William Shakespeare's Avengers
Page 23
POTTS
Thou then didst wake—
STARK
—Indubitably so.
POTTS
Thou thought’st then we were—
STARK
—In the fam’ly way.
Forsooth! Is’t true?
POTTS
—Nay.
STARK
—I did dream thereof,
’Twas real as thou and I conversing here. 35
POTTS
A dream itself is but a shadow, Tony.
If thou wouldst have a child, if ’tis thy will,
[She taps the arc reactor in his chest.
Thou never wouldst have put this thing therein.
STARK
In faith, ’tis well that thou the matter rais’st.
’Tis nothing, less than nothing, just a unit 40
That houses nanoparticles, ’tis all.
POTTS
Thy case thou art not helping presently.
STARK
It is detachable.
POTTS
—Thou need’st it not.
STARK
I had the surgery, ’tis true enow,
Yet still would I protect us carefully, 45
And any future us that may appear
Forth from our loins. In case a monster from
The closet cometh, rather than mere—
POTTS
—Doublets.
STARK
Impossible, how well thou know’st me, Pepper.
Thou finishest my sentences, as if 50
Thou wert a bard and I thy character.
POTTS
Thou shouldst have doublets in thy closet, Tony.
STARK
In sooth, know’st thou what there should be within?
No more surprises. Dinner we shall share
Tonight, show off thy Harry Winston ring, 55
And nevermore surprises have. Not e’er.
Such promise should I make.
POTTS
—Thou shouldst.
STARK
—I shall.
THEY KISS. ENTER DOCTOR STEPHEN STRANGE FROM A PORTAL.
STRANGE
Good Tony Stark, I’m Doctor Stephen Strange.
With utmost urgency, thou must come with me.
Congratulations on your wedding, too. 60
STARK
I’m sorry—art thou selling tickets for
Some circus or a show of wondrous sights?
STRANGE
We need thy help. ’Tis overstatement none
To say the fate of th’universe doth hang
On thy response.
STARK
—Ill-timèd man, who’s we? 65
ENTER BRUCE BANNER FROM THE PORTAL.
BANNER
Ho, Tony. Yea, thou greatly needed art.
STARK
It’s Bruce!
BANNER
—Fair greetings, Pepper.
POTTS
—Holla, Bruce.
[Banner hugs Stark.
STARK
[aside:] It must be something serious indeed
To drive this hulking man into my arms.
[To Potts:] Surprises none except the final one. 70
And so farewell, until we meet again.
[Stark and Potts embrace. Stark, Banner, and Strange then walk through the portal to Strange’s house. Exit Pepper Potts.
ENTER WONG, JOINING THEM.
WONG
When first the universe did dawn, ’twas naught.
Then, boom and bellows! The big bang sent forth
Six elemental crystals hurtling cross
The universe, a virgin in its bud. 75
These powerful Infinity Stones each
Control a vital aspect of existence.
STRANGE
Space, pow’r, reality, soul, mind, and time.
[He waves his hand to reveal the Infinity Stone in his amulet.
STARK
I prithee, tell me once again his name.
BANNER
’Tis Thanos. A colossal plague among 80
Us, Tony, who invadeth realms and planets
And takes whate’er he doth desire therefrom.
He wipeth half the populations out.
’Twas he who first sent Loki years ago—
The first New York attack, ’twas he.
STARK
—Id est. 85
What is our timeline?
BANNER
—We’ve no way to tell.
Already doth he hold the Pow’r and Space Stones,
Which maketh him the biggest, strongest beast
In all the universe. Should he obtain
All six Stones, Tony—
STRANGE
—He could life destroy 90
On scales that ere were hitherto undreamt of.
STARK
Impressive! Didst thou seriously use
The saying hitherto undreamt of, Strange?
STRANGE
And art thou seriously leaning on
The Cauldron of the Cosmos, foolish man? 95
[Strange’s cloak swats Stark.
STARK
Is that what this is? Ow! I shall allow’t.
If Thanos needeth six, why would we not
Flush this one down the nearest garbage hole?
STRANGE
’Twill not be so.
WONG
—We swore a solemn oath
The Time Stone to protect withal our lives. 100
STARK
It was mine oath no dairy to consume,
Yet Ben and Jerry’s nam’d a pint for me—
STRANGE
Stark Raving Hazelnuts, a sweet tooth’s dream.
STARK
In sooth, it is not bad.
STRANGE
—A bit too chalky.
WONG
’Tis Hunk of Hulk of Burning Fudge we name 105
Our fav’rite.
BANNER
—Verily a flavor? Great!
STARK
I say whate’er. The point is: things do change.
STRANGE
Our oath the Time Stone to protect shall not.
This Stone may be our best chance versus Thanos.
STARK
It follows, logic’ly, it may be his 110
Best chance gainst us.
