Craving Lily

by Nicole Jacquelyn

  Thankfully, we rolled into the clubhouse midday, so there weren’t a ton of people around. The guys in the garage didn’t give a shit that we were back and most of the women and kids who spent time on the grounds were at work and school.

  “Hey,” my dad called out as I strolled through the door. “How’d it go?”

  He stood from the stool he’d been sitting on and gave me a quick hug. He always hugged me when I got back. It wasn’t the way my mother hugged me, though. It was more of a quick check that all of my parts were in working order and there weren’t any new holes that shouldn’t be there.

  “Went fine,” I replied as he let me go, pulling away to round the bar and grab a beer out of the fridge in the back. “Nothin’ to report. Montana hasn’t heard anything new about the Russians or Sokolov.”

  “Shipment get where it needed to go?”

  “Yep.”

  “Good.” He sat back down just as my Gramps shuffled in the front door.

  “Thought you were back, boyo!” Gramps called out, smiling through his messy beard. “All’s well?”

  “Yeah, Gramps,” I replied, meeting him at the edge of the bar so he could pull me into a hug. Gramps’ hugs were more like my mom’s.

  “Poet,” my dad called out. “You hear anything?”

  “Not a word,” Gramps replied gruffly. “Quiet out there.”

  “Fuck,” my dad mumbled. “Gonna go talk to Casper.”

  “You stink,” Gramps said cheerfully after my dad had gone. “Go bathe.”

  I laughed and agreed with him, slapping him on the back as I made my way toward my room. I didn’t keep a place outside the club. Sometimes, I stayed in my old bedroom at my parents’ house, but for the most part, I lived fulltime at the club. I didn’t see any reason to waste money on a place when I didn’t have a woman or kids. It seemed smarter to just bank the extra cash I didn’t spend on bills or my bike. I figured that someday, if I needed it, I had cash on hand if I wanted to buy a house or something. I liked keeping things simple. Plus, some of the trusted chicks at the club made extra cash by doing laundry and cleaning the bathrooms and main room, so it was a pretty sweet set up.

  Twenty minutes later, I was clean and in bed, with a few fresh beers on my nightstand and beautiful silence surrounding me. Finally.

  A knock on my door had me groaning in irritation as I stood up and swung it open.

  “What?” I barked, my mouth falling open in surprise when I saw Lily standing in the hallway.

  “You—” She threw her hand in front of her face.

  “What? What’s wrong?” I looked around the hallway, but no one else was there and I couldn’t hear anything coming from the main room.

  “Clothes,” she choked out. “No clothes.”

  I glanced down at my boxer briefs in confusion. It’s not like I was free-balling it.

  “The hell are you talking about?” I asked, losing patience with her. “Did you need something, Dandelion?”

  Later, I’d see the scene in slow motion, the way her hand dropped away from her face and her eyes had tracked up my chest until they’d met mine. The second I came to the realization that she was looking at me. The way my gut had twisted at the realization and the split second of embarrassment as her gaze found the scar on the side of my face.

  But right then, it all happened in seconds, and I was left standing there completely speechless.

  “Surprise,” she said awkwardly.

  “You can see?” I asked incredulously, searching her eyes. “It’s gone?”

  She shrugged, like it was no big thing. “Yeah,” she murmured, her lips tipping up in the corners. “It’s gone.”

  We stared at each other wide eyed for a long moment, and then I was yelling, my arms around her waist as I lifted her up and swung her around.

  “No shit?” I asked again, still holding her as I came to a stop.

  “No shit,” she confirmed, her smile huge.

  I grinned and leaned back a little to get a better look at that smile, and that’s when I fully noticed her hands, cool and soft on my shoulders. My bare shoulders. It wouldn’t have been such a big fucking deal, I went without a shirt for most of the summer and I was sure she’d touched me before, but my hands were also on her, so low on her back they were practically wrapped around her hips.

  Our torsos were pressed together like pieces of a goddamn puzzle.

