After the Fire

by Felice Stevens

  After Lucas slid into the front seat, he grinned at Jordan. “You brought Sasha?”

  At the sound of her name, she barked and pawed at Lucas’s arm. That had the desired effect, as he petted and scratched her until she was satisfied and lay back down.

  “Why not? They all love animals, and she needs the day out. Esther has a nice backyard, and she can play Frisbee with us out there.” Jordan pulled his SUV out into the traffic, and they sat in companionable silence as they traveled downtown.

  “Tell me, did you let your friends know I was coming with you?”

  He shot Lucas a quick glance, then turned his attention back to the cars entering the Brooklyn Bridge from Chambers Street. “Well, I did say I was bringing a surprise, but I kind of meant Sasha when I said it.” He smirked at Lucas’s scowl, then realized the guy was seriously pissed when he didn’t come back with one of his usual smart-ass retorts. “I told you before, it’ll be fine. Esther’s like my own grandmother; she loves having people around and you should meet the guys and Rachel.”

  “I don’t like walking into situations I’m not prepared for.” Lucas slid farther down into the leather seat, arms folded, lines of disapproval etching deep furrows between his brows.

  “We can never be prepared for everything in life. The best we can hope for is to be able to handle whatever is thrown in our path without going crazy.” Jordan maneuvered onto the highway after exiting the bridge, and soon they were wending their way through the tree-lined streets in Brooklyn.

  “Whoa, man. That was some serious shit you laid down.”

  Jordan could feel Lucas’s stare and smirked. “I can be deep.”

  For the first time since getting in the car, Lucas smiled. “So I see.” He turned down the radio. “Why don’t you tell me a little about everyone so I have an idea who they are at least before I meet them?”

  That made perfect sense. “Well, Drew and Mike are my two best friends. We’ve known one another since our moms became best friends at the playground when we were little. I’m a few years older than both of them and sort of looked out for them, like a big brother.”

  “How old are you, Prep School?” Lucas grinned at him, once again relaxed and at ease.

  “Thirty-five, asshole. How old are you?” He was actually curious. He knew Lucas was younger.

  “I turned thirty this year.”

  This area of Brooklyn boasted Victorian homes with wide lawns and leafy old oak trees. Jordan had always enjoyed visiting Esther. All he wanted was to hug her and have her tell him everything would be all right again like she had when he was a little boy.

  Blinking back against the burning in his eyes, he made the familiar turn down her block and pulled into her driveway. Only Mike’s car was there—Drew and Ash hadn’t arrived yet. “This is it.” He turned off the engine.

  “Yeah, Captain Obvious. I figured you wouldn’t pull into some random person’s driveway for no reason.” Lucas unbuckled his seat belt.

  Rolling his eyes, Jordan snapped a leash on Sasha before opening the door, as she had a tendency to jump out of the car and take off. “Come on, girl. You too, Lucas.”

  But Lucas had already stepped out of the car, his face an unreadable mask. After Jordan let the dog take care of her business at the curb, he approached him. Whatever Lucas had said the other day, Jordan did feel as if they’d become friends. Putting aside the strangeness of that shattering kiss they’d experienced in his kitchen, Jordan could admit to himself he enjoyed spending time with him. One minute Lucas could be sarcastic and charming, yet other times, like now, for instance, his defensive walls came up, rendering him untouchable.

  But no less unforgettable.

  Swallowing hard against the unexpected but not wholly unwanted emotions swirling through him, he leaned against the car, where the man remained rooted to the spot. “What’s wrong? You look as though you’re ready to bolt.”

  In that hard, almost deadened voice Jordan hadn’t heard in a while, Lucas responded. “It was so easy and perfect for you guys, huh? Growing up like this.” He swept his arm wide, indicating the house and its surroundings. “Intact families who loved and sheltered you from all the big, bad problems of the world. I bet your biggest problem growing up was deciding what to watch on television or which cereal to eat in the morning.”

  Jordan had opened his mouth to respond when the front door opened and his friend Mike Levin stuck his head out. “Yo, Jordy, are you gonna stand out there all afternoon? Come inside and say hello.” He walked out onto the porch, Rachel at his side as usual. His eyes widened, and Jordan could see him staring at the dog. “You got a dog?”

