Deep in Your Shadows

by Darien Cox

  “Crap,” JT said.

  “He thinks I’m nuts. He saw me talking to no one. Shouting at the sky for Christ sakes.”

  “It’ll be okay,” JT said.

  “No it won’t. The first guy I’ve been totally into in years, and now he thinks I’m crazy! This is not okay. It’s not going to be okay. I’m sick of this shit!” Christian pressed his palms to his eyes to stop the overflow of emotions from escaping in tears. “Thought I could have something normal for once, something for myself. I should have known better.”

  Rudy’s chair scraped the floor as he stood. “I’m gonna go get some air.”

  “No.” Christian looked up. “You don’t have to leave, Rudy. You guys are both my friends, okay?”

  Rudy paused, then sat down again. “Okay. I’m sorry this happened, Christian. I know you really liked the sheriff.”

  “No.” Christian stood. “No, we’re not going to talk about Myles in the past tense. I still really like him. I need to go talk to him. Right now.”

  “And say what, exactly?” JT asked. “It’s not like we can get him vetted.”

  “We got Rudy vetted.”

  “Rudy saw a craft and got targeted by Whites, that’s why Ogden agreed to vet him. I’m not unsympathetic, Christian, but you know you can’t tell Myles anything.”

  “I wasn’t gonna give him details about our work. But I can at least explain that I can’t tell him anything, for legal reasons. That’s what you tried to do with Rudy at first, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah,” Rudy said. “That worked out so well. I just kept digging once he said that.”

  “Myles isn’t Rudy, though,” JT said. “From what I know of him, he’s pretty mellow.”

  “He has a side to him,” Christian said. “A curious side. Likes to have all the facts.”

  “Then don’t tell him anything!” JT said.

  “Then what?” Christian pointed at him. “I am not going to let the man I slept with last night think I’m a raving lunatic. I’m just not gonna do it. I like him. Why should I have to lose him? Why?”

  “Okay,” JT said. “Just be careful what you say. Keep it vague. But you can’t go talk to him right now.”

  “Why not?”

  JT threw his hands up. “We haven’t even gotten to tell you what we learned from Baz tonight. I know you want to fix things with Myles, but this is important too. Don’t you want to know?”

  “Okay,” Christian said. “Condense it.”

  JT frowned. “Condense it?”

  “I’m going to see Myles. Tonight. Now. So condense it.”

  “I can’t,” JT said. “There’s a lot of detail. It’s gonna take some time.”

  Christian pointed at Rudy. “Rudy. I know you can condense it.”

  Rudy took a deep breath. “There’s nothing Ogden’s team can do to protect against the angry nasties because they have abilities and bitchin’ weapons and shields and shit also Baz knows where Ogden and Wiley’s headquarters are and saw them attaching a house on wheels to a truck and that means they’re coming for the craft to transport it and JT and I think the angry nasties might have a base inside the moon that’s likely a midway point travel stop kind of like the Whites’ base here but we’re not positive about that.”

  Christian nodded. “Okay. Is that it?”

  JT shrugged. “Yeah. That’s pretty much it.”

  “Good. I’ll let that marinate in my mind. And I’ll see you both tomorrow at the briefing.”

  With that, he left JT’s, got in his car, and headed toward Myles’ house.

  ****

  When Christian knocked on Myles’ door, he still wasn’t sure what he was going to say. He only knew he had to try to fix this. At least try. He wasn’t just going to give up. A tiny angel on his shoulder looked soulfully at him and warned, Christian, you’re far too emotional to have this conversation right now. He swatted the angel off his shoulder and knocked again.

  He could see low lights through the windows, so was pleased that Myles seemed to still be up. But he was taking his damn sweet time answering the door, so Christian worried he might be hiding out in there, not wanting to face him. But when he knocked a third time, Myles did come and answer the door, his dark hair damp, skin pink from a recent shower, wearing pajama bottoms and a tee shirt.

  Great. He had to be looking all wet and sexy.

  “Christian. Are you all right?”

  “I need to talk to you.”