STRANGE
—If we do not our jobs.
STARK
Inform me, prithee, Strange: what is thy job,
Besides assembling animal balloons?
STRANGE
Protecting thy reality, thou rogue.
BANNER
Please, gentles, can we set this talk aside? 115
We’ve larger issues to attend to now:
At present, we’ve the Time Stone, and we know
Precisely where it is, yet Vision hath
The Mind Stone somewhere yonder—who can know?
To find him is our one and only goal. 120
STARK
It is unfortunate—two weeks ago
Hath Vision turn’d off his transponder, Bruce.
He is offline.
BANNER
—What? Nay! A problem vast.
Thou, Tony, lost another super-bot!
STARK
I lost him not, and he is more than merely 125
A super-bot, this simple phrase thou usest.
He doth evolve, like monkeys into men.
STRANGE
Who, then, c
ould find him?
STARK
—Irritating, this.
Belike Steve Rogers could, were we to ask.
Perhaps he could. Yet—
BANNER
—Thou must call him, Tony. 130
Be thou the bigger man and make the call.
STARK
It’s not so easy. Far too long it’s been
Since thou and I, Bruce, caught up on events.
Th’Avengers were disbanded, are no more.
Our butter’d bread hath turn’d to burnèd toast. 135
BANNER
Disbanded? Like a band—the Beatles, mayhap—
With disagreements mammoth? Can it be?
STARK
Indefinitely is our group on hold,
For Cap and I fell out most dreadfully.
We’re not on speaking terms.
BANNER
—Heed thou my words: 140
Thor’s gone—our strong, colossal god’s no more.
Atrocious Thanos cometh ardently.
With whom thou art on speaking terms or not
In senseless, pointless, neath the current threat.
STARK
Indeed, I am engag’d—I’ll call on him 145
By this flip phone, as ancient as the man.
[Stark begins to dial Steve Rogers. A rumbling is heard and the room begins to shake.
Thy hair, good Doctor, faintly bloweth ’bout—
Is’t thou who makes it move?
STRANGE
—Not at the moment.
[They look at the hole in the ceiling, where wind blows past. Stark opens the door.
ENTER CITIZENS RUNNING PAST, SCREAMING. A CAR CRASHES. FRIDAY SPEAKS TO STARK.
STARK
It’s pandemonium! Wong, help that driver!
Good Friday, what’s this drama I behold? 150
FRIDAY
Unsure am I—I shall find out anon.
STARK
Invest thyself with caution, Doctor Strange,
And put the Time Stone in thy pocket, please.
STRANGE
Nay, I shall keep it close and use it soon.
[Exeunt citizens. Stark and Strange walk outdoors, toward to the source of the wind. Looking up, they see a mighty circular ring in the air.
ENTER PETER PARKER, HIS FRIEND NED, OTHER STUDENTS, AND A BUS DRIVER, RIDING ON A BUS.
PARKER
[aside:] My spidey-senses perk like an alarum, 155
Whilst ev’ryone oblivious remains.
[He looks out the bus window and sees the ring.
Ah, ’tis the moment for which I have waited!
[To Ned:] Quick, make thou some distraction I can use.
NED
Fie! Holy hell, we all shall surely die!
A spaceship, look—behold our deaths most quick! 160
DRIVER
What is the matter, younglings, have ye ne’er
A spaceship seen before? Such ingenues!
[The students look outside while Parker dons his web mechanism, opens a window, and flies off, changing into his Spider-Man suit. Exeunt Ned, students, and bus driver. Parker swings toward the ring.
STARK
I bid thee, Friday, to evacuate
Those persons south of Forty-third Street and
To notify the first responders quickly! 165
[Strange casts his magic toward the ring, but it is unaffected.
STRANGE
’Twas worth a shot.
THE RING SENDS A BEAM TO THE GROUND. ENTER EBONY MAW AND CULL OBSIDIAN FROM THE BEAM.
MAW
—O, hear me and rejoice.
Thus says my master: say to the Avengers:
Though we, perchance, seem’d dead, we did but sleep—
Advantage is a better scheme than rashness.
Soon ye shall perish at the mighty hands 170
Of we, the children heir to Thanos’ pow’r.
Be thankful that your lives, most meaningless,
Are now contributing—
STARK
—I’m sorry, imp,
Yet earth is clos’d for business unto ye.
Pack up your payload and get hence at once. 175
MAW
[to Strange:] Stonekeeper, doth this animal who brays
Like rudest donkey speak for you as well?
STRANGE
Of course not, nay—I shall speak for myself.
You trespass in this city, on this planet.
[Strange and Wong raise their hands, preparing to use magic.
STARK
In other words, get lost, thou Squidward type. 180
MAW
[to Obsidian:] The man exhausts me. Hither bring the
Stone.