  Rachel detached herself from Mike and came tripping down the stairs. “Oh, Jordy, she’s beautiful, aren’t you, sweetie?” She put out her hand for Sasha to sniff.

  He knelt beside Rachel and kissed her cheek. “Her name’s Sasha, and she adopted me, showed up in my backyard one day.” Sasha wriggled on the ground from all the attention, and both Rachel and now Mike, who’d joined them, were petting and rubbing her belly, to her obvious doggy delight.

  When they’d finished with the dog, Jordan stood up and introduced Lucas. “Lucas Conover, this is Rachel Klein and Mike Levin. Rachel is Drew’s sister, and Mike is, well, Mike.” He looked with affection at his old friend, who, as usual, held on to Rachel. When Mike had come back from Iraq with injuries that left him, among other things, deaf in his left ear, he’d gone through a wild phase where it seemed to Jordan he’d bedded almost every eligible woman in New York City. Then Rachel came back into his life and centered him so that he could deal with his disability. They shared a deep, strong love, and Jordan couldn’t be happier. Both had suffered enough.

  They walked up the steps to the wide front porch, Jordan keeping a tight hold on Sasha’s leash. Luckily, Esther’s house had a fully fenced-in backyard, so he’d be able to let the dog out and keep an eye on her from the kitchen, which was where they always spent their time whenever they came to visit Esther anyway.

  They entered the center hall colonial, and Jordan breathed in the familiar scent of sugar, vanilla, and Esther’s sweet rosewater perfume. The house smelled of his childhood—comfort, and love. From the moment he entered he’d become ten pounds lighter, the weight lifting from him, freeing his soul, enabling him to breathe for the first time since that horrific night Keith had died.

  “Is that my darling boy, Jordan? Where is he?” Esther’s faintly accented voice carried down the hallway as he heard her quick steps tap on the highly polished parquet floors. She might be almost ninety, but nothing could slow her down.

  “Esther, Happy Birthday, my love.” He saw her then, thin and beautifully dressed, her silver hair set in simple waves about her face. Those bright blue eyes snapped with life, lines etched deeper in her fine, pale skin that hadn’t been there the last time he saw her. His heart skipped. She’s gotten older. “Still the loveliest lady in Brooklyn.” He held out his offering. “I know how much you love your chocolate.”

  Her radiant smile was all he needed. “Oh, you sweet young man. You shouldn’t have.” Her eyes twinkled as she sneaked a peek into the bag he’d brought her from her favorite chocolate shop in New York—Li-Lac Chocolates. “But I’m glad you did.” She set the bag on a small side table. “Now come here and give me a proper hello.”

  He handed the leash to a silent Lucas, who stood off to the side, then walked into Esther’s open arms. “I’ve missed you.” He gathered her into his arms, careful not to squeeze her too tight, but she was stronger and fiercer than he remembered and pulled him close.

  “Oh, my darling boy. Not a day’s gone by since that horrible night that I haven’t thought about you.” Her tears wet his sweater, but he didn’t care as he rocked her against his chest.

  “It’s been so hard, you know?” he whispered into her hair, but she heard him and nodded, saying nothing. “I’m trying, though. Not to forget, never to forget him, but to live with the loss. That’s good, right?”

&n
bsp; Esther tipped her head back and wiped her tears as she gazed at him. She’d lost her whole family in the Holocaust before she came to this country, so Jordan figured if anyone knew how to deal with senseless death, she did. “You’ll never forget. You shouldn’t, sweetheart. But you must go on living to prove that their death wasn’t meaningless and that your life was made better for knowing them. That you learned and grew from having shared your time on earth with them.” She reached up and stroked his cheek. “He would’ve wanted that. Your young man would never want you to live a cold and unremarkable life. You were made for better things than that, my darling boy.”

  Without thinking, he caught Lucas’s eyes and held them for a moment, then returned his attention to Esther. “Thank you. It’s one day at a time, still.”

  She patted his shoulder. “I understand. Now who do we have here?”

  Jordan slipped his arm around her slender waist as she turned in his arms to face Lucas and the dog. “This is Sasha. I adopted her a few weeks ago. I always wanted a dog, and now, well…” He let the sentence die off.

