The You I Want for Life

by Alison Kent

  They were here and they were healthy and soon she could once again see her feet and sleep on her stomach. And, naturally, just as she began to doze, the nurse arrived to spirit her new family away.

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Karr, but the pediatrician’s due any minute. If I don’t get the twins back to the nursery for their final checkup, you may not get out of here today.” She scooped up the infants from Eden’s chest.

  Immediately missing the warmth and the weight, Eden pulled the bedclothes to her chest. “Their gowns are in the top of the closet. Can you get them, or should I?”

  “I’ll grab them on my way out.” The nurse settled the babies side by side in a rolling bassinet, hovering with gentle hands as she adjusted the pink and blue blankets just right. Reaching for the bundle of new clothes, she gave Eden a genuine smile.

  “We’re going to miss these two. We haven’t had twins here since Oneilla May’s daughter surprised everyone in the hospital with two seven-pound boys ten years ago.”

  Before Eden could reply, the nurse was gone, cooing to the twins as the door creaked shut. The squeak-squeal, squeak-squeal of the bassinet wheels faded down the hall.

  Eden tossed back the antiseptically stiff sheet and blanket and eased her feet to the floor, wincing at this pinch, yelping at that sting. Reaching for the robe at the end of her bed, she wrapped it tight around her empty body and made her slow way to the window.

  The view from her room in the small county hospital was no doubt meant to soothe. But the blinding blue sky and the rolling hills of the tree-dotted horizon had absolutely no numbing effect on Eden’s whirring mind.

  As dozens of thoughts shifted and settled, one in particular came to a certain rest. She would never regret moving to Arbor Glen; she wouldn’t have made the friends she’d made or met Jace otherwise.

  The minutes preceding Jace’s departure from the delivery room lingered like a haze in her mind. She couldn’t account for each second, but she remembered enough.

  And for the last two days, she’d relived those elusive moments again and again.

  After he’d left, after the nurses had wheeled her down one hall, her babies down another, she’d lain alone in her hospital bed, tears of joy and exhaustion soaking the neckline of her hospital-issue gown. She’d been happy and tired, and she’d missed Jace sorely.

  And she would have liked to give herself a swift kick as a reminder that life wasn’t fair. Jace Morgan had never been part of the package. He’d been a sort of bonus. And he’d made no promises of forever.

  Her forever was of her own making, and she was preparing for the first step by taking her children home.

  To The Fig Leaf.

  To Arbor Glen.

  At the sharp rap on her door, Eden turned, glad for the interruption. She was daydreaming too much already. And she had so much to do now that she’d made her decision to stay and raise her family in Texas. “Yes?”

  Molly pushed her way inside, a tapestry bag slung over one shoulder. “Just stopped by the nursery. Had to make sure those precious little ones weren’t smothered in blankets. Nothing worse for a newborn than being too hot.”

  Eden stifled a laugh. “And did you find everything to your liking?”

  “Ben’s face is a wee bit red. Most likely a sensitivity to the laundry soap.”

  That Molly. Always the mother, Eden mused. “Or maybe he’s mad at Bethany for beating him to the punch.”

  “That could be.” Molly tossed the overnighter on the foot of the bed. “I’m afraid I do have some bad news.”

  “You didn’t find Jace.”

  Molly shook her head. “Tucker and I passed him on Highway 37 headed out toward Stone’s place Sunday night. But when Tucker drove back out Monday morning, he found the barn locked up tight. And that fancy showpiece of a truck is missing.”

  “Well,” Eden said with a heavy sigh, “I guess I’ll have to find another builder.”

  “You could wait for Jace to come back,” Molly offered.

  “I could, but I have no idea how long he’ll be gone.” Not to mention where he’d disappeared to or why. “And I want to get started on the plans for the new house as soon as I can. I knew the twins and I wouldn’t be able to live above The Fig Leaf forever. I just didn’t know our rooms would be bursting at the seams this soon.”

  “Well, I sent Tucker back to straighten out the car seats. You would’ve thought he’d never belted in dozens of his own grandchildren, looking at the mess he made of the seat belts.” Molly snugged an arm around Eden’s waist.

