After the Fire

by Felice Stevens

  Drew shuddered. “Not anymore. God save me from the ladies who lunch and have too much money and time on their hands.”

  After Drew left, Jordan showed Tash around the rest of the house. The man certainly knew his architecture, and as they stood in the front parlor, Jordan questioned him on his obvious knowledge.

  Tash laughed and pushed his glasses up on his nose. “Oh, it’s only a hobby. I have a carriage house in Brooklyn I spent years renovating, so I’m always interested in seeing what other people have done with their homes.” He ran his hand over the carved mantel of the fireplace. “I appreciate when I see a house, like yours, where so much obvious love and thought was put into the restoration.”

  “Keith and I spent every weekend doing something for this money pit. But I won’t deny I love it.”

  “Why deny it? And it’s good you have a comforting place to do the treatment in. Makes things that much easier.” He pulled open his satchel and took out a bag of saline, the vial with the dosage of the flumazenil, and the intravenous tubes.

  As he worked, Tash talked. “I’m starting you out on a low dosage to see how you react. You haven’t been on the Xanax for that long, which is a good thing, so I’m hopeful this will work right from the start.”

  Jordan clasped his shaking hands together. His heart pounded so hard he hoped he wouldn’t stroke out. What a chickenshit he was. He’d taken the drugs with no thought or concern; why did the treatment scare him so much? “How will we know if it works?”

  “It’s not going to happen overnight, Jordan.” Tash put down the vial on the marble coffee table. “You didn’t become addicted immediately, so I’m sure you know the treatment won’t work after one dose. But after tomorrow, your anxiety level should drop significantly.”

  “Um, all right. Do I need to do anything?” Jordan watched as Tash set up the portable IV pole and hung the bag of saline on it.

  “Roll up your sleeve and let me go wash my hands.”

  “Right down the hall to your left.”

  Tash headed toward the small powder room next to the kitchen. Jordan pushed up the sleeve of his thin sweater and leaned back on the sofa with his eyes closed. Memories of making love with Lucas played in his mind, and a yearning to hold him and be held welled up from within, so strong he almost couldn’t breathe. He’d never been so alone as he was at this very moment.

  “Hey, Jordan, don’t worry. I promise it will be okay.” He opened his eyes to view Tash kneeling next to him, a sincere, comforting smile on his handsome face. Jordan couldn’t be more thankful to have someone like Tash as his doctor.

  “I know.” He huffed out a nervous laugh, running his hand through his hair. “Fear of the unknown, I guess.”

  Tash picked up his hand and squeezed it. “Don’t be ashamed. It’s normal to be scared. I’d be surprised if you weren’t. But I’m going to be with you every step of the way. That’s what I’m here for.”

  Jordan was sitting and staring at their entwined hands when a growling voice broke into his reverie.

  “Am I interrupting anything?”

  Jordan jerked his hand away and turned around to see a glowering Lucas standing in the doorway. Elation bubbled up inside of him and a wide smile broke across his face as he jumped up and ran over to Lucas.

  Jordan threw his arms around him. “What are you doing here? I’m so happy to see you.”

  After a moment’s hesitation, Lucas hugged him back, hard and tight. So tight he almost couldn’t breathe, but it felt good to be wanted and needed by this man. “I had Val rearrange my schedule this next week so I can be with you for the treatments. My phone calls will be routed here if that’s okay.”

  “You don’t know how much I wanted you here with me.” Lucas’s heady scent enveloped him, and Jordan couldn’t let go, burrowing his face into Lucas’s shoulder, digging his fingers into the wool of Lucas’s suit jacket. “I was thinking about you.”

  “Oh yeah?” Lucas slid an arm around his shoulder and raised a brow, a lazy grin tugging at his lips. “What were you thinking, Prep School?”

  Jordan pulled him close, loving the hardness of Lucas’s body against his. He brushed a soft kiss to Lucas’s lips. “I’ll tell you later tonight. Or better yet, I’ll show you.”

  Remembering finally that Tash waited to start the treatment, Jordan took Lucas by the hand and brought him to the sofa to sit next to him. “It’s great that you’re going to be here every day. I’ll need all the support I can get.”

