Now and Again

by Natasha West

This was her worst fear made real. Riley had shown herself to Juliet, and all she’d seen was a spoiled, silly rich girl.

  NOW

  ‘Would you pass the gravy?’ Juliet asked.

  ‘Huh?’ Riley said, ripped from her stupor. She looked over, and Juliet was looking at her with a small smile. Riley passed her the gravy, wishing she hadn’t suddenly found herself doing a small toddle down memory lane, stopping off along the way at a place known as ‘The worst text I ever received’ Road. It was a part of history she hadn’t thought about in a long time.

  Only now she was sat next to Juliet, at ‘family’ dinner. And she couldn’t help but wonder if Juliet still looked at her and thought exactly the same.

  Fifteen

  It was midnight, and Juliet had been in bed for an hour. Nothing was happening.

  She supposed it was just the shock of the new preventing her from falling asleep. That, and her neighbour. Right next door, Riley Powell. It was making her feel jittery. She didn’t understand the feeling. She had a crush, so what? Why did that have to mean she was lying here fidgeting around just because that crush was lying on the other side of the wall, possibly in some silky underwear? In fact, for all Juliet knew, Riley slept naked…

  Juliet slapped her wrist and told herself to stop it and go to sleep. Just because someone was nice to you didn’t mean you had carte blanche to have salacious thoughts about them. Juliet felt it was quite rude of herself to let her mind turn Riley into the star of her sexual fantasies. It was like she was taking something from Riley that Riley didn’t know had been stolen. It wasn’t right. Riley had been kind to her since the day she nearly got her walking papers. Juliet had to stop this and be her friend, like they’d said. Be normal. Not the same idiot she’d been ten years ago, chasing a ridiculous, unobtainable dream.

  THEN

  Juliet needed to speak to Riley. Now.

  She couldn’t believe the level on which she’d fucked up. She’d never known anyone like Riley. She was nice, smart, sexy, thoughtful, and had reached out to her, tried to connect. And Juliet had blanked her. But it wasn’t too late to make it right. She hoped.

  When she arrived at lit, she was first there. The teacher hadn’t arrived yet, the room was still locked. She leaned against the hall wall and waited, hoping Riley might be the next to arrive.

  No such luck. What she got instead was India.

  Juliet turned her eyes away from the approaching girl. That was all she needed today—a run-in with her. Juliet began to look through her bag on the floor, as though she’d lost something, trying to look busy.

  But then she felt a shadow fall over her. She looked up. India had her hands on her hips, smiling down. Well, sneering. ‘What are you looking for? Your phone?’

  ‘Umm…’ She didn’t want to engage with India, but she didn’t want to ignore her either. But which one would make whatever was about to happen worse? Hard to say. ‘I lost a book.’

  India shocked Juliet by reaching right into her bag and pulling out the copy of The Haunting of Hill House. ‘What, this one?’

  Juliet jumped up, trying to snatch the book out of her hand. But India was quick, and she yanked her arm back, the book just out of reach.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Juliet asked, surprised by her forthright tone.

  India arched a nasty eyebrow. ‘Sorry, didn’t realise it was so precious to you. It’s not even yours, is it? Belongs to the school library,’ she said, thumbing the first few pages.

  ‘Exactly. It’s not mine. That’s why I don’t want you ruining it,’ Juliet said. She was kind of loving this, talking to India without cringing, without stepping back. She supposed she was past caring about all this school crap. They were leaving soon. And who was India? Just your standard bitch. Nothing special. Not like her friend. Riley was worth caring about. Not any of this.

  ‘Oh, I guess it’s a bad idea to rip a page out then?’ India said, holding the cover roughly.

  Juliet shrugged. ‘Go ahead. I’ll let them know they can charge you.’

  India laughed sharply. ‘Check you out. Tough girl now, are we? Come to one party with real people and you think you’ve got the right to talk to me like that? Fucking think again,’ she said, shoving the intact book into Juliet’s chest. Juliet felt, in a small way, that it was a victory to get the book back unharmed. Although that party comment… She hadn’t even seen India. How did India know she was there?

  Actually, who cared? Juliet hadn’t backed down just now, and she’d won. That was the thing to focus on. ‘India, you know what? You can really just fu—’

  ‘Oh, and don’t think I don’t know about you and Riley,’ India sneered.

  Juliet stopped cold. She’d assumed Riley wouldn’t say anything to India about them. The way Riley talked about India, Juliet had thought they weren’t that close. But just in case India knew less than she was making out, Juliet played it cool. ‘What are you talking about?’

  India smiled like a cat playing with a mouse. ‘You know you’re just a joke to her, don’t you?’

  Juliet felt less bold. ‘You don’t know anything.’

  ‘No?’ India laughed horribly. ‘She told me everything. She told me she snogged you for a laugh, and that it was really bad. Worse than she thought it would be.’

  Juliet was angry and slightly afraid. ‘I don’t believe she said that. She’s not like that.’

