He reached behind him, pulled one of his mother’s handmade blankets over himself, and lay down. If he came back to the community, he’d have to forgive the people who’d said things about his father and thought less of his mother and him because of his father’s actions. He wasn’t ready to forgive. When he was younger, his mother taught him to accept people’s apologies and tell them he forgave them even if he didn’t.
She told him his heart would eventually catch up with his mouth where forgiveness was concerned. He didn’t see how that could be true. What sense was it to let people say horrible things and then apologize after the hurt was carried out? Anyway, where was anyone’s apology regarding him and his family being treated differently because of his father’s shortcomings? Didn’t God love everyone the same? It was no one’s place to judge.
Right now, he had a comfortable life and wasn’t ready to go back to the restrictions of the community.
* * *
Unfortunately for Violet, Willow hadn’t been able to cover for her very well when she’d sneaked out to see Nathan. That was all too evident because as soon as she turned her buggy into the driveway, her mother was waiting for her with her feet planted firmly on the ground and hands on hips.
She slowed the horse when she got close to her mother.
“Where have you been?” her mother demanded.
Not wanting to tell a lie, Violet had no choice but to tell her the truth even though it was the last thing she wanted to do. “I went to visit Nathan.”
Nerida’s mouth opened wide. “You know how I feel about that. Come inside as soon as you can, and after dinner tonight, you and I are going to have a serious talk.”
“Okay, Mamm.” She stopped still in the buggy and watched as her mother turned on her heel and stomped back into the house.
As she unhitched the buggy and tended the horse, she mentally ran through what her mother might say to her. She’d tell her why Nathan was totally unsuited and how there were so many other men around who’d be a far better match. Then she’d ask what young men she liked. Her mother was very similar to Aunt Nancy, her only sister.
She heard footsteps behind her and turned to see chubby-cheeks Willow huffing and puffing as she ran from the house to the barn.
“Mamm guessed where you were. I tried my hardest not to tell her.”
“It’s okay. She’s already told me she’s not happy I went to see him. She said I had to have a serious talk with her after dinner.”
Willow’s mouth dropped open. “I don’t like the sound of that.”
Violet grimaced and pushed her glasses higher on her nose. “Neither do I, but I could’ve gotten a worse punishment.”
“I don’t see why you’re getting any punishment. You were only visiting a friend.”
Violet finished rubbing down her horse and considered what Willow had said. The thing was she liked Nathan as more than a friend and that’s obviously what her mother had guessed. Nathan would be the last man on her mother’s list of potential suitors.
“Can I do anything to help?” Willow asked.
Violet straightened up. “You waited until I had nothing to do before you asked that.”
Willow giggled. “Let’s help Mamm with dinner and try to get her into a good mood.”
“Good idea.”
As they walked to the house, Violet said, “Isn’t dinner started yet?”
“Mamm started on it and then asked me where you were. I tried not to tell her but you know how she can be. It was dreadful and I didn’t want to get into trouble too.”
Violet sighed. “It’s okay, don’t worry. I’ll have to face what she says to me.”
“We must try to get her into a good mood.”
“Hmm, I don’t know how we’ll do with that.”
Willow giggled. “I’ll race you to the house.” Willow took off running and Violet ran a little but her legs were still aching from all the walking she’d done recently. “I’m first. I get the prize,” Willow said when she touched the side of the house.
“Yeah? What prize is that.”
“I will think of something.”
“You do that,” Violet said, still worried about their mother. “You go in first.”
Willow walked into the kitchen first, followed by Violet.
“I hope you’ve both washed your hands.”
“We’re just about to do that, Mamm,” Violet said.
“I’m all washed up,” Willow said.
“Gut. You can help me cut these carrots while Violet washes up.”
Violet and Willow’s efforts didn’t have much of an effect on their mother. She didn’t smile once throughout dinner. Violet was starting to wonder if she was going to get grounded for going to see Nathan without telling her.
After dinner, Willow was left with cleaning the kitchen while Violet’s father read the newspaper in the living room. Violet and her mother went to Violet’s room to have their talk.
As they both sat down on the bed, Violet asked, “What’s upset you most, Mamm?”
Her mother stared at her and blinked a couple of times. “Where should I start? Secret notes passed around, couriered by a young boy. Or should I start with you sneaking off to meet a boy without me knowing?”
Violet said, “It’s not like what you’re saying.”
“Well, tell me exactly what it’s like.” Her mother was getting angrier.
“It’s nothing to get upset about.”
“I am upset. Do you like Nathan Beiler?”
“I do.”
“As more than just a friend?” her mother asked.
Violet wasn’t ready to share her feelings with her mother. “I’m not sure.”
“Which young men do you like?”
“Mamm! Why are you asking me this? I don’t feel comfortable telling you who I like and who I don’t. Are you going to try and pair me with someone? Is that why you’re asking?”
A gentle smile softened her mother’s face. “I just want to make sure you don’t make any mistakes and that you find the right man for you.”