  Side by side they gazed out the window. “They grow up fast, girl. And before you know it, your two will have children of their own. I’ve taken care of my share of little ones. And I don’t think I could’ve done it without Tucker around. So I want you to promise that any time of the day or night you need me, you’ll call.”

  Eden leaned her head against Molly’s and stared at their reflected image in the window, tendrils of her auburn hair brushing the other woman’s shoulders. “Oh, Molly. What would I do without you?”

  Hiding a sniff in her handkerchief, Molly walked back to the bed and opened the overnighter. She laid out the clothes she’d brought for Eden to wear home. “Don’t be worrying about that, because you’ll never have to know.”

  Eden reached for the olive-hued jumper, then took the coordinating mustard-colored blouse from Molly’s hands. And then she smiled and began to sing about getting by with a little help from friends.

  JACE TOSSED HIS PENCIL to the drafting table, glanced at his watch, and stood. He was due to meet Marv for dinner. If he didn’t get a move on, he’d be late. He’d promised himself two things when he’d agreed to help Marv’s construction firm by taking on this design job: He would never miss another appointment with a friend and he would never work late.

  Jerking at the knot of his tie, he crossed the width of his temporary office in Houston’s Galleria and stared out at the mist rising from the Wall of Water three stories below.

  When he’d accompanied Marv into his partner’s suite deep in The Odyssey Corporation’s offices eight weeks ago, one mention of the J. B. Morgan name and he’d had everything he required to do the work handed to him on a silver platter.

  He knew the other draftsmen weren’t thrilled with his presence. But what they thought didn’t concern him. He was here to do a job. One job. For Marv.

  The fact that Dennis Perry, Odyssey’s VP and Marv’s partner, had been receptive to Jace’s ideas, and had been willing to risk the tempers and hurt feelings of his professional staff barely impacted Jace’s performance.

  But Marv was counting on him, and for his friend, he’d stay—no matter how much he wanted to get back to Arbor Glen. And to Eden.

  God, he missed her. He couldn’t believe how much. And he couldn’t believe he’d floated around in a black hole for so many years. Eden was right— which hadn’t really come as a surprise. He’d given up what he was meant to do, and his time here at Odyssey had proven that.

  He’d seen a lot in the past eight weeks. Once the Odyssey staff came to grips with the fact that he wasn’t after any of their jobs, things around the office had settled into a routine. The sort of routine he was well familiar with. But this time his perspective was way different.

  He saw the guys who thought of this as nothing more than a nine-to-five job, who were out the door before the second hand hit 5:01.

  And then he saw the others—the ones he used to be—who remained way after closing, who had families to go home to but chose to stay instead.

  He wanted to shake them, knock some sense into them, wake them up so they could see what they were throwing away. His reputation might speak for itself, but other than that... well, he hadn’t led an exemplary life.

  He had no room to talk—even though he wasn’t the same man he was when he’d walked out of Dallas three years ago.

  The two months he’d spent now in Houston had proved that to his satisfaction. And if he had Eden to come home to every nigh
t... he couldn’t think of a thing that would keep him in the office past closing time. He measured success differently these days.

  And the number one catalyst to his change in thinking had come in that delivery room when he’d witnessed Eden’s two babies entering the world.

  He’d seen it in her eyes, felt it in the trembling tips of her fingers, heard it in the shaky hesitation of her voice. She wanted him to stay. Instead, he’d walked. Afraid he’d fail her, that in the end, he’d let her down.

  But maybe, just maybe, it was way past time he headed in a new direction—even if that direction was the far Northeast. He knew now that he’d survive wherever a life with Eden took him. And knew it well.

  “Hell of a concept, Morgan. Hell of a concept.”

  Darkness had fallen, and in the reflective glass, Jace watched Dennis Perry study the blueprint laid out on the drafting table. “And it’ll do a world of good for public relations.”

  Jace walked back to the table, looking for what Perry saw. All he could see was what this would mean to Marv. “Yeah, well, not to take anything away from your designers, but sometimes you can make a bigger statement by keeping your mouth shut.”