  India looked Juliet up and down. ‘Oh, you know her so well after a few conversations, yeah?’ She laughed bitterly. ‘She told me all about it. Everything. Because she’s mine. My friend. You could never get between us.’ India snorted. ‘She told me that story you told her too. About that boy that kissed you and ripped your mouth up? Jesus, I almost felt sorry for you when she told me that.’

  Juliet’s heart stopped. That was a lot of detail for India to know. It had to be true.

  She’d thought she was in Carrie before and then found out she was wrong. But what if she was in another movie? What if she was in one of those films where the cool kids made a bet? To mess with someone like her, a nobody? It always ended with the cool kid realising they loved the sad little nerd. But this wasn’t a movie. If India was telling the truth, it was just a cruel joke. She was the joke.

  India wasn’t done. ‘Oh, and she said that when you kissed her, the amount of tongue you used was fucking gross-’

  WHACK

  Juliet looked at the slightly creased book in her hand, and then at India standing back, clutching her cheek. It took her a second to connect those two things and understand that she’d slapped India around the face with her book.

  India, a lovely red mark on her face, looked at Juliet in surprise. ‘Who the fuck do you think you are?’ she asked angrily. She took a step toward Juliet. Any other day, Juliet would have backed up at the sight of India advancing on her. But if India wanted to smack her one, Juliet was ready for it. The day she’d had, a punch in the face was nothing. Juliet almost relished it.

  But India didn’t come any closer. She looked… hesitant, and Juliet knew in a second why. The girl India thought she was dealing with, the mouse, the coward, she was gone. India didn’t know who she was looking at now. For that matter, neither did Juliet. She felt brand-new. And to think, all it had taken was one good heartbreak.

  ‘Fucking… You fucking…’ India sputtered. She turned around. ‘You’re a fucking loser!’ she said over her shoulder, almost running.

  Juliet watched her go, thinking she was right. She had lost something. A few things. Fear of India, which was magnificent. But Juliet had also lost hope. Hope that she and Riley could be something. That she could really and truly have her. Juliet had been a fool to even imagine it.

  She got out her phone and tapped her rage and sadness into one brief statement and hit send without hesitation. I thought you were different. Guess I was wrong. You’re the same as all of them.

  ***

  Juliet managed to avoid Riley for the rest of the term. It wasn’t that hard, even in lit. Ri
ley had moved right to the other end of the class, along with India, who no longer smirked when she saw Juliet. She avoided eye contact altogether. As did Riley.

  NOW

  Yes, that had stung. That it was all just a way for Riley to amuse herself. But Juliet had walked away from the experience a little stronger, a little wiser. And now, as an adult, she could see it clearer. She didn’t know precisely why Riley had done something so cruel, but maybe she’d had stuff going on. Hadn’t she said so? Her parents had been on the verge of divorce, one they’d clearly gone through with. And if Juliet knew anything, it was that hurt people hurt people. Especially kids. Which they had been. Riley, despite everything about her screaming sophistication, had been the same age as cossetted, virginal Juliet.

  But then again, maybe looking a bit harder at Riley’s early unkindness was a good way to rid herself of these current unwanted feelings?

  Hmmm. She’d have to come back to that one.

  BANG BANG!

  Juliet was so startled that she fell clean out of bed at the bang on her door. She got to her feet, rubbing her coccyx. She opened her door to find Riley standing in a huge, worn t-shirt with a picture of a sweaty wrestler on the front, and there went the fantasy of Riley’s sexy nightwear.

  ‘God, sorry to… I can’t believe I’m doing this… I just need… I don’t want to wake Amanda and my dad won’t help, I know he won’t…’ Riley said, panic bright in her voice.

  ‘What’s up?’ Juliet asked.

  Riley sighed, and though it was dark in the hall and Juliet couldn’t see it, she could hear the blush in her voice. ‘There’s a spider.’

  Juliet couldn’t help but let out a little snort. ‘A spider?’

  ‘It’s really big!’ Riley said defensively. ‘Honestly. I don’t think it’s indigenous to England. I think it probably got here in a banana crate. He looks Australian to me.’

  ‘Do we get our bananas from Australia?’ Juliet said, trying not to laugh. ‘I thought they came from South America.’

  ‘Then he’s from Peru! Like bloody Paddington Bear! But there’s no chance he’s local, I’m telling you! He’s exotically large.’

  Juliet’s snort became a big laugh. ‘Let’s go and look at this Peruvian gentleman, shall we?’

  ***

  It was kinda big. But just standard, English-countryside big. Nothing to write home about. ‘You got a glass and some card?’

  Riley was aghast. ‘You’re just gonna get him out like that?’

  ‘Did you want to ask to see his passport first?’ Juliet asked, cocking an eyebrow.

  Riley frowned. ‘He looked bigger before. He must have been standing near the shadows, I couldn’t tell where his legs ended.’

  ‘So, we doing this or what?’

  Riley went into her bathroom and came out with a glass and a magazine. ‘These do?’