  “Okay.” Myles waved him inside. “How long were you knocking? I just got out of the shower.”

  Christian followed Myles inside, getting a whiff of his clean, soapy scent.

  “Sit down,” Myles said.

  Christian took the chair this time, while Myles sat on the sofa. “We need to talk about what happened today.”

  “Christian, look.” Myles shook his head. “I handled that badly. So badly. I should have waited until we were alone, and could speak properly.”

  “About the fact that you think I’m crazy?”

  Myles shifted on the sofa, his back straightening. “Why would you say that?”

  “Because you saw me in the woods today.”

  Lips tightening, Myles nodded. “You saw me there.”

  “No. I didn’t.”

  “You didn’t? So you figured out I saw you because of the things I said at the boardwalk. Look, Christian—”

  “I didn’t figure it out. Though in hindsight, I probably should have. But no. I had no idea you were there. Someone told me.”

  Myles gave him a cautious stare. “Someone told you. Who? Who told you I saw you in the woods?”

  “I can’t tell you that.”

  “I see.” Myles linked his fingers, resting his arms on his lap. “Do you hear voices?”

  Groaning, Christian ran fingers through his hair. “No. I don’t hear voices. I’m not mentally ill, Myles.”

  “There’s no shame in it. If you take medication. If you need medication. I’m not judging you. I just want to know if you’re okay.”

  “There are things I can’t tell you about myself. Top secret things. I was hoping it wouldn’t become an issue. But here we are. I actually was meeting someone in the woods today. They saw you, and didn’t show themselves. That’s why I was so frustrated and...yelling.”

  “Top secret things.” Myles said the words slowly.

  “You don’t believe me. Of course you don’t. I know how it sounds. I know how all this looks. But please hear me, and have an open mind, okay?”

  Myles nodded.

  “I work for a top secret sect of the military. One you’ve never heard of. They don’t even answer to the president. That’s all I can say about it. I told you there’s no danger to the village. I still believe that. We make that a priority. The peace and safety of the village comes first, it’s important to us.”

  “Us. And you can’t tell me who this us is, because...they’re listening?”

  “Oh for fuck’s sake Myles!”

  “Easy.” Myles held his hands up. “I’m just asking questions.”

  Christian stood and walked to the sofa, leaning over Myles and grasping his shoulders.

  “You know I have a redacted file, you know this. And that’s because I’ve been working for different sects of the military since I was fifteen, Myles, and I still do. How do you think the information got back to me so fast when you looked into me?” He gave Myles shoulders a shake. “I’m taking a risk telling you this because I care about you. But I am not crazy.”

  Myles’ expression was blank. “Let go of me please.”

  Christian released him, and took a big step back.

  “I’m listening now,” Myles said. “I’m really listening, Christian. But you need to calm down.”

  Christian let out a hard breath. “I’m sorry I got in your face.”

  “If it was anyone else I would have dropped them with one punch,” Myles said.

  “Is it weird that that kind of turns me on?”

  Myles smirked,
his eyes twinkling. “Yes. It’s weird.”

  Christian laughed, and took his seat again.

  “So,” Myles said. “I was right. You did know Ogden before the lake incident.”

  “I can’t say exactly who my associates are.”

  “Just some sect I’d never have heard of.”

  “I know how it sounds. But yes. That’s right.”

  “And you can’t tell me what their interest in the village is.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Even though they showed up when something crashed into the lake. Something that could have harmed people in the village. Yet you tell me there’s no danger.”

  Christian remained silent. Telling Myles there was no danger to the village wasn’t exactly a lie, and it wasn’t the truth. He just didn’t know. The village was safe for now. But he sure as shit couldn’t tell Myles about the Whites. Or the new, other things.

  “Should I be concerned about the people in the village, Christian?”

  “If it ever got to that point, I would let you know, I promise.”

  “If it ever got to that point.” Myles leaned back, rubbing his forehead. “That sentence alone tells me it’s a possibility. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this information. Why are you sharing this now?”