  Lucas shrugged off his jacket then rested his arm behind Jordan as they sat on the sofa. “I’m always here for you. After all, Jordan should have the people around who know him best and care for him, right, Tash?” He turned a cool eye to Tash, and Jordan wondered what was going on.

  Tash rolled up his sleeves his jaw tight. The lightness receded from his face.

  “As long as they truly care for him. Jordan will need stability and the knowledge he is loved and cared for. His anxiety levels have to be kept to a minimum.” Tash stood. “Are you ready, Jordan?”

  Lucas squeezed his shoulder. “You got this, Prep School. Remember what you said to me the other night. Fucking own it and take control.”

  Jordan nodded and, with an almost surreal detachment, felt the cool swab of alcohol against his skin then observed Tash sliding the needle into his vein, then injecting the flumazenil into the IV. After adjusting the drip, Tash placed a small bandage on his arm at the site of the needle insertion.

  “That’s it.” Tash smiled. “Now relax, maybe close your eyes for a while, and take a nap.”

  Lucas carefully lay Jordan’s head down in his lap. “Here, use me as your pillow.”

  Jordan rested his cheek on Lucas’s solid thigh, settling in with a comfortable sigh. The faint scent of citrus body wash combined with Lucas’s underlying heat and musk both stirred and soothed Jordan. He closed his eyes, finally able to believe he’d begun to turn his life around.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “Hey, Prep School. You awake?” Luke smoothed the blond waves off Jordan’s brow. For the past hour, he’d been on the phone conducting business, but managed to sneak in to grab quick glances at Jordan as he slept. Poor guy went out not long after the treatment began. From all his tossing and turning in bed, Luke knew how little Jordan had actually slept the night before, and he was loathe to wake him, but Tash said he needed to eat something, as it was already after two in the afternoon.

  “Why did you stop being my pillow?” Jordan scrubbed his face with his hands, then frowned.

  That was more like it. Jordan was a perfect Oscar the Grouch, and Luke made a mental note to buy him an Oscar T-shirt. “You were out of it, and I needed to make some phone calls for work.” Lucas’s smile faded. He was so worried about the side effects. He should’ve known better than to go online and check those medical websites that made you believe you suffered every deadly illness known to man. “How do you feel?”

  With some anxiety, Luke studied Jordan as he swung his legs off the sofa and sat up. Luke put a steadying hand on his shoulder, but Jordan shook it off. “No, I’m fine. I’m surprised but yeah, I feel good.” He glanced around the room. “Where’s Tash?”

  “Here.” Lucas heard footsteps behind him from the hallway. Tash had a stethoscope around his neck and a blood pressure cuff in his hands. “I had to get these. I need to check your vitals, Jordan.”

  Lucas held his breath as Tash performed the routine exam.

  “Well? Will I live?” Jordan laughed and pulled down his sleeve.

  Luke failed to appreciate Jordan’s attempt at humor. “Don’t joke, Jordan. Christ, you’re a doctor. You know anything can go wrong with these treatments.”

  “I’m sorry. I was only trying to lighten the mood.” Jordan placed his hand on top of Luke’s, sliding their fingers together.

  “I know, but I’m nervous.” Luke stared at their entwined fingers. “I don’t want anything happening to you.”

  “He’s right, though.” Tash fol
ded the blood pressure cuff and put it on the coffee table. “This treatment is still not favored by all doctors and has been known to cause seizures in a small percentage of patients.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” Lucas yelled and dropped Jordan’s hand. “I don’t remember reading that.”

  Sasha came running down the hallway, barking her head off. Protective as always, she ran straight for Jordan, crowding against his legs. He spoke softly to her, rubbing her ears and praising her. She licked his hand while keeping a wary eye on the others. She loved Lucas, but Jordan was the one she adored above all.

  After taking several minutes to calm his dog down, Jordan addressed Luke’s outburst. “I’m aware of the risk, and I still chose to do this. I need to get this poison out of my system as fast as possible.” He indicated the needle in his arm. “I did this to myself, Lucas. I have to do it my way.”

  Luke remained standing, still unconvinced. “But why take unnecessary risks? That’s what I don’t understand.”

  “I’m monitoring him with the utmost care, Luke.” Tash spoke up from his stance by the fireplace. “I know you’re concerned, and I appreciate that, as I’m going to leave him in your care for a while this evening.”