  Juliet took them and advanced toward the spider. Who had chosen this moment to start running away from the glass, right towards Riley. She shrieked. Juliet had to move quickly, dashing up behind the spider as it made a beeline for Riley’s feet and clunk, glass down. She slid the mag carefully underneath, trying not to hurt any of those long legs, and he was fully encased, ready for transportation. Juliet looked up at Riley, frozen in front of the door. ‘Might wanna shift.’

  Riley didn’t need telling twice. She jumped aside as Juliet took the prisoner through the door and downstairs, right out the back door. The security light illuminated her way around the pool to the back of the garden. She couldn’t risk it coming back in. She dropped it near a rosebush and went back inside. He scampered off without a backwards look. Juliet wished him well.

  Upstairs, Riley was peeking out of her door. ‘Is he gone?’

  ‘Yes. But he told me to tell you he’s local, Medford born and raised.’

  Riley smiled, despite herself. ‘Where is he now?’

  ‘Rose bushes at the far end of the garden. He won’t be coming back.’

  Riley nodded. ‘Thanks. I’m sorry to have dragged you out of bed.’

  ‘I wasn’t asleep anyway,’ Juliet told her.

  ‘No?’

  ‘First night in a new place,’ Juliet explained, embarrassed.

  ‘Yeah, I know that one. You know what might help?’

  ‘Cocoa?’ Juliet asked, hopefully. She wasn’t quite ready to go back to bed right now. She kind of liked hanging around the house in the dead of night with Riley.

  ‘I was more thinking whisky. But I reckon I could combo,’ Riley suggested.

  Minutes later, Juliet was leaning on the breakfast bar, sipping her Irish hot chocolate. It took the edge off, she had to admit. Leaning across from her, taking tentative sips, Riley looked like she was calming down from her leggy invader.

  ‘So, you regret moving in here yet?’ Riley asked with a small smile.

  ‘It’s only been a few hours.’

  ‘Long enough,’ Riley said.

  ‘You’re not rushing off,’ Juliet reminded her.

  ‘Nowhere to rush off too,’ Riley admitted. ‘Which is sort of pathetic.’

  ‘Look who you’re talking to. I came from my parents’ place to here. And nowhere in between.’

  Riley shrugged. ‘The outside world isn’t all that.’

  ‘Did you…’ Juliet began tentatively. She had a change of heart about where the sentence was going, but it was too late. Riley was on it. ‘Did I what?’

  ‘How come you ended up here at all?’ Juliet asked, worried it was too personal.

  Riley looked untroubled. ‘It’s a long story. But I guess it boils down to a breakup.’

  ‘You were living with someone.’

  ‘Yup. Noah.’

  ‘How long?’ Juliet asked, trying not to look as interested as she felt.

  ‘About a year and a half. The living together was a year of it.’

  ‘Didn’t work out, though, I take it?’

  ‘It did not,’ Riley said, taking a big sip.

  ‘How come?’ Juliet asked, feeling like she was pushing it.

  Riley opened her mouth and closed it, trying to summon an explanation. Eventually, she simply said, ‘I didn’t love him.’

  Juliet paused. ‘That’s sad. For both of you.’

  ‘I just wish I’d realised before I moved in. But once we were living together, I felt obligated to make it work. And it just got more and more obvious that it wasn’t... going anywhere.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘That makes me sound pretty selfish, doesn’t it?’

  Juliet shook her head. ‘No. Maybe just a bit…’

  ‘What?’ Riley asked.

  ‘Unconnected to your feelings,’ Juliet said hesitantly. Was that too much?

  But Riley laughed easily. ‘That’s probably exactly right.’

  Juliet took another sip of her drink and was quite astonished to see Riley’s shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

  ‘What’s so hilarious?’ Juliet asked, already infected with Riley’s laugh. She was amused, and she didn’t even know why.

  Riley shook her head, letting the laugh free. ‘It’s nothing, I just… I think I owe Amanda an apology.’

  ‘For what?’ Juliet laughed.

  ‘She said something about you and me having midnight chats about boys, and I told her we weren’t twelve. But here we are…’ She lapsed into laughter again. ‘Christ. You never really grow up, do you? Your face just gets more creases.’

  Juliet snorted. ‘That’s probably true.’

  ‘Well, anyway, let’s talk about your love life for a sec. I could do without the spotlight.’

  Juliet let out a slow whistle. ‘Oh, you wanna talk pathetic? Nuns get more action.’ She was glad to have said that. She sort of wanted to let Riley know she was single.

  ‘But there’ve been… people. Right?’ Riley asked.

  ‘There’s been some... people. Yes,’ Juliet admitted. ‘Though barely worth the plural.’

  ‘I find that very hard to believe. You grew up… well…’

 
‘If you think I’m not going to make you finish that sentence, you’re fooling yourself,’ Juliet said. She was starting to think she might have had just a touch more booze than she’d realised.

  Riley gave a half smile. ‘I mean, you were always cute.’

  Juliet, booze or no booze, began to feel slightly funny in the tummy. ‘Was I?’

  Riley shrugged. ‘Sure. You were the classic Girl-Who-Doesn’t-Know-She’s-Hot. Tale as old as time.’