What the hell was with these guys today? First Sawyer, now him? I didn’t think I could take much more of this.
Seeing as how I didn’t have any choice in the matter, I said, “Fine.” As I said it, I looked all around, expecting to see my ex nearby, standing with his arms crossed, a look of murder on his face. But Ray was nowhere to be seen. The more time that went by, the more I started to feel like I was crazy.
I didn’t make him up. He really did get off on a technicality. Google didn’t lie…at least, not about that.
Travis stepped off my skateboard, blue eyes intense as he watched me bend to pick it up. He dropped his cigarette on the ground, smashing it with his heel before we started walking.
“You know, I’m perfectly capable of going to class on my own,” I told him, shooting him a glare. His black hair looked almost blue in the sun, the light making his skin seem tanner, his tribal tattoos darker. He was a handsome man, regardless of whether or not he was a little off his rocker.
My kind of trouble. I still hated myself for knowing that’s what he was and not realizing that my kind of trouble just might get me dead. After what happened with Ray, you’d think I’d have a better survival instinct.
“That remains to be seen,” Travis remarked. “You are remarkably unpredictable. I wouldn’t put it past you to try to run again. When I can, I want to be with you to be sure you’re not doing anything else that’s ridiculously stupid.”
I wanted to sock him right in the jaw. In his square, perfectly defined jaw.
“Shut up,” I muttered.
We were both quiet for a while, meandering along. Travis must’ve been done with classes for now, for he set the pace, and it was ungodly slow. A snail could crawl faster than this. It killed me to be here with him, especially after what Sawyer said.
He was done.
Well, fuck-a-doodle-do. He was done? I was done. I was done before this whole thing was even on my radar. I had my own problems, and until recently, I thought I could actually move on. But that was life for you: it came to kick you down when you weren’t expecting it, and when you tried to get back up to give it another go, it took out a chainsaw and cut you into tiny, manageable pieces.
Life could fuck me in the ass for all I cared right now. Life could go jump off a bridge, and I’d say sayonara.
“Ash,” Travis spoke quietly, his voice practically getting lost by the wind, “you do realize I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong? Something is clearly wrong here, I’m not so dense that I don’t see it.”
Out of everyone, Travis was probably the one who would understand. Travis was a little dark, a bit twisted; out of the guys in my life, he would be the one to not run away after finding out about Ray.
Did that mean I was going to tell him everything, confess all of my sins to him? Hell no. He might be the one to understand, but he couldn’t handle it. It wasn’t like he could take Ray off my hands. Ray was…Ray. No one could beat him.
“I can handle my own problems,” I said. “I wish you guys would understand that and leave me alone.” I’d pretty much already told them to fuck off, so I didn’t know what else I could do. These guys were not getting the hint, and it was annoying. Didn’t they know they were safer without me? If I was just Declan’s roommate, not a girl out to steal their hearts?
“Sometimes you need help,” Travis went on, oblivious to my palpable unease. “There are problems you can’t face alone. You’re smart enough to know that.”
And I was. I knew sometimes things were easier with help, with a team, with a group of guys standing steadfastly behind me. Ray was not one of those problems. Ray was an apocalypse, the end to everything I knew. Ray was the end for me, and anyone who stood near me when he came would only end up facing his wrath as well.
“And you’re smart enough to know that when a girl says no, she means no,” I shot him an annoyed, exasperated look. “Some problems you can’t fix, Travis. Sometimes life is just fucked up, and there’s nothing you can do about it besides ride it out.”
Ride it out, or let it derail and kill you. Either way, Travis wouldn’t be able to help me. Either way, I was fucked in all kinds of awful ways.
We made it to my dorm building, and I was just about to go into the stairwell when Travis set a hand on my shoulder, spinning me. He had me pinned against the wall near the door within the next moment, his sapphire eyes gazing down at me with an intensity that still set a fire in my lower stomach.
God, this one…this one still drew me in like the others just couldn’t. Even though I regretted everything I’d ever done with Ray, Travis had me in his web, ready to pounce on me. I was the prey and he was the hunter, and unlike a lot of people, I enjoyed being the prey when it came to men like Travis.