  Luke whirled, panic-stricken, fear thumping through his veins. “You can’t be serious. I don’t know what to do.” He paced the floor. “What if something happens? What if—”

  “Lucas. Relax. Come over here and sit.” Jordan patted the cushion next to him. “It’s going to be fine.”

  “No, no, it’s not. I’m not a doctor, for Christ’s sake. I’m a financial analyst. What am I going to do if he gets sick, sell his stocks?”

  Tash burst out laughing. “Listen to Jordan. Chill out and sit down already, and I’ll explain what to do.”

  Reluctantly Luke returned to the couch to sit by Jordan’s side. He folded his arms. “Go on. I’m listening.”

  Jordan nudged him with his elbow. “Don’t be rude.”

  Tash dropped into the chair opposite them. “It’s fine. I don’t blame him for being concerned.” He turned his attention to Luke. “I’d never leave Jordan if I didn’t think you could take care of him. He’s already finished with his dosages for the day, and he seems to have made it through them without many issues.”

  “But he had some?” Luke glanced over at Jordan, who outwardly seemed relaxed and unconcerned. Who the hell knew what time bomb ticked inside of him?

  Tash nodded, and Luke appreciated the fact that the man wasn’t sugarcoating his speech. “He’s slightly pale, and his pressure is a bit low. Not anything to be concerned about, but it’s something to keep an eye on.” He took out a different blood pressure cuff from his bag. “This is an automatic blood pressure machine. You’ll take it every four hours to see if it stays steady. I’ll show you how to use it before I leave later.”

  Luke never took his eyes off Tash, drinking in every word he said. As far as he was concerned, Jordan’s life depended on it. “Okay, I’ve used them before at the gym.” He turned to Jordan and glared at him. “You aren’t going to give me a hard time about this, right?”

  “No, Warden, I promise.” Jordan smirked at him, but Luke still wasn’t laughing, so his expression turned serious. “I promise, Lucas.” Then he grinned, blue eyes dancing. “I always wanted a hot male nurse taking my vitals.” He stood up and swayed a bit. Luke jumped to his side and held on to him.

  “You all right? Go on, lean on me.”

  A fine sweat beaded on Jordan’s forehead. He attempted to laugh, but from the grimace on his face, coupled with the look of panic, Luke knew things weren’t as perfect as Jordan would like. “What’s wrong?”

  “I think I’m gonna throw up.” Jordan gripped his arm. “Shit.” He stumbled, and Luke half led, half carried him to the small bathroom by the kitchen. As Jordan fell to his knees, retching miserably into the toilet, Luke smoothed the hair off his face and rubbed his back.

  “Take it easy, darlin’. It’ll be okay.” He patted Jordan’s sweat-dampened back, but Jordan rolled his shoulders and pushed him away.

  “Go away,” he rasped. “Leave me alone.” He breathed heavily but wasn’t sick again.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Let me help.”

  “I said get out,” Jordan lashed out. “Stop hovering over me like I’m an invalid.” He kicked the door shut on him.

  Wise to Jordan’s temper and not wanting to upset him any further, Luke waited in the hallway. Sasha sat by his feet and whined.

  “Yeah, I know, sweetheart. But his bark is worse than his bite.”

  After several minutes of waiting, Luke heard the toilet flush and the water run in the sink. The door opened, and a disheveled-looking Jordan stepped out. Hollow-eyed and worn, he leaned against the doorjamb and rubbed his hand over his mouth. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I hate people seeing me weak and out of control.” Sasha let out a short bark, and gingerly, Jordan squatted down on his heels to pet her.

  “I know you do. But you need help, and that’s why I’m here and Tash as well. You’re going to get through this, but you have to work with us.”

  Glancing up at him from petting the dog, Jordan flashed a rueful smile. “Bet you didn’t think you’d end up as my nursemaid.”

  “I’m not. I’m your lover, and I care for you. So you’re going to let me and your doctor do what’s best for you. Got it?”

  Instead of letting loose with another outburst, warmth kindled in Jordan’s pale blue eyes. After giving the dog one last pat, he stood and wordlessly took Luke’s face between his hands and kissed him. Hard. He tasted fresh, of mint and clean water, but his tongue slid inside hot, slick, and needy. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Luke heard a throat clear and then a cough.