  “That’s good news,” I said quietly, trying to get my shit together. I didn’t know whether I should shove her away or try to act like neither of us was noticing that within seconds, our friendship had turned into something far different.

  “I told Tommy not to tell you while you guys were gone,” she said, her voice losing volume, too. “I wanted to tell you myself.”

  “So happy for you, Dandelion,” I replied.

  Her hand barely moved at first, just barely twitched, but then it was sliding up my shoulder to my neck, and wrapping around the side of it.

  “Not a good idea,” I murmured. I didn’t move, though. I should have fucking moved.

  “I knew you were being a pussy,” she said, ignoring my warning. “Back when I felt your scar, I knew it wasn’t as bad as you thought.”

  I could feel my heartbeat in the base of my fucking throat as she reached up and drew one fingertip down the line of my scar.

  “It’s barely anything,” she whispered, shaking her head like she thought I was an idiot.

  I wished I could blame it on booze, but I’d only had one beer. And I wished I could blame it on exhaustion, but it was only two in the afternoon. I had no excuses. None.

  There was no excuse for the way I’d reached down and grabbed her ass, boosting her up so she could wrap her legs around my waist. There was no excuse for the way I’d gone after her mouth, sliding my tongue inside without any preliminaries, and biting at her lip as she whimpered. There was no excuse for the way I’d carried her into my room and slammed the door behind me, or the way I’d pressed her up against the wall and proceeded to grind against her as she rolled her hips and scored her nails down my back.

  I don’t know if it was common sense or the sound of someone laughing outside my door that finally knocked me back into reality, but as soon as it hit, I almost dropped her to the floor in my haste to get away. Her hair was messy and she was breathing heavy and she was fucking gorgeous, but she was also seventeen years old.

  I’d always assumed I’d die young, but I’d never imagined that it would be my own brothers who’d kill me. Looking at her flushed face as she tried to figure out why I’d stopped, I realized that being killed by my own was now a distinct possibility.

  “You gotta get outta here,” I said, glancing at the door behind her.

  “What?” she asked as she looked around in confusion.

  “You gotta get outta my room. Now.” I reached past her and swung open the door, quickly checking to make sure the hallway was still empty.

  “What the hell, Leo?” she said as I used a hand on the small of her back to practically shove her out the door.

  “I’ll be out in a minute,” I replied. “Give me one minute.”

  I slammed the door in her face and strode to my dresser, pulling out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt so I could get dressed.

  I’d fucked up royally. In five years, things might be different if I was super fucking lucky. I’d lost my virginity to her older sister, which was all sorts of fucked up, no matter how you looked at it, and I knew her dad and brother would never be happy if I tried to get in with their little princess. Hell, they’d been less than pleased when I’d got with Cecilia, and that was a completely different scenario. We’d been the same age, had grown up together, and they’d known that Cecilia was going to do whatever the fuck she wanted, no matter what they thought.

  Lily was different, so different. She was a genius, had colleges knocking on her door even when she’d been blind, and treated everyone like they were her best friend. She was sweet, bone deep sweet. I knew that if I eve
r had a chance with her, I’d have to think long and hard about what that would mean. Lily wasn’t ever going to be a woman you banged for a couple of months before moving on. She was old lady material, a woman you protected any way you could.

  I smiled huge as I slipped my socks and boots on. The girl had finally gotten her sight back after all that time. It was goddamn miracle. The doctors had told her parents that it would come back at some point, but I think all of us had started to assume that the blindness was going to be a permanent thing.

  I hurried through my doorway and out into the main room, then stopped dead when I realized Lily had bailed.

  “You bein’ an asshole?” my Gramps asked from his place at the bar. “Little Lily went running out of here like her arse was on fire.”

  “No,” I replied, walking to the front door just to make sure that she wasn’t waiting for me outside on a picnic table.

  “Well, you did something,” he grumbled.

  “I told her to wait for me so I could get dressed,” I snapped, frustration pounding at my temples.