My undoing, really.
My skateboard was between us, stopping him from touching me completely, holding off his chest from leaning against mine. Even though I knew what I had to do—say goodbye to these guys—I knew the moment I felt his hips on mine, I’d lose it. I’d lose what little willpower I had.
“I told you if you don’t tell me what’s going on that I was going to figure it out myself,” Travis said, reminding me of his previous words. “And I meant every word, Ash. If you don’t fess up, I’m going to start digging. My family has connections.”
Again, his mysterious family. The part of me that was dying to know just what his family did was quieted by the part of me that feared Ray’s wrath more.
“Do you really want me to start digging up your past? I think it would be better for the both of us if you came clean now.” Travis’s gaze fell to my lips, and I watched him run his tongue over his bottom lip, sensual and enticing. The action made my already warm gut burn with the intensity of a thousand stars.
Those chains in his room could be used for some fun things…
If he dug up my past, what would he find? Would he be able to find a mention of Ray somewhere? His family and their connections…surely if I was able to hide Ray from everyone important to me, an outside group wouldn’t be able to discover anything either? At this point, I knew better than to hope. When you hoped for something, you only ended up utterly disappointed.
I didn’t say anything, mostly because at this point there was nothing left to say. The horse was long dead, and we all took turns beating it with our own weapons of choice. By the time we were done with this particular horse, it would be nothing but crushed up bones.
Travis’s body leaned against my skateboard, pressing the flat side against my chest and causing me to inhale sharply. His head bent down, his nose grazing mine. His arms rested on the walls around me, blocking me in. No escape from him now, no running. Face to face with the monster that was Travis, and it was only because I was used to looking monsters in the face that I wasn’t scared.
Oh, no. Not scared at all.
Just really turned on.
“You should know by now that nothing can scare me away from you,” Travis murmured. “Nothing. Whatever you’re hiding, I can handle it. I want you to be mine, Ash, and I’ll be waiting for the day you realize you want it, too.” His lips closed the distance between us, and I was too lost in everything that was Travis to pay attention to our surroundings.
My eyes closed, and I nearly dropped the skateboard. Losing myself in Travis was too easy, far too easy and effortless, almost as if it was made to be. So what if he and Sabrina were getting it on behind Declan’s back? So what if he had her journal? So what if his obsession with me ran a little deep? It didn’t make him guilty. It wasn’t like I wanted my forever in Travis—I wasn’t that stupid. I knew I wouldn’t be so lucky to get a forever with anyone. My past wouldn’t allow it.
Still, it was ridiculously nice to feel his warm lips on mine, to breath in his smoky scent and taste the tobacco on his tongue as it snaked between my parted lips and danced with mine. My nerves were on fire, desperately wanting him to yank the skateboard away, throw me over his shoulders and take me somewhere private. Th
is time, if he locked me in chains I wouldn’t run away. This time I’d let him do whatever the hell he wanted to me.
I really was losing my shit, wasn’t I? Normal girls didn’t have thoughts like those.
Travis was the one who broke the kiss first, his breathing harder than it was a few moments ago. “You,” he whispered, voice husky in all the ways that made me shiver in the best kind of anticipation, “even after all this time, I can’t figure you out.”
It was funny how just a kiss could send me skyrocketing off the deep end.
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked, noticing how he didn’t step away. If the skateboard wasn’t between us, I knew for a fact I’d feel every hard inch of him against me—and I knew I’d love it. So, really, it was a damn good thing that skateboard was there.
Not going to lie, I wanted it to be a bad thing. Right now the skateboard was my only saving grace.
Travis sent me a crooked smile with picture-perfect teeth. He finally stepped back, giving me room to breathe as he cocked his head and studied me. I bet I looked strange: clinging to the wall, holding onto my skateboard for dear life, my lips a tad puffy and pink from our sudden, hungry kiss. “No, I like the challenge as much as anyone.” He reached for me, trailing a single finger along my jaw. “And besides, it’ll only make it sweeter when I finally have you.”