  Kissing Jordan one last time, Luke opened his eyes. Over Jordan’s shoulder, he saw Tash standing in the hallway, a surprisingly sad look on his face. Unexpected sympathy for the man welled inside Luke, making him more generous in spirit than he normally might be. “I think you need to get some food inside you, Prep School. All you had was a bite of a bagel this morning.”

  Jordan made a face. “I can’t even think of eating.”

  “Luke is right, though. You need something inside your stomach to settle it. How about some toast and scrambled eggs? I can make that for you.”

  Jordan opened his mouth, then snapped it shut. Luke was certain he was about to protest, but weak as he was, Jordan couldn’t take care of himself. “Fine.” They traipsed into the kitchen, and after Jordan sat down at the table, Luke and Tash busied themselves getting a light lunch prepared. They talked as they worked, and Luke’s earlier misgivings melted away in the face of the obvious concern Tash had for Jordan.

  He placed a plate of eggs and toast in front of Jordan. “Here you go.”

  Jordan placed a forkful in his mouth, then pushed the rest of the food around on his plate.

  “Not hungry, huh?”

  “Not at all. I’m tired. I want to go to bed.”

  Luke glanced over at Tash, who was washing up. “Can he go to sleep now?”

  Tash nodded. “It’s the medicine that’s making him tired. Sure. Let’s take your pressure one more time, and then you can get into bed.”

  This time, Luke used the automatic machine, with Tash supervising. After all the beeping had died away, Luke squinted at the numbers and breathed a sigh of relief: 118/78. “That’s normal, right?”

  Both Jordan and Tash nodded, and he grinned. “Well then, let’s go get you into bed, Dr. Peterson.”

  Jordan’s eyes gleamed. “Care to join me?”

  Luke’s blood warmed. “No, darlin’. You need your strength. Now come on.” He slipped his arm around Jordan’s shoulders and helped him up the stairs. They entered the bedroom, and Luke was in the middle of straightening out the blanket when the phone rang. He handed it to Jordan.

  “Hey, how are you?” It’s Drew, Jordan mouthed.

  His stomach lurched. If so, then Ash was involved somehow. He
pretended to fold the blanket, anxious to hear the rest of the conversation.

  “Sure, of course you guys can come over. Mike and Rachel too. We haven’t all been together in a long time.” Jordan gnawed on his lips. “Yes, he will be.” His gaze flicked up to meet Luke’s. “I don’t presume to speak for Lucas. He can make his own decisions.” Then Jordan smiled at him. “Whatever he chooses, I’m behind him one hundred percent. Like you are with Ash.”

  Luke’s heart did a funny bounce in his chest. He tried to remember when he’d ever heard anyone say that to him, and couldn’t come up with one single time.

  Damn, he loved this guy.

  Jordan disconnected the call and placed the phone on the bed by the time Luke refocused. “They all want to come over and see how I’m doing. They’ll be here around eight.”

  “Sure, of course. They’re your best friends. I don’t blame them for wanting to see you.” Luke thought he’d kept his expression neutral, but he couldn’t fool someone as perceptive as Jordan.

  “You don’t have to speak with Ash. I can barely stand talking to him myself, so we can commiserate together.” He gave a huge yawn and settled back in the bed. “Sure you don’t want to join me?”

  The simple memory of the naked heat of their bodies that morning and the slide of Jordan’s stubbled chin on the back of his neck inflamed Luke, but the sight of Jordan’s sleepy blue eyes and drowsy smile pushed aside any thoughts of playtime.

  “You need to sleep. I’ll walk Sasha and come back. Tash will be here.”

  “Mhmm.” Jordan’s eyes had already closed, and Luke doubted Jordan had even heard what he said.

  Luke went downstairs and found Tash on his laptop. “I’m going to take the dog out for a while. Do you want anything?”

  Keeping his eyes fixed on the screen, Tash shook his head. “I’m fine. I have to answer some e-mails and make some phone calls. Take as long as you want.”

  Luke whistled for the dog and took her leash off the hook by the front door. He walked out into the crisp sunlight and inhaled an invigorating, deep breath. Sasha pulled at her leash, anxious to get moving. “Okay, girl, let’s go.” He set off for the dog park.