by Jena Wade
Jason followed, though he kind of wanted to be alone with his thoughts for a while. Maybe later he could take a ride. Until then, he would have to work beside Lucas all day, dreaming of what probably would never be.
* * * *
“Jason! Jason, wake up!” Lucas shook the bed they had shared for the past two and a half weeks. During the day they’d worked side by side, though Jason was always careful not to let Lucas do anything too strenuous with his wrist. By night, they’d fallen into bed together. Sometimes they made love, sometimes they watched movies, sometimes they just collapsed. But they were always together, waking up in each other’s arms. Except for today.
Lucas had woken up early, and unable to get back to sleep, he’d decided to exercise Rain. On a whim he’d grabbed his lasso. Lo and behold, when he’d wound it over his head for the first time, there was no pain, and he landed a clean throw. Granted, he’d only roped a fencepost and not a moving steer, but still. Thinking it had been a fluke, he tried again. After about a dozen throws, his wrist had a dull ache, but nothing that would hinder his performance.
“What the hell, Lucas?” Jason pulled the blankets over his head and turned. “Leave me alone.”
“Oh, c’mon. You’re going to be up in an hour when the coffee goes off anyway.”
Jason groaned from beneath the blankets. “No one should be awake at five in the morning.”
“You better get up if we’re going to make it to Tulsa by Saturday.”
Jason removed the blanket, giving Lucas a questioning stare. “What?”
“I can ride. It might not be perfect, but I can rope. I tried a few throws this morning, and it doesn’t hurt. Arm is still a little stiff, but I can do it. We might not take first, but we’ll still be in the standings.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. You sure about this?”
“Yeah. Aren’t you? I mean, don’t you want to get back out there? It’s not like we can stay here forever.”
Lucas gave Jason a nudge and a smile. “Besides, we have a championship to win.”
Jason sat up and rubbed his eyes.
Lucas nearly moaned. He’d love to rub something right now…
No. Focus.
“We haven’t practiced. Hell, we haven’t done anything but trail ride Rain and Argo for the past two weeks. Do you really think we could be ready?”
“What? Of course. We may not be perfect, but we can still ride. I thought you would be more excited about this.”
Lucas stared hard at Jason, trying to understand why he wasn’t jumping for joy. They could go back to rodeoing. Doing what they loved. Why didn’t Jason see that?
“That’s great, man.” Jason ran his hand through his disheveled hair. “So when do we leave?”
Lucas jumped off the bed and grabbed his suitcase. “By noon. We can have breakfast with Cory and Perry, finish up some work, and be on our way.” He threw his clothes and probably some of Jason’s as well into his bag, then headed to the bathroom to gather his toiletries.
“Great.”
Lucas stopped. “You okay?”
Jason nodded. “Just need some coffee so I can process all of this.”
“Don’t take too long. We’ve got to get moving.”
Chapter Seven
Lucas and Jason stocked the cooler with water and snacks and were on the road by noon. “So we don’t make any stops until we need to sleep,” Lucas had said. He’d even called ahead and made sure there was room for the horses at the stable they had used before on the route to Tulsa.
He let Lucas drive. Had Jason been behind the wheel, they might not have made it out of the driveway.
It was for the best though. This wasn’t their ranch, not where they belonged. It was a getaway, a place to hide until they had to go back to the real world, where no one knew they were more than friends.
In the past two weeks, Jason had gotten used to sleeping by Lucas’s side, sitting next to him at breakfast, joking with him while they worked. They hadn’t cared who saw them; only Perry and Cory, and their ranch hand Tre were around anyway. They could kiss and touch without worrying about who would see and judge.
It had been too easy. Too easy to fall into the routine of being together. Too easy to imagine an eternity like that.
Lucas never let on that he would even want a future with Jason. They’d never talked about what would come next. They’d barely mentioned this year’s finals. Being at Cory’s ranch was like an escape from time, from the world. Nothing existed outside of where they were right then.
