’t mind the extra work, but on days like today, you’re allowed to take care of yourself first.”

  Josh sighed again, eyes flickering down to rest somewhere along Adam’s collarbone. “I know...” he whispered. “I just didn’t know how to say no, and they didn’t really give me time to...”

  Adam tried to quell the rage that was simmering in his gut. Now wasn’t the time. “You can’t let them take advantage of you like that. You’re a good person, Josh, and you like helping others. I know you don’t mind, but you still shouldn’t let them take advantage of that kindness. You’re allowed to stand up for yourself.”

  They were quiet for a moment, and Adam let the silence stretch. His hand slid up the side of Josh’s face to cup his jaw, thumb gently rubbing against his cheekbone. Josh leaned into the touch, humming softly. When he lifted his eyes, they were softer. He gave Adam the barest of smiles, genuine and grateful. “Thank you, Adam.” He lifted a hand, putting it over Adam’s and nuzzling deeper into his palm. “I’ll try. I just... Thank you. No one’s ever told me that before...”

  Adam smiled. “Well, I’m telling it to you now.”

  Josh sighed, looking back at his computer. “I already said yes to this though...”

  “I’ll stay and help you.”

  Josh’s head whipped around to face him, and he gaped, mouth hanging open and eyes wide. “N-no! Adam, you really don’t have to. This is my mess, and you’re just as tired as I am—”

  Adam shifted his hand, putting his thumb gently to Josh’s lips to silence him. He shook his head, smile still in place. “I would rather stay and help you get this done faster so we can get food and go relax. That is, if you want to do that?”

  Josh’s grin was slow growing but so earnest that Adam felt his pulse quicken. The look in his eyes was fond, swirling with emotions Adam was almost too scared to name. “Yeah... yeah, I’d like that.”

  Adam let his hand drop, and scoo
ted his chair closer. “Well, then, let’s get started, shall we?”

  Josh sent him some files, running him through what they had to do and what numbers they had to crunch and how to fit them into the report. Adam listened attentively, eager to get it done so they could go back to his apartment. He felt a rush, a second wind of focus as he set to work. They split up the assignments and worked mostly in silence, determination fueling them.

  “Adam?” Josh said after near twenty minutes of silence had passed.

  “Hmm?” Adam hummed without looking up from his laptop.

  “What you said earlier about not letting people take advantage of my kindness? No matter how much I want to help out?”

  Adam’s fingers stilled, but his eyes remained fixed straight ahead. “Yeah?”

  “You should... take that to heart, okay?” His voice was uncertain, like he was toeing a line he wasn’t sure he was allowed to cross.

  Adam knew what he was talking about: his pack, his responsibilities as Alpha, the expectations on him. He breathed deeply, letting it out in a shuttering sigh as he closed his eyes. It was a heavy weight in his chest, the realization that Josh was right. Taking his own advice had always been harder than giving it, but he knew the omega had a point.

  “Alright,” he said, opening his eyes. “Yeah, I can do that.”

  Josh’s grin was blinding, and the touch on his arm was gentle but steadying.

  “You’re actually surprisingly good with kids,” Sarah said, handing him a towel, one hand resting half protectively and half out of habit on her swollen belly.

  He took the towel from her with a smile and a mumbled thanks, using it to first ruffle his hair and dry his face before moving onto his arms.

  Since the weather was so nice and the day was warm, their pack was having a weekend barbecue at the pack house. Everyone was out, grills were going, and the food table was constantly stocked. His pack mingled, sharing stories over open beer bottles, sweating in the sun. It was peaceful and relaxed, and it brought a warm smile to his face. It wasn’t the hyped atmosphere of the club, nor was it the tense atmosphere that came with pack meetings. This was peace, if only for a moment, and for once, he didn’t have any pressing Alpha matters to attend to. Because of that, he had spent the last hour organizing and participating in a water balloon fight with the children and teens of the pack.