  “I like what that says, Morgan. Like it a lot.” Perry rubbed at his jaw. His bushy gray brows creased into a frown. “We’ve got a hell of a design team here, Morgan. A hell of a team. But they’re big guns. They can’t see the damn trees for the forest. Or the forest for the trees.”

  He frowned and muttered, “Never have figured out what that means. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I’ve got designers here just as talented as you. It wasn’t your name that got you this job. It was the fact that you could see what needed to be done.”

  “I appreciate your honesty, Mr. Perry.”

  “Not a problem, Morgan. Not a problem.” He slapped Jace on the shoulder, then turned and walked to the door. Pausing, he looked back. “One more thing.”

  “What’s that, sir?”

  “I’m off to Galveston with the family for the weekend. And I don’t want to see a light burning in this window when I drive by later tonight.”

  Jace laughed. “Not a chance.”

  Shaking his head, Perry headed for the door, mumbling under his breath. “Kids gotta have their Halloween party on the beach. If that don’t beat all I’ve ever seen. Eating candy in the sand. What do kids know?” he grumbled, stepped into the hallway, then turned back. “Monday, Morgan. I’ll see you Monday and not before.”

  “Yes, sir. Monday.”

  Once Perry had gone, Jace reached up and flipped off the halogen lamp. He stared out the window at the taillights and brakelights and headlights of commuters fighting their way home between the 610 Loop and the Southwest Freeway.

  He figured he’d give it an hour, let the traffic thin out, then hit the road. He didn’t even need to stop at the Westin and pack a bag. He had everything he needed for the weekend back at his barn.

  Everything but Eden.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  PERCHED ON THE EDGE of the nursery window seat, Eden stared up through the branches of the pecan tree toward the sky. Stars blinked in the cloudless sky and the moon shone bright, a perfect trick-or-treat evening.

  Eden had never spent a Halloween in Arbor Glen. She’d decorated the front of The Fig Leaf with a row of a dozen carved pumpkins. She was looking forward to the festive night ahead more than she could have imagined when she’d moved here at the beginning of the year.

  It was especially poignant since she knew she was home, since she’d come to realize where she lived didn’t matter, that the fulfillment she’d been searching for between Texas and New York she’d finally found in her heart.

  She still missed Jace. The twins had just turned two months old and she hadn’t heard a word from him since the day Beth and Ben had been born. No one seemed to know where he’d gone. Or at least those who might have weren’t talking.

  She’d seen Stone Healen out behind his shop bathing Chelsea. That had come as a real surprise. Not that Jace had given away his dog, but the fact that he knew somebody well enough to give her to.

  Stone hadn’t said a word, at least not any that had made any sense. What he’d said had sounded like Latin, except for a cryptic male-bonding remark about a man doing what a man had to do.

  Well, whatever Jace had to do, it sure hadn’t included her. But that was fine. She’d get along without him. And once he returned, if he did, they’d wrap up their unfinished business and she’d close that chapter of her life. It didn’t matter that she loved him.

  An incredible ache rose in her throat, one she’d tried to work her way around for the past eight weeks, one she’d tried to ignore, but one that just seemed to hang in her chest, taking pleasure in catching her off guard or at the most inopportune times.

  Like every time the chime played when the front door opened and closed. Like every time she reached for a teacup in her new kitchen cabinets. Such as every time she crawled under the covers and spent another night alone.

  Good grief, Eden. Just get over it.

  She was saved from total immersion in self-pity by a snuffling in the cradle behind her. Jace’s cradles. She couldn’t think of them any other way. Before Ben could fully wake, she hopped up, squatted at his side and patted him back to sleep.

  Then, just as she turned to check on Beth, a huge shadow spilled over her from the doorway. She spun around.

  “Chloe. You scared me.” She pressed a hand to her heart. “What are you still doing here? I thought you left with Molly.”

  Chloe glided across the room, a tinkle of bells and a swish of skirt the only sound she made. Eden got to her feet just in time to catch the girl as she launched herself forward.