  Sasha licked Esther’s hand and sat at her feet as if she understood how important Esther was.

  “She’s very sweet, but I wasn’t talking about the dog. Who is this handsome young man?” From over her shoulder she fixed him with a funny smile before facing Lucas again. “I know I’ve never seen you before.”

  “Hello, ma’am. My name’s Lucas. Lucas Conover. Jordan and I work together on the foundation that Keith set up.” He held out his hand, and Jordan was amazed to note how nervous Lucas looked. He didn’t miss the assessing smile that curved Esther’s lips either. “I’d like to wish you a happy birthday as well.”

  “Oh, how lovely to meet you, Lucas, and thank you. This may be one of the best birthdays I’ve had in years.” She tucked her hand into his arm and tugged him. “Why don’t you come with me to the kitchen, and I can get you something to drink and a snack? Coffee, tea? A beer, perhaps? Do you like chocolate chip cookies?” They walked down the hall, Esther’s light voice doing most of the talking, only occasionally interrupted by the deeper, smooth tones of Lucas.

  Sasha, off her leash now since she was inside, followed Esther and Lucas to the kitchen as if sensing where the good stuff was. Jordan took off his jacket and hung it over the banister. Mike and Rachel stayed in the hallway with him.

  “He seems nice, Jordy. How long have you two been together?” Rachel gave him an encouraging smile.

  “We’re not together; we’re friends, Rach. That’s it. He was Keith’s financial adviser and CFO of the foundation. Plus we go to the gym together.” He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, rocking back and forth on the balls and heels of his sneakers.

  Mike barked out a laugh. “You, going to the gym? That’s funny.”

  Jordan bristled. “Why? What’s so funny about me at the gym?” His hands ached, and his mouth tasted like dust. He needed a drink or another pill. Or both. He’d taken three this morning, and already the effect was wearing off. Brushing aside the thought that maybe he was becoming too dependent on the pills, he growled again at Mike. “You don’t see me as able to work out?”

  Mike held up his hands in self-defense. “Whoa, don’t take my head off. It’s only that you never went before. I never knew you were into working out.”

  “I’m using it as a sort of therapy. Work your body and you’ll feel better about your life.”

  Rachel smiled and placed her hand on his arm. “That’s true, you know. I fully believe that the body and the mind need to be in tune.”

  “Speaking of bodies, where the hell is your brother? He’s usually never late.” Jordan checked his watch, noting it was twelve thirty. “Davis is coming as well, right? They’re still together?”

  “Yes, Jordan. They’re still together.” Rachel shook her head, giving him an exasperated look. “I don’t know why you still have such a bug up your butt about Ash. He and Drew are insanely happy.”

  At my expense. His heart dropped to his stomach as the mind-set he’d been unable to let go of echoed in his head. He’d never voiced his anger to anyone, never could, but it remained there, as deep and wide as the ocean.

  Because of Drew’s stupid, impetuous behavior, Keith had died, and Jordan didn’t have the guts to talk to Drew about it or even fully face it in his own mind.

  “Whatever. The guy annoys the shit out of me.” Jordan looked up at the sound of the front door opening, and as if on cue, in walked his nemesis, Asher Davis.

  His large, imposing presence filled the room. The hard mouth and glittering ice-gray eyes that caused opponents to quake in their shoes when he faced them in court were nowhere in evidence whenever he was with Drew. Instead his face radiated happiness, warmth, and love.

  What Jordan once had and now was gone.

  “Who annoys the shit out of you, Peterson? Not me, I’m sure.” Ash’s smirk showed he knew exactly whom Jordan had been speaking of.

  Choosing to ignore Ash, Jordan greeted his friend. “Hey, Drew, what’s up? How’s the clinic going?” Jordan might’ve shown up and taken on several easy orthopedic issues, but the thought of going back to a full surgical schedule sent him into a panic. His thoughts strayed to the yellow pills he had in his jacket pocket in case the day became too overwhelming for him.

  Drew hugged him, then took off his jacket and tossed it over Jordan’s on the banister. “It’s great. The donations keep coming in, and the new doctors are working out great, although the orthopedists keep asking for you. They’d all hoped to be working with you.” Drew’s calm green eyes held his. “Do you think you might put in more regular hours in the near future? You don’t have to answer me today.” Drew rushed onward before Jordan had a chance to respond in the negative. “Promise you’ll give it a thought, okay?” His kind smile had Jordan nodding in agreement. He rarely could refuse Drew.