But it was over now.
Jason didn’t want to hear any more of Lucas’s excuses about Jason not being gay and Lucas not wanting to be out.
“If we drive all day tomorrow, we’ll make it there before dark. We can get the horses settled, and we can check in to the hotel.” Lucas pressed the gas a little harder.
“Ease up, man. You’re already driving the speed limit.”
Lucas looked down at the speedometer and grinned. “Whoops. Guess I’m a little anxious. I didn’t think we’d be able to finish the year.”
“Well, for once you listened to me and rested that arm. Now it’s better.”
Lucas snorted. “Whatever.”
Jason couldn’t resist a smile, despite his sour mood. It was great that they could compete again. Wonderful to finish what could be their final year together, even if they didn’t win. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t long for the days spent on the ranch, working instead of driving, sleeping in the same bed every night. With Lucas.
“I’m going to miss the king-size bed.” Shit. Jason hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
Lucas shot him a look smoldering with desire. “Me too.”
Suddenly, Jason’s jeans were too tight, and he had to adjust in his seat, staring at the truck in front of them to bring him back to reality.
“There’s no reason we can’t…um…share a room tonight.” Lucas shrugged, like it was no big deal for him and Jason to fool around.
It was a big deal to Jason. “What about your rules?”
“We can forget about that one.”
“But not the first one?”
Lucas shook his head. “No, never forget about the first one.”
“I think that might have gone out the window while we were at Cory’s ranch. I think he and Perry suspected there was something going on.” Or rather, it was an unspoken understanding since Jason had spilled the beans early on, but Lucas didn’t need to know that.
“That’s not a big deal. It’s not like Cory’s going to start rumors around the rodeo, and he most certainly won’t be talking to my mom.” Lucas laughed, obviously not taking this conversation as seriously as Jason was.
“You know your mom and brother aren’t going to care.” Jason knew that for a fact.
Lucas sighed and shot Jason an annoyed look. “We’ve been through this. I’m not taking that chance. It’s not any of their business anyway. Why don’t we talk about something else? Did you happen to look up what the standings are now after we missed last week?”
Jason pulled out his phone and navigated to the Internet. At least this would be a safe, productive topic.
* * * *
Lucas tightened the cinch on his saddle one last time, then mounted Rain. Jason and Argo were already at the arena, ready for their ride.
Electric energy flowed through his veins as the smell of dust from the arena hit his nostrils, and the familiar sounds of the rodeo filled his ears. It felt great to be back at it. He wanted to win for Jason. It killed him to think that he might let Jason down.
The roping part of the rodeo had been going on for a quite a while, and there were already a few good scores. Now that they were toward the end of the season, the competition was getting fierce. They’d need to do damn good today if they wanted to win, or at least maintain their standing.
He rotated his wrist, making sure the brace he had on wouldn’t restrict his movement. It ached a bit, but it wasn’t too bad. He could definit
ely throw a rope.
Jason nodded at him as he approached. They didn’t talk as they watched their competitors finish their rides. They knew what they had to do.
Once their names were called, Jason shot Lucas a look. Without words, Lucas knew Jason wanted to know if he was sure about this, if his wrist would be able to handle it. He nodded. Nothing would stop him now.
Rain followed Argo into the arena, like they’d done a million times before. Lucas didn’t even have to use his reins; his horse knew where to go. He gripped his rope as his heart sped up, his body readying itself for the competition.
He looked over at Jason, his handsome face shadowed by the cowboy hat he wore. Lucas’s heart sped faster. He wanted to win, to do well, not just for the title, but because it meant so much to Jason. If it was important to Jason, it was important to Lucas.
“Well, aren’t these two a sight for sore eyes. It’s been three weeks since Lucas broke his wrist, and I’ll venture a guess that he is here against doctor’s orders. Ladies and gentlemen, you can’t keep these boys down.”
Lucas chuckled as the announcer kept going.