  “Oh, Eden. I’m so glad you’re going to stay. I just wish Jace were here. It’s not cosmically right. The circle isn’t complete.” Chloe smelled like fresh air and teenaged girl.

  Eden hugged her close, wondering what her own daughter would be like in sixteen years. “You’ve been a lifesaver these past two months. I don’t know how I would’ve managed without your help in the store every afternoon.”

  “I can be of more help. Nick won’t mind. I—”

  “Chloe, Nick needs you at home. If I’ve learned nothing at all in my life, I’ve learned that one thing. You have to be there for those closest to you. That’s the only way you can be happy with yourself.”

  “Are you happy with yourself, Eden? Are you happy at last?”

  Assuring herself that the twins slept peacefully, Eden guided Chloe back to the window seat where they sat cross-legged facing each other. “Yes, Chloe, I am. I found what I came here looking for. But I found it in myself. Beth and Ben need me more than anything I can give them. And to be the best I can for them, I have to be happy here.”

  She gripped Chloe’s hand and pressed it between her breasts. “Deep in here. Because when this works, everything works. And I can be the best I can be. Don’t ever accept anything less from yourself. And don’t ever depend on another person to give you that inner peace.”

  “Then you didn’t find it with Jace?” When Eden didn’t answer, Chloe looked down and twisted her skirt in her hands. “I was wrong. I thought you would.”

  “Jace hasn’t found it with himself. If that happens...” Eden shrugged. “Who knows? For now, I have to think of my babies.”

  Chloe got to her bare feet and heaved a theatrical sigh. Swiping back loose tendrils of hair and a couple of tears, she said, “I will think of your babies, too. Until I’m old enough to think of my own.”

  “One more thing,” Eden added, climbing down to wrap an arm around Chloe’s shoulders and ignoring the teen’s wish for babies. “When I finally get settled in the new house, I want you to come to stay for a week. I’ll supply the paints and brushes and you can paint your cosmic heart out.”

  Chloe’s eyes widened, and even in the darkened room, Eden could see her excitement. Not only did the girl’s eyes sparkle like the sun on rain, the suggestion
of light hovered from her head to her shoulders.

  Eden blinked twice and it was gone, and Chloe was in motion again, enclosing Eden in one last hug. “I will start planning now so I will know the colors when I see them.”

  Then she was gone in a blur of shadows, but Eden knew she would be all right. Standing at the head of the stairs, she listened for Chloe to go. The barest tinkle of bells reached her ears before the chime rang in the distance. Eden shivered as the song faded away.

  And then Bethany’s cry of hunger had Eden’s breasts filling in automatic response. She reached for her daughter and settled into the rocker—Jace’s rocker. Kneading her breast with a tiny fist, Beth nuzzled and rooted as Eden adjusted her blouse.

  “Greedy little sister, aren’t you?” Eden whispered, sucking in her breath as Beth latched on. She smoothed her palm over Beth’s dusting of auburn hair. “Oh, Beth. We’ll be just fine, won’t we? Just you and me and Ben?”

  A quick glance to the cradle at her feet told her that Ben wasn’t about to wake up for anything as mundane as eating. No. Her son slept quietly, and knowing Ben, planned to save all his wakeful hours to studying the complexity of his new world.

  Eden glanced back at Beth. She gurgled and plopped her fist against the soft swell of Eden’s breast. Caressing her daughter’s downy head, Eden glanced at the darkened window, the muted lamplight making it a reflective glass.

  Resting her head against the back of the rocker, she concentrated on the tiny tugging motions of Beth’s mouth until a squeak of the stairs reached her ears. Eden straightened and looked at the glass.

  Jace’s reflection was clearly outlined in the window, the moonlight illuminating but not defining. She remembered the love in his eyes, the touch of his fingers to hers. But she remembered him best in her heart.

  She drank her fill of his blurred image, wishing him into the room but refusing to turn for fear she’d do something stupid like throw herself into his arms. The moment went on.

  He was the first to speak. “Hi.”

  She didn’t know where to begin. All she could manage was a return, “Hello.”