  “Glad to see you’ve come out of exile to join us all, Jordan. For some reason, Esther’s missed you.” Ash looked around. “Where is she? We brought her birthday cake.”

  “She’s in the kitchen with Jordan’s dog and his friend.” Rachel volunteered that helpful bit of information before Jordan could even open his mouth. “We should all go into the kitchen where Esther is now that you’re here, Drew.”

  “Finally, I might add,” Jordan grumbled but didn’t miss the soft kiss Ash gave Drew. His mood, already spoiled by Ash’s presence, grew even blacker at the sight of the man’s happy face. His irrational mindset didn’t help the situation, but as his mother always said, “It is what it is.”

  “You got a dog, Jordy? You never said you planned on getting a dog.” Drew sounded surprised.

  “I didn’t plan on it. She sort of found me.”

  Rachel cut in. “She’s adorable. And so sweet too.”

  They all trooped into Esther’s homey kitchen, where platters of fruit along with Esther’s favorite foods—corned beef, roast beef, and pastrami—sat on the table. She must’ve spent the whole morning baking, as cake plates piled high with her famous chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and other assorted goodies sat waiting to be devoured.

  Lucas sat at the table, a plate of apple strudel in front of him, along with a big mug, which Jordan knew would have coffee. The man basically lived on caffeine. Sasha sat at his feet, her muzzle resting on his knee as he stroked her head. Esther spotted them, and her eyes lit up.

  “There they are; there’s my darling grandson.” She got up to hug Drew.

  “Happy Birthday, Nana.” Drew kissed her cheek. “We brought you a cake, but I should’ve known you’d bake up a storm.”

  She laughed. “Yes, you should, but who am I to deny another piece of cake in the house?” She peered behind him. “Where’s that scoundrel of yours? Asher, where are you, darling?”

  “Esther, my love. Happy Birthday, darling lady.” Jordan watched with disgust as Ash charmed Drew’s grandmother with his old-fashioned, courtly gesture of kissing her hand.

  “Come, y
ou two. Come have some coffee everyone, and Drew, Asher, come meet Jordan’s friend and his sweet dog.” As she approached the table, she took Lucas’s hand in hers. Jordan moved over to make the introductions, but Lucas stood abruptly, dropping his fork so that it clattered on the plate. Sasha jumped up to stand by Esther, whining.

  “Luke?” Ash’s voice cracked. “Is that you?”

  Instead of greeting them, Lucas stepped backward, his face locked into a mask of indifference, but Jordan, knowing him now as he did, could see how affected he was; his normally olive skin paled, his eyes narrowed, and a muscle jumped in his tightly clenched smooth-shaven jaw.

  “No, you aren’t dreaming. More like a nightmare.”

  By now, Sasha had placed herself in front of Lucas, growling at Ash. Smart dog, Jordan thought to himself. Good girl. “Do you two know each other?” He looked over at Lucas in confusion, and the bitterness and hatred on his face rivaled any Jordan had seen in his life. “Lucas?”

  Drew had come to stand by Ash and take his hand. “Ash, is this—”

  “It’s my brother, my foster brother Luke.” Ash took a step toward him. “Luke, please, let me talk to you. I’ve been trying for months.”

  Sasha barked, growling deep in her throat at Ash as she pressed against Luke’s legs.

  “You’re no brother of mine. You lost that right when you walked out on us.” Lucas snarled in Ash’s face as he brushed right by him as he would a stranger. “Now watch me as I walk out on you. I hope it hurts you as much as it did Brandon and me.”

  Jordan stood and watched as Lucas, with Sasha at his heels, strode out of the kitchen and the house, the front door slamming behind him.

  Chapter Nine

  Fuck. With a heavy thump, Luke sat on the bottom steps of Esther’s front porch. Sasha crowded in next to him, and he wrapped his arm around the dog’s solid warmth, hugging her close. Spots danced before his eyes, blurring his vision. Nausea threatened, then receded. Eight fucking million people in New York City and he had to find the one person who somehow had a connection to his brother.