  “Opened the door in your birthday suit, eh?” He laughed. “No wonder she went running.”

  “Can it, old man,” I joked, my lips twitching even though I was irritated as hell. “I had boxers on.”

  “That girl’s always carried a torch for you,” he said as I grabbed a beer and sat down next to him. “Even when you were with her sister.”

  “I know,” I mumbled.

  “Better not go there.”

  “Wasn’t plannin’ on it.”

  “Oh, you’re plannin’ on it,” Gramps said knowingly. “I know the look.”

  I just shook my head. There was no use arguing with him when he got into one of his moods. He was going to school me no matter what I said. The man had seen and done everything at least twice.

  “Got with Amy when she was just a kid,” Gramps said, like he was telling me a secret, even though I’d heard it a million times. Their story was practically Aces folklore. “She had a crush just like Lily does.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Thing about crushes, boyo, is they aren’t based in reality.”

  “What?”

  “That girl’s been moonin’ after you for years, yeah?” He bumped the back of his hand against mine. “But she ain’t in any type of love with the man ya are. Just the man she sees.”

  “You’re not makin’ sense, old timer.”

  “Lovin’ a man like a woman does is different than lovin’ a boy like a girl does. Lily’s still in the girl stage, ya see? Ain’t old enough or seen enough of the world to love all the different sides of ya.”

  “I’m aware,” I replied flatly.

  “Just warnin’ ya, is all.” He took a drink of his beer and sighed. “Amy wasn’t ready for a husband when I married her. Oh, she thought she was. I thought she was. But lookin’ back, no way in hell. Give the girl some time, is all I’m sayin’.”

  “I wasn’t plannin’ on doin’ anything.”

  “Not to mention her pop,” Gramps continued like I hadn’t even spoken. “He’d kill ya and we’d never find your body.”

  “She’s too fuckin’ young,” I said. I took a long drink of my beer, and then another. “That ain’t gonna change any time soon.”

  “It’ll happen if it’s supposed to,” Gramps said, slapping me on the back. “Patience, boyo.”

  I nodded and stepped away from the counter, exhaustion pulling at me. I was going to sleep for a few hours and then I’d figure out what to do about Lily.

  * * *

  I wasn’t going to do anything about Lily. After waking up to someone pounding on my door and getting roped into helping my mom carry groceries in for a party I hadn’t known was happening that night, I’d come to the conclusion that there was nothing I could do. Bottom line? She was seventeen. Clearly, I wasn’t going to start anything up with her. I just needed to find a distraction for a while, and eventually she’d get the message.

  She’d probably hate me. I knew that. I’d crossed a line with her and we both knew it. The careful distance I’d kept between us for the last year had been completely annihilated. Treating her like a kid the way I always had wouldn’t work anymore. She’d see right through me.

  I realized that the party we were having wasn’t just a normal get together to blow off steam when my mom handed me a cake with Lily’s name on it. Of course it was a party for her. I couldn’t catch a fucking break, and the minute I decided to stay as far away from her as I could, the universe decided it was time to practically drop her in my lap.

  “Did she come talk to you today?” my mom asked as she followed me inside, carrying a bag full of streamers.

  “Yeah,” I replied. “I saw her when I got back.”

  “Pretty cool, right?” she asked, smiling. “I can’t believe she can see again after all this time.”

  “Doctors said her sight would come back,” I reminded her.

  “Well, yeah.” She shook her head. “But still, it had been so long.”

  “Shit happens.” I shrugged.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Mom asked, dropping her bags on the bar top. “You’re in a pissy mood.”

  “Was just looking forward to some time to myself,” I grumbled, setting down the cake.

  “Well, you came to the wrong place,” she joked. “Maybe it’s time for you to get an actual apartment, huh?”

  “Maybe.”

  Chapter 8

  Lily

  “I told her I didn’t want a fucking party,” I muttered to Rose, tossing a pillow on my bed. “I was pretty clear.”

  “They’re just excited,” Rose replied, hanging up a shirt.

