Sorrow and Second Chances

by E Bradshaw

  He was quite sure that he must have been a nightmare to live with, for he was well aware that he was half-stupid in his distraction for much of the time and throwing himself into his estate business for the rest of it. Nevertheless, his dear sister had not complained once, but had instead gently persuaded him, little by little, to open up to her and reveal the truth of his feelings for Elizabeth. In fact, he had been surprised to learn how relieved his disclosure had made Georgiana – and he had been horrified when she had confessed that she had been worried in case his distraction had had something to with him feeling disappointed with her. She had been haunted with guilt as a result of her near-elopement with Wickham, she had tentatively explained, and thus she had believed that she must be to blame for his strange moods – though of course, Darcy had immediately dissuaded her out of such ridiculous notions.

  It had been a sobering revelation for Darcy, and he had felt very guilty for allowing himself to become so swept up in his own emotions that he had neglected to notice his sister’s. Nonetheless, the discussion had been immensely beneficial for the two of them and he felt that they had grown closer because of it. In fact, it had been Georgiana who had suggested that they should invite the Bennet family to Pemberley for their annual harvest celebration; she was a thoughtful girl, and after hearing of the family’s sorrows, she had wished to offer them whatever kindness she could. At first Darcy had been hesitant over the scheme, wondering how Mr Bennet would take such a suggestion, but it had not taken a great deal of persuasion from his sister to realise how much he wished to invite Elizabeth into their home and introduce the two of them to one another. For her own part, Georgiana had expressed how eager she was to meet the young woman who had so captivated him, and she had expressed such excitement over the idea of gaining five sisters that Darcy had had to forcibly remind her that he and Elizabeth were not actually engaged and may never be unless he could win her love.

  Nonetheless, Georgiana’s excitement over the scheme could not be suppressed, and so, despite his own more cautious nature, Darcy had found himself becoming swept up in her enthusiasm. Indeed, he had been quite overwhelmed with joy when he had received a reply back from Mr Bennet expressing his thanks and accepting the invitation. Darcy had found himself eagerly planning activities and entertainments for his guests, and imagining with a great deal of anticipation how he and Elizabeth might find moments alone during her stay. Such fantasies were extremely tempting, and there were times when he had had to forcefully rein his imagination in and remind himself that despite what he might feel, Elizabeth might never feel anything for him beyond the friendship which she had spoken of at their last encounter.

  For the hundredth time, he wondered how Elizabeth would greet him, and whether she would show any pleasure in seeing him again. Despite his anxiety, however, he could only feel that the family’s visit to Pemberley was a positive sign, for he knew that Elizabeth must have been consulted by her father when they had first received his invitation, and thus he could only assume that she must have agreed to come. That thought alone was immensely encouraging, and so despite his cautious nature, his excitement (along with his immense tension) simply could not be suppressed.

  The only grey cloud on his horizon was the fact that his friend’s sisters were likewise due to arrive at Pemberley that day. Having missed his friend a great deal, and wishing to provide Charles with the same opportunities to grow close to Jane as he hoped to enjoy with Elizabeth, Darcy had likewise written to his friend to issue him with an invitation. Unfortunately, however, Charles was always much too honest, and so of course he had not thought to keep the invitation a secret from his sisters. Thus, it was that Charles had written back somewhat sheepishly to ask if he might also bring his two sisters and his brother-by-marriage along with him. Darcy had sighed over the inevitability of the request, knowing full well that Caroline and Louisa would have bullied their brother into making it, but since there had been no polite way to refuse them, he had had little choice but to extend the invitation to them as well.

  However, he refused to allow the prospect of their intrusion to dim his great happiness at the prospect of Elizabeth’s imminent arrival. And indeed, even as such a resolution came to him, a servant came running to tell him that the Bennet carriage had been spotted in the distance. Thus, with his heart thudding within his chest, Darcy hastened outside to greet his guests, and he was greatly comforted when Georgiana arrived to stand by his side shortly afterwards. The carriage finally pulled to a stop outside the grand steps and marble pillars of Pemberley, and Darcy himself stepped forward to open the carriage door to hand the ladies out.

  Considering how nervous he felt, he was amazed by how composed he sounded as he spoke. “Welcome to Pemberley,” he heard himself saying, and he proceeded to hand out all of the ladies, one by one, as they stepped out and greeted him in turn. Elizabeth was the last to reach out and accept his assistance, and it was all he could do to maintain his calm facade as he looked at her, for the contact of her small hand within his own sent a shock of sensation racing through him. “It is good to see you again,” he heard himself murmur as he looked intently into her eyes.

  Elizabeth smiled and politely nodded her head in reply, but she had no chance to speak before her father then followed her out of the carriage. With extreme reluctance, Darcy let go of Elizabeth’s hand to turn and greet her father.

  “Good day, Mr Darcy,” the older gentleman greeted him warmly. “I had begun to think that we might never reach Pemberley; I had no idea that your estate was so large. I had almost feared that we would be forced to camp out in the woods overnight and then set off again in the morning!”