  “I was hoping...I guess I wanted you to see a bit of the real me. I didn’t want you to have this wrong idea. I thought if I told you this much, maybe we could go back to...where we were.”

  Myles remained silent, staring at the floor.

  “I guess that’s not an option.”

  Looking up, Myles’ expression was conflicted. “Well, honestly Christian, I’m not happy about this. You lied to me. Convinced me I was paranoid for thinking you were hiding something about yourself. It wasn’t easy to believe you but I took a leap of faith. I was relieved. Now I’m...I don’t know what I am. I don’t know how I feel.”

  Christian’s heart sank. “I understand.”

  “You’ve lived in the village for what, a decade? How long have you been working for this...sect?”

  Swallowing hard, Christian said, “All that time.”

  “What are they so interested in here?”

  Christian remained silent.

  “You can’t say. Right?”

  “I’m sorry, Myles.”

  “Oh, boy.” Myles groaned. “You can’t tell me. I’m the sheriff. And you can’t tell me.”

  “This doesn’t have to affect us.”

  “My mind hadn’t gotten to us yet.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry, Myles. I didn’t think this through. I should have realized how it would affect you...professionally. I came at it from a personal place, and it blinded me. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

  “No, you weren’t.”

  “Okay, I get it, you’re pissed at me,” Christian said. “But there’s no imminent threat to the village and I’m telling you this doesn’t have to be a big deal.” Backpedal much, Christian? He’d fucked up and he knew it. Now he was doing everything he could to take it back and diffuse the situation. But it was like putting out fire with gasoline, because now Myles’ face was all scrunched up and angry.

  “Imminent? It doesn’t have to be a big deal? You’re telling me I’m in the dark about something huge going on here. That I have to remain in the dark.” He looked up. “And you’re expecting me to be okay with that? We don’t know each other well. But I figured you knew me better than that.”

  Christian said nothing. This was a disaster. What had he expected? That Myles would run into his arms? Thank him? Tell him it was all fine? Coming here was a stupid, emotionally-fueled decision, and he regretted it.

  “Why give me this useless half-story now?” Myles said, anger flashing in his eyes. “Why did you come over at this hour to tell me this? This doesn’t help me, it makes things harder.”

  “I didn’t want you to think I was mentally ill.”

  Myles stood. “I would have been okay with you being mentally ill! I am not okay with this, Christian! Did you actually think I would be? Why? Because we slept together?”

  Christian stood. “Not just because we slept together. I wasn’t ready to lose you, and I thought I was about to, so I tried to fix it. But I didn’t. I made it worse.” He headed for the door. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t you walk out on me!” Myles followed him to the door. “You can’t just drop this on me then walk out.”

  Christian turned around. “What do you want from me?”

  “Tell me everything.”

  “I can’t! I could get in big trouble just for telling you this! I’m so fucking stupid. I thought you’d be happy if I shed a little light on who I am, what I do. I was wrong.”

  Myles grabbed Christian’s shoulders and shoved him against the door. “Light? You didn’t shed any light. You dragged me into the dark with this shit! Now I’m so deep in your shadows I can’t see straight. But you expect me to stumble around there in the dark because I want you so much.”

  “Yes! That’s what I expected!”

  Myles shoved him again, breathing heavily.

  Christian’s heart pounded, adrenaline coursing through him. “Myles. I like you. But if you shove me again, you’ll find yourself on the floor before you can say another word.”

  “Maybe it’s worth shoving you, then,” Myles said. “Then I can arrest you.”

  Christian’s eyes narrowed. “You can try. I’m sober this time. Good luck.”

  “I came to work in this village because I thought it would give me a quiet, contented life. Now I have to worry about some possible danger I can’t even see. You’ve just fucked everything up for me and now you want to walk out?”

  “I didn’t say there was danger. You can still be content.”

  “How?” Myles grip tightened on Christian’s shoulders, but rather than shoving him again, he leaned in, pressing him to the door with his body. “How do you expect me to be content with this?”