[Obsidian approaches Stark, Banner, Strange, and Wong.
STARK
If thou wouldst like an opportunity,
Bruce, it is thine.
BANNER
—Nay, Hulk would rather rest.
When, though, did I e’er get what I desire?
STARK
Indeed.
BANNER
—Push greatly!
STARK
—It hath been some time, 185
Yet shall be good to have Hulk by our side.
[Banner tries to turn into Hulk but cannot.
BANNER
Tut! I must concentrate on growing larger.
STARK
Incredible, thou never didst before.
Where is thy guy? We’ve urgent need of him.
BANNER
Alas, I do not know. Of late there hath 190
Been something massive standing twixt we two.
STARK
It is no time for something. That bleak thing
Approaching will most gladly kill us all.
[Banner grunts but cannot change.
Thou art embarrassing me here, in front
Of both these wizards.
BANNER
—It cannot be done— 195
The big one either can’t or won’t appear.
STARK
If ’tis so, ’tis so. Wong, pray watch the man.
Bruce, stand thou down and rest aside awhile.
[Stark presses a button on his clothes and transforms into his Iron Man suit. He shoots Obsidian back toward Maw. Using magic, Maw thrusts Obsidian aside.
BANNER
Where did thy pow’r colossal come from, Tony?
STARK
It’s nanotech. Dost like it? Something I— 200
[Maw uses magic to make the ground under Stark shoot him into the sky. Maw starts using magic to hurl objects toward Strange, Banner, and Wong, which Wong blocks.
STRANGE
I prithee, Doctor Banner, if the rest
Of thy green friend shall not join us today…
[Strange opens a portal under Banner. Exit Bruce Banner through the trapdoor. Stark returns and, with Strange’s help, sends a car hurtling toward Maw, who cuts it in two with magic and avoids it.
STARK
I bid thee, Strange, get thou the Stone away.
STRANGE
It stays with me. I’ll not be parted from it.
STARK
Incontrovertibly. And so, farewell. 205
[Stark rushes toward Maw to draw him away from Strange and is knocked far away.
ENTER BRUCE BANNER TO STARK’S SIDE.
BANNER
O, Tony, art thou well? How is the battle?
It seems thou mayst have ta’en a giant knock.
STARK
It’s well, it’s well.
Dost thou have plans to help?
BANNER
Most earnestly I’ve tried. Hulk will not come.
[Obsidian throws his gigantic club at Stark and Banner.
STARK
Impressive hammer—move!
[Stark shoots at Obsidian, but Obsidian’s shield reflects the blast and several trees are felled.
BANNER
—Alack, I am 210
Undone. O Hulk, please—why desert me now?
Come out, enormous coward, thou art needed!
[In Hulk’s voice] Nay! [In his own voice:] What dost mean
by nay?
[Obsidian charges but is stopped by Peter Parker, finally arriving on the scene.
PARKER
—I have arriv’d!
Good salutations to thee, Master Stark.
STARK
Ingenious kid, well met! Whence comest thou? 215
PARKER
A field trip bound for MoMA, sir. Alas!
[Obsidian throws Parker aside.
What is this large one’s problem, Master Stark?
STARK
It seems he comes from space, and hither came
To steal a necklace of a wizard, kid.
[Maw lifts rocks by magic, crumbles them into spikes, and shoots them at Strange and Wong. They open a portal and send the spikes back at Maw, who is cut by one. Maw slings Wong aside and Strange grabs him with a whip of force, but Maw overtakes him and turns him upside down onto a building, encasing him in bricks.
MAW
Your powers are most quaint and trivial; 220
You must be popular with children, clown.
[Maw tries to grab the Time Stone from Strange but his hand burns.
STRANGE
A modest spell, yet most unbreakable.
MAW
Then off your corpse I’ll take the damnèd thing.
[Maw throws Strange to the ground. Cords of iron arise and bind Strange.
STRANGE
Methinks thou soon shalt know this simple truth:
Removing dead men’s spells is troublesome. 225
MAW
Nay, you shall only wish that you were dead.
[Strange falls unconscious. Maw prepares to bear him away, but Strange’s cloak flies him to safety, past Stark and Parker.
STARK
It is the wizard who doth hurtle past.
PARKER
Watch me wrap up this flying sorcerer!
[Parker pursues Strange, who is also pursued by Maw. Maw tosses a billboard at Parker, who is knocked aside.
Nay, ’twas not sporting. I shall try again.
[Maw puts obstacles in Strange’s path. His cloak hits one and snags. Strange falls from the cloak, but Parker catches him with a web just before he hits the ground.
I have thee, wizard—will not let thee go. 230
[Strange is caught in a beam from the ring and is pulled toward it. Parker struggles to hold him and is caught in the beam, too.