“I don’t need your help finding a man. It will happen if and when it’s meant to happen.” Her mother’s face soured when she told her that. It was as though that was the very last thing she had expected Violet to say.
“If?”
“Jah. Maybe not everyone is cut out to be married.”
Her mother gasped and covered her mouth. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’m deadly serious.” With one finger, Violet pushed her glasses further up her nose. “These specs would be off-putting to a man.”
“Not the right man.”
“So, you agree my glasses are ugly?” Violet huffed. “I should’ve gone with a different kind of frame. These ones stand out too much and they’re too heavy. They keep falling down my nose.”
“They might need an adjustment.”
“I’ll adjust them right into the trashcan. They’re ugly.” Violet figured she would rather talk to her mother about her glasses than talk to her about a man.
“They’re not ugly, they bring out your eyes.”
“You mean they make my eyes look bigger because they’re magnified? I’m like a goggle-eyed fish.”
“You’re not! You’re just as lovely as before. You’ve never complained about wearing them until now. Did someone say something?”
Violet shook her head. “Nee, don’t worry.”
“I want you to talk to me about things.”
Violet sighed. “It’s not easy sometimes because we think so differently about things.”
“As far as your glasses are concerned, you need them and should be grateful for them. Your vadder paid good money for them.”
“Sorry, Mamm. I’m grateful for them.”
* * *
Nathan had finally managed to get some sleep the night before his mother’s funeral. He’d stayed awake thinking about everything from his younger days when he’d been happy, before his father turned to drink, to recent times
with Violet.
He hoped the day wouldn’t be too stressful, but he was saying goodbye to his mother, so he knew it would be an emotional time. At least now his mother was at peace and out of pain.
If the people he was annoyed with showed up, he wouldn’t let them bother him. He’d ignore them and if they talked to him he’d be polite and keep focused on the reason he was there.
Still in bed, he stretched his arms over his head and yawned. It was time to wake up now and get himself to the bishop’s house where the viewing of his mother’s body was to be held.
The bishop and his wife had been wonderful to him since his mother died. He’d always gotten along with them and respected not only the bishop but all the church oversight. It was some of the other people who’d been talking meanly about his father. Although it was the bishop who’d made the decision regarding all the shunnings his father got over the years, Nathan didn’t hold that against him because he believed he was doing that for a Godly purpose. Although the bishop should’ve been at Nathan’s house to see how unbearable that made things in the home over that period.
Nathan wouldn’t have been able to handle the viewing as well as all the Amish people who would be coming to say goodbye to his mother. She had to have an Amish funeral and that was something he wasn’t able to do by himself. It was thanks to people like Valerie that his mother was having a good send off.
Before he got out of bed, he thought about what his mother had wanted for his life. When he’d seen her lying there sick and helpless, he’d led her to believe he’d return to the community one day, get married, and have lots of children. He had to let her think that. Now that Violet had come back into his life, a part of him thought that the things he’d told his mother might become a reality.
Nathan got out of bed and changed into the clothes that he’d laid out for himself the night before. He’d purchased a plain black suit for the occasion and teamed it with a white long-sleeved shirt. He already owned a pair of black lace-up shoes.
After he got dressed, he had an uncanny sense of his mother’s presence. It felt like she was right there in front of him. He sat down on the couch for a few moments and closed his eyes. He hadn’t thought of eternity in a long time or where he could end up spending it. Nathan believed in God, but he wasn’t convinced that the Amish way was the only way to be right with God. Although he had to admit it was easier to follow God within the confines of the community as the temptations of the world weren’t there every day to distract him.
He sat and waited for Ed Bontrager who was collecting him to take him to the bishop’s house. He didn’t think it was appropriate to arrive at his mother’s funeral in a car. It was much better to arrive in a buggy with a member of the Amish community. All the while, his stomach rumbled, but he was far too nervous to eat a thing.
Chapter 6
As Violet rode along to the bishop's house for the viewing prior to the funeral, she leaned forward, closer to her mother, who was sitting in the front seat of the family buggy. “Do you know who’s taking Nathan? Is someone collecting him?”
Her father turned toward her and said, “Ed Bontrager is collecting him.”
Violet leaned back in the seat. She guessed that had to be Valerie’s doing since she was close to Ed. When she sensed Willow staring at her, she looked over at her and then Willow looked away. Willow didn't like her being friendly with Nathan even though she was trying to be better about it. She basically had the same opinion of Nathan as her mother had—that he was no good.
She wondered what her father thought of Nathan. She wasn't about to ask, not in the presence of her mother and sister.
When they arrived at the bishop's house, they pulled alongside the house and past the row of buggies. Nerida had a bad leg and couldn’t walk far. It had been broken some time ago and had given her trouble ever since.
“You lot get out here,” Violet’s father said.
Violet helped her mother out and then her father turned the buggy around and headed to park it at the end of one of the many rows of buggies.