  Myles’ clean, spicy scent filled Christian’s nose, body warm and hard against him, making it difficult to breathe. “You can, Myles. Forget what I told you. Go back to thinking I’m crazy. Maybe I am. Just let it go. Forget I was here. I’m sorry I came. Sorry I did this to you. Just forget about me altogether.”

  “Forget about you?”

  “Yes! Forget about me and everything else that goes along with me, you’re better off.”

  “You dumb shit,” Myles breathed against his lips. “You think I can just forget about you? About you? After kissing you and licking you all over and watching you come while you screamed my name?”

  Christian inhaled sharply. Myles’ tone was still angry, but his fingers drifted up, cupping Christian’s face. “Myles… If you can’t forget about me, and I can’t forget about you, then...what do we do?”

  Myles kissed him hard and Christian’s hips lurched forward, grinding against him. Then on a whim he shoved Myles off him. “That’s not an answer.”

  Myles stumbled back, face flushed, breathing heavily. “It’s the best answer you’ll get tonight. Take it or leave it.”

  Christian stared at Myles for a moment, then lunged himself on him, capturing his mouth as he caught him in his arms.

  There were no more words, only open mouths and tongues and breath, hands exploring, tugging shirts off. Myles’ mouth stayed firmly locked onto Christian’s, cupping his erection through his jeans as he dragged him toward the bedroom. “Are you still mad at me?” Christian huffed.

  “Furious.” Myles stopped in the hallway, shoving Christian against the wall.

  Christian clung to Myles’ bare shoulders as he gripped Christian’s ass and lifted. Christian’s legs wrapped around him, and Myles pressed him against the wall, dry humping him while he bit his neck.

  Myles thrusting up against him, wedged between his legs, teeth on this neck...it was sending Christian through the roof, and he groaned, panting. “Myles, God. You want me. Still want me.”

  “Unfortunately I can’t seem to
stop wanting you.” Myles sucked Christian’s neck and bit his earlobe as he thrust against him. “I wanna fuck you,” he whispered. “I’ve never wanted to fuck someone as badly as I want to fuck you right now.”

  Christian nearly came in his pants. His throat tightened, but he managed to push out a breathy, “Yes.”

  Myles hiked him up, still supporting his ass, and Christian stayed wrapped around him as he was carried to the bedroom and released onto the mattress.

  The room was dark, just a beam of moonlight coming through the window. Christian undid his jeans and stripped them off as he watched Myles’ shadow move across the room, heard a drawer opening.

  Myles stepped into the beam of moonlight next to the bed and peeled his pajama bottoms off as he stared down at Christian. “No underwear again?” He climbed onto the mattress.

  “I hate underwear,” Christian whispered as Myles’ body pressed down on him.

  Myles pinned Christian’s arms over his head and they writhed together, eating each other’s mouths so frantically Myles’ tooth nicked Christian’s lip. “Sorry,” Myles whispered.

  “I don’t care. Take me. Tear me apart.”

  A deep groan escaped and Myles pressed his cock hard against Christian’s. “You’re really ready for this?”

  Christian stroked Myles’ beard stubble, slipping a finger into his mouth and over his soft tongue. “I think we’re both ready.”

  Myles sucked his finger, then quickly pushed off of him, rolling over and scrambling for the condom. Christian closed his eyes, breathing slowly. He was too turned on already, his mind spinning and his body aflame, every nerve ending tingling.

  When the mattress shifted and Myles’ mouth pressed down on his, it was sweet and tender, the stroke of fingers across Christian’s chest slower, less frantic. Christian suspected Myles’ was trying to tap the brakes on his own excitement, and while the crazy, runaway train that brought them to this point was thrilling, the switch to gentle intimacy squeezed Christian’s heart.

  “So beautiful,” Myles whispered, shifting onto his elbow as slick fingers spread Christian’s ass cheeks and found his entrance. Christian opened his legs and whimpered, lifting his hips as Myles’ lubed fingers slipped inside, gently stretching him. “So fucking beautiful, Christian,” he said as he moved his fingers in and out. “Let me fuck you.”