  Darcy smiled at the older man’s jest and reached out to shake his hand. “Hello, Mr Bennet,” he said; “it has been far too long and I am very glad that you have come.”

  All of a sudden, Darcy became conscious that everyone was watching him and Elizabeth, and he felt how awkward it was to be reunited with her under everyone else’s interested gaze. Consequently, he was very glad of Georgiana’s presence, for he was able to cover his own embarrassment by making the necessary introductions between her and their guests. In fact, it was only when Georgiana politely invited everyone to follow her into the house that Darcy was finally able to speak to Elizabeth. Courteously he offered his arms to both her and to Mary, though Mary politely declined his offer, perhaps sensing that he would prefer to speak alone with her sister. He was grateful for Mary’s perception, and even more so for the little amount of privacy which it afforded him to speak with Elizabeth. He glanced down at her as they walked together and noticed that she seemed as affected by their reunion as he was; indeed, it was she who spoke first.

  “It is good to see you too, Mr Darcy,” she said softly, with a brief glance upwards in his direction.

  Darcy felt his heart rate quicken in response to her words, and quite unusually for him, he suddenly found himself babbling on in a nervous rush. “I am very glad that you were able to come,” he said, “and I hope you will enjoy your stay here. I hope very much that you will like Pemberley and be happy whilst you are here.” He wanted to add that he hoped she would be happy because it was his dearest wish that she would one day come to reside in his home as his wife, but he bit his lip hard to prevent himself from allowing such a foolish outburst to slip out.

  “Thank you,” Elizabeth responded in a warm tone. “Truly, I think it is the most beautiful house I have ever seen.”

  Darcy smiled at her praise and regarded her with an eager look. “So you approve of Pemberley, then?” he asked in a hopeful tone. He had meant only to make her feel welcome, but he realised in the very next moment that his question had made her feel somewhat self-conscious, for she blushed and looked away.

  “How could anyone not approve of such a house?” she asked with obvious embarrassment. “It is a very fine house – and so I think there must be very few who would not approve.”

  He guessed that she must be remembering in that moment how she
had once turned down his marriage proposal – and thus the prospect of becoming mistress to his home – and that consequently, she must be feeling awkward at appearing overly-enthusiastic now that she had actually seen his property. “I beg you, do not make yourself uneasy,” he therefore murmured in a quiet undertone; “we have had too many misunderstandings between us already. I want you and your family to feel at home here. Indeed, Georgiana has been quite animated with excitement at the prospect of meeting you all.”

  He was so glad to see her that he could not help but smile at her again, nor prevent himself from admitting something of what he was feeling in that moment. “In truth, we have both been quite impatient with anticipation over your visit. It seems an age since I saw you last.” He was a little nervous in case he had said too much too soon – though Elizabeth’s next words gave him sudden hope and made him wonder if she could actually have missed him as he had missed her.

  “It has been an age; it has been more than four months since you left Hertfordshire,” she reminded him – and he felt elated that she appeared to have been marking the time, just as he had.

  “Then we shall have to make up for lost time,” he remarked with a warm smile. “Come, I’ll introduce you to Mrs Reynolds, my long-suffering house keeper. She will take good care of you all, just as she takes care of me and Georgiana. As soon as you’ve rested from your journey, I will show you around, if you’d like.”

  *****

  Despite all his efforts, it was surprising how little time Darcy had actually found to be alone with Elizabeth in the first few days following her arrival. What with having a house full of guests, along with all his daily responsibilities as master of a large estate, Darcy found that his attention was always required. Whether it was his land agent wishing to discuss the progress of the harvest, or his tenants applying to see him on seemingly endless matters of estate business, or even Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst demanding his attention, he found that he was always busy. Thus, the first few days slipped by without him having had any opportunity whatsoever to speak alone with Elizabeth.

  Whenever he was able to spare time enough to seek her out, he found – much to his frustration – that she was always in the company of the other ladies, and he did not wish to make his interest in her any more obvious than he suspected it already was. Indeed, whenever they were together in company, he tended to be very careful about speaking with her too often, for he had no wish for their interactions to be watched over and speculated about by everyone else. However, despite all his intentions to be discreet, he had begun to wonder if Miss Bingley had deduced something of his interest in Elizabeth, since she seemed to have re-doubled her efforts to attract his attention whenever they were in company together. It was all very frustrating, and he began to feel that the whole plan of inviting the Bennet family to Pemberley so that he could spend some time alone with Elizabeth had been an entirely futile one.

  Nevertheless, despite these hindrances, it was a pleasure for him to simply have her residing within his house; to see her at mealtimes and to have the enjoyment of her company – even if that meant having to endure the company of some of his more bothersome guests as well. It was his greatest pleasure whenever he was relaxing in the evenings with his guests to watch Elizabeth as she performed on the pianoforte, or to listen to her whenever she made the others laugh with her quick wit. He was pleased, too, to see how well she seemed to be getting on with his sister, and how content she appeared to be in general whilst staying in his home. Only Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst seemed to be going out of their way to be disagreeable, and if it weren’t for the sake of his friend, Darcy really felt that he would quite happily have severed his acquaintance with Charles’ sisters entirely.