Together they walked into the house and the first thing Violet saw was the coffin as people filed past it for the viewing. When she walked further inside, she saw Nathan to one side of the long living area, standing next to Ed Bontrager.
His face lit up when their eyes met and she walked over to him.
“Hello, Nathan.”
“Hi, Violet.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Just as you’d expect someone would feel at their mother’s funeral, I’d reckon. I'll get through it.”
She looked across at Ed and he looked happy to stay by Nathan’s side, keeping him company.
“Everyone's been really good,” Nathan added. “I've appreciated everyone’s support. People have said lovely things to me about my mother, and me—surprisingly.”
“Probably because they found out how you stopped by every day to look after her even when you were working long hours.”
“Well, she was my mother. I didn’t stay that long anyway. Just in my lunch hour.”
“I know that, but people had somehow gotten the opposite impression and thought you never visited and stayed away.”
He shrugged. “I dunno.”
Ed Bontrager said, “People often get the wrong impression about things. If you'll excuse me, I see someone I need to talk with.” He walked away, leaving Violet and Nathan alone.
“I suppose there's a lot of people here that you haven't seen for a long time?” Violet asked.
“Jah, people haven't really changed—in looks I mean. Everyone seems to be the same, just a little older.”
Soon, Violet was edged out of the way as other people came up to see Nathan. Violet was pleased that people were making the effort to make Nathan feel comfortable.
When she saw Molly Gingerich glaring at Nathan from the other side of the room, she thought she should know the truth about Nathan.
“Hello, Mrs. Gingerich.”
“Oh, it’s you, Violet. Did you have those glasses before?”
“I had them on the other day when I came to your haus.”
“I didn’t notice them.”
“I thought you should know that Nathan came to his mudder’s haus every day to see how she was.”
“Is that true?”
“Jah. It’s true.”
“Hmm. That would explain a few things. I’ve misjudged the boy.”
“He’s a man now.”
She looked over at him. “Jah, he is. I must speak to him.”
Molly walked away from her without saying a word.
When she saw Molly and Nathan talking, Violet then walked over to Willow and stayed by her until the men came to take the coffin outside. Everyone in the bishop’s house stopped still and watched the coffin being taken out of the house, carried on the shoulders of four men. Assuming that Nathan would continue on to the graveyard in Ed’s buggy, she didn't invite Nathan to go in the buggy with her family.
The coffin was then placed in the long, specially-constructed black funeral buggy. The buggy carrying the coffin went first, followed by the regular buggies. Violet’s family was in the very last buggy. Their father had parked far away and he had to drive up to the house for his wife's sake to collect her so she wouldn’t have far to walk.
When they reached the graveyard, Violet was the first of her family out of the buggy, as she wanted to make sure Nathan wasn't alone.
She walked along, following the crowd, and saw Nathan standing next to the bishop. They were talking and looking down at the coffin by the open grave. Old Mrs. Gingerich was there too, on the other side, wiping her tears away with a white handkerchief.
As much as she was sad for Mrs. Gingerich, Violet was pleased that everyone had seemed to rally around Nathan. He would surely get over this feeling that many in the community disapproved of him. No one could blame him for his father’s actions and think that was a reasonable thing to do.
When everybody had arrived
and was gathered at the grave, the bishop read out a hymn and then offered a lengthy prayer while four men lowered the coffin into the freshly-dug grave.
Word had spread that the meal afterwards would be held at Valerie's house. While she was staring at Nathan, who was transfixed on the grave right by the bishop’s side, Violet’s father walked up to her. “Come on, Violet. We’ll go to Valerie’s haus.”
“Give me a moment, Dat,” she said, still staring at Nathan.
Her father stood silently by her side until she felt uncomfortable about what her father might think about her staring at Nathan. She looked up at her father. “I'm ready to go now, Dat.”
Her father put his arm loosely around her shoulder and led her back to the buggy.
When they were driving away, she stared back at Nathan to see him speaking to the bishop. They seemed to be getting along well.
* * *
Nathan was pleased that Mrs. Gingerich had said some kind words. She’d even apologized for thinking bad things about him. She made him give his word he’d say goodbye to her before he left his mother’s house for good. Then he looked at the bishop, who was standing by his side. “Thank you for everything you’ve done today, Bishop John.”
The bishop’s lips turned upward above his long, graying black beard. “Your mudder was a valued member of the community. Now she’s home.”
“I know, and she’s out of pain and at peace. I miss her dreadfully.”
The bishop nodded. “We all miss those who have gone before us. Just know that you have a home here and everyone here is your family. We’re ready to accept you when you’re ready to come back, Nathan.”
The bishop’s words touched him greatly. He felt tears coming to his eyes and he blinked them back. “Thank you, that means a lot. I have thought about it more seriously in these past few days.”
“That’s good. I’m surprised you left when you did. I always thought you would stay with us.”
Amish Violet Page 4