“We’re lucky enough to have them back here today, and we’ll for sure be seeing them at the finals in two weeks.”
The crowd quieted a bit, and after a moment, the buzzer sounded and they let loose the steer.
It happened in slow motion and too fast, all at the same time.
Jason and Argo took off first; his rope whooshed through the air and landed around the steer’s horns. He tied off the rope and the steer spun.
Lucas saw the opportunity and took it. He ignored the throbbing in his wrist and let his rope fly. It caught the two back feet of the steer, like he’d anticipated. Rain slid to stop as he dallied the rope.
He met Jason’s eyes through the dust in the arena.
When the announcer called their time, both of their jaws dropped.
“Looks like that broken wrist helped them break the record, ladies and gentlemen. This team here obliterated the arena record for this event. That makes them the time to beat for the night.”
Once the steer was freed from the ropes, Lucas directed Rain closer to Jason and Argo. He held up his good hand for a high five and was pulled into a hug that nearly knocked him off his horse.
Jason held him so tight, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to continue breathing. Then he let go and their eyes met. Without thinking, Lucas leaned forward and pressed his lips softly to Jason’s. It felt right. Like this was how they should always celebrate a successful ride. Then he remembered that they weren’t at Cory’s ranch anymore, and his stomach dropped.
He pulled back. Jason’s eyes widened, and he scanned the crowd. Lucas did the same. Quiet surrounded them. Even the announcer didn’t speak.
Shit.
Panic surged through Lucas’s veins. The air swirled around him, making him dizzy. Rain must have felt the discomfort, because she began to prance and sidestep nervously. He pulled the reins, turning her toward the exit, nudging her into a trot so they could get away. Away from the crowd, from prying eyes, and from Jason.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
How could I have been so stupid? What the fuck!
Twenty-seven years of hiding his secret, and after one little kiss, it was all going to blow up in his face.
His family would hear about this through the grapevine. Someone would call them and gossip about what they saw.
Lucas passed countless people on his way back to the trailer. He didn’t even know he was heading there until Rain stopped in front of it. He dismounted and began to undo the tack, operating on autopilot and sheer need to escape.
What would they do now? They couldn’t show up to finals after today. No way would they be welcome there. No way could Lucas face anyone after what had just happened. How could he explain this? What would he say?
“Lucas! Lucas, damn it, stop and look at me.” Jason quickly tied off Argo and stood next to Lucas. “Fucking talk to me, Lucas.”
For the first time since he’d left the arena, Lucas focused. Time slowed to its normal speed, and he could see clearly again. His hands hovered above the saddle, shaking like a newborn colt. For the life of him, he couldn’t get them to stop. “We should go. We should load up, and if we leave now, we can get…” Where could they go? Finals were in two weeks. They couldn’t go there. They couldn’t go home.
He wasn’t sure if he had a home.
Jason laid his hand on Lucas’s shoulder and spun him around. “Lucas. It’s fine. You need to calm down. It’s not a big deal.”
Anger replaced the panic and fear surging though his body. He turned on his heel and faced Jason “Not a big deal? We just fucked up everything! M-my brother is going to hear about this, a-and he’s going to tell my mom. Where the fuck am I supposed to go, Jason? How can we fix this?”
Jason rolled his eyes. He rolled his fucking eyes. “For God’s sake, Lucas. Your mom and brother already know you’re gay. They’ve known for years. They don’t care. No one fucking cares.”
Lucas’s head spun. “What are you talking about?”
Jason took a deep breath and stepped back, giving Lucas space to breathe. “When we went team penning this year, your brother and I talked. He knows you’re gay. So does your mom. They knew Kevin was gay. They don’t care.”
The new information did nothing to calm Lucas. If anything it made him more upset. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want you to be mad at me.”