So confident, but not in the annoying way Sawyer was. Travis was smoother than his old friend, somehow. Or at least I thought he was. I watched him turn on his heel and leave, still feeling his mouth on mine.
Damn it.
These guys refused to take me pushing them away sitting down. They couldn’t just sit back and let it happen. No, no—that would be too silly. Of course they all had to fight for me in their own ways. Travis and Declan, I mean. Not Sawyer, because Sawyer was apparently done.
I let out a sigh before turning to head into the stairwell. I’d wanted to say goodbye to these guys, push them away to save them from Ray, but it seemed like my plan wasn’t working. They refused to be pushed away; they were pushing back, in the opposite direction. They were pushing me.
That could only mean one thing.
A truckload of shit was going to go down, and when it did, it wasn’t going to be pretty.
Chapter Eighteen – Ash
It was Friday afternoon, and Kelsey was on her way. I had no idea why Kelsey refused to listen to the voice of reason, but it was official. She’d be here within a few hours, and I’d be stuck doing whatever it was she wanted, because she was having a rough time at her college, too. It was fine, of course; I was her friend and I wanted to be there for her…I just really wished it wasn’t reaching a climax when my life was spiraling.
Both me and Kelsey having a shit hard time simultaneously, go figure.
Declan sat at his desk, his laptop closed. Normally he was online doing homework or watching funny videos with his headphones on, but right now he stared squarely at me. I, on the other hand, had my phone in my lap and was attempting to lose myself in whatever stupid social media platform I could. I hadn’t posted anything in a long while, and I wondered how the hell Ray found me.
Mom was fine, oblivious to Ray by the way she talked during our phone calls. Trust me, if my mom knew about him, she’d let me have it. Mom wasn’t the type of person to hold things back. I’d gotten it from her.
“And she can’t come some other weekend?” Declan asked, not for the first time. “I’m supposed to go visit Will once my dad gets off. I think they’re letting him out soon.” Meaning, in other words, he wanted me to go with him again.
No. I’d gone with him once, and that was more than enough. If Ray attacked Will—and I sure as shit didn’t see any other explanation for it—I couldn’t linger around Will. Doing so would only make Ray think Will needed to be taught another lesson, a la Travis style, only worse. Ray’s style of punishment was a lot worse than Travis’s, I knew that much.
“Trust me, I’ve tried to tell her now isn’t a good time, but she’s having none of it,” I said, talking straight to my phone. This past week had sucked so much ass; I just hoped that Kelsey coming here wasn’t the finale to the shit show. “She’s already on her way, and she’ll be here around seven. At least if the rust bucket doesn’t break down.”
That car…maybe it would break down. Was it wrong of me to hope?
“The rust bucket?” Declan echoed, smiling softly. I saw the smile with my peripherals and refused to look at it head-on. No more cute Declan smiles for me. No more random hugging or cuddling after panic attacks. No more hungry kisses, between me and any of the guys.
Just…no more in general.
Easier said than done, though.
“Yeah, it’s what we call her car. If you see it, you’ll know why.” Kelsey always figured if she made fun of it, other people couldn’t…or at the very least their words wouldn’t weigh so much on her. Can’t make fun of her for something she already knew was a target of ridicule. In this town, though, she might meet her match. The rust bucket was unlike any car on these roads or in Hillcrest parking lots.
Mainly due to the, uh, insane amount of rust on it.
“Where is she going to sleep?” Declan asked, rubbing the back of his neck in an awkward gesture. I pretended not to notice the way his shirt rode up a bit, revealing hints of his flat stomach. He wasn’t as muscular as Sawyer or even Will, but he was lean in all the ways that counted. “I guess she can have my bed, unless you want to give her yours…in which case you’re more than welcome to my bed.”
Okay, I knew I was trying not to look at him, but when he fumbled so cutely, it was hard not to want to watch.
“She’s sleeping in my bed,” I said, giving him a strange look.