  He had become heartily sick of hearing Miss Bingley’s barbed attacks towards the Bennet sisters, though he was always amazed by how tolerant Jane was in the face of such provocation, and how quick-witted Elizabeth was with her replies. When Miss Bingley had remarked with nauseating sweetness how terribly pale and thin Elizabeth looked in her awful black mourning dress, for example, Elizabeth had simply smiled serenely and had thanked Miss Bingley for her kindly concern. Nevertheless, Darcy disliked the fact that the Bennet sisters were obliged to put up with such acidic remarks in the first place – and especially when they were already dealing with so much heartache. Lydia and Kitty were less capable than their older sisters were in hiding their dislike of Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst, and he noticed that Mary – much like his own sister – remained mostly silent whenever she was in their presence.

  However, the Bennet sisters were much too exuberant in general to allow Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst to cast them down, and they remained largely cheerful – despite Miss Bingley’s most blatant disgust. He noticed, too, that none of the Bennet ladies ever left any of their sisters or Georgiana alone with the other two women, and for that he was most grateful, for he knew very well that his sister dreaded their overbearing company. Inevitably, the atmosphere was always much more relaxed whenever he encountered the Bennet ladies and his sister without the added presence of Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst, and he was pleased to observe how comfortable and happy his sister appeared whenever she was in their company.

  Of Mr Bennet he saw very little at first, for the older gentleman was very eager to explore the great library of Pemberley, and for the first few days of his stay he immersed himself with great enthusiasm into a thorough examination of that room and its vast contents. Darcy was not in the least bit offended, for he was simply glad to see the older gentleman looking happy and taking an interest in something once again after watching him suffering from such acute grief as he had in the earliest days following his wife’s death. Moreover, Mr Bennet’s occupation in the library allowed Darcy to give his attention over to his estate and business matters without feeling guilty about not properly entertaining his guests. Mr Hurst was happy enough to snooze his afternoons away by the fire, whilst Charles was always content to ride out with him whenever he needed to go out on errands, and so fortunately Darcy was freed from any obligations to provide entertainment.

  Nevertheless, after the first few days had passed by in this manner, Darcy began to feel somewhat guilty over his inattention and so he felt that he should arrange some entertainment for the other gentlemen. Thus, he decided on a fishing excursion, since he hoped it would be a pastime that would suit all his guests, being neither too physically demanding for Mr Hurst, nor too dull for Charles. Having gained the agreement of the others, Darcy therefore organised for all the fishing equipment to be fetched out and made ready; and he and the other gentlemen set out on their excursion after breakfast on the following morning.

  They set up their rods and tackle at intervals along a stretch of riverbank where Darcy knew that they would find an abundance of fish – though he rather suspected that Mr Hurst would soon roll up his coat and settle himself down for a snooze, whilst he saw that Mr Bennet had brought a book along with him. Darcy could not help but smile ironically to himself over the futility of his plan to arrange entertainment for his guests; he had prised Mr Bennet out of the library and Mr Hurst out of his armchair – and yet they still seemed to have resorted to their own favourite pastimes in any case, despite all his efforts. Charles was happy enough to entertain himself, though he soon became distracted from the task in hand and began to skim stones across the river instead.

  Darcy shook his head to himself with wry amusement and walked further up the river bank to set up his own fishing rod where his friend’s splashing could not disturb the fish. Indeed, he was soon to be very glad that he had left his friend’s side, for some time afterwards he spotted Elizabeth walking down a nearby footpath and drawing closer to where he was stood by the riverside. She was out walking on her own and did not appear to see him at first, though she changed direction and walked towards him when he waved to gain her attention.

  “So this is your idea of taking part in a group activity, is it, Mr Darcy?” Elizabeth asked him with an ironic
smile as she drew closer. “You seem to have successfully lost all your companions.”

  Darcy shrugged humorously as he glanced around at the rural idyll surrounding them, almost as if he were noticing his seclusion for the first time. “Yes, so it would appear,” he replied in a dry tone. “I never was very good at group activities, I’m afraid. I’m much too set in my ways, it would seem.”

  Elizabeth laughed at his droll comment and he smiled back at her, feeling pleased that he could amuse her. He was delighted by the unexpected pleasure of her company; he felt he could not have planned this opportunity to be alone with her any better than it had turned out. “You are alone?” he asked carefully.

  “Yes,” she replied, with a smile and a rueful look; “I left the others dutifully doing their embroidery – as proper young ladies should. It seems that I am also guilty of leaving my companions in an attempt to find some peace and quiet this morning.”

  “That bad, is it?” queried Darcy with an eyebrow raised in amusement.

  In answer, Elizabeth playfully sighed and rolled her eyes. “Well, what with Mary’s constant pianoforte practice, and Lydia and Kitty’s perpetual bickering, I began to feel that I might actually lose my temper, or even start throwing things at them. Of course, though I might sometimes behave in such a way in the safe confines of my own home, I could hardly do such a thing here! I didn’t want to confirm Miss Bingley’s opinions of me too quickly; I’d rather disappoint her by behaving with at least passable decorum whenever I am in her presence.”