“So you let me continue to think that my family would hate me because I’m gay? Just so I wouldn’t be upset with you, and we could still ride together to win your precious title? Is that what you’re saying?” Lucas’s stomach dropped. His best friend. His lover. A man he thought could be the One had lied to him? The betrayal was too much for him to handle. Lucas cut Jason off as soon as he started to speak. “No. I don’t want to hear it. Just go. I can’t—” He shook his head and turned away. There wasn’t much else they could say.
“What am I supposed to do? Walk home?”
“Catch a ride with one of the other guys. Call our sponsors. Call Cory. I don’t care.”
Jason grabbed his duffel bag from the back of the truck, untied Argo, and walked away.
A pang of regret almost made Lucas call him back. Tell him he was sorry or something, but the betrayal and fear was too strong. He knew Jason would catch a ride. There was always someone looking for a driving companion or someone with an extra spot in their trailer, willing to take on a passenger.
For right now he couldn’t face Jason. Or anyone. He could feel the judgmental eyes on him even as he leaned against the trailer.
He kicked himself into gear. He had to get out of here, but first he had to get Rain loaded into the trailer.
He looked around one last time. This was it. The last rodeo he and Jason would compete in together. He’d known the end was coming, but he’d never imagined it like this.
Chapter Eight
The horses played in the green pasture in front of him as Jason leaned against the white fence. The yearlings ran around like they didn’t have a care in the world. An irrational shot of envy flew through him. Jealous of horses. He snorted to himself. That was a new low.
It had been a few days since he had walked away from Lucas. Or rather since Lucas had shoved him away, out of his life.
Jason had hitched a ride with one of the other roping teams, and since then he’d been staying at Perry and Cory’s, trying to figure out what he was going to do with his life. So far, he was out of ideas. Owning a ranch didn’t really hold much appeal anymore; neither did roping. His life was empty and incomplete without Lucas.
“You going to sit there all day? Or are you going to get moving?” Cory stood next to Jason and nudged his shoulder.
“Yeah, I’ll get to work. I was just watching the foals play.”
“That wasn’t what I meant.” A look of concern crossed Cory’s face, and Jason braced himself for the conversat
ion he’d been dreading. He’d managed to avoid any talk of Lucas and what happened at the rodeo, but he knew that Cory must’ve heard about it from someone.
“C’mon, Cory, let’s not do this.” Jason groaned and turned to walk away, to continue escaping all things that might remind him of Lucas and what could never be.
Cory grabbed his arm. “You need to finish this season. If you don’t, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
Jason rolled his eyes. “Oh, for God’s sake. Don’t be so damn dramatic.”
“So you have no problem hiding out until what? Finals are over? What’s the plan here? Perry and I don’t need another full-time worker, so you can’t stay here.”
“Nice. Some friend you are.” Jason pulled his arm free of Cory’s grasp and stomped away.
Cory jogged to catch up with him. “Look, man, Perry and I didn’t talk for over a month because we were stupid and stubborn and God knows what else. Learn from our mistakes. Fix this now.”
“Fix what? Lucas doesn’t want to be out. He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want me. He’s convinced that everyone is a bigoted asshole and there is no way he could ever be out. He made his feelings on the subject quite clear.”
“But did you?”
Jason paused. He couldn’t answer that. Of course he’d told Lucas how he felt. Right?
He wasn’t so sure, and he wasn’t about to admit that to Cory.
He hadn’t told Lucas how he felt. He hadn’t been given the chance. Would he have taken it?
No.
Taking a chance would mean putting himself out there and possibly getting hurt. Too bad it had happened anyway. He’d never known he could hurt this much.
He spoke quietly, more to himself than to Cory. “What am I supposed to do? Track him down and confess my undying devotion like we’re in some romantic movie?”
“That’s not a bad idea, but I was thinking you could go to finals. Finish the season. Be honest with Lucas.” Cory shrugged. “Not necessarily in that order.”
Jason shook his head. “He isn’t going to be there. He has no reason to be there.” Lucas wouldn’t go to finals without him; he was too damn scared.