“I can sleep on the floor.”
“No,” I said, chuckling to myself. “Kelsey and I are going to share my bed, and you can keep yours all manly over there.” We’d been best friends for what felt like forever, and anytime she slept over my house—er, apartment—we always split the bed. Hard to do when we’re talking about twin size beds, but it was what it was.
Kelsey, at least, had lived in a house. Her parents weren’t exactly rich, but they had more money than we did. She didn’t have to work to help pay the household bills like I did. I hated that I felt guilty for coming to school, for making my mom lose that supplemental income. During our phone calls, she always claimed to be doing fine, and I hoped with all of my heart she wasn’t just saying that so I could focus on school. My mom was that kind of person.
“You really think my bed is manly?” Declan asked, a full-blown smile gracing his face. “I try, you know, to keep it as manly as possible.”
I held back a laugh. “Ah, to lure all the girls in?”
“Just one, actually,” Declan said, the smile fading on his lips. “There’s only one girl I want to lure in, and I feel like she’s the hardest one to catch of them all.”
Oh, yeah. In the Pokémon world, I’d be the special event one. The one normal people couldn’t catch unless they went out of their way to get a special code. And if I was a fish? I’d be Loch Ness, something people claimed to have seen but never caught.
“Maybe,” I said, “you should give up trying to catch her and move on to someone else. There’s a lot of fish out there. Another one is bound to suit your fancy.” I was practically begging him to move on.
This whole week had been a whirlwind. All of my encounters with the guys had only made me feel more confused. I didn’t want to be caught between a rock that was Ray and a hard place made up of Will, Declan, Travis and fucking Sawyer. If there was one thing I needed right now, it was simplicity. If I could just focus on my best friend coming and not the way I felt around these broken boys—none of whom I knew I could trust, not really—I’d be great.
“I don’t want to give up on her,” Declan said, staring right at me. It was hard to pretend not to notice him when he stared at me with such fervent longing. “I told her I was going to fight for her, and I meant it.”
“Well,” I said, sitting up as I set my phone aside, “maybe she doesn’t want to be caught.”
“Is she afraid she’ll be trapped if I catch her?”
I almost said she’s afraid that the bigger fish swimming after her will jump onto the boat and capsize it, but that was a bit too close to the truth, so I settled for saying, “She’s a free spirit. She wouldn’t do good if she was caught.” Comparing myself to a wild animal. Great. This analogy was starting to get out of hand, I think.
“I wouldn’t cage her in,” Declan said, gripping the back of his chair so hard his knuckles were turning white. I knew it took everything in him to not get up and come near me, knew he was practicing self-restraint due to the nature of our conversation. “She could be mine, but she could still be free.”
“She doesn’t want to be like your last catch,” I said, running my hands over my knees.
“Anyone can see that she’s not.”
I stood, feeling the urge to pace the length between the two beds. Just eight or so feet, and yet it was enough. This…conversation was going in circles and driving me nuts. Couldn’t Declan just agree to let this go? To let me go? Surely it wouldn’t be so hard. It wasn’t like he’d known me for years. We were relatively new in each other’s life, whatever we felt for each other still fresh and budding and growing. Nip it in the bud, and it would stop.
That was the idea, but whether or not we could actually execute the idea…who fucking knew.
“I…” I shook my head, not wanting to refer to myself as a she anymore. I was done with the analogy. “I just want you to be happy, Declan.”
“I am happy,” he said, slowly getting to his feet as he watched me pace. “With you.”
I shook my head. “You could be happy with someone else, and safer, too.”
Declan’s brows furrowed, and he questioned, “Why wouldn’t I be safe with you, Ash?”
I stopped my pacing, glancing at him with an open mouth. Shit. I said a bit too much there, didn’t I? “Let’s just say there are things about me you don’t know,” I started, biting my lower lip as I thought of what to say. How could I say it without really saying it? “Things that you’d…you’d look at me differently for.”
Skank: A Dark College Bully Romance (Hillcrest University Book 3) Page 14