  We were in the middle of cleaning my room, and I was pissed. After the shit with Leo earlier in the day, I wanted to just curl up in my bed and replay the interaction over and over to try and find where the hell it had all gone south. Instead, I was making my bed and putting laundry away before we left for a party that all the moms had planned for me at the clubhouse.

  I didn’t want a freaking party. I hated being the center of attention. It made my skin crawl. I hadn’t even had a birthday party with anyone outside my close family since I was six years old. I had no idea why my mother had imagined that some huge celebration would make me happy.

  “Well, it’s annoying.”

  “What’s got your undies twisted?” Rose asked, flopping down onto my bed.

  “I’m just annoyed,” I replied.

  At any other time in our lives, I would have told Rose exactly what had been playing on repeat in my mind, but for the first time, I was anxious to keep something to myself. Everyone had always had an opinion about me and Leo. Since I was little, they’d teased and joked about how much I liked him and how maybe one day he’d come around. But that had been all it was, joking. I don’t think anyone, not even Rose, had ever envisioned a scenario where Leo and I actually got together. It was too weird. He was too old for me, at least right now. He’d been with my sister on and off for years. I’d never had a boyfriend and Leo had been whoring around since he realized what his parts were made for.

  Twenty-four hours earlier, I would have agreed with everyone’s arguments. The age difference was too big and Leo was way too experienced for me. But then, he’d kissed me, and suddenly everything had made sense. All of the arguments had seemed silly. For the first time since I’d started mooning over Leo, I’d seen an actual future where he and I were together.

  Of course, all that had come crashing down around me when he’d pushed me out of his room and slammed the door in my face.

  “So what did Leo say when you told him the news?” Rose asked, shoving at one of the pillows under her head until she was comfortable.

  “He was excited,” I replied evenly, throwing some shoes into the bottom of my closet.

  “Did you see the scar?”

  “Yeah, kind of hard to miss.”

  “Word.”

  “But it’s not as bad as everyone acts like
it is. It’s just a line.”

  “It used to be a lot worse,” Rose said somberly, rolling to face me. “When it first happened, he looked like Frankenstein. It was scary.”

  “It couldn’t have been that bad,” I argued, shaking my head.

  “It was, Lil,” Rose replied. “I didn’t see it when it happened because no one would let me, but Will said it looked like half of Leo’s face was gone before they pulled it back together.”

  I shuddered and reached for another pair of shoes.

  “Well, it’s not that bad now,” I said again.

  “Nope, he’s been back to dreamboat status for a while,” Rose joked, lightening the mood. “The guy knows how to work a room, just wait until you see it tonight.”

  “I’d rather not,” I griped.

  “Oh, come on. You know you want to see Leo acting all broody in the corner, with women flocking to him asking if he needs anything.”

  “I thought you said he works a room?”

  “He does,” she laughed. “He doesn’t even have to do anything. He just sits there and I swear to God, people go to him. It’s the craziest shit.”

  “Oh, goody,” I said under my breath.

  * * *

  “You don’t have to stay long,” my dad promised as he met me and Rose outside the clubhouse a few hours later. “I know this ain’t your thing.”

  “And you couldn’t talk Mom out of it?” I asked, letting him lead me toward the front door.

  “Cut your ma some slack,” Dad said, kissing the top of my head. “She’s excited and she wants to celebrate.”

  “She could’ve done that without me,” I pointed out.

  “She wants to celebrate you, Lilybug. She’s excited for you. Proud of you. She wants to show you off for a bit. Let her, alright?”

  “Yeah, yeah, okay,” I agreed, smiling as I walked in the room and saw how crowded it was. Did I love being the center of attention? No. But it was still kind of nice to see how many people had turned out to celebrate the fact that I’d gotten my eyesight back.

  It had been six years since the attack, and even though some of the others had been far more injured than me, I was still the last person to heal. As I glanced around the room, I realized that it wasn’t only me that they were celebrating. The entire club was finally celebrating putting the aftermath of that attack behind them.